Thoughts About Children?

[Guest Neuro]

Everyone is sure to have a different opinion. I'm sure some of you want to be mothers and fathers. I'm sure some of you are horrified at the mere thought of children! Maybe you already have some wonderful kids of your own... is it hard? No need to answer anything personal... I have just wondered. People make a big stink about transgender people having kids--but I think it's the heart that counts! Anyone can be a mother or father if they are kind and understanding (unfortunately, there are a lot of parents who are neither out there...)

Personally? I don't like kids much... XD

I like them, from a distance. I guess it's a father kinda thing--I want the best for them, and for them to be happy. But to raise them and such--I'd never be able to handle it! D8 I am far too selfish and... well, not that great at hugging and resisting the urge to buy things for them

As a 'typical' guy, the thought of being pregnant is not a fond one for me... wouldn't want it. But would you, as a male? Female? Something else? Have you been?

It is just something that has been an interesting thought for me. Because there are no wrong answers to it, really. Just wondering if anyone else has these thoughts, or if they have dreams/nightmares about raising kids XD feel free to discuss!

Man, I shoulda posted this on Mothers Day!!! *fail* Late Greeting to all you moms~

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey Neuro,

I think it is very good you posted this concern about raising children. Do not fool yourself about sterotypical male roles about raising children. A father's involvement with child rearing is very important to both male and female children! Having a child and watching the child grow to be a full functioning, caring, and loving human being is so wonderful! I cannot describe to you what a just blessed experience it is to raise a child!!

Love

bernii

[Guest Valentine]

Gahh, I am barely responsible enough to take care of myself. I would be a terrible parent.

On the other hand, the two of my brothers are wonderful fathers and spent as much time as the primary caregiver as their wives.

[Sally]

If I were young enough to raise a child to full adult status, it would be very different, I have always thought that raising a chld was an awesome resposibility, but i would not have shied away from it.

At 57 it is a little late in life to start, but if I find the right partner after my transition adopting, especially a slightly older child and one that needs special attention would be perfect because that is what we would do.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Evan_J]

I was one who never wanted children. Eons ago when I was unaware of the trans aspect as "trans" all I knew was I never wanted to do that physically. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to physically "be pregnant". I'm like Neuro and Valentine too in that as a teen /early adult my thoughts also included A) I'm way to selfish for parenthood of any sort and B ) Heck I could barely take care of myself. In my late 20's (cuz I always knew, way ahead of time that I wasn't gonna be in ANY mood to "settle down" before then) I finally was and picked a girl and she happened to have two kids. I thought a long time before deciding to proceed with that because I knew I "wasn't good" with kids; wasn't patient, wasn't tolerant, wasn't unselfish.

It was hard as all heck in the beginning.

Initially, I "hated" that they would be around sometimes . I wanted her "all to myself" . I didn't want to have to share my time or anything else with anyone under 21.

Then it happened. And everything "meant something" only because of them.

I can't say that I'd feel that ways about "another" set of kids. I've no idea. Certainly I know now that I'm nobody's "mother" lol father, but not the other thing. (Anyway, I had the complete hysto now so "pfftt") And as I get older I dunno that I'd want to. Its still the same "rules" as I originally knew at 12 I still need to be with the mother, either adopted or otherwise. And be their father. Dunno if I would do children again.

[Guest Cody_T]

Having a kid that way, no way. I decided on that pretty much from the first second I realized I was technically capable of it.

I do want to be a dad. I like kids, but I interact with them in a very male way (go to summer camp, watch the counselors, you'll see what I mean), and having that not expected of me makes it awkward. So I'm hoping that if I'm the dad (my husband can play mommy if he really needs one ) then it'll be a lot more fun and natural and I can just come home from work and help him build a treehouse and learn how to shoot stuff and ride his bike (and yeah, it's a him). That'd be cool.

As for how I'm doing it, I'll probably end up paying someone to carry him, since there's no way I'd ever do that... even were I not adverse to it, I'm not taking the time off work. If that fails, I'll adopt... but I'm kind of selfishly attached to my genetic material, and it'd be really awesome to have him be like, really mine, with all my intelligence and stuff. Is it weird that I'm attached to having the kid have my DNA more than I am to having the kid?

