Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

scared to come out to my councillor


KymmieL

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my Councillor. I see her for major depression and phobia. Both have been in check lately. But with recent health problems they could flair up at anytime. I didn't realize the severity of my recent health problem until I saw her. It could have been deadly. While things are going alright at the moment, my gender thoughts still prevail. I have gotten to the point that when I see a beautiful female, I am wanting to have her body, physically. It was sexual in the past now I want a beautiful body like hers.

I am how ever scared to bring up gender in my counseling session. Don't really know why. Even though my wife knows of my crossdressing. all though nothing this far. I am still closeted for the most part. Have never gone out dressed. I believe my sons know but haven't said anything.

I know it is up to me to get the strength to come out. I have been a chicken all my life. I guess time will tell.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Kymmie,  I have a similar past.  I was afraid (chicken according to my counselor) to tell anyone about my desires or needs.  I found a counselor that I could relate to and found it easy to talk to him.  When I broke my barriers and told him about my secrets, it was such a burden lifted off me.  It was like the dam broke and all the pressure was gone.  My wife noticed that I was smiling for the first time in years.  She didn't know anything about my issues until I finally told her.  

 

No one can tell you when the time is right for you but the easiest person to tell will be your counselor.  Telling us is a start.  We can encourage, relate and tell you our stories.  There are many good advisors here that can help as well.  My advice, talk, listen and you'll know when to insert this into the session.  Getting this out could help with your depression.  It certainly did for me.

 

Willow

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Speaking with your counselor is the best thing for you to do as it will get it off your mind, into the open and you'll both be able to discuss it.  You will find it to be a relief to let go the secret.  Best wishes.

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

 Well the session came and went. No I did not bring it up. She was running late and she had some eye problems. Going in for a  double cornea  transplant in a couple weeks. I see her again in 2 months. I will work on getting up the nerve.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Sounds like a plan!  In the meantime I suggest making some notes and refining them to coalesce your thoughts.  You want to get out the important parts to ensure she understands your needs.  I promise you will feel 100% better after speaking to her about this. 

 

Jani  

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...
  • Forum Moderator

Well tomorrow is time for another appointment with my councilor. And again I am scared to come out. I realize it is irrational to be but here I am. Maybe if she asks what I have been doing lately. I may answer, Writing, I have been writing stories it started years ago in my teens. mostly one main story in a couple different forms. but lately I have changed to writing transgender stories. If I bring that up it might break the ice so to speak.

Right now I am almost in tears just thinking about it. My mind is going crazy with the thought.

I have a hard time talking about problems always have. probably always will. 

One way I may able to bring it up is written. I have done this years ago with my wife. Maybe at lunch today or tomorrow before the appointment I will put pencil to paper and see what happens. However, whither or not I give it to her is the next problem and when. at the start or end or,or,or,or......... 

Well now off to 9 hours at work. trying to not think about it is going to be the hard part.

Thanks for all the support, it seems like I can use all I can get now.

 

Kymmie.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

These thoughts came to mind while I getting changed for work. I may just dress in more feminine cloths I have. Being I am probably ride the motorcycle to the appointment. I thought of wearing a pair of lower rise jeans and a ladies baseball style shirt, (3/4 sleeve) maybe a bra under. I always wear panties so that is a given. Maybe sit like a lady, legs crossed at the knee and hands folded on my leg. Who knows.

 

I need to shut off my brain it is going into over drive.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Kimmie, just be yourself. I know how hard it is to begin a conversation like this, but believe me, saying the words out loud to someone other than yourself is so wonderful! It's like breaking out of the prison and being free to express the woman that you are inside.

I too found it hard to admit that I needed to open up to a professional, but it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

Good luck with the therapist tomorrow.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

If it is easier to write the message than speaking about it, then do it that way.  Wearing feminine clothing is certainly a good idea.  I believe you will find the whole process easier and stress relieving than you can imagine.  Brandi is correct, its like breaking free.  You can finally speak to someone. 

 

Best luck, 

Jani

Link to comment

The value of counseling is diminished if you paint an incomplete or inaccurate picture of yourself.  Make the most of this opportunity for professional guidance and assistance by sharing this essential truth about yourself.  I have a feeling that you will feel a great sense of relief when you unburden yourself.  

 

All the best to you tomorrow.

