Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Passing


Jill55

Recommended Posts

Sometime I think that we are our own worst enemy especially when it comes to passing! Today I decided to go shopping the first store I went to was a plus size store that I normally shop at, the sales ladies are friendly and helpful. I picked several top and was let into a dressing room after I put on the first top the sales lady ask me to come out so she could see how the top fit, when I came out a lady customer saw me and said "that looks very good on you ma'am ". After trying on other tops and other ladies giving me their opinion on the tops I bought 2 tops and a dress. All of the the customers and sales ladies only used she, her..... After that I decided to go to a major chain store. I looked around for a while, when I got to the jewelry department I saw a pair of earrings I liked. The sales lady was busy with another customer,  while I waited others woman customers started to show up. After the sales lady finished with the first customer she turned to us and said "who is next"? One of the other customer said "she is" and pointed to me.  On my way out I stopped in the woman's restroom, it was busy but no one played any attention to me. With all that happened to day I'm starting to think that I may pass better than I thought?. 

Link to comment
  • Admin

All of us reach a fateful but exhilarating point when we hit

MALE FAIL. 

That day when we find that our True gender is what others have no trouble seeing.  May not be perfect "passing" which is a concept that I turn up my nose at, but a day when we no longer set off alarms for others,  Congrats.

Link to comment

Yesterday really boosted my confidence. Now I have a lot less self doubt about passing?

Link to comment

Yep, total male fail.  Congrats, folks are seeing the real you now! :) 

hugs,

Stephanie

Link to comment

I love that "male fail", it's a really confidence booster !

Yesterday, I had to go to an official appointment. I had a summon titled "Mr. xxx"

I presented me with the summon, the man asked me. "What's your name Madam?" I tell him my family name... then he said "OK, Madam, but we need to talk to MR. xxx" then I explained I was a trans women and that the "MR.xxx" was in front of him.

He didn't trust me! He insists : "No, Madam, it's not possible. I have already seen MR.xxx and he doesn't look like you, so please contact him and tell him to come ASAP".

I had to show him my medical certificate to convince him I still officially was "MR.xxx". He reads the doctor's paper 3 times, he shows it to some colleagues during several minutes before coming back to me. During that time I was laughing and felt very good.

Then he was pretty cool, told me that I should ask for a name change ASAP because I will have lot of problems with that appearance. He continues to address to me as "Madam" and wrote the whole report with feminine pronoun.

But as I am still young into my transition I am still afraid thinking "ok, today I seemed to pass, that's nice, but what about tomorrow?"

 

Link to comment

I'm starting to love the "male fail" more and more I am being called by female pronouns, doors are held open for me... Before everything that happened up above I doubted that I passed, now I have very little doubt.   ?

Link to comment

The first time I got a "Madam" in very early transition was a huge break point. I will remember that moment for the rest of my life. I thought I could never pass without long months of HRT and some surgery. From this moment I couldn't switch back to male mode... and I never switched back! 

Link to comment

With my employer non discrimination policy getting ma'am, she, her...it was not a big problem, but out side of work it is very meaningful to me, people in general are seeing me as a woman.

Link to comment

I love it when random strangers compliment my outfit! That means a lot to me.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 107 Guests (See full list)

