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Cross-dressing A Good Place To Start?


Belladonnakarapinskia

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As a young person I need to know sister's and brother's, if you live in-and-amongst backward insensitive and brutish beings should you just lump it and wear girly clothes under your men's wear and apply pretty thing's like make-up to make the dysphoria dissipiate and behave femininely out-and-about from the prying eyes of parents?  Or rebel and be booted from your family house?  Please sister's and brother's give me some guidance, cross-dressing is hard and I don't know how to tuck as a hairy young person, tell me how to tuck and how to mask my arm hair and my leg hair, I appreciate all your responses guy's and gal's

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  • Admin

Such things as tucking are pretty well covered in the older posts here, and there are many techniques listed in the posts that in my experience work equally badly, but still work at all.  This forum is a goldmine for that information but it may take some reading.

 

We will not tell you to take steps that will endanger your life or get you thrown out of your home.  You list as Cross Dresser and not Transgender but getting gender counseling is still a good idea.  NSW is not known as the most hospitable place for gender diverse  people,from the reports I have seen, but there probably are some safe outlets if you look for them.   

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I appreciate your guidance, I am a male-to-female transgender woman, just unsure if I should transition now in such condition's or continue cross-dressing along the side and wait until condition's are more favorable

 

 

Thank you for your response

Belladonna

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I CD'ed for a long time and did think it was as far as I could go, and it helped for a while but did not kill the Dysphoria Devils that did come back to work me over.  You may have to create a "master plan" involving college or a career that takes you into places where you are in control of your life and definitely your finances.  Now that I understand your question better, the answer is that Closet Cross Dressing will help in partnership with future plans, so go for that option for now.  Use the site here to work off some of the energy you are feeling, you will be far from the first person to do that but we will give you the same care as all the others.
 

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With all the pain med, I was on...I don't have much to tuck anymore...I also have "Bigger Breasts"...So now, I have to wear a Bra.

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  • 3 months later...

My advice would be this.  As  a young person, you are setting up the rest of your life.   I would secretly be taking _________ for anti-androgen(if you are sure you are mtf, but not ready for hormones) to give you a subtle feminine influence on your biology.   I would find work and become financially independent ASAP.  I would not worry on missing out on any fun, but work hard to get ahead early.  Maybe start an online business or earn a living that would be compatible with transitioning if you chose to.  Focus on achieving  your goals.  Don't tell your parents your plans, but work hard to  create an income from which you can support yourself.   Move out when you can, but from a place of strength.  

Edited by Carolyn Marie
The poster mentioned a natural plant substance whose safety and efficacy are not proven as a T-blocker. Therefore its mention was deleted in keeping with Rule #14
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Like others have said. Make a plan even if it is your head. On working towards the life you want to live. Work towards that goal. Continue crossdressing to help keep the pink monster at bay. If secrecy is needed. purchase womans underwear that are gender neutral in style and color. That is what I took to work when I was in the service. There just colored underwear. 

 

Don't give up on your dreams it may take time but you will get there.

 

Kymmie

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  • 1 month later...

I am a closet cross dresser. Never knew there was a definition for it.  I have only gone as far as woman’s intimated under my man’s clothes. I do have a nightgown I wear to bed. I had a lot of woman’s clothes including a black dress, lots of bras, panties, and nylons. I had even a short red skirt. I’m struggling with guilt. I threw the clothes away but later bought some more. I now only have the nightgown and intimates. I want to buy more because inside when I wear them I feel alive like I’m me. But I’m embarrassed at stores.  I’ve come out to my mom and a friend. If I became a woman I would want to be Tessa. This name I can’t get out of my head! Why? I am divorced and lonely and live alone. I see my kids only every other weekend. I fantasize about being Tessa all the time!  I was always called the girl growing up and my mom wanted me to be the girl. Even my now ex wife told me I was the girl in our relationship. I have dreams very vivid of me being a beautiful woman. I have gone as far as closet cross dressing and shaving my legs. Today I thought of buying a dress or going out and being Tessa. My mom once told me it’s a demon but she is more forgiving now. She lately has accepted it. Woman’s clothes bring comfort to me. I have started wearing them now all day. I use to only wear them at home and to bed. I hate living like this! 

