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KymmieL

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2 hours ago, BreM said:

For me,I have moved on and realized I am finally happy in my life as a fulltime crossdresser.I have always loved wearing women's clothing and shoes.I do use the women's restroom ever since being careful.I go do my thing and out

 

Oh wow. So yeah, when I was still pre-op in 2019 my wife wanted to hit up an antique mall upstate for her birthday. Michigan, for those that are unaware, has bathroom laws.* About halfway through our trip, I had to pee. I was presenting full time and couldn't very well hit the men's room without some serious questions so I went to the ladies room. Two stalls. Someone is having some serious digestive issues in the first one. The second is open, but doesn't have a lock. My wife is running interference, but this woman just barges past her and into my stall.

 

Fortunately nothing came of it, but I might have lost a year off my life to the fright. Fist bump for my fellow bathroom anarchist.

 

Hugs!

 

*They amount to: If you have a penis, you use the men's room. I admit to being a bathroom anarchist more often than just this time, but this is the one that sticks out in my mind.

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@Heather Nicole Uh Oh!  How can I be friends with a Falcon when I'm a Rocket?  LOL  Oh, and my sister was a Falcon, so no hard feelings.

 

Did you ever notice a place called Cactus Flats along Rt 6?  Believe it or not, they had wild cactus growing there.  I never understood how cactus could grow wild in Ohio.

 

Oh, and the KFC in Bowling Green?  My best friends family owned that and two others.  Small world eh?

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Today went well at work,a genetic female came in and we had a consultant.She is getting married next month and said I have the job,wanted someone from the trans,crossdressing  community to do her make up including to her bridesmaids.Another mother brought in her two daughters whom are 13 and 15.Her youngest is transgender and oldest is bigender both happily living and dressing as girls now.Liked they are not alone telling them I am a fulltime crossdresser.She loved them both no matter what

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I understand the fear of being clocked when you are out.

 

I have managed for nearly two years now to be out as female and very very rarely do I get a second look.  
 

the very first time I went out I was scared to death.  My wife insisted we stop at a fast food restaurant close to home on our way to a three day outing.  I was as jumpy as a cat on a hot tin roof.  It went fine.  On our trip, I got clocked at least once but I also had a guy that looked like he wanted to hit on me.

 

since then I go out as feminine when I can including going to the church where the male me taught adult Sunday School.  No one says anything.

 

don’t be nervous. That’s probably a big problem for getting clocked constantly looking around and being self conscious.  I try to just act normal and ignore others.  Works for me.

 

Willow

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@KymmieL it sounds like things could go either way with your wife.  If you want to stay together, maybe there’s a breakthrough coming.

 

I admit things can be bumpy with my wife at times. And they can be good at other times.  It used to be that I wouldn’t or couldn’t talk or express my thoughts or needs.  My therapist spent time working with me to communicate better.  I will say that’s helped.

 

Willow

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Hi everyone! I took the day off today so that was nice. I had a consult with a urologist about an orchiectomy and he has no problem performing it. The procedure could be as soon as January. I have to call my insurance company tomorrow and talk to them and see if they cover it and what there requirements are. As of right now my paperwork states the don’t cover any sex transformation procedures. I’m just hoping I can get all my ducks in a row.

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2 hours ago, Willow said:

don’t be nervous. That’s probably a big problem for getting clocked constantly looking around and being self conscious.  I try to just act normal and ignore others.

Yes.  If you're visibly nervous you attract attention - which you don't really want.

I've kinda gotten to a place where I don't think about whether I am "passing" or not, and just go about my business.  Perhaps I "pass" more than I realize.  That is a nice thought - although probably a delusion.

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Morning all!

 

On my second cup of tea.

Today a bit overwhelmed with stress at work, a very interesting prospect at my second job, trying to figure out what the heck I want on my gender identity journey and some health issues.

 

Well, as @KayC says, deep breath and one step at a time.

Wishing you all a lovely day

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Good morning everyone 

 

nice day again although a chilly start. Sitting here drinking our morning coffee.  Third day in a row for doctors appointments then off until Monday then another one.  Yesterday’s doctor wanted me to come to Charleston to take an esophagram. After it was set up for Next Wednesday I told her I’d had one in 2018.  I sent her the results and she canceled the new one. The old one showed her what she was wanted to see apparently.

