Taking small steps

[Willow421]

One week ago I came out to my wife and told her about my identification with my female personality. She was initially understanding, and, frankly, is still understanding, and now is experiencing anger. I consider this a normal response. I understand she will go through a variety of feelings and she indicated she will likely need to seek therapy. I know my decision is about my happiness and mental health, resolving my dysphoria, so I can continue to lead a fulfilling life. I also know there are likely to be consequences, some of them not to my liking.

 

I took the opportunity to seek out a local LGBTQ community support centre and enquired about individual therapy and attending group sessions. The pathway ahead of me is unknown and uncertain. I told my best friend in Vancouver about my female identification and she was amazing. I know I have support around me but I must also be aware that the journey will not be smooth and that I must help my family make the transition to the real me. 

 

I have no idea if I want to transition. I know I want to present in a more feminine way, to embrace that identity. Is that enough for now? Will my feelings change on this subject? I don't know.

 

The opportunity to share my experience is a great way to manage my journey and feelings. Thank you for making this possible.

 

Luv, Willow

[Jani]

Hey Willow.  This is probably the most hard part of this process after admitting we need to move forward in some way. We never can really tell how our loved ones will react in the short or long term.  My wife went through this too.  You need to give her the time she needs.  

 

Whether you want to transition is the big question.  Another one, maybe more important is do you need to?   This is where having an ongoing discussion with your therapist is helpful.  As you just recently told your wife and are now able to be honest (or fairly so) publicly, you have opened the door to a whole lot of decisions that can be made.  Which ones to make is the choice you need to consider.  Many will recommend only proceeding as far as you need to obtain happiness and to take your time getting there.  (never go faster than your angels can fly)

 

As your wife understood your feminine side (she thought you might have been gay) possibly adding a little pizzazz  to your wardrobe will help you figure out your emotions at this time when they are at a heightened state.  Thank you  for sharing. 

Hugs, Jani  

[Susan R]

Hi Willow,  I can empathize with your situation.  We have similar stories and I too came out to my wife months ago when I decided to transition.  She was accepting of a lot of the aspects but against the HRT part of the deal.  I didn't compromise on that.  In fact I doubt I would have come out unless that happened. 

She has not been a supporter of my new found self but has been doing well adjusting to it.  I have held back making it a priority to her.  I don't dress with her around and I keep most of it to myself.  About two weeks ago she stated incorporating some things she does, mainly her hair and shopping for ladies clothes with me.  I thought..wow she is starting to accept more of the feminine parts of me.

then today came around and pulled the proverbial chair from under me.  She asked me the most idiotic question which finally gave me some real insight as to what she is thinking.  She asked me, "Do you think that this need to start transitioning could be because of the gmo foods were forced to eat these days?"  I was hurt in a way..I thought to myself....she still thinks I have some kind of disease or something.  It was a setback for sure.  She been doing research in all the wrong places.  She's trying but it not helping right now.  I'll get over it but it's days like this when I feel like it's going to take a heck of a lot longer for her to understand me, if ever.

 

I really feel for you, Willow.

Take care,

Susan R?