Mom's Fight To End Cyber Abuse

[Guest]

Mom's Fight To End Cyber Abuse

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/05/14/...Home;topStories

Your thoughts?

Laura

[Sally]

While I agree that there is a lot of stuff on the Internet that I don't like and want tno part of, she doesn't seem to have any problem what so ever with the fact that her daughter placed a nude photograph of herself on the Internet, private or not, it is there.

We can blame the Internet, we can blame the schools, we can sue anyone we can think of and try to get money - after all that cures everything, but at some point we need to ask ourselves - boyfriend or not - do you want your child sending nude photos of them selves to anyone?

Nude photos will always come back to haunt you - teach your child to only go in front of a camera when fully clothed - just look at the Miss California mess going on over some lingere videos - no good will ever come from sending nude photos, they tend to attract preditors and bullies.

Be resposible for yourself and it is much harder to bully.

A terrible loss and a senseless one but the only way to prevent its reoccurance is to educate our children to not post anything, anywhere that can be used against them - that's the whole reason for our screening and rules about contact information and real names.

Love ya,

Sally

[Paula ult]

It seems everyone else is to blame, should the school have done something, in a word yes, should the police have done something, in a word yes, but these were after the fact. It ultimately comes down to what morels the parents taught her when she was younger. Did her parents know about her cyber boyfriend, did they know about her nude photos, i bet not.

Paula

[Guest]

I saw a few messages in there. Number 1 sexting is illegal and can get you tagged as a sex offender either being the receiver or the sender for life. Two cyberbullying is alive and well and teens are more vulnerable. Words can kill whether that's their intent or not. There have been a few cases on the internet where someones cruel words to another caused a suicide. This also happens with regular bullying in schools and elsewhere.

Laura

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Laura,

This is another tragic story of a troubled teen taking things to the ultimate extreme. Although I don't know of any safeguards that could have prevented here from uploading pictures of herself, I would hope that education on the dangers that engaging in such activity brings. Bullying shoul never be tolerated in any context. It seems to me that the school could have been more attentive to this behavior from the other children towards her. Additonally, I wonder about the family dynamics in this case. I am curious as to why the parents did not pick up on that something was very wrong here. Having been a parent of teenagers, I always knew when something was not right with my children. I feel bad that this child felt so lonely and isolated and desparate that she felt that she had to take her own life. Teenagers really do need someone that they trust and can talk to. In spite of their "independance", they are really very sensitive and need alot of encouragement.

bernii

[Guest mia 1]

Bullying is the problem and it is a eternal problem and has persisted through the milenium..we are not going to get rid of small people and their narrow minded thoughts.....their really is very little that can be done bully proofing doesn't seem to work and the novel Lord Of The Flies just keeps coming to mnd..human nature is competitive and ruthless in its quest to be #1..pushing competitors or perceived competitors aside is the root of bullying..

Unfortunately people who are not part of the normal are also bullies and t hat obvious include our community...I wish it weren't so...but that is why we have to band together to defend ourselves

[Guest leo]

believe it or not a simular thing happened at my own school here in the UK

someone had bluetoothed a picture of a girl naked around the school (the girl was already frequently bullied)

our school did something as they held a massive assembly and told people not to send it to anyone else, and they would get the police involved and such

[Sally]

It is impossible to be totally safe in an unsafe world, but there are always steps that can be taken to avoid as much danger as possible.

The Internet is the happy home to predators of all types, sexual predators, pedophiles, thieves, scam artists, vandals, hackers and perversions that have yet to even have names - what can you do?

Don't open anything that you do not know or trust the source.

Do not post anything that you would not want the world to know (there are somethings that I will not post here that are within the rules but I feel would not be in my best interest if a visitor were to read them and really decide to locate me - they can narrow it down pretty close)

Sadly a lot of Trans sites are populated by predator types - I hate to say not to explore the vast information that is available, but I stick to sites that are recommend to me by people that I trust (links from Laura's reference pages are a pretty safe bet.

Never give any personal information to anyone you do not know and trust and do not send revealing photos or anything that you want kept secret to anyone - not only can they turn on you like this girl's boyfriend, but hackers are everywhere.

I have always been so cautious that when I decided to search for information on Transsexuality, I opened a new E-mail account under my chosen name and started by reading information from Doctor's websites - they seemed to me less likely to be predators.

Through them I found my therapist and through her I was sent here.

I am very happy here and feel as safe as one can on the Internet - I am not looking for new sites - I have a home and I feel safe - transitioning is enough change and risk taking for me, I don't need to go surfing among the sharks.