It’s like 2 people male and female are fighting in my head! Tessa always seems to win these days. I’m a good person but I am so confused. My daughter is also changing. She wants to be a boy. Mom won’t buy her any boy’s clothes so I do. She cut her long hair. I want to help her but how can I If I can’t help myself. I have told my daughter that I sometimes feel like a woman. Was this wrong? I’m here searching for answers? 

 

Tessa. 

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6 minutes ago, Tessa said:

 I hate living like this! 

It’s like 2 people male and female are fighting in my head! Tessa always seems to win these days. I have told my daughter that I sometimes feel like a woman. Was this wrong? I’m here searching for answers? 

 

Tessa. 

 

Hi Tessa, have you considered working with a therapist that specializes in gender issues ? You may very well benefit. No you were not wrong for being honest with your daughter, in fact I would say it took some level of courage to say such things, honesty is usually best. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wear women's clothes, especially if they bring you comfort, it's quite possible your gender identity is leaning toward the feminine, and you are looking for ways to express yourself. Socially transitioning is a big step, one to consider carefully. Transition only if you have to.

 

I wish you peace

 

Cynthia -

 

 

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23 minutes ago, Tessa said:

. I’m struggling with guilt.

Tessa, I remember the guilt as well. The inner turmoil of my emotional side demanding to be set free and my logic side saying "no! I was born male and I have to present that way in order to survive." In fact, the only way for me to survive and be happy was to acknowledge that I am a female and to live my life as such. It's not always easy, but it was not easy before either. The years of hiding were hard but I am finally at peace with myself.

I agree with Cynthia, a good gender therapist would be a good place to get answers to questions that you may have. I know that most of us have been reluctant to admit that we needed professional help, but would readily admit that seeking help was one of the best things that we could have done to find our hidden selves.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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Thank you both for responding to my post. It’s nice to not feel like a freak. I want to be happy and feel what’s inside of me instead of locking it away. Today I bought my first dress! I feel all warm and cozy in it. I don’t think I would wear it out in public though. I feel all alone. My brothers both have families and I’m divorced. I have a bi sexual friend and he understands. I want to have a lover in my life but the way I am I’m afraid no one would want me. I just graduated with my bachelors degree in Educational Studies and I’m so proud of myself! I try to be the best person I can be you know. Could it be I just want to be loved? I can’t love myself as a man so I choose to be a woman? Tessa I see as beautiful and charming and everyone loves her! My male side is only filled with pain and rejection. I was rejected as a child and made fun of and called names. No body wanted me to play with them. My skinny body was made fun of all the time. 

I’m very skinny and no matter what I do I don’t gain weight. I’m healthy though I guess my dad was skinny. My dad died of cancer and he always told me I was the problem child. This is a lot. But this is my story. I almost died at birth and my mom was taking some kind of solution to prevent me from coming but I still came. 

My mom said I had a scowl on my face when I arrived. I’m so sorry. I want to have peace within myself if that’s even possible. I haven’t yet searched out for counseling. 

I pay high child support and have little money. One thing I love is my children! I would die for them. I love to nurture them like a mother more than a father. Is this wrong? I’ve said enough here. I’m enjoying being in this red dress. It gives me comfort I just wish I had someone here with me.

 

Love to all, 

 

Tessa

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Tessa you are certainly not a freak!  You are searching for happiness within and that is good.  It's what we all aspire to.  

 

Congratulations on your graduation!  

 

Jani

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1 hour ago, Tessa said:

Today I bought my first dress! I feel all warm and cozy in it. I’m enjoying being in this red dress.

Tessa

 

Congratulations Tessa on buying your first dress, that sounds wonderful.

 

No it's not wrong to want to nurture your children, I am parent myself, and I've done diapers to college. I think many of our problems start when the messages of gendered expectations fail, leading to heart ache, guilt, and pain. I lived for decades as a man knowing I was different, i won't bore you with all that, but I am much happier now, having shed all that baggage, it's hard, you get all these messages in this world as you shape your view of your place in the world growing up, you are told boys do this, men do this, and then you try and do all those things, but then something seems to happen and at some point you realize this is not working, and it can lead to a severely empty place, devoid of feelings, with no way to express one's self genuinely.  That's one aspect about the male existence in my experience, in that I could never express myself of the feelings I kept inside. I felt no one would understand, I hid them away, because I knew they would only lead to ridicule. I had stashes of my sisters clothes growing up, and dressed in secret for years, I hear similar things in your words. I finally sought professional help (GT), at age 51, it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. Finding healthy outlets for the inner woman sounds like what you need. We are here to help online, there are many things you must do to help yourself.

