An exposing accident

[Katelyn]

Gather round, for I have a story to tell. 

 

Friday night, my best friend and I decided to go watch the new Justice League movie at an out-of-the-way mall. This was chosen because it was the only mall with such a late night screening. I am a massive DC and even bigger Batman fan. 

 

Now my friend has been staying over for two weeks and during that time the topic of Katelyn came up during one of our many debates. It stirred something I have not felt in a while. I wanted to let her out. When I say out,  I mean getting dressed, not actually leave the four walls of my flat. I've only done that once on a bike ride one late night. 

 

Around an hour before we leave I decided that,  since the mall was not really close and it was late at night, it felt like an opportune time to change what I mean by "letting her out". I got dressed, did my makeup, packed my handbag and put on my leather jacket I had bought but never worn. 

 

My friend, being more of a brother after out 11 years together, laughed a little at the sudden change of appearance and probably a little out of surprise at my choice. With a smile he told me how proud he was that I was taking such a step. He's really a cool guy. 

 

We jumped on the bike and took the fastest route to the mall, but never made it there. 

 

On a long, somewhat open stretch of road, i was caught by a red light. Needless to say I stopped. The next thing I heard was brakes being slammed on, what felt like right behind us, and then I felt the impact. 

 

I jumped up and made sure my buddy, who was riding pillion, was alright and then to check on my motorcycle, which is one of the four most important things in my life. 

 

Now when I chose the late night movie at a remote mall, with no functions or parties nearby, the idea was to draw as little as possible attention to myself. Imagine the horror when, within 15 - 30 minutes we had a 3 tow trucks, an ambulance 2 police cars and multiple witness cars stopping on site. 

 

Both my friend and I are  alright, albeit a bit physically stiff and sore, my baby had to be towed away which hurt me emotionally but the thing that bothered me was more how I was surrounded by a bunch of strangers, men almost all of them, while exposed in my girl garb. 

 

My father luckily arrived a tad later to take us home in the car and the injuries didn't need a hospital or I'd have even more exposure. I did not want that. 

 

The bloke that hit me was a Muslim priest coming from a religious function Following him were the members of his church and family. They made up around 15 people on their own. 15 folks that saw me. 

 

When I got home, my girlfriend had returned from work, and instead of being happy that I was alive and mostly unharmed, she didn't want to properly talk to me because I went out dressed the way I was. She was so worried that someone saw me, someone that knew us, and that this will come back to bite her. What people think of her bothers her a lot, and now she's ashamed of me. 

 

Anyhow, here I am. Sore, stiff, without a bike and in the dog box. Katelyn at least left the building. 

[tracy_j]

A scary time for sure!

 

You will probably look back at this and laugh, except for the negative aspects of any road accident. No matter who was at fault it is always tedious to sort. This may well be a positive experience in the long run as it has brought things way more into the open. Most of all it will hopefully increase rather than decrease your confidence.

 

I hope your bike is sorted soon, and your girlfriend comes to terms with things.

 

Tracy

[Katelyn]

Thank you Tracy. 

 

I am actually worries because they said they couldn't find my policy details even after I gave them my insurance policy number. I know the debit order goes off still every month so I'm quote upset that they are pulling these stunts. They towed het to a temporary yard where she will stay until Monday when they can further look into my insurance details. 

 

I'm more happy that my friend is alright though. It would bother me a lot more if anything happened to him. I've never had an accident with a passenger on the back, I was livid. 

 

I'm actually quite sure this strange thing between my girlfriend and I will last longer than the damage or insurance drama of this incident. Funny thing is, when we met 3 years ago, I played open cards with her from the second week. She bought me my first make-up kit and helped me get dressed and take some photos back then. About a year ago things changed for me again so I kinda stopped dressing and just bought and looked until now, and I think she assumed it was passed. I am kinda worried because I love her tons but if she wants or needs a manly man, I would prefer her to be happy than to be with me. She's an amazing person. 

[Charlize]

Oh my you just lived a nightmare i had whenever i went out years ago.  I'm glad no-one was badly hurt physically.  Getting hit in the back on a bike can be really bad.

