Hello from Oregon

[Maddy]

HI there. New user on the forum. I signed up because I'm struggling with gender identity issues. A bit about my history:

declared female at birth. Always struggled with being female, combined with rocky home life and depression. My third year of college I decided to start transition to male. I took testosterone for 7 years, but it was a huge struggle for me to pass (throughout I passed as male roughly 10% of the time - testosterone basically did absolutely nothing). Oh, yeah, did I mention I was trying to do this in Utah? Yeah. Eventually the struggle got too hard, I had a depressive episode and I stopped taking testosterone. I didn't keep my transition name (distinctly male), but didn't go back to my birth name (distinctly female) either, instead changing it to a semi-gender name I like.

 

Since then I've left the toxic job I had been at and moved out of Utah to a sane state, Oregon, with the help of a now ex-boyfriend. Even though we weren't romantically compatible, the fact that he was also trans helped with my gender issues because I always someone around to talk to who understood.

 

I'm still in Oregon and still struggling with gender identity; mostly dealing with it by shaving my head, binding, etc. . Mainly signed up for this forum for people to talk to who might understand. 

 

Madd

 

 

[tracy_j]

Hi Maddy

 

Welcome to the forum

 

You will find understanding here, as there are many who have had similar experiences. Please do not hesitate to join in, and ask questions as you feel. Thank you for your introduction. I look forward to your input

 

Tracy x

 

[MaryEllen]

Hello Maddy,

 

Welcome to TransgenderPulse.   Feel free to ask questions or offer advice as you feel fit.

 

MaryEllen

[Charlize]

Welcome Maddy.  Being trans was certainly a struggle for me as well.  I wonder if i really pass to this day but have found the acceptance of myself to simply live as i am.  Perhaps being gender queer is the same thing.  You might enjoy reading the essay that i shared in the FTM forum from a trans man i have known for some time now.  Perhaps he passes.   I knew he was trans before i met him so it is harder to be certain.  What i can say is that he has seemingly found peace with himself.  That may be the best any of us can do.

This site has helped me towards that peace.  Hopefully you will find the same.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Maddy,

Welcome to TransPulse. One of the things that helped me when I found this forum was realising that I'm not alone. And we aren't alone here anymore. I'm glad to meet you!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Hello Maddy and welcome.  I'm sorry your initial transition didn't work out as you would have liked.  It happens and I see you have moved on to the next phase of life.  That's nice that your former BF was able to assist you in your move.  I'v never been to Oregon but i understand its a nice place to live.  I hope you like it there.  it may take some time to sort out your identity.  You may find you are not at the edges but somewhere in the middle with and androgynous outlook and appearance.  Remain open to all the possibilities and you will find your own center.  We're here to talk to whenever you want. 

 

Jani

[Maddy]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone. I might not be on here often for the next month - I'm gearing up for Nanowrimo and I'm determined to win it this year.

 

The reason I posted was that I've been using female pronouns, despite not feeling like they really fit me. But recently I've been reading a lot of books with characters with other pronouns, like they/them or Xie/Xer, like Chuck Wendig's Star Wars novels or Sarah Galifry's River of Teeth.

 

I'm toying with the idea of trying that out for myself. However, it is hard and I worry a bit how I'd go about doing that? Just announce it and start correcting people? Is there a thread on the forum about that topic anyone could direct me to?

[Jani]

Wow, I looked up NaNoWriMo and it sounds interesting.  Please keep us up to date.

 

As far as pronouns go you could get one of those small buttons that list your pronouns to wear on your shirt.  Google "Pronoun Buttons" and you''ll see several choices including "My pronouns are: Ask me".  Amazon has many too.  A button would be a discreet way of getting your point across, allowing conversation when needed and not when the other person gets it.  

 

As to whether you announce and start correcting, thats up to you and how forceful you want to be about this.  Understandably some of your friends and coworkers will get it, but slip up from time to time.  A simple retort " oh, I use xxxx now" would probably suffice and not make anyone too uncomfortable so you can all move on with the conversation.  I do understand it is not your job to make your friends comfortable about your presentation, but I try to look at things from both sides.    

 

Personally I think the new wave ones like Xie/Xer are confusing to many and focuses the attention on the pronoun and not the person.  But I guess it depends upon the community you're interacting with. 

 

Here are a few links to posts I've found.  I used the search function in the upper righthand corner and typed " Pronouns".  There are a lot of results showing where the word was in the post so you have to sift through them.  The first sentence is displayed so its fairly simple to do. 

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/62302-they-vs-gender-neutral-pronouns/?tab=comments#comment-573416

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/35936-pronouns/?tab=comments#comment-337488

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/72805-gendering-yourself/?tab=comments#comment-654282

 

Jani

 

[Ravin]

Welcome to the forums! I know nonbinary people who use their assigned pronouns, opposite gender pronouns because they are bothered less by them, and also singular "they." I know one person who prefers "it." 

 

I'm also doing Nanowrimo! Very exciting, isn't it? Writing has always helped me sort myself out. I find it therapeutic.

 

Did you ever look into why testosterone didn't work for you? That would be horribly frustrating to say the least.

[tracy_j]

Personally with pronouns, I just don't bother. I find, almost always, that women use fairly feminine genderless terms like 'love' or 'darling' or, if official, 'Ms' when I am obviously female. Some men grate a bit by using the 'sir', although some of these have known me as fully male in the past so would be difficult to change. In most encounters, if they are not sure, most people avoid the issue altogether, and these days, embarrasing breaks in the conversation are rare. I have found that, in a number of cases, shop assistants I see have changed their pronouns without me correcting on subsequent visits.

 

Like other things we do - it is down to experience and confidence.

 

Tracy

[Maddy]

On 10/25/2017 at 5:16 PM, Ravin said:

Welcome to the forums! I know nonbinary people who use their assigned pronouns, opposite gender pronouns because they are bothered less by them, and also singular "they." I know one person who prefers "it." 

 

I'm also doing Nanowrimo! Very exciting, isn't it? Writing has always helped me sort myself out. I find it therapeutic.

 

Did you ever look into why testosterone didn't work for you? That would be horribly frustrating to say the least.

No, never really looked into why testosterone didn't work. When I'd talk to the doctor about it she would just shrug and say I was at normal levels, and people in the trans support groups online would just say to give it time (never mind after 7 years it is frustrating the say the least). The two trans men I knew in Utah both saw dramatic results in less than a month.

 

As far as Nano, yes, I love writing. I need to do it more often, which is why I'm trying to use nano to get myself back into the habit. Nano will also give me something to do, since I'm unemployed at the moment.

[MarcieMarie12]

Hi Maddy,

Sounds like you might have some form of androgyne insensitivity syndrome. You could take a genetic test to rule that out--it does not affect the levels of testosterone, just that depending on the level testosterone has no effect on the system. It is an intersex condition. 

 

Welcome to Transpulse!!

 

Marcie