StacieLeelah PART 2

[STACIELEELAH]

As I Stated Yesterday in my 1st part of My Journey , I covered a lot of my Non Transgender part of My Life - When I was 12 1/2 years old , My Sister who was at that time 14 1/2 , Caught me one afternoon wearing some of her clothes . I had been wearing her's and my mom's clothes already before that time , For sometime and had some close calls , But had never been caught YET. It was summer Break and my Sister and Mom were home , But were Outside working in the Yard & I didn't hear anyone open and doors and come inside , My Dad & older Brother were at their Job's , It was in the afternoon . Mere Second's before my sister came down the hall and actually was searching for Me , To see if I wanted to have Lunch with Mom & Her . she called out my Male Name _____ , & then opened my Bedroom door and Screamed , Yelled and ran down the Hall , Out the front door , To My Mom , Who then both came quickly back into my Bedroom & proceeding too explain in the Catholic Faith , And how Disappointed Mom and my Sister were , But also How disappointed GOD was with Me , I was threatened with , If this doesn't STOP here an NOW - Mom was going to take me not to a therapist , She was going to take me to a Psychiatrist . Their was No LBGT Q IA around in the 70's & My family wasn't going to understand this THEN , Later on or NOW . Just a Point of Interest , My name for me , That Pamela Jean & I Picked in January  2014 , Didn't have Leelah in it , That came after the early Morning of Dec. 28th 2014 , When Leelah Alcorn and Her story became Known too the World . And part of her Mantra stated ; Quote Don't Let My Death be in Vain , She wanted her Life and who she was too be remembered and STAND for Positive change in the Transgender Community .

So I Added Leelah too my Name in Remembrance of and in Honor of a Beautiful Transgender Teenage Girl , Who Unfortunately I never got too Meet . But for as long as I am on this Earth and bear part of her Name & Can Tell her Story . She Will Not be Forgotten & Her Death will Not Be in Vain , And the Entire LBGT Q IA GNC CD _ _ _ Etc ... Will know her Struggles , Family Bad as it was , Christian Conversion Therapy UGH , Don't ever get Me started on that ONE . 2014 was my BEST year so far as StacieLeelah ? . 2015 , 2016 & so far 2017 . Haven't been all that good , Overall life SUCK's . Still almost 2 1/2 years since Pamela Jean Passed on too Heaven above . Only a Handful of Relatives on both my side and Pamela Jeans and very few Friends that Know , Have changed and Support and or Care about me as StacieLeelah . I can't change their Perspective or their lies they tell others about Me , I can't change the World , I do believe in GOD & at the Moment am Following the ELCA Lutheran's all though I am a Non Denominational Christian and that's between Me & GOD . I Love being StacieLeelah , Traveling and See'ing Places as StacieLeelah and I Love my 2 Beautiful & Loving Yellow Labrador retriever's - Reagan Jean & Shelby'Anne Kelcee , GOD Bless You All & God Bless My Girls & Thank You for Allowing Me into you're World , Loneliness and Lack of a Strong LBGT Q IA  ETC ... Community in My Area , Isn't Helping me Get back in the Groove without My Wife , Who was a Big part of My Life . After she Passed , I wrote 7 Poem's / Ode's too her & in Honor of Her . If anyone wishes to Read Them - Key Search Word's / Points are : Stacie , Transgender , Pamela - Their were All 7 written in August , While My Broken Heart was still devastated and would be for over another almost 9 months before I started doing transgender and Stacieleelah related Wonderful Things again :

 

Lol :

Reagan Jean

Shelby'Anne Kelcee

And

StacieLeelah

[MaryEllen]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Very touching and heartfelt. Sadly, all too many of us have similar stories. That's why I enjoy being here. There is a brotherhood and sisterhood here that binds us together. We know and understand what you are going through. Just know that we care and we welcome you. You're among friends here.

 

MaryEllen

[STACIELEELAH]

Thank You & I do Know That , I have No Answers for the future , As My Future involved Pamela Jean , Once she knew I was serious and wasn't just Joking around , She Pamela Jean never Told Anyone , Never did Anything but support and encourage me to be Me - I am Lost without Her & I am One of the Sadest , Once Happy , But Now Just going day by Day thru the Motions - Like the Movie - Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray , One of if Not My Favorite Movie of All is - It's A Wonderful Life , O how I wish my Life was  ? :

[Jani]

StacieLeelah I've read the two parts you've written and I'm sorry to hear of your wife's passing.  I know it's hard.  I am glad you found us here at TransgenderPulse and hope you can again find happiness in life.

 

Jani  

[STACIELEELAH]

3 hours ago, STACIELEELAH said:

Thank You & I do Know That , I have No Answers for the future , As My Future involved Pamela Jean , Once she knew I was serious and wasn't just Joking around , She Pamela Jean never Told Anyone , Never did Anything but support and encourage me to be Me - I am Lost without Her & I am One of the Sadest , Once Happy , But Now Just going day by Day thru the Motions - Like the Movie - Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray , One of if Not My Favorite Movie of All is - It's A Wonderful Life , O how I wish my Life was  ? :

Thank You and Only Truly GOD Know's  & Time will TELL , But My Girls depend on me staying healthy and keeping Us Together , Part of Pamela Jean's and My Legacy from the Past and still Going :

 

Lol :

Reagan Jean

Shelby'Anne Kelcee

And

StacieLeelah

[Rachael]

You have my sympathy on the passing of your wife. They are the only words avaialiable. They let you know that you have the support of others in your time of need. I too lost my wife 1-1/2 years ago. I know some of your pain. 

We never know what the future will bring. 

I hope you can find happiness again. 

Know that you have support and friends if you need them.

[STACIELEELAH]

2 hours ago, Charlize said:

"I am Always Worried what others think"  I remember thinking the same.  For 63 years i could not find the freedom i found when i finally found the ability to accept myself regardless.  That didn't mean i had to transition but instead to accept that this part of me existed.  I'm glad you are here.  i found it very wonderful to find i wasn't alone and bit by bit i also found the  ability to love myself as i am.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Thanks Rachael , I Appreciate You're very Kind words , And also so Sorry , For You're Loss as Well :

 

Lol

StacieLeelah

Reagan Jean

Shelby'Anne Kelcee

[STACIELEELAH]

7 hours ago, STACIELEELAH said:

Thanks Rachael , I Appreciate You're very Kind words , And also so Sorry , For You're Loss as Well :

 

Lol

StacieLeelah

Reagan Jean

Shelby'Anne Kelcee

I want too Say Thank You too Trans Pulse & All of You & A lot of You who I first met back in 2014 , When I actively was a Part of Lauras Playground , Then although 2014 was my Big coming out year and Mostly was Positive , It Ended with Pamela Jean getting Sicker , My Family almost Completely disowning Me & with other Tragic Transgender Related Issues , I basically shut down and Concentrated on Pamela Jean and our 2 Girls , Then when Pamela Jean Passed away , I should have reached out , Too All of You again at that time , But Depression is a Terrible and Potentially destructive Thing :

 

Thanks Again

StacieLeelah and My 2 Girls

 

GOD Bless :