Insert Catchy Title Here

[EricLake]

So... how do I go about this? I've never been good at these whole 'introduce yourself' sort of things. So, I'll do this the best way I can. My name is Eric, though, I wasn't born an Eric. I was born with a name for a female, and sadly, that's what people thought I was all because of the parts between my legs and what's on my chest. However, I absolutely hate those. If it was up to me, I'd gladly chop my chest off. My birth certificate says I am a 'female' but that doesn't match what I've always felt. I hate it. Anyway, I'm 27 years old and from New Orleans. 

 

When I was young I used to do things differently than most girls. I would play with the boys, always being caught talking about 'ninja's' and found on the playground playing karate, soccer, baseball, football, everything. I wasn't just one of your everyday girls. Granted I did play babies and barbies, but that was about it. Even then I'd always say I wanted to be the dad and so on and so forth. It never really bothered me that I was always called dude or anything. It never bothered me that while girls wanted to wear dresses or skirts, I wanted to wear jeans and the coolest TMNT shirt or some superhero shirt. It never really dawned on me that I was different. Not until Halloween when other little girls wanted to wear princess costumes and I wanted to be a Power Ranger or The Grim Reaper. 

 

I kind of brushed it off though as being very tomboyish, which I assumed was the problem. Especially since growing up I was the only 'girl' in the family. Nobody in the family had another and so I was raised with a lot of boys. It was normal for me. At around six years old, after my family ran into financial troubles, I was forced to wear my older brothers hand-me-downs. Honestly, I felt so comfortable in that and couldn't have been happier with myself. 

 

In middle school, when I hit puberty though, things got pretty bad for me. So at 12 years old, I attempted suicide. Doctors put me on anti-depresents and things went only even more downhill from there as it interfered with my ADHD medicine. One of them had to be taken off. Whether my parents wanted a child who people said wouldn't even finish 9th grade because of my issues if I went off of my ADHD meds, or a child who was severely depressed and attempting suicide every free moment I got. They decided it was best to keep me on ADHD meds and just get me in with the school counselor as well as a childhood shrink. 

 

I eventually fell far into depression because I didn't seem to fit in with anyone and so I turned to the computer. It helped my ADHD in a sense, but I eventually became addicted and 'hyper-focused' on the computer. Which is something my doctors told my mother was bound to happen with something as children and adults with ADHD tend to hyperfocus on things that interest them. Anyway, at 15 I ventured into my first online forum and created an account with the alias of 'Logan' and set my gender to male. Nobody seemed to notice anything weird about 'Logan'. 

 

I was around 16 when I realized what transgender was and that the things I was doing weren't normal. My parents were both very conservative, my father being incredibly homophobic and my mother, while tolerant, never spoke about anything LGBT either. They also pushed aside my aunt when she came out as Lesbian, so I never felt comfortable coming out. I began cutting as a way to escape the things I was feeling. My grades dropped substantially and I was failing classes. Honestly, I was a mess, my parents 'problem child'. The one that school counselors told my parents I would never graduate. Told my parents I'd wind up dead in a ditch sometime by the age of 19. I was that child nobody had any hope for. I began feeling that with my peers as well. 

 

At 17 years old I came out to my mother. I was unable to hide it anymore. She told me she always knew, that I wasn't exactly a girl. And then she kind of guilt-tripped me saying that she named me after her baby doll 'Krissy' when she was a little girl, When I asked if she still loved me she said 'I loved you before I even met you' and stuff. Even said  I was always that 'little girl she always wanted'. I felt bad about taking that away from her. So I told her I was wrong. I was just a tomboy.  I attempted suicide once more that night and was taken to the hospital. 

 

At 19, I graduated High School, made sure to prove all those people wrong who told me I would never graduate (I failed 6th grade for not dressing out in PE and started school a year late since I went to a Catholic pre-school). My parents also divorced that year before I graduated and so I spent a lot of time back and forth between my fathers and my mother who lived with my grandmother now.

At 20, I was jobless, not in college, grades not good enough for any college. My father began getting drunk, and during one pretty bad night he threw a punch at me and missed my head by a centimeter, left a giant first hole in the wall. My father was always verbally abusive as a kid, and I freaked out when he tried to hit me. I never expected he'd throw a punch at me. And yet he did. Since getting out of school, I always struggled with finding a job and was only really able to get seasonal jobs. 

 

I really struggled with whether or not I should tell my father since he always talked poorly about LGBT. I tried telling my little sister, she told me I was stupid and a freak. That I deserved to die. I kind of was confused since her best friend is Trans and I asked how she couldn't support me and she said because I was her sister. It was different. I cut that night after I told her I was joking. A year later I told my little cousin (who is like a little brother to me and I kind of head to his house when I need an escape from things). I know it's kind of weird that literally my only friend and best friend is 18, but like... you take what you're given. Also, he is so similair to me it's like he was a twin born to a different family.

 

Anyway, he accepted me and told me he was gay. So we were able to bond over it. I even told my other cousin a week later (his older brother) who is gay as well. So they both really have been very supportive. I've been able to help me when I'm around them in using the correct pronouns and name and such. 

 

I'm now 27, still living with a father who literally last night began screaming at me because he was drunk, and couldn't do anything else. However, I recently secured a job making 12.50 an hour, so I am hoping I'll soon be able to move out and kind of finally make the venture into being who I know I am. 

 

I joined this place to try and make friends who know what I'm going through or just talk and stuff. So yeah... 

 

Fun Facts:
I built my first computer when I was 14. 
I beat a life guard in a swimming contest in an Olympic sized pool when I was 16.
I broke my arm over 20 times because of a birth defect in the bones.
I chose the name Eric because when I came out the first time to my mom, I let her pick my male name. Eric was what my name would have been if I was a male. So it's what I picked.
I am addicted to the Sims.

[Senatriss]

Hello and welcome to the forum Eric!! I hope you'll settle in here O.K and make lots of friends.

I used to play the Sims a lot as well.

 

It looks like you've been through a lot in your life so far, but I'm sure things will get better for you soon. You're going to get a lot of help and support here, and I know you will make friends... It's a very loving and helpful community here.

 

Nice to meet you Eric

 

Big hugs,

 

Victoria. Xx

[EricLake]

Hey, I have been. But eh. 

And I hope so, I read a lot about the site from some forums while digging for a place for trans people. They had a lot of good to say about this site.

Anyway, it's nice to meet you as well Victoria.

[SugarMagnolia]

Welcome, Eric!!!

It's great to have you here. It's a wonderfully supportive group of people that are here and I hope you'll enjoy the interaction. You've had a tough go of it so far, but at 28 you have so many wonderful opportunities ahead. Glad to meet you!

Best,
Julie

[Robin]

Hi Eric,

 

I am delighted that you have joined us. 

 

I have found this forum to be an enormous help to me, in understanding and coming to terms with my gender issues.  There are many people, with a wealth of knowledge and experience to share.

 

Don't be afraid to ask any questions or to share your thoughts.  

 

Robin.