Operation: Tell my parents my deepest darkest secret.

[Abigail3051]

Okay!
So I don't yet know when I'll do it, but I have devised a plan on how to tell my parents that I'm trans:

First, I'll go buy an informational book for them to read (If anyone knows a good one that would be nice)

Second, I've written a letter explaining everything, even the name i've been using on these forms.

Third, My sister already knows, so I'm going to print out the letter and give her the book. and tell her to place it in the middle of the living room table.

Forth, go to work and hope to god they take it well.

and finally, come home after what will likely be both the most stressful and most revealing day of work in my life, and see how my parents took it.
I wanted to go to work before they read it because I have no idea how the'll react right away, I have a feeling my dad might get very angry and I don't want to be there for that, he will likely calm down at least a little while I'm gone.

Please if you have any advice or even just a comment let me know!

 

Formally known as Alex
~Abby

Here's my letter. if you wanted to read it:

 

Dear Mom and Dad.
    As scared as I am to tell you this, I can't bear to keep it a secret any longer. But I don't have the guts to tell you in person so I'm writing this letter. I know I always try to act like I have nothing to hide, but the truth is that I have more to hide than anyone else in this house, and I'm sick of hiding it. I have a secret, a huge secret, a secret so monumentally life changing that it's going to be hard to accept, for everyone. I myself have taken my entire life up until recently to accept it. I know dad will hate me for it, and I know mom will be really sad. But I can't help the way I am. I can't help the way I was born. I try so hard to pretend to be normal. I try so hard to stay positive, to pretend like everything's okay. But the truth it I hate myself. I hate the way I look, the way I act, the way I dress, and I'm sick of it. I don't want to hate myself any more. And to stop hating myself I need to change, and to change I need to tell you my secret. The truth is, I'm not the "Son" you always taught me to be, I'm just another daughter...
    I always I wished I had a brother, and I guess thats so I didn't have to put you through losing your only son. But what I'm sayin is im Transgender, meaning even though I was born a boy, my mind and emotions are that of a girls. I feel more comfortable in girls clothing, and I've always wished I could grow my hair out. I'm sorry. I can't tell you how much I really wish I was born normal. I really don't want to put you through this. But I can't take hating myself any more. Please don't be mad at me, please don't hate me. Because I love you guys and I don't want to lose you. "I'm still me" is the generic thing to say, and it's true, I am still me, you just don't really know exactly who "me" is...
    Ever since I accepted myself for who I am i've been doing almost nothing but research, and talking to other trans people. I started making alternate accounts that have no connection to how I portray myself normally online or in real life. I started using the name "Abigail" online to talk to people, because it was easier to do if they didn't know who I was, and the scary part is, I have grown fond of people calling me "Abby" it makes me happy, even if it's weird. I always said I like my name "Alex" and I do, I have nothing against it and it's even gender neutral, so I never really thought about changing it. but somehow the name "Abigail" a name that is strictly a girls name feels... Nicer.
    If I've done things according to my plan than right now I should be at work, freaking out mentally and praying to god you guys don't hate me right now. There should also be a book of some sort providing you with information about transgender people. Please, instead of making yourselfs angry at me, I beg you to read it.

Genuinely sorry for my existence, your secret Daughter,

~Alex
 

[MarcieMarie12]

Good luck! Family is very difficult and it can be hard to figure out how they will react.

[Abigail3051]

7 hours ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

Good luck! Family is very difficult and it can be hard to figure out how they will react.

Thank, you I need the luck ?

[Jani]

10 hours ago, Abigail3051 said:

I know dad will hate me for it, and I know mom will be really sad.

How about saying, "I hope Dad won't hate me and Mom won't be really sad."   Don't assume what their feelings are or will be.  

 

Jenny Boylan's book "She's not there" is a good primer on a life that seemed to be well lived, but in reality needed to change. There are other more clinical books that talk nuts and bolts but I'm not sure this is called for at this point. 

 

Jani

[Abigail3051]

10 hours ago, Jani said:

How about saying, "I hope Dad won't hate me and Mom won't be really sad."   Don't assume what their feelings are or will be.  

 

Jenny Boylan's book "She's not there" is a good primer on a life that seemed to be well lived, but in reality needed to change. There are other more clinical books that talk nuts and bolts but I'm not sure this is called for at this point. 

 

Jani

Thank you, this was very helpful

[Avra]

Wow, you are so brave! ?

[Timber Wolf]

Hi abigail,

I want to 2nd what Jani said. You never really know how family will react. My religious sister who I was so afraid would reject me has been incredibly supportive from the start.

 

I wish you the best.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?