 

Katy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well I did it. It feels great. Come to find out my counselor was on the planning board for the pride fest in SAN FRAN for several years. Her 15 year old daughter is Bi. While she isn't a specialist in trans. I did meet one of the Dr's who is. I will be making an appointment with her shortly.

It felt so open, and relieving.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Well done, Kymmie!  I am glad that you summoned up the requisite courage and shared this essential part of who you are with your counselor.  I'm also pleased that everything went as well as it did.   One might make a very strong case for the argument that it couldn't have gone better.

 

All the best to you,

 

Kati

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Wonderful!  Doesn't it feel good to get it out in the open?  No more hiding. 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Jani and Kati,  Yes, it does feel better. Even today I am feeling good about coming out. Unfortunately now for the scariest one of all. telling my wife. I am hoping to at least have a couple of sessions with the new Dr. To get comfortable in coming out. 

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

Link to comment

You are right, the next hurdle is much higher and has the potential for far greater disruption in your life.  Your decision to delay scaling that emotional mountain until after you have had a couple sessions with your new doctor seems sensible.  Perhaps your doctor will be to offer some guidance in how to broach the subject.

 

All the best,

 

Kati 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

During our brief meting Thursday. She did say that once she got to know me she could give me some guidance. 

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 272 Guests (See full list)

    • The Lake
    • Susie
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,092
    • Most Online
      8,356