 

our dog came in to bed a couple times last night. The first time she figured out I was awake so she insisted on being rubbed.  The second time she decided she would leave me alone.  Laid with us a little then left.

 

y’all talk about cats, well our daughter brought one home once.  I was a nice cat.  Decided that I was it’s friend. It would come sleep with us and particularly on my face.  Unfortunately, I’m allergic to cat dander.  Wife and daughter both no your not you just don’t like cats.  I had to go to an allergist to prove it to them before they believed me.  She kept the cat, but not in our house anymore.  
 

years later it ran off during a thunderstorm and they never saw it again.

 

Willow

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4 hours ago, Gabriel said:

Well, as @KayC says, deep breath and one step at a time

Ahhh..  that's so sweet, Gabriel.  I don't think I've ever been quoted before. 

 

I'm happy that mantra means something to you.  Even the smallest of efforts in the right direction will create tremendous changes over time, just like the wind and water can carve away mountains.  When we look back we will see how far we have traveled.
Wishing you a wonderful day?❣️

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So I am off for the next two days because I had a trip planned that was cancelled and thought I should still keep the days off. I am not quite sure what I am going to do with that time, because too much free time has proven in the past to be a dangerous thing for me. Work has been slow over the past week still, and I have a feeling won't pick up again until the new year which is giving my mind a lot of time to wander, which again, typically not a great thing for my mental health. It's amazing how right now, things are kind of stacked against mental health:

    1.) Quarantine/COVID Restrictions

    2.) Slow Work

    3.) Time Off (Our company is use it or lose it)

 

I honestly haven't even been in the mood to mess with makeup, hair, or really get out of PJ's, which probably isn't the best thing. I've gotten dressed a few days to pick up food or coffee, but that is about it. I know I shouldn't be doing these kind of behaviors, I just can't seem to get myself motivated.

 

Today is therapy day, so we'll see what my therapist thinks of all this, I just know I am going to hear it that I am not doing enough to fight the mood driven behavior. Le sigh ... depression sucks.

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@Willow I still don't think she will ever accept me as female. She doesn't even want to try and understand what being transgender means. Maybe just maybe and that is a strong maybe. She may accept it once I finally leave.

 

My Saturday, got up early took a shower, then since I am alone till after 3 I put on a dress. feels fantastic. I have speech therapy today.

 

Kymmie

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@kymmle,  think its great when you have your time and can be yourself.  Before i really knew what was up with me i would get up in the middle of the night and dress.  No make all hidden.  That expanded to times when she as away during the day..  the problem was that wasn’t satisfying enough but i knew there would be hell to pay if my wife knew.

 

once i as out to her things were real bad.  Like you, “last Christmas we are going to be together “. Well through conversation and patience here we are our third Christmas.  It wasnt  easy.  Some give some take but we continue to work on it.

 

can-it work for you?  Do you want it to?  Would she be part of it?  Apparently you dont think so.  You have to do what you need to do.  No on can tell you otherwise.

 

Wliiow

 

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trust me, I would absolutely be ecstatic if my wife supported my transition. But alas I don't believe she ever will.

 

Kymmie 

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Since we are moving in a couple of weeks my wife and I decided we should get a dumpster to just get rid of anything and everything we don't need or want. So I come home to a humongous  in our driveway. I was thinking one of the smaller ones that have 2 or 4 doors on the top but no, she got truck sized one. There's no way we're gonna get close to filling it. On the plus side I can finally purge all the un-needed stuff from my life. It's about time actually. I've learned how to let go of all the negativity in my head, time to let go of all the reminders.

 

I still have a couple co-worker that won't let go of my past. They want me to accept that they're older, set in their ways and are trying. It's been 2-1/2 months since I changed my name at work. One of them has never called me Elizabeth or Liz and yet expects me to accept her apologies when she uses my dead-name. Another has be constantly corrected. And then there's the owner, He's been talking about some of my accomplishments with the "back when Liz was..." statements. I don't want to but this is going to be an HR thing. They have no idea how much this is hurting me.

 

On the other side of this. I had to get my parts-stock inventoried today. The new girl, who works in our warehouse, was assigned to inventory part in all the vehicles. While she was going through my stuff she found a box with my dea-dname on it. It was so sweet of her. She looked at it, mumbled to herself this is so wrong, blacked out the name with her marker and threw it in the trash.

