Tardy Introduction

[Guest Flora]

Hey all!

I know there are a lot of different forms of individuality in this playground, so I'm gonna tell the world (or the world that cares) what makes me me.

I am not a girl, but I would love to be from time to time. I am in the main comfortable with my male self, but sometimes I feel like I wish I were female - probably just to experience it; I can't be sure because I'm not, and I'm sure its much better in fantacy than in reality as most things tend to be from what I've noitced.

I am pretty sure I am more sensitive than your average bloke, I have a lower libido than most, I dont think much of alcohol, I often prefer the company of girls to guys because I feel more comfortable around them in a social sense. I still get a touch wierded out by some girl conversations and chick flick movies, but I think thats because I am only ever around other people as my male self. If I was able to express my female self infront of other girls then that may be different.

I don't generally like mixing with groups of blokes, because I find conversation goes way out of my field of interest towards fast cars and football and the like. I can't contribute really, and well I have often been asked if I am 'batting for the other team' so to speak, (which I'm not) but it still makes me a bit self-conscious which may even make it worse. If I didn't worry about it then I'm sure no one else would either.

I do like my loud music, playing bass guitar, working with power tools in the workshop with timber making furniture, home handyman stuff, riding the motorbike etc. But I also like sewing, dancing, experimenting with makeup and girls clothing, shopping, anything thats baby-pink or lavender, fairies and unicorns, classical music, and even listening to Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson. I don't know I just think that song is cute.

I guess it kinda makes me lucky that I have an appreciation for both sides but it does make it hard only feeling like I can express one side in public. I'm not sure that coming out is for me. Maybe some close people will know in time (one already does) but I'll have to see how I feel.

Girls are beautiful and I would love nothing more than to be able to experience it first hand once in a while.

Thanks for listening and I hope someone on here can relate to some of this.

xx Flora

[Guest Eth]

Hi there! Welcome to the playground. ^^

[Guest Ashlee]

Hello Flora,

Relate? I think you may be the twin I feel I had at birth and was separated from...

Yes, I can really relate to just about everything you said.

I am not a girl, but I would love to be from time to time. I am in the main comfortable with my male self, but sometimes I feel like I wish I were female - probably just to experience it; I can't be sure because I'm not, and I'm sure its much better in fantacy than in reality as most things tend to be from what I've noitced.

I feel exactly the same way. It feels really good knowing that there is someone else out there that feels this way.

I am pretty sure I am more sensitive than your average bloke, I have a lower libido than most, I dont think much of alcohol, I often prefer the company of girls to guys because I feel more comfortable around them in a social sense. I still get a touch wierded out by some girl conversations and chick flick movies, but I think thats because I am only ever around other people as my male self. If I was able to express my female self infront of other girls then that may be different.

I know I'm more sensitive than other guys. Just about any movie with any kind of feeling can bring my eyes to watering. I don't drink, and I love to talk amongst the girls. However, I can hold my own with the guys too.

I do like my loud music, playing bass guitar, working with power tools in the workshop with timber making furniture, home handyman stuff, riding the motorbike etc. But I also like sewing, dancing, experimenting with makeup and girls clothing, shopping, anything thats baby-pink or lavender, fairies and unicorns, classical music, and even listening to Pieces of Me by Ashlee Simpson. I don't know I just think that song is cute.

Not too loud for me, but I love my music. I love to build with wood too. AND I LOVE to dance! LOVE to shop! And with a name like Ashlee Simpson, how could I not like her???

Girls are beautiful and I would love nothing more than to be able to experience it first hand once in a while.

It would be tooo cool to be able to just flip a switch sometimes and be able to go from male to female and back again when you needed to. For now, I do my best to experience it through crossdressing and going out shopping dressed up.

Flora, you and I have alot in common. I feel like I really know you! Please feel free to PM me and add me as your friend.

And, welcome to the playground!

{HUGS}

Ashlee

[Carolyn Marie]

Flora, WELCOME to Laura's! Its a great place to meet friends and share experiences. Sally or Lizzy will be around any time now to offer you a plate of cookies and some nice hot cocoa, so stay tuned.

