FTM is the easiest to say, but I don't know what I really am

[Tetris]

I'm just... me. 

I never felt like I associate with any particular gender (I know I'm not female though), but I'm not agender--I strongly identify as something--myself. 

Anyone that'd look at me would say I present somewhat androgynous to fairly masculine. But I don't know, the issues surrounding just, the generic "identity" thing is something I never bothered with. Gender doesn't really have any material or scientific meaning (only a social one), and thus to me the words were just there for grammatical purposes. I just... identify as me. I'm Fractal, and Fractal is who he is. I don't seem to like any pronoun. "She/her" makes me cringe because it implies I'm a girl, which I'm not. The others just feel weird to me because I'm not used to them. 

There's like, *nothing* aside from a "vaguely masculine non-binary" label that is used to refer to me. 

I'm not cis but I never felt... trans, if that makes any sense. Like, if "trans" means "not cis" by definition, yes, but I never fully felt gender dysphoria past "I hate wearing dresses and makeup and jewelry and would like a beard" 

I guess it never "mattered" to me. I exist, and will exist regardless of my gender. I suppose me wanting to look more masculine will help, but the primary source of my dysphoria is just... existing as a human. As I've mentioned before I am so grossed out by my body--a biological lump, some leaky bag of meat. But those who have "human dysphoria" literally believe they're a wolf or something like that with spiritual stuff, and as such I don't really want to associate with the otherkin community. Why can't I be a cute little beeping robot? 

[tracy_j]

I get quite a lot of what you say, but with my own personal differences. I am not grossed out by my body. I can think of many improvements, but it generally works well so I don't like to meddle. No I am not cis or trans either in similar ways. I only use the terms for explanation to others. I only mention trans when I have to. I just live as me. As for pronouns - I like female ones and cringe at male, but don't really think about them. I suppose on close looks I present as very feminine male, but on a casual glance I appear female.

 

It's interesting about robots. I always wanted to date an android robot (female at the time) when I was in my teens. It's probably because they had a thing about them on TV at the time and beautiful girls played the part. It is also interesting though, that at the same time I wanted to be that android, look beautiful, and date the guy. Sexual fantasies?

 

Tracy

[MarcieMarie12]

Something I learned during my transition was that I should focus on myself and worry about the label later.  Most importantly for me during the process of figuring out my gender was learning about being honest with my myself. 

[Jani]

I strongly agree with Marcie.  Don't worry about labels and learn to care for yourself first and foremost. 

 

Jani