I love your friends reaction and support.  Hopefully your girlfriend will come around.  It's odd that while we fear being discovered because we are certain we will be disliked and mocked others who are close to us sometimes seem to fear for their reputations because of who we are.  I think my wife felt that for some time as well as the fear i would be hurt somehow.  It has taken time but that seems to be behind us know as she has seen the support and acceptance i've found in the world as well as the increased peace in my life.  Hopefully both you machine (i've got a 60's BMW) and your relationship will get mended soon.  

Thanks for sharing your story!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Katelyn]

Hi Charlize, 

 

I was worried that someone might say something or look at me funny, not knowing how I would react or how I was supposed to defuse such a situation when we reached the mall. It definitely didn't help that I just had an accident and was in shock. Feeling sort of shame for myself in a way I just told everyone I came from a function of sorts. 

 

Thank you though, here's hoping both can be fixed. It would be great. 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Katelyn,

The really impoetant thing is that you're ok. I sure hope the insurance stuff with your bike gets sorted out quickly and repairs will be quick and easy. I sure am glad you and you friend were not seriously hurt. I work at an impound lot and have seen a lot of bikes come in who's riders were not so lucky. I do wish people would be more alert for bikes on the road.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Gwen]

Wow, Katelyn, so much at once!! The only thing missing is a super hero arriving to save you Like others have noted, I'm glad you and your friend are okay (physically) and hopefully your beloved bike will return to you soon and without too much trouble or cost. I'm struck by how life can sometimes give us unexpected experiences when we set out for a fun, carefully planned night with a friend. You had such good intentions! Now it's so fresh, and I'm sure stressful/confusing on many levels, but it time the night will hopefully become just something to reflect on because you would have had so many successful nights/days afterwards. I'm glad you have your girlfriend by your side. Nothing like a relationship to provide support.

 

Big hugs and understanding from my corner of the world.

Gwen

[Guest]

Katelyn, it's good to know that you and your friend came through it without being injured.

 

When I read your story, I flashed back to a moment when I was driving the 30-mile commute to a volunteer office job and encountered blocked traffic on the interstate due to an accident up ahead.  I was stuck in the middle lane, surrounded by stopped vehicles on all sides.  After a while, people started getting out and walking around my car.  I've never felt so vulnerable.  In fact, it traumatized me so badly that I soon gave up the job.

[Katelyn]

I hear what you're saying Kenna. Honestly, I don't feel like I wouldn't want to go out again but standing there in the open like that made me feel like I need to be more cautious again, and that is likely to trap me in my room like I was before. 

 

A hero would have been nice Gwen. Some strong magic type that could fix injuries and mechanical damage with an incantation or something. If you know of one, please forward me some contact details? XD

 

I'm kinda upset though. Not just my bike got damaged,  but the pair of boots I saved up for as well. They used to look so pretty. Darned accident. 

[Charlize]

Boots can be replaced in time.  Fortunately you and your friend weren't seriously injured.  Sliding back into fear and the closet where it holds us may be almost as damaging however.  Don't forget the joy you expressed in simply coming out to your friend.  Freak accidents don't always happen but fear can cause us to forget that.  I don't know if there are any support groups around you but i would certainly recommend you reach out there and or with a therapist who can help you get past the shame and fear that too often accompany our journeys.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Katelyn]

I'll be honest here. Just last week the urge to let Katelyn out of the closer (or crate as the case would be right now) became stronger to the point where I wanted to go out but now I am too afraid to even under dress out of fear that something might happen. It's not fun. 

 

Even say from the dressing and gender things, I can't stop staring at my mirrors when I ride to work and back now. I'm borrowing my friend's bike for now and it's a small bike that can't go very fast so people catch up but it's like my stomach starts turning and my back aches pre-emptively whenever someone approaches from behind. This is just terrible. I love riding, it's my life, I don't want to have this fearful feeling. 

[Billy Joe]

I was considering taking my bike out one night all dressed up until now. And when I say dressed up if you have read any of my posts I like dressing to the extreme, boots fishnets, leather skirt and a very loose top. Hot but bolden

[PaulaPlaytex]

I Was In A Car Accident...Was Taken To Hospital...I was Wear My Pink Bra and Panties, Pantyhose...My Toes Painted "Neon Pink"...I Had A Cute Male Nurse...He Had On The "Same Undergarments" That I Was Wearing...He Showed Them To Me...WOW !