 

Take care Tessa, and enjoy that new dress

 

C -

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2 hours ago, Tessa said:

I feel all alone.

Hi again Tessa,  you are at a place right now where it feels like you are alone...but I assure this can and will change as you become more comfortable with your new self...whatever you decide that is for you.  With guidance through counseling, local TG groups, accepting friends, family.and new acquaintances, this loneliness will slowly disappear and be replaced with confidence, detrimination and happiness.  TransPulse not only has this great forum to help you meet new friends but our Discord live chat is a wonderful place to meet others like yourself.  Many of us posting here frequent the main chat channels listed on the TransPulse server using the Discord app.    You might try it out when you have a chance.

 

Susan R?

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Thanks all for the kind words. Cyndee you said in your post “healthy outlets” Can you tell me some of these outlets. Right now I wear woman’s clothes at home and to bed. I also express my love for romantics through writing stories. I love to watch romantic films. Just today watched “If I Stay” it made me cry. I think my feminine side loves hard. Maybe that’s why I still dream of my ex wife. And now I have transgenderpulse and all of you. Let me know? 

 

Love to all, 

 

Tessa

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Jani, 

 

Graduation was a big accomplishment but I did it! I start a new job on 1/28 to! It’s a start. I’m moving in the right direction now I feel. I’m beginning to find myself inside and that’s encouraging. Life is to short to waste in unhappiness. 

 

Love to all, 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Tessa said:

Life is to short to waste in unhappiness.

Good for you!!  I hope you love your new position. 

 

Jani

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15 hours ago, Susan R said:

 With guidance through counseling, local TG groups, accepting friends, family.and new acquaintances, this loneliness will slowly disappear and be replaced with confidence, determination and happiness.  ?

 

Agree with above,

 

The healthy outlets you ask about Tessa await in these areas Susan posted above, in other words, you create your own healthy outlets, which does take an effort, it does not happen on it's own. That's how I treated the "expression deprivation" a closeted life created....It's like this woman wants out......

 

Hugs

 

C -

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel your struggle, I can tell you about my experience.

I followed the advice of many of you people here, I focused on my career until I could move to a different city (and country) with a steady income. 

Now that I'm free I've started doing everything I always dreamed about: buying all the clothes I wanted, doing corset training, getting a professional full CD makeover and I'm planning to start going out dressed up very soon!

I was less sure about being TG than you and I even managed/had to stop crossdressing at all for 3 years (but I always fantasized about doing it) but now that I've let myself free I'm shifting towards feeling more TG.

So, my advice is give yourself some satisfactions but mainly focus on being financially independent and your time will come!

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I felt the guilt and threw away all my clothes looking at this from the side of how I was hurt in my past relationship. My ex made me do everything and would never let me be the head of our family. She went back to college and I took over everything a woman would normally do. It’s like we switched roles. I found myself loving my children more. They were young at that time. I don’t know how to cook but I made what I could for them. Then came the no effection for years. I would put on her clothes while she was working. She worked the graveyard shift. I guess that’s when cross dressing started. Now I want to re buy those woman’s clothes again. I just had a dream that I woke up from and in this dream I had 2 faces. My face now and the face of a beautiful woman. Something in the dream told me I was wearing the wrong face. I’ve been ignoring Tessa and letting my male side come out. I thought it was just hurt and abuse so I cut up pics with my ex in them but the feeling of wanting to be loved and held and kissed sometimes come on like a freight train! I keep dreaming of being the other gender. I wake up from these dreams feeling awake and revived. I like when guys tease me a little like a girl. I have even flirted back. This is something strange because I don’t characterize myself as being gay. I’m just so confused at this point if it’s just hurt or do I truly feel I want to be a woman? Thanks again for everyone being so nice on this forum. 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa

 

 

