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By VickySGV · Posted
Finally found a site that gives the definition of defemination as a process of loss of feminine characteristics or continued loss of them. Not a word I would use every day, although I can see where it would be a problem for some who value those feminine characteristics. Yes I have seen it happen and now get the idea, and yes, not in so many words, but yes I have been up against others who do put down my femininity as being a pseudo female at the most polite and I cannot use the words hear for what it is at the worst. Online, there is little to do about it except leave and block the people who do it and the places it happens, since it affects you much more heavily and negatively than it does the person doing it, and you need freedom from the stress. The rules here which our "powers that be", namely the staff say we do not put up with members denying the authentic identity of other members. -
By VickySGV · Posted
I still maintain my "male" skills and almost have to laugh when that sort of thing happens to me with Cis males, and it does happen. On the other side there, I have activities with the Trans community here where I live including Trans Men who love to show off their new lives. I have had a couple come over to my house and I have done some shop teaching that is always fun. When they offer to help me by doing "male stuff" in a group, I do not take it as misogyny . -
By Thea · Posted
This guy asked me to help with his tire. So when I turned around and he saw that I'm a woman he's like, oh nevermind -
By Betty K · Posted
I think that’s an important point. In my case, I’ve found transitioning to be such a relief and a joy that I have no difficulty focussing on the positives. Maybe in your case you could make a practice of noting when you are gendered correctly? Do you keep a journal? I find doing so is major help. After saying I rarely get misgendered, it actually happened to me yesterday in a local store. After recovering from my shock (the salesman called me “brother”, which to me is about as bad as it gets) I wrote my first complaint letter to a business w/r/t misgendering. That felt good. I also reflected that, to a degree, for those of us who don’t pass, I think gendering is correctly can take a conscious effort. Some Folks seem to automatically see me as feminine, others have to work at it. So if you’re often surrounded by people who have no desire to work at it, that may exacerbate your problem. -
By Betty K · Posted
I don’t know why anyone would go to the effort of advocating for trans folks only to charge people to read their articles. It seems so counterproductive, and I seriously doubt they’re making more than pocket money out of it. -
By KathyLauren · Posted
Oh, how I wish we were over-reacting! But I don't think we are. The danger is under-reacting. -
By Ivy · Posted
I understand your feelings. I have the same fears. NC has made a swing to the right as well, and I'm not optimistic. I want to tell myself I'm over reacting. But seeing what these people are saying, and doing when they do get into power can't be dismissed. It's proof of what they will do if they take over the federal government. I'm getting kinda old now anyway. It took me over 60 years to get here, and I'm not going back. I suppose they can revert my gender markers, but I will still be legally Ivy. And I have every intention of dying as Ivy Anna. If I can't find my hormones somehow, I'll do without. The physical changes I do have are permanent. Trans people have always existed. -
By Willow · Posted
@KymmieL I think we all have had to deal with a person who would not apologize when they were wrong no matter what. In my case it was my MIL. Actually called me a lier I front of my wife. Even when she realized she was wrong she wouldn’t admit it to my wife, nor would she apologize to my wife for any of the things she later admitted she had done that affected my wife. I had a boss that accused me of saying things I did not say in a manner I did not use. Even another employee told him that I had not said the things nor used the words but he still refused to back down. Unfortunately, all too many people in this world believe they are always right no matter what. Some are very famous. lol Willow -
By KatieSC · Posted
I wish I could cope as well as others. I feel very defeated in that all of the consideration, and then treatment to transition, could all be wiped out by this time next year with the united effort by the R party to eradicate all that is transgender. I fear that the national election could turn out to our detriment, and we will face a national push to eradicate us. Tracking us down will not be that hard to do. Once they know who we are, forcing the legislation to reverse our name changes, gender marker changes, and other records, will not be that hard. We saw an example when the AG in Texas was data mining the driver licenses for those who had gender marker changes. Who will we appeal to? The Supreme R Court? We would have an easier time trying to convince a Russian court. We need to get out and vote in November. There is not enough Ben & Jerry's to improve my outlook on all of this. In some ways it is a cruel thing in a way. In the early 1930s, Germany was working hard to hunt down the LGBTQ population and eradicate it. Now Germany has better protections there than we have in many of our own states. About 90 years ago, Germany was seeing the rise of their very own dictator...Now the US is on the verge...Oh never mind. What a difference 90 years makes... History may repeat itself, but sometimes it shifts the focus a little... -
By Nonexistent · Posted
I have the same problem as you, my face is the main reason why I get misgendered I'm pretty sure. I think it's mostly up to genetics how your face will look (T can help, but still genetics will determine how you end up). You can't change your facial structure really, you can get facial masculinization surgery but it's expensive so not an option for most unless you're rich lol. Experimentally (I haven't done it but want to), you could see if any plastic surgeons around you will give you Kybella in your cheeks. It is an injection that removes fat, and is usually used underneath the chin/on the neck below the jawline, but some may use it off-label on the face. The only potential problem with this is that if your face would naturally thin out at an older age, it could thin out extra and make you look older (though I'm not certain on this). Another option is to get filler in your jaw/chin, which would make your jawline look more square and your face more masculine. I want jaw filler but I'm poor lol, it only lasts one year up to a few years depending on what kind you get, so it would have to be done every so often and can get expensive. I did get chin filler once, only 2 small vials so it didn't make that big of a difference. I would recommend going for the jaw if you can only choose 1, I wish I had done that. Those are the only options I know of that will bring legitimate noticeable changes. -
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By Nonexistent · Posted
Thank you. Trans men and trans women each have their own struggles for sure, but I agree, it can be a hard time to be a non-passing trans guy. There is no specific "man clothes" that only men wear. People could just think I'm butch (which sucks to think about, if people think I'm a lesbian when I'm a dude!!). I mean I would feel better if I got gendered correctly even if I don't fully pass, it would maybe raise my confidence to think maybe I do pass well lol! Instead I'm just reminded I don't. Though I may just focus on the times I don't pass and ignore the times that I do. Because I rarely remember getting gendered correctly, but I hone in on the times that I don't. -
By Nonexistent · Posted
Thank you, I'm glad to be here. :) I have been in therapy for 9 years but still can't seem to accept myself. I think it has to do with growing up trans in a world that hates us, especially in the south. I mean I was discriminated against by adults and ostracized as a kid/teen due to being trans. My family is accepting, but the rest of the world is not. I realize now a lot of people are accepting (even unexpectedly, like my partner's conservative republican Trump-loving parents lol), but it feels like my brain is still in survival mode every time I exit the door. I am a very fearful person. My body still may change over time, but it feels like I haven't met the same 'quota' (don't know the right word) that a majority of other trans guys have on far less time on T. Most trans guys pass easily 1-3yrs on T, I'm double that and still don't pass well except my voice. -
By Nonexistent · Posted
Thank you. I am just used to seeing trans guys who pass at like... 6 months to 1 year, at the most 3 years. And I just don't meet the mark, all the way at 6 years. It is possible with time I will masculinize more, but it's frustrating when I'm "behind" and may never catch up. It threatens my mental health mostly, possibly my physical health if I'm visibly trans (though I don't ever go out alone).
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