Hi, I'm New...and Confused

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Hi!

Ny name is Phoebe, and I'm a female 16 year old.

I'm really confused. I don't know what I am anymore.

There are times where I am happy that I am female, but other times where I just long, crave to be a male, and it hurts so bad not being able to be one. I know that I will never be a perfect male, as in fully-functional etc. male and it really hurts knowing that.

I am so confused. I don't know what I am.

Please can someone help me.

Thanks.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Phoebe

WELCOME to Laura's and I hope you can find some answers. As a young person you really need to consult with a gender dysphoria therapist. They can really help you. Self diagnosis or opinions of others are really meaningless.

But as you are here, we have a huge population of teenage people who ask about the same questions you ask. Check in to that forum and see if there is anything that applies to you.

Just remember, you are who you are, and you must look into your heart and find self acceptance.

Glad to meet you. Please feel free to look around and post comments, and ask questions, ANY forums. We value everyone's opinion.

Lizzy

[Sally]

Hi Pheobe.

Come on in and have a seat, get comfortable and I'll get you some pizza and a cold drink.

You arrived just in time for lunch and as the smell of pizza reaches the far corners of the playground everyone will know that we have a new member to be greeted and to share our support, knowlegde and virtual pizza with.

Don't worry that you can never become a 'fully functional' male a large number of genetic males aren't fully functional either - it is a random chance so don't let that deter you.

As Lizzy said look to your heart and if it tells you that you should be a male - look to a gender therapist.

Love ya.

Sally

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Hi Phoebe!

Welcome to the playground, it's good to have you here.

I'm going to echo Lizzy -- talking to a gender therapist can be really helpful. You're definitely not alone in feeling the way you do though. Read through some of the older topics, feel free to post on the new ones, and talk to people. Hopefully becoming a more involved member of our community will help you start to sort out some of your feelings.

Keep in mind that this whole gender question isn't something you necessarily have to figure out overnight, or even in a week, or longer. Don't feel obliged to jump onto a particular label just for the safety of having one. Questioning is a fundamentally healthy thing to do. Gender can be complicated and confusing for anyone, and it's important that you take all the time you need to figure yourself out properly. After all, it's a pretty important subject to you! It's OK to not know or to be confused and you'll get there when you get there. It's frustrating when you're not sure about something that's so important, but try to keep in mind that being confused means that you're thinking about it. You have the strength to face your feelings and think about them honestly rather than just pushing them down, and that's real character.

Some food for thought: sometimes, gender is more like a spectrum than a binary. You might be at one end or the other, but you might be somewhere in between, and that's OK too.

Good luck with everything. Hang around, ask questions. There are lots of great people here for you to meet. If someone hasn't offered you virtual food already, there's usually pizza in the guy's room, so help yourself .

All the best,

Pól

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Thanks ^^

It's so nice meeting you all, and you've been so helpful to me already.

Where will I be able to find a gender dysphoria therapist? Do I have to tell my parents if I see one?

Phoebe

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Hummmm

As you are a Brit - I would hope someone in your part of the world would know where to find a gender dysphoria experienced therapist. HEY Petra Jane?

Well - I am guessing you would need to tell your parents. BUT you can ease them into it. Say you don't feel right in your own body, not that you feel you are really a boy. Suggest you really need to find out how you really feel about yourself, certainly nothing like you want surgery and hormones and all that stuff that will totally freak your parents! Just tell them you need help - that you are totally unhappy and it's getting worse - tell the truth but be subtle. They after all have no clue what you are going through. You on the other hand know exaactly how you feel!

So there are some more suggestions - hope it helps... PLEASE keep us informed on how it goes if you decide to talk to your parents. It can relly be scarey and we want to be with you!

[Guest NeverSayNever]

I'm really worried about how my parents would react. I mean, there's 5 children and I'm the only girl. I don't know how my mum's going to react if I tell her that her only girl wants to be a boy.

Thank you for your support It's really appreciated *hugs*

[Guest Frank67]

Hi Phoebe,

welcome to this side, I see you met Sally, Pól and Lizzy and Lizzy's tips are really good.

You know your parents best and you should try to find out how the react if they see transgender people in a film, newspapers or something like that.

Don't rush them to accept everything at once. As Lizzy wrote tell them you are not sure who you are and you will see how the react. If you are sure who you really are (maybe you know it now or after a while with your therapist ) and if their reaction is a positive or accepting one, then you should try to tell them.

I know it is hard to tell your parents, but you should do it one day - not today, not tomorrow or next week. You are young, so please take your time to find a good situation to tell them how you really feel. There are more ways to tell them, some are writing a letter or email, some prefer to tell it face to face, some are using little hints (like a magazine lying around), but the most parents are able to feel that something is wrong. There problem is they don't know what to do, just wait till you tell them own your own or if they should ask you. Someone has to make the first step and this could be you.

Hope I could help a bit

Frank

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Thank you. You've been really helpful ^^ It's nice to meet you

I was trying to find out a reaction yesterday. I was talking to my mum about this program we watched about cross-dressers, and I asked her what she would do if one of my brothers said he wanted to dress as a girl, or wanted to be a girl. And then I asked her what she would do if I said I wanted to be a boy. She said she'd be concerned. And that's all she said. She didn't say anything else.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

GOOD START!

keep dropping little hints - it might make it easier, but if she confronts you - you MUST tell the truth, don't back away.

Lizzy

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Ok. I'm still really scared about what she might say.

Phoebe.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Phoebe

The whole world is scarey - especially when you are gender dysphoric. In any case - it could be bad, it could be good, but it will be what she feels at that second, so just hold on if she reacts in a way you find scarey.