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I told myself that my cross dressing was a symptom of imtimacy. My ex refused me for years before the divorce. So I threw away all my woman’s clothes but now I have the desire to buy more! It’s such a struggle and I waiste my money on these items. I can go for so long and then the desire builds up to want to be a woman and want theses clothes. Is it just because I’m single with no possible lovers on the horizon? Or is it I’m depressed and looking for away to express the inner woman inside? I want to be happy with myself but I can’t seem to find peace. I’m also struggling with my trans daughter who my ex won’t support and buy her/him any clothes. I told him I would when I get tax return. He only has the few I could afford to buy before. I know the struggle she feels. I feel so much at peace when I’m wearing the opposite sex clothes but yet I feel ugly because I have a man’s body. I’m trying to find peace but every time I try I end up confused. I’m 44 and this isn’t how I expected my life to go. Alone, no real money, no lover, a few friends. I’m just really feeling it right now. Maybe it was wrong to throw away those clothes? Inside I want to be loved and I feel only Tessa can be. Just venting safely. 

 

Love 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

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46 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Is it just because I’m single with no possible lovers on the horizon? Or is it I’m depressed and looking for away to express the inner woman inside?

Quite possibly.  Life has ups and downs so don't focus on today as the end all be all.  Things change and so will you.   You need to try and get out to meet others.  Not necessarily with the goal of meeting someone but to interact socially.  This may lead to a more close relationship at some point.  As to depression, yes it happens and we sometimes seem to be the last to see it.  You might speak to your doctor.   I remember years ago telling mine I was aware that wasn't having fun with the things I loved (like my hobbies).  At the time I went on  mild anti-depressant. That combined with my realization (and admitting the issue) turned me around.

 

As to your daughter, just try to be there are much as you can.  Money can't buy happiness but time together is a wonderful substitute!  At some point she will age out and be on her own and will see you have supported her when she was in need.

 

55 minutes ago, Tessa said:

Alone, no real money, no lover, a few friends. I’m just really feeling it right now.

As I have suggested to others, look into "Meet Up".  There are lots of groups that you could join that would provide for conversation, time doing what you love (hiking, touring, walking, etc), and other activities.  I've joined a couple groups and have had a good time interacting with others.    Please look into it.

 

On 2/2/2019 at 2:50 AM, Tessa said:

Thanks again for everyone being so nice on this forum. 

  No, thank you for being here and sharing with us.  It means a lot.  

 

Jani

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  • 1 month later...

I am a tucking noob so forgive my basic question.

 

I have a question on tucking. I can tuck and all is comfortable . . . so far. What I want to know is how long I can stay tucked? I have read some articles that say no longer than 8 hours at a time. Others say as long as you want. Most agree that you should not sleep tucked. Not sure why, but I am not going to argue since I don't know enough. Any thoughts? Can I stay tucked as long as I want?  Go as long as there is no pain?

 

Note - my current method (I have tried everything from the homemade gaff (which works great) to taping with various kinds of tape, except duct tape and I have not even tried the gluing method) is to pull on my gaff and get everything tucked away. Then I use a pair of panties for basic comfort then a pair of control panties (one size smaller than everything else) to keep everything flat and tight. With this combo I can go for hours. 

 

TIA!

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  • Admin

Tucking for MtF's does not carry  the same level of danger that binding does for FtM's.  Some of it will depend on HOW you do it.  Taping is pretty much the worst way to do it since you risk rather painful hair loss from pulling off the tape.  If you are staying fairly dry in the under region you can go all day.  Principal problems are possible yeast or bacterial infections in wet skin areas that stay moist for a long time.  You do have to un-tuck to go urinate, even sitting down, and keeping yourself clean afterwards helps a lot.  On thing about tucking is that after a while you are no longer aroused by it, and it becomes almost too easy.  I got by on "tummy control" spandex underpants for the two years before I was surgically perma-tucked.  (Penile Inversion GCS does just that.)  Today, and even back 8 years ago I did find that tucking was not as necessary as legend had it.  Your choice of clothing can keep it from being an issue at all, as I said above when it no longer arouses you like it does in the beginning.  If you are into fetish wear and want your bottomside catching attention, that does change the game., but with some pretty fuller skirts you really have better things to do with your time, like dance like no one is looking.

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