Travel Situation

[Guest Javey]

So, months and months ago, i was selected by an organization called 'People to People' to travel to Europe as a student peace ambassador, along with 40 other kids my age. We are traveling to Italy, France, Austria, and Switzerland. I just finished fund raising the $6,449 i have to pay in order to go. Most of which i raised by myself. I still need to raise more money to buy things i need for travel, and of course spending money (No way I'm going to Europe and not bringing spending money.)

Everyone in the delegation i am going with is really cool. So are the delegation leaders. The one thats in charge is probably one of the coolest people I have ever met. She's so open minded, its unbelievable. We have this project fair, we all do a project on one of the country's we are visiting and bring it to the last meeting (which is this Saturday) I decided to do mine on the gay rights scene in Europe, but instead of being a little weirded out by my definitely out of the ordinary choice in the middle of the bible belt, she applauded it.

We leave in about 28 days. The only problem i really have with the whole situation, is how separated the group is by gender. That would still bother me even if i didn't feel the way i do. We've met up every third Saturday of the month for the last couple of months, learning about the countries and discussing the proper way to travel. Its been very interesting. But every time i have been kind of afraid to go, because so many gender references, most of which don't entirely make sense any way, go back and fourth so much. I am traveling with very 'old fashioned' people. I feel like the whole group just kind of congregates, boys on one side and girls on the other. It drives me insane, because immediately I get placed into the female group by people, where i don't feel right. And when i try to hang out with the boys, i just feel like i am intruding somehow. Usually, i kind of enjoy being the odd one out. But this time its just really bothering me. I get home from these meetings, and end up locking myself in my room and just breaking down. Some days i am much more sensitive to gender references then others. Since I've joined this group i am doing a lot better and they don't bother me as often as they used to. But i still have sensitive days.

The meeting i went to last month, oh jeez. I'm pretty sure i was panicking so much i was close to hyper ventilation. Right at the beginning of the meetings we get a list of that days activity's for the meeting. So i am reading through it and its just the usual stuff, quiz on Austria, packing advice, what to do in a bad situation, and then there is was. "Gender talk". What does that even mean? I was feeling particularly sensitive that day, and the fact that me and my mom had gotten in a huge argument ending in tears and misunderstandings in the car and i was still kinda shaky from it wasn't helping either. Could they have picked a worse day to do this? And the argument me and my mom had gotten in would probably continue in the hour long car ride home. Could i last that long if the gender talk really upset me? What were they even going to talk about anyway? I had to close my eyes and take a bunch of deep breaths. Everyone was mingling and chatting, so i went unnoticed.

Finally the gender talk comes around. They ask all the boys to leave and have their own talk in the other room. My heart rate went up considerably, because i was just so afraid of how i would react to it. Turns out it wasn't all that bad. It wasn't enjoyable, but i survived. They discussed what kind of swim suits were appropriate, along with a general dress code and how we need to bring tampons, and no hanging out with the boys alone. I mean, it was a talk that needed to be had in my opinion, though it wasn't really much that wasn't already addressed. Although one particular rule really doesn't make sense to me. We are allowed to walk around alone in a group of a minimum of 3. But one of the people in the group HAS to be male. Maybe its just some kind of safety measure, but i just really don't like it.

I'm really worried about how i will do on the trip. We are going to be gone for 2 and a half weeks, constantly traveling around with little rest time. I won't have time to be alone and let out the emotions, except maybe when everyone goes to sleep. But even then, i need to be sleeping. Not having a melt down. We are busy all day every day, the entire trip. I probably won't be able to come on here, seeing as i am to afraid of breaking my mac during travel to bring it (not that I'll have much time for the computer anyway) The delegation leaders would gladly let me be separate from the group if i needed it, but how am i supposed to explain why? And i don't want to do that anyway. I want to have fun and enjoy the trip. We're going to the Vatican, and the all these famous art museums, and an old concentration camp in Austria, where we will have a discussion with one of the survivors. The list of activity's goes on and on and on. We get special access to places that aren't even open to the public. I just don't want to be distracted by my gender issues the entire time.

I've even considered coming out to my mom and to the delegation leaders, seeing as they are so open minded and already love me I'm sure they would do what they could to make me feel better about the situation. But I just don't know if i want to do that. Plus, i can't guarantee they will be okay with everything. As far as the other kids go, yeah I'm worried about them having a problem too. But for the most part, i don't really care what they think. Its not my biggest concern. Though it IS a concern. And even if the delegation leaders had a problem, its not like i ever have to see any of them after this trip ever again. But i don't think the delegation leaders, especially the main one thats in charge of everything who liked my project idea, would have a problem. Like i said, very open minded and understanding. Just a little old fashioned in ways that bother me. But there is still the issue of my mother, who just isn't really ready to find out. Coming out is an option, but a scary one.

I am so excited about this trip. I've worked so hard on getting the money to go, and so hard on studying and doing all the things they have asked me too. But i am so scared of having a hard time when i am supposed to be having fun and learning. I may never get to see these places again, I don't want the memories to be clouded by feeling out of place and sad.

I don't know what to do.

[Guest julia_d]

Hints on Europe.. it's expensive.. (I live here.. I know) reckon on 2x or more the price you are used to after conversion. Capital cities are even worse.. add another 50% markup.