I'm way too immature right now for a kid, but luckily I have college and med school before I'd even think about it. And probably residency. Gosh darned, I'm gonna be an old dad.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Neuro,

What can I say...I 'fathered' four beautiful children- I've always wanted children and so did my ex...I wouldn't change a thing...My daughter once asked me "Why did I want children - if I knew I was transsexual?" She wasn't complaining-just curious...and my answer was simple "I've always wanted children and so did your mother!" She was quite happy with my answer...

If one is fortunate to have it - one can't beat the 'unconditional' love between parent and child/children...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

I forgot to add...

At the time of fathering my four children I was still in deep 'denial' of my transsexual nature-but never 'denying' my overwhelming desire to parent children...In a sense I was also secretly hoping that by parenting children my gender dysphoria would dissolve into a 'permenant' gender neutral state-It didn't, but thankfully everything turn out alright in the end...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Eth]

I don't want kids. I've never much cared for future generations, so it'd be pointless for me to try and raise anyone. I don't think I would enjoy parenthood, and I don't think I'd put as much time and effort as is necessary to truly raise a kid like they deserve to be raised.

The way I see it is, I've only got one life, and I should spend it doing what makes me happy. Having kids wouldn't make me happy, so they're just not in my plans.

[EVAN_DESU]

I want kids, but...Ya know.

It seems too annoyingly hard. xD

I mean, I love kids an all, but I don't think I could really raise them.

[Guest leo]

each to there own

i do wont to be a father someday but not yet

i am 18 and im very selfish and have attention problems i have to have 100% attention

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, yes....each to their own....

No kids for me....

My dad was married 5 times and in the course of that I ended up with 24 full, step, half and adopted brothers and sisters. Well, guess what? I was the oldest.

My dad was a country musician and gone with my moms on the weekends and I raised the kids....

Simulac, diapers, Geber baby food, rattles, pacifiers, ....I did it all....and all before I was 18!

I left home the day after graduation from high school...

I've raised my children and my wife and I have none on our own and are perfectly happy that way!

We all have our reasons....that's mine!

Free Donna Jean

[Guest bronx]

I really want to raise a child. I want to adopt because I'm adopted andI know that feeling oh to well. I'm 37 now and I kno wI have alot to offer and so does my wife. So yeah in about two more yrs I should be a dad. COOL

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

I want children, I've known this all my life. More recently, which is to say, as my cousins in their very early twenties have started having children, I've been thinking this is something I will want to wait a while before doing.

[Guest Silver]

I don't really want kids. I mean, i love 'em and all, but none for me. I have a huge extended family anyways, so i got enough kids to worry about, with all those cousins.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Already a father - grown children - best part of my life actually, especially now as they come into their own as adults.

I sometimes think the reason I didn't transition early is because when I was young (caveman days) transitioning meant one thing, a sex-change. No possibility of children. Now there is the possiblity of freezing sperm or eggs.

What I REALLY wanted was to get pregnant and have my children that way. The best I could do is mother my first born, when my wife died in childbirth. I would have breast fed if I could! Oh my...

I had two more children later...

Oh yes - a wonderful thing - not for everyone, but I know know I always had this maternal nstinct - my kids tell me that.

So I was destined to have children.

Next lifetime? not the 25 of Donna Jean's family, but a bunch! Pregnant and barefooted - me!

Wowwwww ...

Lizzy

[Guest Pól_Eire]

I'm 20, so I'm in college and have the self-centredness and complete abhorrence of responsibility that comes along with that. In trying to think around that though, here's what I've thought.

I think the thing that scares me most about children is that I'm worried that if I were to become someone's father, I would end up like my own father. As I get older, I look more and more like him, and I see faults in myself that are things I hate in him. My father isn't a bad man, but he's just one of those people who probably should never have had kids. I would never want to see anyone else go through what I did, and the thought of someone going through that at my hands makes me nauseous. It frightens me more than I can say to think of myself as being just like him.

Like Evan, I knew before I knew that 'trans' existed that I would never be pregnant. The idea of bearing a child is completely out of the question. I could never be someone's mother.

I'm generally good with children, so maybe I'll stick to being an uncle. Four brothers and a sister...my odds are pretty good. That would require some kind of family reconciliation that doesn't look like it's coming in the near future but I can always hope.

Good topic, Mike.

-Pól

[Guest Evan_J]

I think the thing that scares me most about children is that I'm worried that if I were to become someone's father, I would end up like my own father. As I get older, I look more and more like him, and I see faults in myself that are things I hate in him.

(Why do you remind me of me somehow?)