Be very careful what you do on the Internet - it is not all friendly and warm like Laura's little corner of it.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Again - the comments after the new article are what disturb. So many people AGAIN blaming the victim here, saying she brought this upon herself. I suppose if a woman is walking in a bad section of town, gets assulted, raped and killed, it is definately her fault. Well. being sarcastic - but you get the idea.

This whole problem of sextexting and posting of questionable information on the internet is tricky. The intenet is entirely a new world and the rules and laws are being worked out. It is almost like the settling of a new territory, say like the American West, and there are few rules, and the rules that govern are not necessarily enforced.

(1) Killing yourself - who's fault? Your own

(2) Posting nude photos to your boyfriend - not wise

(3) Not teaching this person common sense - parent's fault

(4) Boyfriend posting nude photos - morally sick - criminal

(5) Not teaching this person common sense - parent's fault

(6) Not halting this situation when it became apparent at school - failure of the school administration - they are culpable

(7) Internet being wide open - nobody's fault - its like using electricity - a major convenience, but deadly when misused

(8) Entire situation - tragic!

Solution?

Possibly education. We humans are capable of learning from the mistakes of others.

Outlawing car crashes doesn't work. People still die by the thousands... but educating people to use safety and seat belts helps. Passing laws against excessive speed and reckless driving, mandating seat belts, prohibiting driving under the influence - this works. But we have law inforcement to MAKE people not kill theselves or others in vehicular crashes. It helps - its not one-hundred percent successful.

We cannot be one-hundred percent sucessful in preventing teen- suicides (or other kinds either).

Much thinking needs to be done on this TOPIC - and again - the comments to the article are the problem here, in my opinion - blame the victim? or sue the school system? Neither, some of both... well... it needs discussion I guess, but oh my goodness people can say such stupid, hateful things!

Lizzy

[Sally]

Well, I just went back and tried to read some of the comments on the article and to say that most people 'just don't get it' is a massive understatement and being way too kind.

Most responses are too say the least childlike and simplistic - the thought that a parent should be able to tell that their child is becoming suicidal is ludicrous - we here at the forums know how well we have hidden very deep and disturbing things from our parents - when I told my mother that I was a transsexual and had known since I started to school, she was shocked and she was not a working mother - she was at home raising us until I was in high school and she took a job ro pay for our college educations.

Blaming the victim is always a good tack, the dead can not defend themselves.

Blame the schools - good target and usually at least partly at fault - due to a total lack of discipline - it just isn't allowed.

Oh if only she had been a transsexual or a lesbian, they could have really gone to town.

There were so few comments that even seemed to be upset by the death of a teenager - a senseless loss and yet they are more eager to find someone to blame than try to prevent it from happening again and no time to be waisted mourning the loss of such a young life.

I see too many people here on a daily basis who are struggling with that very decission - Stated so clearly in "Hamlet" in 1603!

The following link will take you to the entire soliloquy - that begins with the most qouted line in all of history, "To be or not to be, that is the question....."

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/385300.html

Romeo and Juliet - teenagers killed themselves over their fueding families and their ill fated love - this has been around forever, but now we look at it and go, so?

If we as adults do not help the youth, who will?

It is time to make laws that protect the victims from these sort of crimes before they are fatalities.

Punishing someone for killing another does not bring back the dead.

Stopping someone who is issuing deathe threats before they kill their victim prevents a death - I am willing to give up my freedom to shout, "I'll kill you!" across a crowded parking lot because someone took the space I wanted - we wouldn't have so many threats flying about if police could act on them - but they can't they must make sure that the criminal has all of his or her rights intact and that they have knowledge of them - just like the criminal always informs their victims of their constitutional rights - oh, wait, they are the victims they have no rights.

There is one true villian in this story and he had hundreds of coconspirators in torturing this poor girl - the boyfriend and all of the girls that participated in the verbal abuse.

It should never have come to her suicide but being busy protecting the rights of all of the abusers, there was just no one left and no time to help the victim.

What a wonderful world we live in, but remember you have been warned it is after all called the CRIMINAL Justice System - so whose side do you think they are on?

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I blame the parents for not teaching a girl she does NOT post nude photos on the internet - or ANYWHERE!

Of course, no parent knows about suicidial tendancies - I mean ususally - or there would be no teen suicides.

Perhaps the problem is many parents are not computer literate. These type parents would not undrestand ths scope of the internet.

Lizzy