Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

coming out difference between mother and father


Raven1981

Recommended Posts

Hello All:

 

So I wanted to share and also ask questions that I have noticed with myself and even watching YouTube that there is a difference between coming out to your mother vs. coming out to your father.  I have noticed in myself and watched on YouTube that it seems easier to come out to your mother and it is a lot more understanding and even the mother then comes out and says how they have known or had a feeling.  But then have noticed it is either hard to come out to your father or the father does not accept. 

 

Why is it easier to come out your mother than your father?

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well I can understand that Amy as, although I have never come out as such to my mother or father due to their problems more than anything (my mother has had a stroke so poor memory and my father, when he was alive, had dementia), my father looked at me strangely and was obviously not understanding, but my mother did accept where I was going. That aside, the way I see it - I have found that women are far more understanding than men (almost totally). They also are far more ready to learn and tend to ask questions. Men virtually never do. It is probably that women are far more emotional and attune to people's feelings better. Men often aquire a hard outer shell and inherently have difficulty showing their true feelings or expressing themselves in a caring way.Men often have a blinkered view as they fight their way through life, and often strive to bring up their brood in the same way. They see themselves as being the disciplinarian in the family.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

I came out to both at the same time. My dad took it better than my mom. I wonder if that was part of the problem. But in any event things have settled into a new normal with them. It is not the same as before, but not sure if that is because my brothers are very busy with kids, or don't know how to interact with me anymore.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I also came out to both at the same time.  I think my dad was more surprised and it has been harder for him as I was the only son.  My mother has been wonderful.  I don't have any specific advise as our relationship with our parents are all differing.   Best of luck.

 

Jani

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

Thanks for the grate advise.  My mom and dad are divorced and I came out to my mom and stepdad at the same time and they are both supportive of me and they are glad that I am happy and can even see a bounce in my step and me smiling for the first time.  They can also see how since coming out that I am no longer stuttering.  So it was making me think that all this time with me stuttering and keeping quite on who I am actually are related.

 

I am scared to come out to my dad and stepmom since I am his only son and he will no longer have a son.  But since I am on HRT now, he will find out one way when I start to show signs.

 

Thank you all

 

Amy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Amy hope for the best and prepare for the worst.  You're correct that he will learn sooner or later so best to present it to them on your terms.  

 

Jani

Link to comment
Guest Rachel Gia

Both my parents are passed now and my Mom dealt with it in her own way as still does my brother.

If we want to be compassionate beings it might be our jobs to accept that this kind of news is a lot to process.

Some of the people I have come out to in the last year clammed up a bit but came around eventually , some quickly and some slowly.

With my brother I just avoid the topic in emails.

I have not told him that I am on hrt or about my very recent surgery and he has never revealed what the doctor told him that finally motivated him to stop drinking.

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

So I went yo visit my mom and stepdad.  I am very excited how supportive they are with me.  However I have not yet been dressed yet as my true self for my mom and so they have not changed their pronouns.  I have not started showing signs yet other than they have noticed my weight loss and the fact that I am not stuttering any more

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Very good Amy.  Hopefully your mom will be accepting and change pronouns and all once you present as your self to her.  

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hello Everyone.

 

So I came out to my stepmom and she took it very well.  It was not how I imaged it since she lives with my dad in California and I am in Phoenix.  But I ended up coming out to her over Facebook and she is helping me on how to come out to my dad.  She did say that my dad wants me to be happy.  She saw my pictures of me on Facebook now as Amy and can tell that I am happy and so much more content.

 

But thank you everyone and will let you know how it goes coming out to my dad.

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Amy this is great news for you!  It doesn't sound like it was too hard at all.  It sounds like your dad will be fine with the news too. 

 

Jani

   

 

Link to comment

I have the perfect plan for me being in Phoenix and my dad in California.  I saw this on youtube, so I am looking at a custom bakery to make a cake and to have it delivered to my dad with a letter on top.  Hope this goes well

 

Thank You

 

Amy

Link to comment
17 hours ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

Hello Everyone.

 

So I came out to my stepmom and she took it very well.  It was not how I imaged it since she lives with my dad in California and I am in Phoenix.  But I ended up coming out to her over Facebook and she is helping me on how to come out to my dad.  She did say that my dad wants me to be happy.  She saw my pictures of me on Facebook now as Amy and can tell that I am happy and so much more content.

