I Don't Know What to do about Surgeries

[KaitlynS]

I hate what I have down there, and I want to get something done, but I don't know if I should get an orchiectomy, vaginoplasty, or do something else. I want a vagina, but I fear I'm going to really regret it afterwards because of the dilating mostly. I'm sex aversed so the thought of touching any genitals and putting anything in them seems really horrible to me. 

 

Also I was raped last year, and whenever I see post op pictures with people dilating in them it really freaks me out and I worry it's going to be triggering for me. Just looking at those photos make me cry, and I have this feeling dilating is going to be something I just can't do. I wish I could just have a vagina without the dilating, but I know I can't.

 

I'm considering an orchiectomy, but I feel that may not be right for me. I hate all of what I have not just the lower part. I want to get rid of it all. 

 

I don't know what to do. 

[Dev]

This would be an excellent topic to bring up with a trained gender therapist.  If you can find one who has experience dealing with sexual assault and trauma, so much the better.  As you rightly suspect, either of these surgeries are a major commitment, so you want to have a clear plan and be sure you can live with the choice once you make it.

[Jani]

Hello Kaitlyn.  I would agree with Dev that time with a trained gender therapist would be well worth it.  I was always adverse to speaking with others about myself but I found therapy to be the Best Thing to happen to me to allow me to move forward in more ways than only my transition.  

 

Concerning surgery options, you might look under the Transgender Surgeries sub-forum and read KerryUK's post "A Cosmetic Vaginoplasty" (its a sticky at the top the list) as another option that may work for you.   

 

Jani