Feeling Stressed

[Guest Leigh]

so, no matter how much i try, every time i calculate how much i can make this summer, it comes out to $4000 at most.... i want to move to Cali, but, obviously that would be a horrid idea with only $4000 savings....

i also really need my wisdom teeth out.. and my parents can't afford it, and i really don't want to have to pay for it. and college debt (i dropped out, and have some money to pay back)...

not to mention that i want to get on hormones (which i'd have to pay for cuz my parents wouldn't, plus i wouldn't want them to know)... and my shrink wants me to wait till i move, which could be more like a year now.

and i got denied for a credit card (i'm not a big spender, i just wanted to be able to buy binders, etc. online...)

so now i have to use a pre-paid card which charges me $5 a month to keep it, which will add up for someone like me...

and i want to buy new (male) clothing...basically $$$$$ is driving me nuts.. which is especially sad cuz i'm one of those ppl who kind of hates money..and i hate the way our society is centered on it, and now I'M centered on it...

and it's summer, so i'm thinking about swimming...*sigh*

but i've quit smoking, so that should save me money, and get me on the right track for my transition.

ok, that's all the complaing for now.

peace&love

Leigh

[Sally]

Hey Leigh,

Money is such a pain - having it or not it still is such a pain.

Quitting smoking is great!

Yeah!

Just keep saving sweetie!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Noblelight,

I am glad that you have decided to quit smoking!! Now dear, I know that you want to move on with your life, but don't you think remaining in college would actually be the right path to take. When I was your age, I was intent on living on my own and not being dependant upon my parents. I moved out and started working in factories. That gave me the money to have an apartment, but there was a catch... I was working at horrible, dangerous jobs. After three years of that, I decided to go back to school. I always loved computers and majored in computer science. Getting that degree was the best decision that I ever made in my life. I went from working in low paying jobs to a true salaried position that was most importantly... safe.

If I may, I would think that remaining in school and getting a degree so that you can get a better paying job that will allow you to transition the way you want to is the better path. Even if you take a few years off from college right now and simply work. Eventually, you should go back to school.

Everyone's path is different. I just wanted to share with you a little bit of mine.

Love

bernii

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Noblelight,

I am glad that you have decided to quit smoking!! Now dear, I know that you want to move on with your life, but don't you think remaining in college would actually be the right path to take. When I was your age, I was intent on living on my own and not being dependant upon my parents. I moved out and started working in factories. That gave me the money to have an apartment, but there was a catch... I was working at horrible, dangerous jobs. After three years of that, I decided to go back to school. I always loved computers and majored in computer science. Getting that degree was the best decision that I ever made in my life. I went from working in low paying jobs to a true salaried position that was most importantly... safe.

If I may, I would think that remaining in school and getting a degree so that you can get a better paying job that will allow you to transition the way you want to is the better path. Even if you take a few years off from college right now and simply work. Eventually, you should go back to school.

Everyone's path is different. I just wanted to share with you a little bit of mine.

Love

bernii

Leigh,

Sorry, I forgot your name change. Just had a senior moment (again).

bernii

[Guest Leigh]

If I may, I would think that remaining in school and getting a degree so that you can get a better paying job that will allow you to transition the way you want to is the better path. Even if you take a few years off from college right now and simply work. Eventually, you should go back to school.

thanks bernii,

i think that i will probably eventually go back to school...but i was hoping to go to a school in California, and wanted to live there to get residency so i could get in-state tuition.....i'll be taking at least another year off either way, so i figured i might as well go somewhere i like.

but i agree with you, in some ways college is important, even though i'll never be someone who cares about grades..and i'll always be someone who studies and learns no matter where i am.

also, @ Sally, thanks&love

thanks for your input

peace&love

Leigh

[Guest doodle]

Hey noble

Get used to it. Money is a problem for everyone. We are stuck with this crappy system. For trans people it is worse since we have to pay for everything ourselves. You know that If there is dental school near you -you could try them. NYU here in New York City does free work for people. Maybe there is one where you going S F I would think. None of my business- don't want to know. I think you're shrink is worried that if you start hormones now and you parents find out which they will since you Will start to change. All sorts of problems and anger will erupt. They will be so peed at you they may not be able to continue the relationship. That sucks. It may happen anyway but why push it when you can't get away from them. Everyone will agree with them that is all your fault. You could wind up alone and isolated Maybe you should focus you energy on figuring out a way to make more money and or getting your teeth taken care of for free before you have no choice.

with love

doodle

[Guest joe0117]

Hey Leigh,

I'm sorry about your disappointing realization. It can be frustrating to be in need of money and dependant on it. Congrats on quitting smoking! I know how hard that is. You are going to feel so much better. It may take you a little bit longer but you will get there. Everything is slow going at first but once you get started it is that much sweeter.

Joe

[Guest Leigh]

thanks doodle & Joe.

yeah...money is something i have to get used to, lol...

but i think i'm still going to try to get on hormones, since i'll have to out myself eventually anyway, and at this point it'll take about 2-3 months to get the diagnosis, etc. anyway, so i might as well have that going for me while i'm stuck here.

i'll be sure to keep you updated if/when i can finally move.

peace&love

Leigh

[Guest Cody_T]

Hey Leigh,

I'm really sorry that you won't be able to move as quickly as you thought, although I think it's a really good idea to save money for a little bit longer. As much as I love California, it's expensive. Can you get a second job or something? I know that'd probably make you crazy busy, depending what kind of job you have right now, but it'd be a good idea to make as much as possible.