 

But thank you everyone and will let you know how it goes coming out to my dad.

 

Thank You

 

Amy

That's so good to hear, Amy! :) I'm glad she's taking it so well. Best of luck with coming out to your dad

Link to comment

The cake sounds fun, Amy. I never thought of doing something like that, and I love it! Thinking of you and sending good luck wishes your way!

Link to comment

Thank you everyone.  I am happy to have more support.  Plus I came out to more friends and I am glad that my friends are true friends no matter what.

 

Lots of love

 

Amy

IMG_20180414_142441.jpg

Link to comment

     Congrats girl I am glad it is going well I hope your dad is as accepting as the rest of your family and friends 

 

     Bobbbisue:)

Link to comment

Hello All:

 

So I just had my most scariest coming out moment that turned out better than what I thought.  I finally came out to my dad.  I mailed him a very good book to use as a reference and a resource which is the same book that my therapist referred to me.  My dad said that he still loves me and he supports my decision.  This was the hardest for me to come out and I was so scared and shaking.  My dad then let me know that he had a feeling about me epically how I was distance and how just all of a sudden my stuttering cleared up out of the blue.  

 

I am prepared to answer any question he will have.  I know that this is a big surprise to him.  So I am waiting for him to get a grasp on this.

 

Thank You

 

Amy

1501578619791.jpg

Link to comment

My heart's out to you today, Amy! 

My dad was by far the toughest person to come out to. Like yours, my dad was supportive, but he didn't really ask any questions at the time. What's been wonderful, and what I wish for you, is that he's become super supportive and much more empathetic and interested about it than I'd expected. 

It is a big surprise, but it sounds like he loves you a lot and that's a great starting point.

Hugs,
Julie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That's wonderful news Amy.  Just don't over whelm him with data!  Go on living your normal life and stay in touch with a regular call to your dad.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

Thank you all.  It was the scariest moments I have been through now.  I am giving my dad some time, but will wait a little before calling him.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 164 Guests (See full list)