    The Lake
    Newest Member
    The Lake
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Britton
      Britton
      (53 years old)
    2. chipped_teeth
      chipped_teeth
    3. james-m
      james-m
    4. jenny75
      jenny75
      (34 years old)
    5. KASS13
      KASS13
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://tennesseelookout.com/2024/05/14/judge-refuses-to-dismiss-all-claims-by-transgender-child-against-state-williamson-county-schools/     Kind of a win some - lose some decision.  I suppose that's better than "lose all."    Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/18-states-sue-biden-administration-transgender-worker-protections-rcna152239     When the R's are in power they love having the EEOC promulgate rules favoring employers.  But when the D's are in power, they just hate it when the EEOC makes or enforces rules that favor employee rights; most especially trans employee rights.  Then it becomes "government overreach."  Funny how that works out.    Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      Wholeheartedly agree.  Whether a compliment is backhand or forehand, I take it gladly.  They are offered rarely enough these days.    Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Wow, a shop that actually respects a customer's truck?  That seems like a miracle!  My husband does most of his own work, because he really, REALLY hates people who mess with an interior, with grease spots or footprints.  His personal truck is old, but super clean.  And since he's the transportation manager for his company, he's pretty picky about people respecting company equipment.  "Take care of it, and it will take care of you" is the motto.  Drivers should be able to go through a DOT Level 1 inspection without worry. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Literally the word means "hatred of women" and so I don't think that's quite the right description for what you encountered.  Possibly chauvinism?  Or maybe just not wanting to bother somebody he figured wasn't interested or capable of doing the job?  Who knows.   But on the other hand...be glad you're passing
    • VickySGV
      Finally found a site that gives the definition of defemination as a process of loss of feminine characteristics or continued loss of them.  Not a word I would use every day, although I can see where it would be a problem for some who value those feminine characteristics.  Yes I have seen it happen and now get the idea, and yes, not in so many words, but yes I have been up against others who do put down my femininity as being a pseudo female at the most polite and I cannot use the words hear for what it is at the worst.   Online, there is little to do about it except leave and block the people who do it and the places it happens, since it affects you much more heavily and negatively than it does the person doing it, and you need freedom from the stress.  The rules here which our "powers that be", namely the staff say we do not put up with members denying the authentic identity of other members. 
    • VickySGV
      I still maintain my "male" skills and almost have to laugh when that sort of thing happens to me with Cis males, and it does happen.  On the other side there, I have activities with the Trans community  here where I live including Trans Men who love to show off their new lives.  I have had a couple come over to my house and I have done some shop teaching that is always fun.  When they offer to help me by doing "male stuff" in a group, I do not take it as misogyny .
    • Thea
      This guy asked me to help with his tire.  So when I turned around and he saw that I'm a woman he's like,  oh nevermind
    • Betty K
      I think that’s an important point. In my case, I’ve found transitioning to be such a relief and a joy that I have no difficulty focussing on the positives. Maybe in your case you could make a practice of noting when you are gendered correctly? Do you keep a journal? I find doing so is major help.   After saying I rarely get misgendered, it actually happened to me yesterday in a local store. After recovering from my shock (the salesman called me “brother”, which to me is about as bad as it gets) I wrote my first complaint letter to a business w/r/t misgendering. That felt good. I also reflected that, to a degree, for those of us who don’t pass, I think gendering is correctly can take a conscious effort. Some Folks seem to automatically see me as feminine, others have to work at it. So if you’re often surrounded by people who have no desire to work at it, that may exacerbate your problem.      
    • Betty K
      I don’t know why anyone would go to the effort of advocating for trans folks only to charge people to read their articles. It seems so counterproductive, and I seriously doubt they’re making more than pocket money out of it. 
    • KathyLauren
      Oh, how I wish we were over-reacting!  But I don't think we are.  The danger is under-reacting. 
    • Ivy
      I understand your feelings. I have the same fears.  NC has made a swing to the right as well, and I'm not optimistic.  I want to tell myself I'm over reacting.  But seeing what these people are  saying, and doing when they do get into power can't be dismissed.  It's proof of what they will do if they take over the federal government. I'm getting kinda old now anyway.  It took me over 60 years to get here, and I'm not going back.  I suppose they can revert my gender markers, but I will still be legally Ivy.  And I have every intention of dying as Ivy Anna.  If I can't find my hormones somehow, I'll do without.  The physical changes I do have are permanent.   Trans people have always existed.
    • Willow
      @KymmieL I think we all have had to deal with a person who would not apologize when they were wrong no matter what.  In my case it was my MIL. Actually called me a lier I front of my wife.  Even when she realized she was wrong she wouldn’t admit it to my wife, nor would she apologize to my wife for any of the things she later admitted she had done that affected my wife.  I had a boss that accused me of saying things I did not say in a manner I did not use.  Even another employee told him that I had not said the things nor used the words but he still refused to back down.     Unfortunately, all too many people in this world believe they are always right no matter what.  Some are very famous.  lol   Willow    
    • KatieSC
      I wish I could cope as well as others. I feel very defeated in that all of the consideration, and then treatment to transition, could all be wiped out by this time next year with the united effort by the R party to eradicate all that is transgender. I fear that the national election could turn out to our detriment, and we will face a national push to eradicate us. Tracking us down will not be that hard to do. Once they know who we are, forcing the legislation to reverse our name changes, gender marker changes, and other records, will not be that hard. We saw an example when the AG in Texas was data mining the driver licenses for those who had gender marker changes. Who will we appeal to? The Supreme R Court? We would have an easier time trying to convince a Russian court.    We need to get out and vote in November. There is not enough Ben & Jerry's to improve my outlook on all of this. In some ways it is a cruel thing in a way. In the early 1930s, Germany was working hard to hunt down the LGBTQ population and eradicate it. Now Germany has better protections there than we have in many of our own states. About 90 years ago, Germany was seeing the rise of their very own dictator...Now the US is on the verge...Oh never mind. What a difference 90 years makes...    History may repeat itself, but sometimes it shifts the focus a little...
    • Nonexistent
      I have the same problem as you, my face is the main reason why I get misgendered I'm pretty sure. I think it's mostly up to genetics how your face will look (T can help, but still genetics will determine how you end up). You can't change your facial structure really, you can get facial masculinization surgery but it's expensive so not an option for most unless you're rich lol.    Experimentally (I haven't done it but want to), you could see if any plastic surgeons around you will give you Kybella in your cheeks. It is an injection that removes fat, and is usually used underneath the chin/on the neck below the jawline, but some may use it off-label on the face. The only potential problem with this is that if your face would naturally thin out at an older age, it could thin out extra and make you look older (though I'm not certain on this). Another option is to get filler in your jaw/chin, which would make your jawline look more square and your face more masculine. I want jaw filler but I'm poor lol, it only lasts one year up to a few years depending on what kind you get, so it would have to be done every so often and can get expensive. I did get chin filler once, only 2 small vials so it didn't make that big of a difference. I would recommend going for the jaw if you can only choose 1, I wish I had done that.   Those are the only options I know of that will bring legitimate noticeable changes.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...