 

 

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12 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I still have a couple co-worker that won't let go of my past. They want me to accept that they're older, set in their ways and are trying. It's been 2-1/2 months since I changed my name at work. One of them has never called me Elizabeth or Liz and yet expects me to accept her apologies when she uses my dead-name. Another has be constantly corrected. And then there's the owner, He's been talking about some of my accomplishments with the "back when Liz was..." statements. I don't want to but this is going to be an HR thing. They have no idea how much this is hurting me.

 

@ElizabethStarThis is one of my biggest worries about coming out at work. I'm sure it's deeply painful for you that some your co-workers aren't creating the emotionally supportive space for you. I do hope you have other co-workers who do accept you and a supportive HR department if it comes to that. I'm early in my transition and not out to anyone in my office yet, but I will need to do something because my physical changes will soon be less subtle and more obvious and that will bring the inevitable questions. My colleagues (and clients!) may have harmful views of transgender people as well and I'm sensing that I may face a similar situation to yours in the future. I work in a very small agency that's very prone to gossip so I'm fearful of what coming out will be like.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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I didn't come out at work and applaud you for doing so. I know acceptance of me would not happen in my day.

I know it is hard but I am pleased you are doing it and braving it to know YOU are the reason things ARE changing and the next generation will thank you pioneer women and I'm not talking cooking.

I admire you. I have been on HRT for 5 months and my internal pains continue to stew and tears come so much quicker but even now I am still such a rookie that you probably don't need to think of that any longer. You are making great progress. Be happy and keep doing what you are doing because whether you notice it or not you've come a LONG way and i am so proud of you.

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Good Friday morning 

 

I get a day off today, well sort of.  House work, grocery store, rain coming later.  Tomorrow evening our son is coming for a short visit. He has to be in Atlanta Tuesday so he is coming here first.  
 

I had a nice talk with my therapist yesterday.  We discussed a number of things.  She indicated she could tell I was doing better than the last time we spoke, much happier and more outgoing.

 

my wife heard me mentioning a diagnosis of severe depressive disorder.  When we ended the session, my wife says to me would I be happier if I was fully out.  I’m thinking where is this coming from.  Turns out she heard severe depressive disorder I thought I was having serious problems.  No, that was my original diagnosis from when I first saw my doctor and first therapist about being depressed and needing help.  But knowing how she feels, I felt very loved that she would express that to me and say that I should just be out if that’s what I needed.  Just talking about this is bringing tears of happiness .

 

Cant see right now so I’ll be back later.

 

hugs

 

Willow

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Willow, during one of our arguments the wife mentioned would this solve your depression. I just told her maybe. I didn't know. I still don't. Could it, yes. but my depression diagnosis came way before coming out. Is it the underlying cause, could be.

 

Well last day off so it is my Sunday. have a video appointment with my Therapist later this morning.

All of 10 degrees out thing morning. glad I am inside. Should be most of the day. As a normal Friday going out to eat tonight.

 

Take care everyone.

 

Kymmie

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I’m back.  Kymmie I was really desperate for counseling when I reached out.  Frustrated with delays like I can see you without a referral from your PC whom I hadn’t shared with and didn’t know that I wanted to share yet.  But long story short after I cleared the hurdles he actually cleared space on his calendar to see me ASAP.  Hence the SDD diagnosis.  I wasn’t initially there because I was trans.  I didn’t know I was although I was beginning to suspect.  
 

Never had the conversation with my wife before yesterday do I need to be out full time? And that showed me  that she really still cared.  The most since all this began 2 ½ years ago. (Ok, 72 years ago but who knew) I’ve told her how much I appreciated her feelings and comments from yesterday several times and it still brings moisture to my eyes.


hugs 
 

Willow

 

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On 12/3/2020 at 6:03 AM, KayC said:

Ahhh..  that's so sweet, Gabriel.  I don't think I've ever been quoted before. 

 

I'm happy that mantra means something to you.  Even the smallest of efforts in the right direction will create tremendous changes over time, just like the wind and water can carve away mountains.  When we look back we will see how far we have traveled.
Wishing you a wonderful day?❣️

You really need to be a writer if you're not already.

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It's a cold grey day here and not enough coffee in the world could warm me up.  It's been the week of pain endurance: 2 days of Electrolysis followed by two tattoo removal sessions- ugh.  Progress being made in most areas of my transition. I gave up on voice therapy for awhile. I just found I didn't have the bandwidth with everything else going on.

