Thoughts and any advice

[day]

I am 31 and was born male but most of my life did not relly feel like I was male, but I did not know about transgenders growing up so I did not have word for this off feeling. But, thinking back at it now I do not think I felt like I was female too just knew I did not feel or did not want to be a boy. I grew up living with my mother ( my mom and dad divorce snice I was in diapers ) she was very religions as am I but she did not like LGBT people ( thou got a softer tone down the road ). So when I did find out about transgenders I came out to her which she more or less shot down and from then on would make a fuss at anything girly I did. Like if I shaved she would start fussing and say not this girl thing again. Because of my depression and seizures I was living with her all my life so could not find myself and see if I am tg ect had to live by what she had set out for me. But, bitter sweet for me she passed away in April which open the flood gates of me buying lot of female outfits, makeup, nail polish, shoes .. anything I liked and was female / girly I got. Lucky for me I have my brother and sister in law who are very supportive and want me to be happy as a male or female or anything in the middle. We are planning on buying a house together ( my brother, sis in law, and me ) with in the next year or two. But, in the past few months that I have explored my female side and fell in love with it and can not truly go back I do want to find a gender therapist. Should I try to find one where I am at now ( indiana ) or wait another year or two when I move to FL with my brother and sis in law ?

[Jani]

Hello Day and welcome to TransgenderPulse. 

I'm sorry to hear your mother has passed.  It does sound like you have a wonderful brother and sister-in-law who support the Real you.  That's great that you have plan for settling in and getting on with life.  

I would recommend finding a counselor in Indiana since it sounds like you'll still be there for some time.  You can always find a new one in Florida, whenever that may be.  

Look around and read older posts.  You'll find your story has a lot in common with many of us.  We'd love to hear more from you.  Join in the conversation when you can or start your own posts! 

Cheers, 

Jani

 

 

[Charlize]

Welcome to Trans/pulse Day.

   I agree with Jani.  I would suggest you speak with a gender therapist.  I know that made a huge difference in my self acceptance and ability to live as my self full time in the real world.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Hi Day

Welcome

Good advice from my friends above.

It may seem like it would be easier to wait, but there may always be something to wait until after, and will be stressful. There is no harm in getting professional advice. Something else to bear in mind that things will be in turmoil for a while during and after your planned move anyway so a further delay.

Tracy

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Hi Day,

There is definately a process that one goes through on this kind of journey and what the other girls are saying is so true. Nothing moves fast in this timeline and developing patience and acceptance of this truth is necessary.

There are things you can do while you are waiting that does not require permissions by a pro such as hair removal and attention to your voice and mannerisms. Seeing yourself as female begins with minds eye flashes and then will come longer periods.

As a cautionary note after being on HRT for a while my taste in clothing changed and I have been the process of turfing a lot of stuff and carefully replacing it things that I feel comfortable in now. It's ironic as I just finished paying off my Bay card recently and will probably give away most of the stuff I bought on it.

i am still in amazement of that shift in fashion sense but that and the other surprises have been welcome.

Fundamentally though I think you will find that once you commit to your path some of the dsyphoria you are feeling now will ease up with the decision. This was told to me on this forum and proved correct.

Just talking to a GT will most likely bring you a sense of relief as a lot of the things you have been internalizing for years will at last be given some air and the light of day!

Much Love CR

 

[JodyAnn]

I agree with all the above. In the beginning everyone except a precious few go through the "ugly duckling" phase and the HRT puberty is the same as CIS five to seven years. I would not wait.

Make as many non romanic female friendships so you have a network in sisterhood. Spend free time studing all things female, it helps quiet dysphoria. It also makes great talking points for you and your GT.

You are entering a life changing and life long role. There are spots along the way that are points of no return. Sorting out these things with a good GT is actually fun. Everyone I went to seemed more like girl talk than therapy. When I figured me out, getting my letters was a snap. There just wasn't any boy left in me.

Now I have dysphoria in the other direction, I freak out and get sick if I put on male clothing. I cannot crossdress or do drag king shows. Giggle. In ten years I became just an everyday common woman. I am happy here, it is my comfy spot. You can too.

[Jani]

Again, lot of good words here. 

On 8/25/2017 at 7:54 AM, JodyAnn said:

You are entering a life changing and life long role.

This is an important point.  I "changed teams" a while ago but it took some time before I felt comfortable hanging around the new clubhouse.  I didn't quite know how to integrate myself, but the knowledge comes along soon enough and you will become one with it.  Remember this is a marathon not a sprint.

As to Cerise's comment about clothing, oh yeah!  Early on I wouldn't invest too much in a lot of things.  Resale shops are your friends as you can find all manner of fashion at low prices to try out and help you find "your" style.  When I buy new, I go for quality that will last and be in style more than a week.