I Hate Not Passing...

[Guest Soph]

I really feel like a negative Nancy, because every I make seems to be me being down on myself and sad, but can anybody else not stand being mistaken (this time I used it right ) as their birth gender? I mean, one day I go out with no intent on passing and I pass, then the next I go out trying and the waiter keeps calling me a gentleman.

When this happens, it really upsets me. It is a poignant reminder that I have a long way to go, or so I feel. I know I have emotional problems, but this makes me so upset I don't know what to do... for years I dealt with having no feeling, and now that I have them, I am lost (also, unsure as to whether or not the extremes of what I feel is normal & healthy).

It would be so much easier to pass had I not cut my hair just a few months ago when in denial ;_;

On a less depressing note, I have a few questions concerning hormones.

First off, I read that there is a reduction in body hair, but I don't know how considerable that is. I know they don't do anything for facial hair (I hope to be starting electrolysis soon ), but will they do anything noticeable for my body hair? I'm not really a hairy person, but one concern I have is that the hair on my legs is really dark (wish it was as blond as my hair). I have no problem shaving my lower legs, but this hair continues onto my upper thighs, and that hair is difficult to take care of (I seem to have chronic razor burn there since I started shaving (I know you're not supposed to shave over an area that has razor burn, but that doesn't stop me from denying the validity of that claim)). There is also a deal of hair around my... nether region (lets leave it at that) that is unsightly to say the least. I'm no sexual deviant, but I don't want to make a man vomit when he sees me naked.

So how much of an effect will hormones have on that?

Also, I know that hormones affect the body's displacement of mass, and this takes time. However, if, after starting the hormones, you work out to lose weight, will the weight that you gain from eating be automatically placed in more appropriate areas for a female, or is it required that you get a certain build-up of estrogen before that occurs?

Geesh, sorry to keep bothering you, but I have one more. I mentioned that I'm to be starting electrolysis fairly soon, but I was wondering if it was kosher to do some laser hair removal prior to electrolysis, as this would (as far as I know) save me a LOT of money... and the only reason I can afford to live is because my parents still pay for my survival (I came out to them, they didn't disown me, they drive me hours a week to therapy, and they're funding my early transition. Can I ask for more?!)

And, once again, woefully sorry, especially if this isn't the right board for this.

[Sally]

OK, Here are a few answers for you.

First you pass when you are not trying - why try so hard, relax and you pass, you are too nervous about passing when you try and that makes you easy to read, when you're not trying you appear female - Stop Trying!

Hormones have little effect on facial hair and I don't think much on Pubic hairs either - but they have a drastic effect on body hair so don't waste any money on working there until after you are on hormones.

If your hair is dark and your skin is light laser does a very good job, lighter hair or darker shin or any combination of those two and the results become much less successful.

Your body will program itself to store fat in different areas so losing weight will come off of the male target areas first, the belly and any new fat will go to the new areas, hips thighs and breasts.

I hope that helps a little.

We all need to try to not be so emotional about what people call us - just let it go, I have been called things that I did not like in my male life and I survived, someone calls me sir when I'm in a dress and I won't let it bother me - most waiters go into a serving mode where all that matters is getting eveerything about the food right without even thinking about it because, this may be a shock - most waiters do it for the money, not because standing up and bending over tables with other people's food is not most people's idea of a great time - if you made an even remotely male move that he caught out of the corner of his eye - you became him and sir for that visit - that is also how you get mam'd on a vist while not trying - forget it, why make a scene?

Life is too short to worry about unimportant stuff like that.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Forum? Post as close as you can to what you want to say - then don't worry. We ain't gonna toss you out! grin

Sally is right on target.

And there is a site for you to look at: http://lgbthealth.healthcommunities.com/transgender/ht.shtml

and they probably have the answers you seek.

I am on HRT - five months - I have had very early and very good rsults - INCLUDING reduction of general body hair - I mean it came back (I pull it out usng a epilator) but is very fine and sparce. An epilator does not give razor burn. And as for the ... nether regions... ahummm... cut hair short, but I suggest you do not shave! The stubble is unbearable and the maintenance is extreme!

I am not that hairy - but my body hair was fairly good at responding to HRT - EXCEPT the beard, pubic hair and such gross areas as ears and nose.

The fat redistribution? YES - but it is weird, your fat gained after starting HRT (one month for me) distributes in a female pattern, the male fat you have - stays just where it is. There is really no 'redistribution' at all. You have to diet to lose the male fat. And when the fat redistributes, its not what you think. First on me was the legs, especiallty the knees and ankles. I lost my 'birdlegs.' Then my inside thighs started to get a little doughy - then my butt added some extra creases ... I still have no hip fat - I think that comes really late. But most dramatic? My face!

Laser? I personally didn't want to gamble - with my limited budget, I wanted a sure thing, electrolysis.

Passing? I know what you mean! I pass without trying, then get read when presentng female? Who knows why - usually my voice? I seem to be better able to pass when I just don't care! I dress for me - to feel comfotable and gender appropriate. Attitude seems the key (and pretty clothes!) I do better now that my hair is longer - and its best when I have certain cues - usually a hint of color, not heavily made up, and with spectaculary beautiful jewelry - stuff that costs $$$.

It seems women who read me still smile when they see I am trying to be tasteful and look pretty. I think they know how it feels for me to be groomed and perfectly presenting - I mean their smiles say "Welcome honey - looking good!"

Just some ideas...

Lizzy