I'm anticipating my business being shut down for Covid sometime in the next couple weeks and I'm kinda looking forward to it.  I've prepared for that so can handle a 2-3 month shutdown and I figure the time off can be spent focusing on my voice feminization. My speech therapist is happy to do it virtually.  Most of my staff is ready for a break as well. All the covid protocols we have to do in the massage industry is taxing and everyone is just stressed. Hopefully some unemployment benefits gets passed so if we do have to close they are better taken care of.

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hey everyone , sorry i havent been around so much for a while , its night time here in Scotland  and it snowed as well as two thunder claps last night it woke me up and i woke up my partner , he was not happy as he just went to bed an hour before at 3 am oooops it was on the local news , people phoned the police saying they could hear an explosionsion  but it happens some times  i think its rare  and i though it was a sonic boom  because it was  snowing . 

 

how are you all ? i hope you are all doing well  i.d have a coffee but its a little late for me  maybe lemon and ginger tea instead 

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3 hours ago, Alex-John said:

 

how are you all ? i hope you are all doing well  i.d have a coffee but its a little late for me  maybe lemon and ginger tea instead 

@Alex-John Thunder Snow is rare, and so cool when it happens. Live is good here in Central Indiana USA. I'm drinking a cup ️ of Green Tea with Honey ?.

 

@KymmieL and @Willow as you may remember last Spring when I came out to my wife, her first reaction was anger, saying I was dead to her and killed our 44 years of marriage. Today she's helping me change my clothing and slide down the androgynous scale. I'm still in video counseling and doing better. After my last session my Suzie asked me how I was doing? I told her that my biggest relief was that I could openly talk to her and not live a life so scared that she would find out about my darkest secret. I'm Transgender and she knows it. It's so liberating. 

 

Hugs for all,

 

Mindy

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Good evening everyone! Start of a nice three day weekend for my birthday. So enjoying a nice evening of The Mandalorian and a manicure.  My wife got me a nice jewelry box to keep on my new sparklies in. Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful weekend

