Coming out to Anti-LGBT Father

[Captain Belle]

So, I came out to my mum that I was gay about 4-5 years ago. She took it pretty well, and she asked me if I was actually trans, but I said no because she had made it clear the she hated seeing men dress in female clothing, so I purposely said no. After contemplating and stuff of how she would react, I finally came out to her as trans. She took it better than I thought, but she does annoy with her pushing that it is merely a phase... even though it isn't. When I came out as gay, I only told my sisters, my mum, and two of my closest friends (one of which hasn't spoken to me since, and the other hugs everyday like clockwork). Around a year or so later, I ended up coming out to my best friend, but I didn't do it on purpose, I was drunk... Well, not drunk- drunk, but drunk (whatever that means) and so I ended up telling him everything. We ended up growing closer due to this, so close that we're now dating (no one but us knows, and we merely joke about it to others). About 2-3 years later, I came out to another one of my friends, who immediately after learning continues to try to persuade me to "change" (He was trying to get me to take testosterone boosters to get me to be more manly). After about a month of this, I came out to his twin brother after he interrogated my boyfriend to find out if I was gay... which was easy, because he is horrible under pressure lol. Anyways, that brings us to now. I have weekly meetings with my guidance counselor and she just checks on me to make sure I'm okay. I started seeing her after I had attempted suicide about 3 or 4 times the week prior. I was mainly stressed out about not being able to start HRT because my dad would have to sign off on it, so I chickened out basically. I'm really nervous that he'll disown me or worse. When I was in first grade, a rumour had spread that me and another girl had kissed, when my dad heard, he yelled at me: "If I ever catch you kissing a boy, I will dig up this ground and bury you here". This scarred me forever, and I thought that maybe he was just being a dumb drunk a the time, but then before I was about to leave out to the pride parade, he basically told me that LGBT people aren't our friends and that they are sinful and disgusting. However, he does support trans bathroom rights. I'm also really scared to tell my sisters, because I don't know how they'll react. Also, the only people who know I Identify as trans are my guidance counselor, my boyfriend, my cousin (Shelia), and my mum. Lastly, I was just going to wait until I turned 18, because then he doesn't have to sign off on it, or even know for that matter, but each time I hear my birth name at school, it literally makes me super depressed. Idk what to do, please help...

 

PS: My dad is a heavy drinker and he is drunk about 60% of the time, the other 40% of the time, he is at work. Also, my cousin and my auntie know I'm gay, and they think I'm dating, but I haven't confirmed it. 

[Jani]

Hello Belle and welcome.  I'm sorry to hear your situation with your dad is not good but that your mother seems to be all right.  She thinks it's a phase because you are young and she's afraid of you getting hurt, and her losing you as she knows you.  All understandable.  As many of us will say, I recommend you connecting with a therapist (counselor) to help you sort out things.  As you're under 18, ask your mother to set up an appointment since it will be on your parents insurance.  You can say you have some anxiety (which is true) that you need to talk through with a professional.  You can find one in the list of Resources at the main web page.  

 

Since you are unaware of how your sisters will react you might want to hold back for the time being as it may get to your father and it sounds like you're not ready for that.  I know waiting until you are 18 may sound like a long time but in reality it will pass quickly if you determine that you have to wait.  I know hearing your name is difficult but hang in there.  Keep up with your guidance counselor as it sounds like she has your interests at heart.  

 

Jani     

[Guest Rachel Gia]

I like your plan and it sounds like you are trying to exist under difficult circumstances.

Rachel

[BrandiBri]

Hi Belle, I understand your fear about your father finding out. I never told my parents at all. They both went to their graves not knowing. Jani is right, going to a therapist is the first step in finding your true feelings. Just being able to talk to someone who understands and will not judge you is very important. I wish you the best as you navigate all those troubled waters.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[Charlize]

Welcome Belle.  It's great that you have some folks you can talk to about your feelings.  That alone can help a great deal. As others have already said therapy helps.  It helped me find the strength to be me as well as helping loved ones to understand and accept my journey.  Being trans* is not an easy path but please know your not alone on this path.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Hi Belle

 

Welcome

 

There is a variation of people in this world. I think we all meet them.

 

Tracy x

 

[Captain Belle]

Thank you everyone for the response. Each of your responses made me feel much better than I did before.. Thank you so much!! 

[MarcieMarie12]

I hope things are getting better, and it will take time for your siblings and mother to adjust. Things have gotten to a new normal with mine and that took over a year

 

Hugs,

Marcie 

[Jani]

One thing to remember is that you had had these feelings for some time and have come to accept them but your family needs time too.   Sometimes it difficult to change a persons perceptions so understand the possibility that not everyone will be won over.   

 

Jani