When crossing borders present yourself reasonably as it says on your papers.. The European border police can be real ******* when they want to be.

I'm guessing there is a terminology difference here.. the "students" we have in Europe are generally adult, or old enough to behave as adults.. If you are over 16 you are over the age of consent,.. so hanging out with the boys?.. over 16 it's up to you XD .. some countries vary that, but generally it's considered 16 for sexual consent.. 18 for alcohol. You need to be sure if there are local laws in effect... If in doubt avoid.. that's the Euro way *grins* Internet will answer all those questions... age of consent .. age for alcohol.. etc etc .. and watch out.. don't be alone in large cities.. some really aren't as safe as they make them out to be... Manchester for example is better avoided after dark unless you know your way around, and even then it isn't a place to be alone in the night..

Be a little wary of strangers who seem over friendly.. I'm not joking. A girl I was at college with vanished without trace in Bulgaria .. nobody has seen or heard anything from her in 15 years.. The police didn't think there was anything to worry about (or didn't care) because she went off of her own free will with some people she had met.. and until her visa expired 6 months later they didn't have anything but yet another missing person report to file away to gather dust.. Europe has very open borders.. it is possible to go from country to country with no checks at all. The risk isn't great, but there are a lot of eastern European gangs now operating across Europe feeding the sex and drugs trade.. they target the young from outside or who are alone in a strange place.. be careful who you trust.. never go off with anybody from outside your group.

That's about all I can add.. I know people who have been on these jollies.. but they were all over 18 and responsible adults (is there such a thing as a responsible adult student away from home?.. not in my experience!!)

Have a great trip

[Guest 1charlotte1]

I know this doesn't help a bit and I'm sorry! Julias advice is good! I lived in France for a while, so u gotta trust her.

Anyway! Have u seen the movie taken? It reminds me of julias story in a scary way! And the fact that things like that actually happen makes me shudder,.

Best of luck! I think you'll love the trip! Hugz, Charlotte

[Guest Javey]

Well, if the people i am traveling with finds out i participated in any kind of drug or alcohol use or sexual activity of any kind while traveling with them (regardless of that countries laws) they'll send me home. So yeah, Its better off to just stay out of it lol.

We are allowed to hang out with the boys, just not alone. No one is allowed to walk around in a group of just 2.

Walking off with a stranger or someone outside the group is against the rules as well. And i probably wouldn't even do that here in America, so no way I'm doing it in a foreign country. Thanks for the advice, I'll be sure to be extra careful.

Hints on Europe.. it's expensive.. (I live here.. I know) reckon on 2x or more the price you are used to after conversion. Capital cities are even worse.. add another 50% markup.

When crossing borders present yourself reasonably as it says on your papers.. The European border police can be real ******* when they want to be.

I'm guessing there is a terminology difference here.. the "students" we have in Europe are generally adult, or old enough to behave as adults.. If you are over 16 you are over the age of consent,.. so hanging out with the boys?.. over 16 it's up to you XD .. some countries vary that, but generally it's considered 16 for sexual consent.. 18 for alcohol. You need to be sure if there are local laws in effect... If in doubt avoid.. that's the Euro way *grins* Internet will answer all those questions... age of consent .. age for alcohol.. etc etc .. and watch out.. don't be alone in large cities.. some really aren't as safe as they make them out to be... Manchester for example is better avoided after dark unless you know your way around, and even then it isn't a place to be alone in the night..

Be a little wary of strangers who seem over friendly.. I'm not joking. A girl I was at college with vanished without trace in Bulgaria .. nobody has seen or heard anything from her in 15 years.. The police didn't think there was anything to worry about (or didn't care) because she went off of her own free will with some people she had met.. and until her visa expired 6 months later they didn't have anything but yet another missing person report to file away to gather dust.. Europe has very open borders.. it is possible to go from country to country with no checks at all. The risk isn't great, but there are a lot of eastern European gangs now operating across Europe feeding the sex and drugs trade.. they target the young from outside or who are alone in a strange place.. be careful who you trust.. never go off with anybody from outside your group.

That's about all I can add.. I know people who have been on these jollies.. but they were all over 18 and responsible adults (is there such a thing as a responsible adult student away from home?.. not in my experience!!)

Have a great trip

[Guest Javey]

Haha, all the parents went and saw taken and FREAKED OUT. My mom was threatening to have people fallow me, it was kind of funny.

I saw it as well, yes, it WAS scary. The fact that those things really happen makes me shudder too.

I know this doesn't help a bit and I'm sorry! Julias advice is good! I lived in France for a while, so u gotta trust her.

Anyway! Have u seen the movie taken? It reminds me of julias story in a scary way! And the fact that things like that actually happen makes me shudder,.

Best of luck! I think you'll love the trip! Hugz, Charlotte

[Guest julia_d]

Great.. It makes me laugh as a parent myself how other parents over react to things. I was allowed to make my own mistakes.. and I don't think the world is any more dangerous now than it was when I was growing up in the 70's... in fact we had real terrorists letting off bombs every other week.. and we didn't take peoples rights away because of it.

Sounds like the people you are going with have a sensible plan.. have fun XD