For binders and stuff... can you just buy whatever it is you need in one month, then get rid of the card? You shouldn't need to replace your binder too quickly and that way you won't have to pay the 5 a month. For clothes I'd check out thrift stores. It's harder to find stuff, but sometimes they have good clothes there and if you're lucky you can get things for like, a dollar or two. If there are stores closing in your area, keep checking back until the things are discounted to like 80 or 90% of their original value... or if you're lucky, the last day they're selling things. Selection might suck but you can pick up a shirt or pants for like three to five dollars. Walmart will always have a sale rack... if you're small you might want to check in kids because it doesn't seem like their pants go on sale unless they're 40 waist or above.

I'd make sure you pay back your school loans because I think that can factor in on getting money later. If you haven't completed two years of college you should see if you can start off going to community college. Most california community colleges have a plan to get you into a UC or Cal State school after you spend two years there, and then your diploma says whatever school you finished at. To establish residency you'll have to make sure that your parents don't declare you as a dependent on their taxes for two years, and live in California for one year. You probably need a driver's license and all that stuff too. The good news about being independent is that you'll get more money for your FAFSA, so it'll be even cheaper.

Congrats on quitting smoking! That's definitely a step in the right direction.

I know a year seems like a long time, but you'll be better off if you take that time to make sure you're fully prepared to move and support yourself.

[Sally]

Good morning Leigh,

Isn't it great to get so much support and wonderful advice and from so many young people, not just us old timers saying a year isn't that long.

Every year becomes shorter the older you get - think about the wisdom in that statement.

When you are 10 - 1 year is a tenth of your entire live, at 20 it is down to a twentyith, and at 60 a mere 60th of your life - it has to seem shorter and that is the way of the passage of time - it is all relative, the more free time you have to think about it the slower it goes, when you are very busy, time runs out before you can get everything done.

Find something to do that will occupy your free time - a project that will help you with your move and work on it in your free time - make it a project that will take months to complete and I'll bet before you complete your project, you'll be saying, "it's time to move and I'm not ready yet!"

Love ya, and congrats on quiting smoking,

Sally

[Guest Leigh]

I'm really sorry that you won't be able to move as quickly as you thought, although I think it's a really good idea to save money for a little bit longer. As much as I love California, it's expensive. Can you get a second job or something? I know that'd probably make you crazy busy, depending what kind of job you have right now, but it'd be a good idea to make as much as possible.

lol...actually i already have 2 jobs, both part time, and i'm looking to get a third.....

thanks for your input, i'll be sure to tell my parents not to put me as a dependent next year, though i should be moved out by then...i hope.

anyway. i'm still feeling really bummed...i haven't been this depressed in a long time, actually...

i'm tempted to go buy some exerzise equipment, and clothes, and a new tattoo and some new pircings....but i'm going to try to keep reminding myself that just becasue i'm going to be here longer than i thought doesn't mean i shouldn't try to save as hard....

oh, and to Sally, i have been doing all kinds of things to try and keep me busy, i just re-painted my room, and have been working on art projects, etc.... but none of it is keeping my mind occupied at all...

oh well, i guess i can talk with my therapist about it next time...

thanks again everyone.

peace&love

Leigh

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Leigh - dam computer just ate my reply! Pieces of my laptop can NOW BE FOUND spread all over the interstate..

Not really! But i feel that way...

So many replies I hesitate to post... but one thing, it seems to work out somehow... so enjoy your life and know you are on your way, if not now, very soon!

Lizzy

[Guest Sarah Marie]

Leigh --To Lizzy's wise advice, I wish to share something I periodically tell myself: "Relax. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy life."

If it takes a bit longer than you wanted to make it to Cali, don't sweat it. Given the current economic situation, waiting a year would work in your favor anyway. Right now, the job market in Cali is described as "too many people chasing too few jobs."

In the mean time --hang in there, you'll get there in time.

[Guest Evan_J]

Good vent

Always vent like that if you need to.

Yeah I know the "it all seems like too much to EVER be able to pay for" feeling. But take it one thing at a time and just "do" those things. When its time for each thing you listed -and you'll know when it is- just "start" and without being able to truely explain "how" you will just work through them. I'm one of those people, so poor church mice heckle me? that I often wonder "wow, how the _____ am I doing this?" and I mean all of it "regular living included". But it manages.

Relax.

Shake off the stress if possible. (you might want to learn to meditate?)

And do each moment one at a time.

[Guest Leigh]

Relax.

Shake off the stress if possible. (you might want to learn to meditate?)

And do each moment one at a time.

lol..thanks Evan, you're right...it always seems like how am i gonna pay for anything..? and i usually scrape by...and i do meditate..lol, and am still stressed to my limit.

i just hope that i'm able to get on hormones soon, that seems like the only thing i'm holding out for right now...

well, i have to go look for a third job.

thanks all

peace&love

Leigh

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

I wish I didn't have to think about money. Education should not cost so much as it does.

[Guest ashley4623]

Oh I know exactly what you mean.... I don't really care about money either, but then its like... so much of what I want to do requires $$$... I hate it... It's like $$$ is a limiter to what a person can do with their lives.