[Carolyn Marie]

2 hours ago, PaulaPlaytex said:

I Was In A Car Accident...Was Taken To Hospital...I was Wear My Pink Bra and Panties, Pantyhose...My Toes Painted "Neon Pink"...I Had A Cute Male Nurse...He Had On The "Same Undergarments" That I Was Wearing...He Showed Them To Me...WOW !

 

What the nurse did was inappropriate, unethical and possibly illegal.

 

Carolyn Marie

[PaulaPlaytex]

"Carolyn"...You Might Be Right...But, That Was Quite A While Ago.

[Lexi]

Hi Katelyn, 

 

  I think everyone has addressed the obvious (glad you're okay physically, friend not hurt, YOUR POOR BOOTS!! etc) 

 

I'd like to thank you for sharing the struggle between you, your loved one, and her difficulty adjusting....

 

My wife and I have been together close to 8yrs now. I came out to her a few short months back.. Some days she's not only accepting but enjoying Lexi. Some days she's just sick of hearing or thinking about it. 

 

We've had the privilege of knowing who we are long before them. Theyre left playing catch up while trying to be supportive and figure out how our change will change then (am I a lesbian now, can I please the new her or her new anatomy, will she eventually want men, what if I miss male anatomy too much, etc) 

 

Regardless if you're not being true to yourself in a relationship it's only going to create animosity. Be you! It is far better to be you and lose a loved one than to stuff the real you away and have her love a facade. (Imo) 

 

End of the day it's your life and you will know better where your happiness will come from. Hope you find the best path for you! Xoxo

[Katelyn]

I tend to agree with you Lexi, it's tough though. I mean after all that and even myself partially hoping it goes sour so we can both move on, we ended up pushing things away as always and we're still together.

 

I'm not happy that we didn't work through it but I admit I don't know to what end I'd be working for. Will part time dressing at home be enough eventually? Maybe I discard it and just hoard clothing I never wear. I might feel I need to go through transition. I won't know unless I experiment I suppose but it's not just my relationship stopping me.

 

And if I push her away and it does end up that I just need some occasional dressing and maybe a place to go to during that times, I'll have lost an amazing partner. I don't mind being alone, but that doesn't mean I want to throw away what I have or hurt her. We don't always see eye to eye and she's not going to stick around with Katelyn but I sort of do love her. Most days. Other days I don't even love myself so... 

 

Anyhow, had my back checked by a chiropractor and my baby got fixed and returned and rides like a dream again so the physical has been mended. My friend is peachy too. It's now just the mental and emotional challanges that still need attention. 

[Lexi]

I hear you hunni. I'm prolly not the best person to give advice on your particular situation but I'm here if you need an ear. Our situations are rather similar (except I'd never have the nerve to get on a motorcycle =P ) 

 

Feel free to soundboard anytime - it's amazing how much help it can be just getting words out there. 

Xoxo

 

 

[Katelyn]

I love my motorcycle too much not to get on her. I just don't know if I'll be able to get myself to ride en femme again, at least not soon. I'm still very paranoid. Especially since changing careers to sales in my home area in December, I've been running into more and more people I know from work, be it clients or otherwise. Lord knows I can't let the folks where I work now find out about this side of me. It wouldn't go well, of that I'm certain. There's a gay bat close-ish by I've been to once to check out and I'm sure I could get away with going in there as me but to get there I'd need to ride and neither the public exposure or potential of being seen sits well with my partner or my fears right now. 

 

Advise can be challanging as what's said isn't always everything either. So many emotions and pieces of history relating to the situation and circumstances don't pull through quite right. It's appreciated regardless though. One doesn't always think of everything and it might really just take one small suggestion that leads you to the right answers or to one asking the correct questions. 

[PaulaPlaytex]

"Katelyn"...Still to this day, I'm always wearing my Bras and Panties..."I DON'T HIDE IT ANYMORE" !     Love,  "Paula"