And don't push it if you feel really insecure. Just keep the idea in your head that you wish to be very "adult' in this. Try as hard as you can to remember that. YOU are the adult no matter how she reacts.

Keep us in your heart - we are with you!

Lizzy

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Lizzy

Thank you for your support and advice. I'm sorry if I seem...I don't know, like a coward or something.

I really appreciate you being here.

Phoebe

[Sally]

Hi Pheobe,

You are not a coward for being afraid of what might happen - you ar insane if you have no fear.

How you handle fear determines cowardace - if the fear is about something that can just be avoided, then avoid it.

In this case, the fear is of consiquences to telling your mother about your Gender dysphoria - this can't be avoided so faceing it is necessary and sooner is much better than later - Lizzy and I are transitioning a little late in life.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Sally

I'm going to tell her at some point. I don't want her to tell her right now, as I'm just about go through my exams and I have enough stress with that ^^

Thank you for your help *hugs*

Phoebe

[Sally]

Get those exams out of the way and take the opportunity to tell your mother when it arises, you'll do just fine on both.

Have faith and you will be able to deal with anything.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Ashlee]

Hello Phoebe,

It doesn't matter what age you are when you decide to "come out" to them, it can be a very scary and stressful time. I'm in my mid 40's and it almost killed me to tell my story to my therepist and even harder to talk to my wife about it.

Take it one day at a time, don't rush into anything.

You will do the right thing!

{HUGS}

Ashlee

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Sally and Ashlee

Thank you, again, for your support ^^

As I always say, everything happens for a reason. So whatever my mother's reaction is, something must come out of it for a reason.

Love Phoebe xx

[Guest 1charlotte1]

Sorry! I don't have coming out advice! I'm struggling with that myself *sigh* anyway! Just wanted to welcome you like I'm sure the others did, I'm 17 and MTF. So I kinds understand your feelings about this especially with the final exams *second sigh* oh well! Welcome! This is definately the best site ever! We r here to support! And help!

What I'm planning for telling my parents is a set date... I don't know if I'll chicken out again, but it always helps to set a specific goal and date!

Hugz and luvz, charlotte

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Hey, nice to meet you Charlotte ^^

I hope everything goes well with you coming out to your parents *hugs* When are you doing it?

Love Phoebe x

[Guest Donna Jean]

Phoebe.........

The girls have given some wonderful support and advice..I won't add anymore advice, but I would like to give you my support.....All of us have had to come out or will in the future......some to parents...some to wives, husbands, friends, co-workers....Honey...It's NEVER easy, but it does get EASIER!

And Charlotte, this goes for you, too...

I want you to know that we are all here to support you and offer help and advice..

Good luck, both of you!

Love ...

Donna Jean

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Thank you Donna Jean

Nice to meet you *hugs*

Just these past couple of days, I've been feeling really down about it all. I'm just...sick of who I am. I don't know where to find a therapist either. Earlier today I was arguing with one of my friends on instant messaging and I just started crying (I know it's apparently not a very manly thing to do, but I couldn't help it). I just felt overloaded by everything. My exams, the stress, my parents, the whole being a girl thing. I'm getting more down about it and I don't know what to do.

I came out to one person - my friend who lives in a different country to me. It was easier telling him cause of the difference. He was supportive of me. He even calls me by male pronouns (is that what they're called). It made me feel better telling him. But I still feel

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Thank you Donna Jean

Nice to meet you *hugs*

Just these past couple of days, I've been feeling really down about it all. I'm just...sick of who I am. I don't know where to find a therapist either. Earlier today I was arguing with one of my friends on instant messaging and I just started crying (I know it's apparently not a very manly thing to do, but I couldn't help it). I just felt overloaded by everything. My exams, the stress, my parents, the whole being a girl thing. I'm getting more down about it and I don't know what to do.

I came out to one person - my friend who lives in a different country to me. It was easier telling him cause of the difference. He was supportive of me. He even calls me by male pronouns (is that what they're called). It made me feel better telling him. But I still feel

Men cry - they just don't always show it. And it takes a huge amount of living to get a full transition finished - some never get it quite done. You are okay - just hang in there. And there is NOTHING wrong with putting gender feelings on 'hold' until exams are done, or things get better. Gender theraphy is do-able - just work on it.

Keep us posted on how things go.

We hear you!

Lizzy

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Thanks Lizzie. I am seriously glad that there are people like you here ^^ You make me feel a lot better

[Sally]

When Lizzy told you that men cry that was a massive understatement!

Men cry a lot, but they hide it and never tell anyone - why are Lizzy and I telling you that secret?

We're leaving that fraternity and are giving you a little heads up as to what is to come.

Most men do there crying in their cars (just like picking their noses - they think that no one can see them) in there rooms silently or into a pillow because heaven forbide a 'man' that carved hunk of stone should sprink a leak.

I cried almost every day but I was so good at hiding it even my mother never knew and in her denial of my transsexuality uses that as a reason for her refusal to accept it.

On the outside men have no feelings no emotions but inside is a bottled up volcano just waiting to explode!

Once you have mastered the neccessary techniques you are ready for the world of ulcers heart disease and strokes - congratulations you are a man!

We have to be able to look at our situation with a little humor or that bottled up volcano will erupt too soon.

Remember the line from a famous sone, "Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle - Thank God, I'm a country boy!"

There will always be better times ahead and each new day is an opportunity to get things right, the past is gone fading into memories, now is becoming the past as we speak only the future is there for us to improve upon - so let's do just that.

Love ya,

Sally