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    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I agree that porn is a really bad thing.  Bad in general, but probably gives a misleading view of trans folks.  If you don't see trans folks out in the wild, but you see plenty of them online, that is going to give the impression that it is primarily sex-driven, and that trans folks are interested in sex with just about everybody all the time.  Similar to what people often assume about being bisexual.    I'm androgynous, so sometimes people look at me this way.  Especially if my husband and I are together (if they don't assume I'm his kid) people get that "judgy" look on their faces.  You can sort of read their minds.  I even heard on lady say something like, "Oh, that's just so wrong" when we came out of a shower at a truck stop.  I mean, I like sex and we have a great connection in that way, but its not "THE REASON" for our relationship. 
    • Justine76
      Thank you for sharing! This is very much where I am currently. Questioning my motivation's, wondering where this is going and do I have the fortitude to continue the journey?   I too like to dress in what would probably be eye catching in your typically suburb. Not in a revealing way but beyond casual. Not that I’ve presented in public yet. Trying to build the confidence to dress for the next trans pride event locally ;)
    • Maddee
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      Certainly considering this. I’ve seen some reports, albeit anecdotal, of laser treatments causing some mild skin damage; like mild pitting, etc. Any validity to this in anyone’s experience? 
    • VickySGV
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    • Vidanjali
      I can only imagine what your early life experience was like. It's very weird when children's bodies are treated as property of their parents and not really their own. Certainly children don't have agency to make major life decisions. But parents operating covertly doesn't seem to be entirely sensible. I'm sure there was a lot of fear on the part of your parents, and perhaps/probably even coercion by medical professionals. But what is your relationship like with your parents now, if they are still living or in your life? 
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      Hello & welcome, @Ladypcnj. That's great you're involved in several online communities. Reaching out to connect with others is a gift for all involved. 
    • FelixThePickleMan
      My mom found a vape of mine and this is the third time. I hid it out in the garage but she found it because I looked suspicious and now shes mad at me again which makes sense but she told me not to bring it in the house so I figured the garage was okay. But I know I should just stop but its something that I enjoy doing. I do it with my buddies and I do it alone. The one she found was a different, typically I have weed but today I had nic, but still, I know I should quit. Not because it's bad for me but because its hurting the relationship that I barley have with my mother and that's tough but for some reason I want to have my cake a and eat it too, but that isn't possible. I finally understand that phrase now, well I already understood it but now I really understand because I'm living it. and with that my mom most likely will pull me out of the school that I'm at now because that's when I started, this year. I've always had an interest in weed the way I have an interest of anything else. To me it's no different than the other things I'm interested in but this just happens to be a drug. I know I should quit I know it's wrong and I know that I'm choosing to do it, because I like it and I think in order for me to stop is to not like it anymore otherwise I most likely will continue. I know its sad but unfortunately it is true I know I'll have to quit before I go in the Marines so maybe I'll stop then. I smoke because I don't have anything else to do initially but now I smoke because I don't have anything to do and I  like it. Even when I did basketball I still was high, and I still played in fact I played better. I do everything better when I'm high I'm like a better version of myself, I can let go and let the me on the inside show on the outside with no fear, my creativity flows like Niagara falls just a contunious stream of creative output and innovative ideas that leave a good impression on others. I'm better to be around when high. I like myself better when I'm high.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      This neighbor's friend,luckily my health insurance covered it.Luckily my vehicles,house and shop are smoke free.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      @VickySGV    Good point.  There are websites full of porn and fantasies related to cross dressing, trans stories, etc., and people might easily think those are written by TG types and accurately describe TG folk.
    • VickySGV
      No one has mentioned the Adult Entertainment Industry aka the Pornography Industry which for too long was the ONLY source of information about us for the general public.  I actually realized what I was from an XX Rated publication that I snuck behind a comic book at the neighborhood convenience / liquor store.  The person in the article told of her feelings up until and through GCS which I identified with completely, but then went on to the sob story of a marriage crashing when her knowing husband went to a new job and they found out she was Trans on a security check and threatened the husband with legal action unless he divorced her ---  yada yada!!   On that note she decided her  life was ruined. --    Other problems in the Porn Press are of course the "Morality" and it is there that child endangerment stories for actual mental illness types  comes in.  Also in that media they emphasize the Fetishistic Cross Dresser classification which is an actual addiction situation and is a harmful process addiction of sex that is as terrible as Drug and Alcohol Addiction can be.  The pornographic issues and sources of information are readily available in the opening pages of a Google Search while actual Trans information is about page 200 on the engine.   A recent misadventure I had that shows how acceptable I am as my True Self is that a man who claimed to be a church elder (minister??) told me how he had never come up with legitimate information   on Trans People and actual Trans Children and he went on to brag about what he did find that was morally damning by looking for the  information.  He continued to go into detail about other pornographic sources and how nasty they were. I asked him then why HE, a MINISTER kept looking at the Porn.  He replied to me that he kept up with it to warn his congregation of the true evils he had seen so he could minister to them.  Happily for me a friend of mine came along so I could  break away from the guy who was after my soul.  (He did not read me as Trans, whew!!)
    • Ashley0616
      Just like anything else that is new it's always the thing that people fear of. People are typically afraid of change. Even something as simple as new procedure at work or the population growing. Typically just have the mindset of it's not broken then don't fix it type of attitude. The world is progressing and they need to accept that or they will eventually be left behind. A good example after WW II women working in the workforce things didn't go well at all due to a lot of butting heads. There are still even people now that think women are only meant for housework and raising babies. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      I've actually seen a lot of people who at least tolerate the LGB and not the T. There's also some of the gay/lesbian population that, unfortunately, alienate trans people away from other parts of the community.   To me, the biggest block is probably the lack of formal exposure. If people aren't taught about LGBT they will, just like any other topic, come to misunderstandings and more. Besides, how can most LGBT people figure out that they are such if they don't know it exists? I know that, personally, I didn't realize I was a guy rather than just someone who wanted to be a guy until I was introduced to trans as a concept 
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I wanted to post something new that I haven't posted yet.   
    • Ashley0616
      That's a lot of weight congratulations. I was almost about to become a K9 handler in the Air Force back in 2006 but I found out that once you get promoted to E7 you lose your dog. You can get it at E4 as long as they need them but it is usually E5. If you don't understand military jargon, I'll help you out. I didn't want to join the Marines because I actually like to be treated better. I was Security Forces and performed security, law enforcement and everything you could think of such as convoying, fire fights, search pit just to name some. It also helped that I had family that was Air Force and I went through Air Force Junior Reserves Officer Training Corps so I knew the basics of Air Force already. That's awesome that you have goals in life. I hope you get it. 
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