I used to have that thought / fear. My father wasn't a "bad man" -toward me anyhow. It was that the things he chose and the way he wanted to live were things and ways you don't chose if you are going to be someone's parent. Chosing them and leaving that childs existance, and wellbeing make you "not a father".

I got lucky in that my grandfather was a father. A real one. And a good one. He wasn't "perfect" and there are some things he did that I don't, again taking care to avoid as many pitfalls as possible. He gambled. The kind of gambling were its a lifellong part of the individual? The kind where its what that person did to "make the money for the family?" Exactly. And he drank. It ruined his health. But never did he "not have time for me", leave my grandmother hanging for anything, tell me "wrong" as opposed to "right", not fight for what he believed in, or hurt anybody just to hurt them.

My uncle, his son, was also a "great" man in that I could always go to him, he gave his influence as well cuz I "didn't have a father" spending weekends and sometimes weeks at his house and including me "with his kids".

Fathering need not come from peeps "titled" father. Much like "mother", a "father" is anybody who does the things and provides the guidance a dad should. The guy who you don't call on cuz you know he's waiting for you to stand up and do it on your own but deep down know that if you ever needed him to would be there for you. As children grow there are all kinds of times when they will need a father or want a father that is not necessarily the fellow who sired them. When those moments come its the uncles, neighbor, whoever who provide the unmeasurable value of "father".

Four brothers and a sister? You have more than enough opportunity there to be called upon to father. Notice I said "called upon", but I didn't say by who. The reconcilling wtih the siblings is between you and the siblings but it doesn't mean the neice or nephew -depending on whats going on- might not find you.

[Sally]

I would love to have raised children, but unlike late transitioning, there is sort of a too late for becoming a parent - if I were to adopt a baby now it would be about me wanting to be a mother and not about the child.

The child needs parents who are not two generations removed so that they can be there for them as they get older and to be able to do all of the things that children should get to do while they are young.

I am feeling selfish enough about transitioning when no one else wants me to, but I am not going to make life extremely difficult for an innocent child because I want to play at being a mother.

I will use all of my maternal instencts here to help these young people and by that I mean anyone under 75 and feel confident that I am able to help rather than hinder anyone's natural development.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest DaJe]

I've always wanted to eventually have a family and raise children. I'm waaaay too young for that right now though. I'm nowhere near ready being able to do any of that. I don't feel like I'd want to any soon anyway. But yeah, definitely, I'd at some point like to help raise a family. I actaully was thinking about this recently, and for the first time had the thought of how wonderful it must be to raise a child as your own. Just having this being that you have to take care of, who is so innocent and that you have to be the one to teach them things, and that they'll be able to learn an experience all this amazing stuff in the world. It must be a great feeling. Someday though.

[Guest Zoё]

I'd really like to have kids at some point in the future. Though when is definitely flexible since I don't really know when I'd like to settle down and all that. I know it will be a while for me. I want to see the world and experience all sorts of things you don't or can't when you have kids because they are too dangerous. Like my friend Ethan and I are planning a kayaking trip to Alaska for when we're both out of college. I don't really think you could do stuff like that with kids. Someday though when I find someone special and settle down I'll have kids.

~Zoё

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

No children for me, thanks. I'm a career man. Kids mess with my toys, and I'm not a fan of that. Kids also wake up really, really early. Selfish? Yes.

I had the pre-trans thing where pregnancy freaked me out. I was not about that junk. It still disgusts me now more than it should.

[Guest OneOutOfnOne]

I think the thing that scares me most about children is that I'm worried that if I were to become someone's father, I would end up like my own father.

One of the better parts about parenting is the opportunity to correct the mistakes your own parents made.

[Guest Jackson]

I've done a whole-180 as I've grown older. I could never imagine myself having children. Didn't want them. They messed up my career.

Now that I'm older and wiser and settled (way settled) into a career, I really would like to have children. Many people have told me that it's different when the kids are your own. Many people have told me I'd be a great father. I'm hoping that I'll find the right woman.

In the meantime, I'm the proud father of a German Wirehair Pointer, two Foundation Quarter horses with a little one on the way, and four rats. That's a start for now.

[Sally]

Oh my, Jackson,

You do have a bit going on, Squirt can do pretty well on his own and the four rats are basically born ready to take care of themselves, but the horses are another matter - theyrequire almost as much attention as a small child and a little one on the way - don't be in too big of a hurry to get children - that little one will keep you hopping for a while.

Love ya,

Sally