How did you...

[MrMsSomeone]

Hi everyone! 

Just want insight from the you guys how you've realised that you are trans and how you've come out and transitioned. 

Would be lovely reading your thoughts and story!

Thank you so much!

MrMsSomeone

[Jani]

I understood I was different from a very young age although I didn't know what it was or that I could do something about it.  Some others don't come to the realization until much later in life.  Each of our journey's is different.  I had investigated and read a lot while in college but I never connected the dots to my life (maybe I'm a slow learner!).  As I got older I saw that I would get depressed and that dressing and feeling "real" helped from time to time.  In a case of overcoming inertia, I just decided one day that enough was enough and I made an appointment with a therapist to discuss my feelings.  This was a big move that triggered everything I done since.  

 

Jani

[SteamGirlEva]

I didn't realize I was a boy to begin with. I always had female friends when I was a kid. It wasn't until teachers and parents tried correcting us and made it clear when we started school that I was different from the girls and was actually a boy. This caused a lot of stress for me. I simply could not fathom being "one of the boys." I hated sports, cars, rough housing...just everything the boys always liked.

 

To prove a point, the other kids forcefully pulled my pants down and pointed out that I had male genitals and that meant I couldn't be with the girls anymore. From age 7 to 12 I had no friends. I couldn't be with the girls anymore and I hated the boys for what they had done to me. When I was 12 I attempted suicide for the first time. It didn't take and my mother moved us to a different town. I made an effort to be male from that point and made a few friends. 

 

It never felt true or right and a few years later I discovered what transsexuals were. I never wanted to be that because I figured I was far to manly to ever be passable. Eventually these things catch up to you and last year, after what feels like an eternity (I am 27 but that's like, a billion in dysphoria years) I decided I couldn't be that person anymore. I've never been happier than I am today. I know what it feels like to actually smile and be happy and I've not felt that since childhood.

 

[MrMsSomeone]

@SteamGirlEva

Thank you! Really appreciate it!

 

[MarcieMarie12]

Here's my story:

 

https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/68553-the-marcie-chronicles/

 

 

[DenimAndLace]

21 hours ago, MrMsSomeone said:

Hi everyone! 

...how you've realized that you are trans and how you've come out and transitioned. 

MrMsSomeone

 

Well, there are two lines on my lifeline.  One is a horizontal line that indicates I have been "transgender" my whole life.  The ascending second line is my awareness or understanding of that fact.  I've always known something was "wrong" with me beginning in kindergarten but it wasn't until mid life that I was able to articulate, accept and had the courage to do something about it.  Part of my delayed action was due to the fact that it would have had catastrophic consequences on my home life and also because the only people I could "see" who were "like me" were drag queens.  Knowing how society treated them in the 80's, I knew I was better off being miserable in my then, current form.  I towed the line while trying to figure out, by myself and without the help of the internet, who and what I was.  It took years and years of painful soul searching and wrong attempts to resolve my identity such as getting married and having children, neither of which were regrettable mistake but they didn't solve the problem at hand.  Finally, when the ascending line intersected with the horizontal line, I began transitioning; the bulk of which is just recently completed.  I'm a different person now than I used to be and I'm deep enough in my transition to know that the new me is here to stay - and I love myself!  There where plenty of doubts along the way as the old was discarded and the new was taking root.  I haven't landed firmly in the "female camp" like I had hoped (I pass fairly well but get read more often than I want) but I've moved myself much closer to the other side of the spectrum and I'm actually starting to find some satisfaction and contentment in the "androgynous zone" of the gender spectrum.  Being able to look boyish and "do" boy when I want and look and do "girl" when I want is actually really fun and very unique ...and I think it fits well with my life experience.

 

So MrMsSomeone, in your earlier posts you expressed a lot of confusion about your identity and an internal pressure to "identify" yourself.  My advice to you is that you can't simply decide who or what you are, you have to figure it out and that takes time - perhaps a lifetime.  Take your time, try on different identities and see how they feel.  Talk about it with close friends and loved ones who know you well.  Therapists are good but expensive and inclined to get you diagnosed and "fixed".  Is there a support group in your area?  I found forums and and the internet incredibly helpful (when they became available in the 90's) but you DO need to filter and "test" what you see and hear for yourself and YOUR situation.  We're really only experts on ourselves.  Take a deep breath and relax.  You got this! 

[MrMsSomeone]

13 hours ago, DenimAndLace said:

So MrMsSomeone, in your earlier posts you expressed a lot of confusion about your identity and an internal pressure to "identify" yourself.  My advice to you is that you can't simply decide who or what you are, you have to figure it out and that takes time - perhaps a lifetime.  Take your time, try on different identities and see how they feel.  Talk about it with close friends and loved ones who know you well.  Therapists are good but expensive and inclined to get you diagnosed and "fixed".  Is there a support group in your area?  I found forums and and the internet incredibly helpful (when they became available in the 90's) but you DO need to filter and "test" what you see and hear for yourself and YOUR situation.  We're really only experts on ourselves.  Take a deep breath and relax.  You got this!

Thank you DenimAndLace! Really really appreciate your support!

The confusion is really making me feel bad and I actually want to make the decision quickly whether I'm a trans or not. 

Thanks again for your support!

MrMsSomeone

[MarcieMarie12]

I'd also say be yourself first, worryabo ut the labels afterwards. Sometimes, I was too busy trying to fit in a labels "box" that I forgot about trying to be myself.

[Charlize]

MrMs,  If you want a label right now you are Questioning.  That's often what the Q in LGBTQ stands for.  It is a difficult position to sit in.  I lived it for years and couldn't even admit that to myself.  The recommendation to see a therapist is excellent.  Opening up to another who has no vested interest can help a great deal in both answering your question and finding a path forward.  Glad you've opened up here.  Reading and writing here certainly has helped me as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MrMsSomeone]

17 minutes ago, Charlize said:

The recommendation to see a therapist is excellent.

Thank you! I do want to go see a gender therapist but that also means I need to first open to my parents first as I'll under 18...which is a big problem as I might be rejected

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, MrMsSomeone said:

hank you! I do want to go see a gender therapist but that also means I need to first open to my parents first as I'll under 18...which is a big problem as I might be rejected

 

Something that is overlooked or maybe under-looked when some of my worthy colleagues here on the Forums give the wonderful advice to see a Gender Therapist is that GT's begin their careers as just plain old garden variety MSW's, MFT's, psychologists, or any other type of licensed Mental Health professional dealing with such things as depression, family relations, broken love affairs, work and school stress issues and the like.  Interestingly enough, all of those things affect people with Gender Dysphoria and GT's have simply had a greater share of folks with the gender ID curse than others.  As a functioning Grandparent I do not condone lying to your parent, but emphasize the other issues that go with it as your need for talking to a counselor and when you get in the room with the counselor, hit them up on it.  Again, your reason as far as the folks go now, is the other poop going on in your life that you need help on.  A good counselor will help you find ways to communicate with your parents, but anything said while you are alone with the therapist is legally and medically none of their business, but if your school grades pick up and you do not fight with your siblings or neighborhood brats, it is a win win situation.