    • Mars Hiroshi
    • Lydia_R
    • Charlize
    • Ashley0616
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.8k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,038
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Justine76
    Newest Member
    Justine76
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. April Marie
      April Marie
    2. daniela...
      daniela...
      (59 years old)
    3. Emily May
      Emily May
    4. Felixr
      Felixr
      (20 years old)
    5. Leann
      Leann
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Lydia_R
      Oh my, here it comes...     It looks like there is a half moon out my window...  4:51am    
    • KatieSC
      While it is encouraging that they have deemed that they cannot ban the treatment, the bigger question is what treatments they will cover as a result. Speaking as a transgender female, this is a difficult definition. A fair number of insurance plans already cover the basic vaginoplasty, however, for those of us who have a rather masculine appearing face, a heavy beard, a deep voice, and other defining characteristics, attaining a passing feminine appearance is difficult without gender-affirming facial feminization surgery, genital and facial electrolysis, speech therapy and if necessary, gender affirming voice surgery, as well as other body contouring procedures. I view all of these procedures as life-saving in the sense that blending in, and thus avoiding an assault can come down to looking and sounding like you are female. I think the transgender males have a bit more ease with blending in than we do. There will be disagreements as to what constitutes enough surgery to be your truest self. We all pretty much understand that our true gender is locked in our mind. The issue is what can we do to modify our bodies enough to get the congruence between what is in our head, and how we perceive ourselves in the world. Is some of it cosmetic? That is hard to say for sure. I have had insurance companies insist that facial electrolysis is purely cosmetic. Well, most women do not have an Abraham Lincoln beard coming through. Some insurance companies have insisted that speech/voice therapy, as well as voice surgery, are purely cosmetic. I scoured the cosmetic counters for any makeup that would enhance my voice. Being feminine and passing does not mean I get to look and sound like Fred Flintstone in a dress. That kind of weirds folks out, and sets us up to be ridiculed and assaulted in my estimation.   My one insurer told me that beyond the vaginoplasty that all of this was cosmetic. In an appeal hearing, I asked the group that if they had a 14 year old daughter who was in an accident that resulted in a large facial scar, would they want the child to receive the best care to remove the scar? Of course they would. I pointed out though, that while she may have the scar, she could live with it. I asked them if the removal of the disfiguring scar in a 14-year old would be difficult for the child when the other kids made fun of her. Of course, they all nodded their head. I explained to the group that for folks like us, it is no different. While it may be cosmetic to a point, these procedures are essential to our well-being, and not something we are doing to be on a YouTube channel.   Now some who are trans, or gender fluid, may not want to opt for the procedures. There are quite a few of us that do, but the cost is prohibitive. What also clouds the issue are the surgeons who operate out of large medical centers who participate in the large insurance pools. How many of our sisters and brothers have had to pony up some major dollars to a surgeon who is out of network? Good luck trying to get the surgery paid for by your insurer. They may pay you what they pay the surgeons in network, but you won't get that much in reimbursement. A fair number of insurance companies balk at speech and voice therapy, and many will not cover voice surgery. Then there is the issue of electrolysis. A day at the "spa" for electrolysis with anesthetics will run around 3,000 bucks or so, and you may need many repeat visits. Many of the insurers fail to pay for that as well. Just about none of the insurers will cover body contouring procedures such as a panniculectomy, or liposuction. When the insurance companies will just help us become our truest selves, then we will have progress with gender identity laws.   The one good thing that this decision does is preserve the primary care for transgender individuals. I have to wonder how Florida and the rest of the states who have banned having Medicaid cover transgender healthcare are going to act. This should be an interesting fight. When we have the ability to seek care and get what we need for our true needs, without any pre-judgements, then these court orders will mean something. A court order without parameters for the insurance companies is hollow.
    • Mirrabooka
      @April MarieI just noticed that it's your birthday today! Happy Birthday to you!!!!!! 🥳🎂🎁🎉❤️
    • Mirrabooka
      Morning y'all, fingers crossed for everyone who has stuff going on.   Welcome back to reality @April Marie, enjoy your improving weather!   Why is it that we humans always take too long to acclimatize to the changing seasons, especially when it gets colder like it is here? Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age, lol.    
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Speculation , worst or best case, neither.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      @RiyaHello and welcome. I also live in Ohio and it is a challenge but I applaud you for knowing pretty early on and becoming who you really are. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      Do you feel safe in the country you now live in?
    • Heather Shay
      Oooooooooooooooops, I forgot yesterday.   I was thinking of a few bands who had a member invited who said no and went right into obscurity or left before the band got big.   1) Led Zeppelin -  origially wanted Terry Reid to be lead vocalist and he decided the stay solo. 2) Crosby, Stills & Nash - invited John Sebastian to join before Neil Young, Sebastian said no. 3) Signe Anderson quit as lead vocalist with Jefferson Airplane and they replaced her with Grace Slick.    
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone! We're back from a short vacation with friends to the mountains of NC. It was a fun time driving the twisty mountain roads.   Now it's back to reality of cutting grass, washing windows and putting in screens and putting out the porch furniture. Coming home to warmer weather than when we left is glorious.   Happy Anniversary @Willow!    I hope your family is feeling better @KymmieL - my wife and I shared a stomach virus several weeks ago that was horrid.   Hang in there @Birdie, it will all work out!!   Have a wonderful day, everyone!
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I think many Christians end up with a false dichotomy.  If we didn't choose to be how we are, then something in our environment did it. Is going along with it a sin?  Maybe.  But if so, its one of those times where we mess something up no matter what we do.  Part of the imperfect nature of this fallen world is that there are times where we'll sin no matter what we do.  In a no-win scenario like that, we do the wisest thing possible with our free will. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...