You'll find many many people here with the same feelings and desires that you have, myself included. I've been told by lots of people that I'm more sensitive than most men. I have a feeling its true of the majority of crossdressers. Any time you feel the need to talk, you can PM me too. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Frank67]

Hi Flora,

welcome to this amazing site.

Look around, put off your shoes and make yourself comfortable. I am not such a cook like Sally or Lizzy, but my lasagna is not bad, so let me offer you a piece. What do you like to drink? Tea, hot cocoa, coca cola or a good German beer, just say a word and I will bring it in time.

I am male, but in the past I was asked by my best female friend if I ever thought about being a woman and I said yes . I just want to know how this is. I don't want to be one forever, but I think this would be a interesting experience for a week or so.

Frank

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Flora....

Well, Hon....I've got the Treat cart and you are welcome to some nice hot coco and any of Sally's wonderful cookies!

Thanks for finally introducing yourself to us so we can get to know you better!

It's so nice to know who you are and where you fit in in this spectrum of genders!

I myself am MTF and and I've been a woman my whole life...it's just that for the most part I only wore it on the inside ...and that is changing now as I'm om HRT....

I also do woodworking and I love motorcycles...

Shopping is wonderful as is trying on clothes and cooking and I can sew....

I cry at sad movies ...and , Heck, I even cried at Wall.E ..the little robot...

I always tell people to not let your likes and dislikes define your gender...

And I'd like to have that switch, too......

It would be tooo cool to be able to just flip a switch sometimes and be able to go from male to female and back again when you needed to.

Thing is, once I flipped the switch to "woman" I'd break it!....lol

No going back and forth for me!

Oh...and I'd share it with Lizzy and Sally....

XXOO

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Hey!

At long last an introduction, I see that Dee Jay got you the hot cocoa and cookies, so you are all set.

I don't really see any conection between what you like to do and gender - I had Physics from one of the early female drag racers and Latin from a man who designed and manufactured jewelry for hobbies.

To each his/her/its/dinosauer (That is borrowed from a wonderful young friend of, Deeedoo) own!

Do what you like and be who you have to be and life is wonderful - I'm thinking of writting a new verse for "My Way".

Then when you sing, "I did it all", you can really mean "I DID IT ALL!"

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Flora]

Thanks so much everyone for such warm acceptance. Thanks particularly to you Ashlee for your post, I will make sure I keep an eye out for yours in the future <3

I thought my first post was getting on the long side so I thought I'd allow responses before giving a little more history, once again to see if anyone else may relate to it.

I remember reading somwhere on these forums that people like us are this way inclined from birth, without any real control over their feelings, perceptions or preferences, and it really started to ring true for me so I thought I'd share some of my earlier memories that I am starting to recall now, which sorta helps me to put the jigsaw together once and for all.

--

I remember when we lived in our first house, my mum had a friend down the street who we used to visit every week or so. She had kids too but were grown up (I was 3 or 4 so grown up could even mean 7 or 8 lol, but I cant remember) but even then I remember loving nothing more than going out into the backyard to their cubbyhouse in the back corner of their yard. Just behind the door was a large chest full of old clothes that they had obviously discarded for one reason or another.

I used to get excited just rummaging through and picking out any item of female clothing I could find and trying them on one after another. I had no reason for doing it at the time, other than it was an extremely pleasurable activity. I don't know if I was ever caught or suspected because I was too young, but I guess at that age no one would have thought much of it. I guess it goes to show that some things never change!

--

Another memory was from when I was in primary school, grade 3 to be exact. It was the first year I started to notice girls in my class, and decided that I liked them. Of course I was too young for any adult feelings, but I always remember wishing I was friends with them (but was always too shy to approach any of them). I wanted to be friends so I could play at her house and try on her clothes. In particular - her school uniform - seeing as they were the only items of girls clothes I had really been exposed to at that time lol. I didn't even think of it as strange. I just really liked all the combinations of skirts and dresses the girls were allowed to wear and I was a touch annoyed that I was stuck with pants and tshirt.

