Super sleepy but ... here goes

[Guest Rachel Gia]

I am a bit confused as to why I did it but I think it was because if I want to be approved for surgery beyond a simple orchiectomy it is expected that I present more and bring more people into my inner circle of the knowledge thaT I am indeed TRANS AND AM TRANSITIONING (I did not mean for that to caps but oh well).

Sooooo.... after my 17 month appointment I informed my boss and my dispatcher along with a few workmates and then after that my dentist and my dental hygenist.

That was yesterday and i am a little exhausted but it all went superbly and my life is now for the better.

It turned out my dental tech had written a paper at University discussing transition funding and by Canadian Health Care System and how it should be increased.

Like i said I am a little stretched by the process right now but quite content.

I need a break as I think I came out to about 15 or more people in the last week!

I am out now and see a urologist in two weeks.

Much Love Rachel

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Total in the loop is abot 150 people (thanks to mass AA truthing)

[Charlize]

Get some rest!  The whole process of coming out can be exhausting.  It certainly was for me.  My mind seemed in a constant state of extra alertness and feeling any peace seemed beyond me.  I also found AA helpful because i could be vulnerable, open and honest in the rooms as is so often difficult in the world.

Try to breath, sleep and relax into the process.  Remember "This Too Will Pass".

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Doesn't that make you feel so much better?   It's a great weight off your shoulders.  Congratulations!  

 

Jani

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Thank you, both of you:)

Today was great and friday is going to be a long one but I will get through it.

Cheers Rachel

This weekend is a long weekend in BC..."Family Day"

[Jani]

Have a wonderful day today.  You deserve it. I hope you get the opportunity to join the festivities with some friends this weekend.

 

Jani

[Guest Rachel Gia]

doing a late night phone shift at AA tonight and then some busking tomorrow and the other sunny days.

I just came from an OA meeting and a woman shared and although my coping methods are different (I am a restricter) there were some things that mirrored my behavior.

I was talking with her before the meeting and told her I was taking the late night shifts at AA HO because I have been binge sleeping too much and it was starting to worry me.

12 and 14 hours at a time.

The phone shifts are working on a lot of levels and I list myself as Rachel on the volunteer calender.

I gave an OA member a ride home tonight and shared how today was a lot of reflection.

Coming out has been so freeing and the acceptance staggering in it wonderfulness but I also abandoned dairy this week after months of bewildering headaches and feeling lousy. Its been five days and the headaches are gone along with a variety of things that I just thought were part of me.

Its a nice place to be but still it could be a place of bordering on the brink of regrets.

I am out and coming to.

I would not be at this place of love without prayer and meditation.

Rachel

 

[OhJay]

Just wanted to say congratulations! I'm glad that you feel lighter now too. 

Hope your weekend goes as peacefully as possible

 

Oz

[Cyndee]

It's spiritual, a life free of artificial human boundaries, and it's real, no regrets as you move into your future, smile as life grants you this grace....

 

C -

 

 

[Charlize]

Thanks for your share Rachel.  It sounds as if you are doing a great deal of service as well as attending meetings, prayer and meditation.  When i was coming out meetings often became a haven of acceptance.  The words of AA as they spoke of letting go and accepting myself as an alcoholic somehow allowed me to let go and accept my gender as well.  It has been some time since i came out and i still find that when there is a bump in the road the rooms are a great place to share my difficulties.  

Interesting being here where we open up and share our experience, strength and hope helps in very similar ways.  

Best of all i'm now happy most of the time with the life i live.  That is certainly a big difference. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Good morning !

Time for another blood test so off to Lifelabs.

i really should have a sleepy Emogi.

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Messed up in reverse on the blood test.

I forgot to eat yesterday and when I remembered I was in why bother mode.

Turns out 24 hrs without food messes up the blood test.

Progress not perfection.

Oops

[Guest Rachel Gia]

They sent me home but I re booked it for after the urologist .

He might want to get in on it as well.

[Charlize]

Please take care of yourself.  Remember that H.A.L.T. , hungry, lonely angry or tired can often lead us to a "solution".  When i forget to eat, get lonely or have to stay up all night my mood can change drastically. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest Rachel Gia]

Hi Charlize and thank you for understanding.

I was a little bewildered at the time that I could still go into one of my obsessive maelstroms and be unaware or in denial of it. Sometimes I don't think I have an eating disorder but yesterday proved it to me.

I restrict as a way of coping with it along with some other methods and it showed on Friday and then ultimately being turned away at the blood test.

The concerned look the two health nurses gave indicated they knew what was going on with me in the eating dept.

It did not help that I have a reading disorder that I can deal with in most situations but in this one where I was trying to find where the fasting period was, I just couldn't see it.

The reading thing no one would know because I can read quite well but I see in blocks and also think in blocks. This would lead to me starting at the end of the block when I was speaking on occasion and either some comment or puzzled look would follow.

A lot of the times I will say "in short" and then get to my point. This helps me focus and not look weird or "convoluted" which is actually more bewildering for me than what happened Friday.

The thinking thing I worked around over the last ten years and my brain has adapted and adopted a method of dealing with it so I can perform and be an entertainer. It also is a huge asset in my job as courier as well.

Reading however is a bit different. Reading out loud is fine as its linear and I have the voice to keep me on track but reading in general on most occasions makes me sleepy within a few minutes and when i was younger I was singled out as having a problem with silent reading and comprehension. I could read an entire page and have no idea what was being said as I would go off somewhere.

It was the same age as when my food intolerances started showing up and concerns over my voice not deepening were brought to my attention. It was Grade 7 and I was already 2 years gender dysphoric and closeted but not yet Trans which came about 2 years later. My eating disorder however was out and later an incident with my dad brought on a life long body image issue that thankfully has become manageable.

The bizarre thing is I am now regarded as a pretty good songwriter and lyricist and a good entertainer so I guess I figured it out or my brain did.

Friday I will just have to chock up to a relapse or slip and get back on track.

In short, the phrase "Think before you speak" has quite a different meaning to me.

[Charlize]

Rachel it sounds as if you have found good ways to get past difficulties you face.  I find that acceptance of my difficulties is often necessary before i can even try to find ways of dealing with them.  Getting help has been important for me.

I'm glad you are able to reach out.  I resisted help for years.  Could do it all myself!  It simply didn't work and now that i'm more able to accept my limitations and stop trying to run everything i'm feeling so much happier.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize