Talking to Young Children

[Marbabar]

I'm starting a new job in a few weeks, and I'm a little apprehensive.  Not about the job itself -- it's a field I've been in for a while. But it will be my first new position since starting my transition. I am a preschool teacher, see, and these kids (as I know well from both training and long experience) are really sensitive to gender roles and cues. I anticipate many or most of my new kids will be confused about why their new teacher looks and sounds like a man but acts and dresses like a woman and is called "Mrs."  Unlike adults and older kids, my little ones can't ignore what their eyes are telling them for the sake of politeness or professionalism, and developmentally it wouldn't be appropriate for me to ask them to treat me in a different way than they perceive me.  I started my journey while still at my last school, and the kids there adjusted along with me as I took baby steps down this path, but they never did get to a place where they were able to see me as a woman. It would be silly of me to ever be offended by a 4 year old, but at the same time, I don't look forward to the subject of my gender identity being a constant presence in the classroom, one that I'll have to address with them over and over and over, and consequently could remain a constant thing among the parents and school staff. I know, coming out at work is hard for many people, as every workplace and circumstance has its unique challenges. This is mine. I'll be professional and up-front, and spend the rest of the summer trying to get myself to as close to "passing" as possible, and hope that I can figure it out as I go along.

[ChickenLittle]

I used to teach preschool and I can see why you're worried; kids are definitely not afraid to speak their minds! I do think though that they're generally fairly quick to accept things. I used to have kids ask me "are you a boy or a girl?" and once I answered the question it never came up again. I do think that it's developmentally appropriate to gently correct them if they try to use the wrong name for you or call you "Mr" instead of "Mrs" but that's also a deeply personal choice and probably affected by the area you live in. Wishing you luck! Keep us updated on how things go. 

[Marbabar]

You’re right about that: they ARE old enough to be expected to be kind and to learn rules of behavior. That’s a good point. We focus a lot on teaching emotional literacy, building empathy, accepting diversity, stuff like that. Thanks for helping me remember that it might not be nearly as big a deal as I think!

[Jani]

Yes, kids can be brutal in their honestly.  I think the approach of being clear with them is best.  Typically a simple answer is what they are looking for.  As adults we feel the need to explain in depth.  I imagine your first few days in the classroom may be frustrating but hold on as it will subside.   Best of luck and thank you for being a teacher!
 

Jani

[Kirsten]

I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the lil ones. I have a 3-1/2 year old son who sees me half and half now a lot. He actually told me the other day “you’re kind of like a mommy and kind of like a daddy too” Literally melted my heart! I’ve also had dealings with my older sons friends in the neighborhood. (Ages 7-14). They have all asked me a couple things, but only the day they saw me in women’s clothes first. And after those simple questions (mostly do you like girls or boys, and are you gonna cut off your peepee lol) never another mention and not a care in the world. 

Kids are so resilient and open that I’d bet  you’ll have no issues. They will see past all of this and just see their teacher. Now how they feel about their teacher is a whole other animal! But at least their young enough to still like school. Lol 

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[JBfox]

 A month or two ago I still had zero confidence in my ability to pass. One day while hanging out with some friends, laying on a couch with one of the guys, boys baggy PJs, and my hair short and a mess. The 7yr old who was among us walks over to my friend and I to talk. Then she randomly writes the words Man and his hand and Woman on mine.

 So while kinds might come off more honestly in the assumptions of your gender. It might also be a positive experience as much as it could be a negative one. It maybe even a decent way to tell how well along you're progressing? Just a thought anyways. Good luck teaching, and I hope you have more good experiences then not!

 -Vaelyn