Came Out To Overseas Family

[Zedarius]

Hello All

 

My second post today. But anyway. 

So, I am already out as trans to all of my immediate family: both parents and their partners, and brother and step-siblings. As well as close friends.

 

It has been a stuggle to come out to my mothers side of the family, most of them have been travelling a lot, and with a lot of birthdays, etc. all located around the same time, its been tricky to decide when.

 

Also having 2 family members tell me that everyone would hate me, and it would be better to never do anything, or even speak of it again, didn't help.

 

However, I decided it had to be done today. I only have this month where everyone is staying put for a while. And if I didnt do it now, I don't know when I'd have the mental ability to do it again.

 

So, I put it up today. Originally I'd have liked to do it face-to-face, but that's not really possible, and its a bit easier for me to do it through a letter/some kind of text based option; as my anxiety doesn't get in the way of me saying what I need to.

 

So far, I've only put it in the closed family group on FaceBook - and FaceBook was reallly the only option - half don't have email, or something similar, and most don't actively check for text, or phone messages...

 

Much to the disapproval of 2 family members, I put it up in the group - and, so far, has been recieved incredibly well. I've gotten a ton of positive messages and comments, so hopefully...

 

I'm more than prepared to deal with anything negative, and I'm more than aware tjat first impression isn't always the last impression (unfortunately I've dealt with a couple of good responses turning into transphobic messes)...

 

Just to put it up for friends, once I've given family a bit of time to process, and all.

 

But so far, so good...

 

I'll put up some updates, later down the line, when everything is done

[tracy_j]

A step forward . It sounds like you are ready. I hope things work out well for you. You are right in that positive responses can change. In a similar way negative ones can get better too. It takes time for things to sink in with people, and my personal view is that it is better to let things sink in at their own pace. Just be ready with answers when people ask, rather than continually re-iterating things, but keep moving forward. You cannot let everyone rule your life or you will never be happy. Being confident in yourself is most of the battle, and people usually have great respect for confidence.

 

Good luck!

 

Tracy

[Charlize]

It sounds like it is going quite well.  I was fortunate to mostly have the same reaction.  It is true that relationships have changed, some have gotten better while some relatives early speak to me.  For me it was more important for me to find peace with myself than to please a few difficult relatives.

Hope your experience remains positive.  Let us know.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Great news about the responses you've received.  Understand that some folks may mull over your news and waffle in their words of support.  But pay no mind, you're on your way and nothing can stop you. 

Jani

[Zedarius]

So... update.

 

Contrary to what I was expecting to happen - I've had an amazing, and overwhelming amount of support from the family over in NZ that I have told. 

 

Had a few questions, and conversations with a few people, but for the most part everyone has kind of been in the mindset of "just roll with it". ?

 

I've had a few people still using "she/her", but that'll sort itself out eventually.

 

I have a little issue getting the word out to dad's side of the NZ family. As they're almost impossible to get in contact with, short of going over and just showing up. 

 

I'm also working on getting my name legally changed shortly. 

 

I have some issues with dad, and him using the whole teansgender topic to turn araound and say he doesn't believe me, or simply shut down the conversation - but I'm working with my trans-knowledgeable therapist on how to go through it (looking at setting up some family counciling stuff there.

[Zedarius]

Also had the Gender Clinic say they're happy to talk with him too. Its hard getting dad to go out there (its a 2 - 3hr travel there, not including coming back)

[Charlize]

Thanks for the update.  It certainly sounds positive.  Time will hopefully sort out the remaining issues.  In the meantime enjoy yourself.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Zedarius]

Yeah, hopefully everything will sort out.

 

Its just hard with dad - as I literally can't talk with him about anything that's going to be happening, or that I want to happen without his shutting the conversation down, or immediately telling me "they" don't believe me. ?