Don't know what to day

[Amy joey]

I am 36 I won't to come out have been with my wife for going on 5 year's now I have tried to tall her all the time but can't do it I tried to not thank about it but wake up Avery day wishing i could just let her know I fill like i can't get close to her because because I'm living a lie not only to my wife but to me I now what I need to do but don't no how to do it why is it so hard I guess I am scared to lose her at the same time pushing her away by not telling her plz help me 

Thanks

 

[DenimAndLace]

You're in a hard spot Amy Joey.  I'd guess most of us have been where you are and there comes a time when you just can't NOT tell her.

 

If you DON'T tell her:

Your relationship will suffer because of your gender angst (AKA foul demeanor)  AND she WILL sense that you're keeping secrets from her which only builds distrust

 

If you DO tell her:

She MIGHT leave you ... but she MIGHT stay.  If she leaves, it will be really hard for a while but at least you'll be able to live an authentic life as your true self. If she stays, it will also be really hard as she adjusts but your relationship MIGHT actually get better after you get free from the dysphoria and come into yourself.

 

I'm probably biased and YOU have to decide what to do and live with the consequences by the way I see it, the only chance you have of getting a positive outcome (albeit small) is to tell her.  But perhaps rather than spilling the beans all at once, you could "happen" to watch a trans movie or TV show together and see what her reaction is.  Or, you could wear something or do something more feminine than is normal for you to see how she reacts.  Just try some baby step conversations with her and go slow. Best wishes.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Amy joey,

I'm not married, so I'm afraid I really can't offer much quality advice on your situation. But remember we are here for you no matter what happens.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Amy joey]

Thank you for the advice and you let me know you're there if I need you I think I'll try the baby steps I really do need to let her know I know you can't build a a relationship on lies especially one this big it's just hard how do you tell your wife after 5 years by the way I'm a woman I just need to be honest with her and honest with myself this is who I am this is who I've always been I don't know if I'm scared to tell her or if I'm scared to admit it to myself I know it's what I want but I'm scared I guess I'm don't want to hurt everybody just to make myself happy I'm sure you all heard it your whole life too but I've Been Told it was just a silly phase I was going through a hard to grow out of it so I just started hiding it from everybody but it gets stronger every day to the point that is all I can think about I guess I'm just ranting on now

 

Once again thank you all for the support and advice sincerely Amy?