Asexual as a man

[Jennifer75]

My friend wrote me back after I gave her some clues about my dilemma, I wrote about this in my Coming out thread. She diagnosed me as asexual. It is of course true regarding my male mode. My sexual desires lies in being a woman. 

The truth about asexuality is confirmed through the years as I have never been able to do the thing fully as a man. 

I’m more inclined to feel with my whole body gently. 

Therefore I hope that transitioning will gain me my stolen sexuality back. 

 

As as a question for more confirmation to you:

 

Am I really transgender? This is as you know a long journey. I am willing. 

As a man I cannot enjoy making love. I feel that being a woman would remedy this.

 

help me confirm.

[VickySGV]

Asexuality, like being any part of LGBTQIA is probably an inborn phenomena so in a way, your sex life was not stolen, it just was never there. That is perfectly OK, so freeing yourself from that resentment will help you at least feel better.  Your friend is not a therapist I take it so asexuality is not really a diagnosis just a hunch from someone with a little more experience.

 

Our sexuality rarely changes in transition but sometimes it does free our minds to accept that we were gay or lesbian all along, or even asexual.  As to your being Transgender, this an issue only you, with the help of your therapist can decide.  If you are simply gay you can free yourself up and accept it and decide that transition is not the way to go. You can then enter into those romantic relations feeling whole.  

[Jennifer75]

Just now, VickySGV said:

Asexuality, like being any part of LGBTQIA is probably an inborn phenomena so in a way, your sex life was not stolen, it just was never there. That is perfectly OK, so freeing yourself from that resentment will help you at least feel better.  Your friend is not a therapist I take it so asexuality is not really a diagnosis just a hunch from someone with a little more experience.

 

Our sexuality rarely changes in transition but sometimes it does free our minds to accept that we were gay or lesbian all along, or even asexual.  As to your being Transgender, this an issue only you, with the help of your therapist can decide.  If you are simply gay you can free yourself up and accept it and decide that transition is not the way to go. You can then enter into those romantic relations feeling whole.  

Thanks for response. As male I’m not gay, I don’t like men. But as transgender woman I’m probably gay. I like women. But I think I would like to experience it as a woman. My sensations goes towards female anatomy. The man thing doesn’t feel right to me. 

I think that if I stay male I will never experience it. My best bet is as a woman. 

Im going to start therapy in August so it will be clearer then. But until then this forum is my greatest help.

[VickySGV]

11 minutes ago, Anna75 said:

My best bet is as a woman. 

I'm going to start therapy in August so it will be clearer then.

 

I am post op with vaginoplasty and my experience and that of the other "posties" in my social groups is that even going as far as we have does not give us a better chance at sex lives if that is the ONLY reason to transition and have surgery.  Transition covers so much more than sex that it will overwhelm you if sex is all you focus on.  The majority of "regretters" that we know of did it with only "sex" in mind and when it did not do what they thought it would that way they were in even worse shape than before.  In therapy, work on the WHOLE you not just the one part of you, that is all I am advising.  You need to get from "as a man" to "as a ME" whatever gender that is.

[Michelle F]

10 minutes ago, Anna75 said:

...As male I’m not gay, I don’t like men. But as transgender woman I’m probably gay. I like women. But I think I would like to experience it as a woman. My sensations goes towards female anatomy. The man thing doesn’t feel right to me. 

I think that if I stay male I will never experience it. My best bet is as a woman. 

Im going to start therapy in August so it will be clearer then. But until then this forum is my greatest help

Hi... This response is "precisely" how I feel. I am not gay! Ever since I was a teen hanging out in "The Haight" and in the Golden Gate Park in late 60s I had always considered myself a lesbian! Until that ungodly wart is removed I am "stuck in the middle AGAIN!!!"

 

I always hung with the girls. I could not bring myself to hang with the boys. I always felt threatened around boys!

 

I don't know if this helps you. I can tell you this, however. Since transitioning I am finally feeling Comfortable In My Skin. Except the wart! I hate it! I don't hate anything ...except THAT!

[Jennifer75]

Well it is more to me than just sex, but I hope for that parts as well  

 

thanks all all for your replies!

 

hugs

Anna

[Jani]

When we transition it is the whole body and mind.  A holistic approach as it were.  Focusing on one aspect is planning for an unsuccessful and unhappy transition.   As Vicky notes, generally speaking our sexuality does not change although sometime we have hidden or buried it so deep so not to be seen.  Once we are open and honest we see our true selves in totality.  

 

Jani

[Jennifer75]

1 hour ago, Jani said:

When we transition it is the whole body and mind.  A holistic approach as it were.  Focusing on one aspect is planning for an unsuccessful and unhappy transition.   As Vicky notes, generally speaking our sexuality does not change although sometime we have hidden or buried it so deep so not to be seen.  Once we are open and honest we see our true selves in totality.  

 

Jani

Wow! I look forward to the journey. Even if it is a hard one. 

The wholeness of it all is my ultimate focus.

Thanks Jani for your wonderful words about the journey!

[Jani]

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