--

I'm not sure how or why but towards the end of primary school until after the end of high school, my desire to wear girls clothes seemed to fall to the back of my mind. It never went away but I never had a need for it until a couple of years ago. I've been out of high school for 6 years now and I only started my collection of womenware about a year and a half ago. I am not sure why it took a holiday for the most uncomfortable years of my life, but I'm pretty glad it did. Considering the area where I grew up, had I been caught wearing a skirt and knickers then, I would have been crucified for sure. I can completely understand why teens facing this issue front on can have so much trouble with it.

I hope some of this rings true also. I don't expect stories to be the same but I hope anyone with similar (or even very different) early memories post here so I can get a better feel for how others were introduced to themselves and how young they were when they knew.

xx Flora

PS thanks mods for cocoa and cookies <3

[Guest Elizabeth K]

HEY - you snuck in! Well - I was out of town much of yesterday - Mother's Day - how ironic is that! My kids sent me cards!

And like Dee Jay and Sally - Me? I am TG, and MTF. I read your story and see a lot of me in that, not that you are a transgender candidate, only a therapist trained in gender dysphoria can tell.. But I crossdressed for 50 plus years. I was always thinking I was a sorta strange type of crossdresser though, as I never wanted to take off the clothes, and also ... hummmm... I dressed starting age 8! It was never an erotic thing for me until much later. I ALWAYS knew I was a girl though, and forced to be in a male body. I was just in denial. So that's different. I almost made it through my life playacting male, but it finally came to the top.... so I am transitioning - and HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!

So there you are. My observation? I use this all the time... a crossdresser dresses to be feminine for a while, a transsexual dresses to be the female she is. This is using the MTF example, there are certainly a bunch of FTM here at Laura's as well.

BUT my favorite statement? You are you, and that is perfectly okay!

Enjoy the diversity and the dual nature of this site - we are here if you have any questions or comments.

OH OH OH forgot (DeeJay does that!): WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

Another memory was from when I was in primary school, grade 3 to be exact. It was the first year I started to notice girls in my class, and decided that I liked them. Of course I was too young for any adult feelings, but I always remember wishing I was friends with them (but was always too shy to approach any of them). I wanted to be friends so I could play at her house and try on her clothes. In particular - her school uniform - seeing as they were the only items of girls clothes I had really been exposed to at that time lol. I didn't even think of it as strange. I just really liked all the combinations of skirts and dresses the girls were allowed to wear and I was a touch annoyed that I was stuck with pants and tshirt.

I'm not sure how or why but towards the end of primary school until after the end of high school, my desire to wear girls clothes seemed to fall to the back of my mind. It never went away but I never had a need for it until a couple of years ago. I've been out of high school for 6 years now and I only started my collection of womenware about a year and a half ago. I am not sure why it took a holiday for the most uncomfortable years of my life, but I'm pretty glad it did. Considering the area where I grew up, had I been caught wearing a skirt and knickers then, I would have been crucified for sure. I can completely understand why teens facing this issue front on can have so much trouble with it.

xx Flora

Dear Flora: my experience was very similar, except that my interest in cross dressing continued through my teens. I recall as early as age 7 or 8 thinking I wanted to be a girl, and imagining what it would be like to wear girls clothes. I snuck into my mother's closet many times during my teens, until she became suspicious and actually tested me by laying out a girls outfit on my bed. Although I wanted to more than anything in the world, I ultimately chickened out and didn't put them on for her to see.

I stopped dressing after that until I lived alone during my late 20's. I really wasn't sure then whether I was just a cross dresser or transgendered. In college I sought out books on the subject in the library, but in the early 70's there wasn't a lot written about gender dysphoria, and of course there wasn't an Internet and wonderful forums like Laura's to share expereinces. So, like many of my sisters on this site, was effectively all alone in my confusion and despair.

Over the years I came to realize that I was comfortable in my male skin and wasn't transgender, but that I still had a feminine side that longed to express herself through dressing as a woman. I put it on the back burner through 19 years of marriage, but my Carolyn-self has come knocking again, and won't be denied this time.

It's not an easy life, but one thing is certain, you can never deny who you are. You can try locking away your female side for a while, but you will never be free of her. The best thing to do is figure out how to live in harmony with your feminine self.

Anyway, welcome to this place. You will feel welcome here to express yourself and seek out the answers you need. You're welcome to PM me any time you need to talk.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Ashlee]

Flora,

Again, you and I are very similar.