    • EasyE
    • Jet McCartney
    • Ivy
    • MaryEllen
    • April Marie
    • Karen Carey
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,039
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Nikki Hart
    Newest Member
    Nikki Hart
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. April Marie
      April Marie
    2. daniela...
      daniela...
      (59 years old)
    3. Emily May
      Emily May
    4. Felixr
      Felixr
      (20 years old)
    5. Leann
      Leann
      (56 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      For a time I would get an anxiety attack when I had to dress in male mode.  Haven't tried it in a while.
    • MaeBe
      Indeed! Most happiest of Birthdays to you!
    • Ashley0616
      Happy birthday @April Marie!
    • April Marie
      Thank for the birthday wishes, everyone!!!   It started great...and then I was rear-ended at a highway construction site this morning. I'm OK. The woman who hit me was shaken - was going fast enough to deploy her air bags. I was at dead stop. Her car had to be towed away. My truck too a hit to the tailgate and the bumper. It seems OK otherwise but I'll know tomorrow when they do the appraisal.   UGH!   Happy Birthday to Me!! :-)  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "How did it go yesterday? Any trouble in Millville?" He shook his head. "Your biscuits and gravy are great." "Mama's recipe. She taught this girl to COOK." "Uh-huh.  Well, it rained the whole time.  We did the ground breaking in pouring rain.  Your friend, the former head of manufacturing, is now on the Board.  It looks like sunshine down there, he told me, with the missile plant starting up and they re-hired all the people they fired.  Millville Products is as it was.  And the Chinese money is still coming.  That was just an ugly rumor.  Gibson quit, but you knew that." "Missile plant, huh.  Yeah.  Gibson and I may go into business.  But I have been thinking-" "Yeah.  It's been declassified.  I can tell you they made missiles for Navy ships and planes during World War 2. It was shut down after Vietnam.  Several other supporting companies are moving in - paint, electronics assembly, a few others - that support missile production." "Okay."
    • Lydia_R
      That is, it's a great document in that it seems to clearly define things, not that I'm in agreement with it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      https://www.digitaltransgenderarchive.net/col/cj82k733h   I am now dissatisfied with the thread title because it seems to exclude Catholics and maybe others .  I am not sure what to change it to, so I will fuss over THAT now. 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm on the ballot being mailed tomorrow for an open US Rep seat.  I have both an honorable discharge and an other than honorable discharge.  I told the Navy that I was smoking pot every day right after Y2K.  I told them that while I was in the Navy, I substituted alcohol for marijuana and that the alcohol was making me violently sick.  After 5+ years of that, I said enough is enough and I went back to smoking pot.  I got better and I felt like the quality of my work was improving.   I certainly wasn't the perfect military member, but I excelled at my job and earned a promotion in boot camp.  They drug tested our unit several times after I told them I was smoking pot and I may have never tested positive.  I was opening smoking pot in the Navy for 3 or 4 months before they decided to kick me out.  At my captain's mast, the captain tried to shame me by saying I looked bad in uniform and that I was a disgrace, but all my evaluations said that I looked great in uniform.  I took great pride in looking good in my dress blues and whites.  Sure, I had grown my hair out a little bit (you know, it's not like I became trans in my 50's all the sudden) and I was enjoying some green anodized eye glasses :)   I think that people get very emotional about these kinds of issues when they should be concentrating more on engineering things and work performance.  I think we should take the lead and talk about our professional lives more instead of focusing on this type of politics.  That's a great document and I saved the PDF to my hard drive.  I think we should have more respect for the production that China is doing instead of concentrating on raising a military defense against them.  I personally disliked the hazing rituals in the Navy and think our military would be better off with being more accepting and intelligent.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My snarky comment of the morning is that Trump may be the first president sworn into office from a jail cell.  He can't keep his mouth under control.  It's likely he may be serving time for contempt for violating gag orders in January if he keeps it up, and the judges are more than happy to slap fines and imprisonment on him.
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      For one thing, this is Rolling Stone, who is convinced that the right is evil and writes articles from that perspective.   For another, he did not call out for eradication.  His answer was lousy, I did not like it, it was ambiguous, but he denied being for eradication of transgender people.   I still don't know what transgenderism is, but I see it as distinct from transgender people.   Conservative TG people need to become politically active and actively dialog and engage with these people..  Dang it.
    • Vidanjali
      Here's some inspiration. Wheels within wheels.   
    • Lydia_R
      Yes, totally.  That's a great story about your math history @Vidanjali!  Wow!   People tend to forget or are not aware of grads instead of degrees and radians, but that is becoming a big deal to me in the idea of coding a trigonometric function.  If you set your calculator to grads and then do the sin of 33.33, it comes up with .4999, you know, pi/6.  The significance here is that by dividing pi/2 (radians) into 100 units (grads) instead of 90 units (degrees), you are now in a base 10 space.  And when we are dealing with decimals (in base 10), and trying to convert them back to ratios, then notating our angles in the base 10 system of gradients seems like it is the key to coding the trigonometric function.   Then again, this has all kind of been a revelation to me the last couple days.  It's fun to combine math with code and I'm looking forward to writing some algorithms around this.  My last job was coding software for a healthcare company and there was no math involved in that and that was a depressing part of that job.  The long hours of that job kind of created a spiritual backlog of wanting to do some math work and I think that energy is busting out right now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Went out to get the mail.  I was thinking that I only have dysphoria when I am dressed like a guy as I walked out there, looselimbed and feeling femme.   Get with the program, girl, says I. I am supposed to be dysphoric when I am wearing women's clothing, not the other way around.  In the past I have worn women's clothing like this and after a while said I guess I really don't have GD, switched to male clothing until I gave it up, miserable, and went back.   Dreaming of a nice skirt-suit set.  Looked at them on Amazon.  And a peasant skirt with a nice lacy top.  And a denim skirt, worn with tights, boots and a turtleneck.  A girl can dream.    
    • Vidanjali
      Yes, indeed. It's nice to think about. Calculus allows you to work with an infinitely-many-sided regular polygon which may as well be a circle.    I worked with such ideas within my master's thesis which was a history of the Jordan Curve Theorem. Basically, the theorem states that if you draw a circle on a piece of paper, that the circle separates the paper into two distinct regions - the interior of the circle and the exterior of the circle. Turns out it's not so straightforward to prove rigorously, especially considering all they had to work with at the time the theorem was stated was Euclidean geometry. It took generations and the development of new fields of mathematics before any correct proof was established.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...