I started dressing up at a very young age, around 5 years old. I did it then because it was a fun thing to do with my siblings and didn't really think much of what it meant, we were just having fun as kids. It continued all through my teenage years and after going away to college, pretty much stopped for a couple years. Then, it came back little by little and after a few years, I was dressing up in some way almost every day. I tried to quit several times, I think the most was a couple years, but it is such a part of me now that I just embrace it as something that I can enjoy.

I'm me and thats OK! (just like Lizzy says!)

Ashlee

[Guest Flora]

I actually got busted at Kindergarten dressing up when we had free time to do what we chose, the kinder teachers would take it in turns looking after the group while the others had coffee and probably a cigarette. I remember one instance specifically where I had snuck away from everyone else and moved over to the dress-up box and (in similar fashion to the cubby house), began rummaging through and trying things on.

Only thing was, once when I looked around to see if anyone was watching i noticed one of the other kinder teachers from the kitchen, as if she was leaning back on her chair with just her head peering around the corner from a distance with a smile on her face. I was embarassed and stopped immediately. I dont know if anything came of it, I can't remember but i dont think i was quizzed on it.

I did it then because it was a fun thing to do with my siblings and didn't really think much of what it meant

I never did it with my brothers. No way lol. You were pretty lucky if you did lol. I have two brothers, but if I had a sister, I'm sure I would have done it a lot more than I did. I wish I did have a sister cuz I reckon I would have loved playing with dolls, trying on clothes, and everything else girls do. Not sure she would have let me do it much past primary school tho lol - not unless we were really close. I couldn't really fit into mums clothes until I was in high school, and I probably only did it once or twice through out my entire time at high school anyway.

Flora

[Guest Ashlee]

I never did it with my brothers. No way lol. You were pretty lucky if you did lol. I have two brothers, but if I had a sister, I'm sure I would have done it a lot more than I did. I wish I did have a sister cuz I reckon I would have loved playing with dolls, trying on clothes, and everything else girls do. Not sure she would have let me do it much past primary school tho lol - not unless we were really close. I couldn't really fit into mums clothes until I was in high school, and I probably only did it once or twice through out my entire time at high school anyway.

Flora

I can only remember a few times that we did that together. But, it did introduce me to dressing up and kind of made it seem OK to do. I have an older brother and an older sister, and she was pretty much the same size as me, so I had lots of clothes to dress up in. Plus, there were all the toys that she had that were fun to play with.I don't know if my brother continued to dress up after he left home. I guess that topic has never come up since then...

Busted in kindergarden, thats cute! She probably didn't even think anything of it. You probably could have spent the whole time dressed up as a princess and they wouldn't have cared a bit.

I think Carolyn Marie said it very good here:

It's not an easy life, but one thing is certain, you can never deny who you are. You can try locking away your female side for a while, but you will never be free of her. The best thing to do is figure out how to live in harmony with your feminine self.

Take care,

Ashlee

[Guest Meredith_Baxter]

Hello Flora, and welcome...you put it so well...indeed, this world really does care!! Welcome, welcome, welcome!! You're going to love it on our playground...compassion, understanding, support, friendship and even some good humor...it's all right here, anything you need...I look forward to having you with us.

Love,

Meredith

[Guest jaymie]

Welcome. Your story sounds a lot like mine....i would love nothing more than to flick a switch and be female, if nothing more than just so i could experience it (fairly certain that i would never switch back, but who knows). I too have always felt more comfortable hanging out with girls and have loved everything feminine from a young age (dolls and tea sets when young, to cross dressing through my teens). At around 4 or 5 years old, i didn't know all the differences between boys and girls, although i was aware that "down there" looked different, at first i just assumed that they had their's "tucked" so i did that, figuring it would be the thing that made me female . I just knew that i wanted to be like the girls i knew and wished i could wear dresses and have cute hair etc.. I really didn't and still don't entirely dislike being male, i just really would LOVE to be female..at least to experience it. Anyways, it's always nice to know someone out there feels the same way...take care and hope to *see* you around here.

*hugs*

Jaymie

[Guest bronx]

Hello Flora and wlcome to the playground