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Suddenly a woman!?

Shannon

By Shannon,
in Coming Out

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Shannon New Member

Shannon

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Posted

All my life I've known  that I'm more sensitive  and open  than most guys. In growing up  I found it easier to be friends with girls than guys. I've always  liked women to assume the dominant role yet have never felt much attraction towards men. As a matter fact I find most men abrasive, intimidating, and gross. As long as I can remember  I would randomly put on other womens clothes  quickly and quietly, look at myself  in the mirror  and take them off, of course they never quite fit.  At 38, I've kept this quiet all my life due to shame and mostly fear. I even became known  as an alpha male hanging out with the tougher guys. I found a woman/partner I've been with  for 3 years now and felt enough love and trust to try assuming more feminine roles. So I decided to order lingerie my size to wear for her. As soon as I put it on fireworks went off and I realized that it was more for me than anything although I really wanted her to tell me that I was pretty. That was 2 months ago and now I have to wear women's lingerie or clothing as soon as I get home. I started to shave my legs and body hair. I've lost some weight so went to the mall to buy some mens Jean's this weekend and found that I couldn't find any that looked girly enough. I kept finding myself in the womens section in every store! I looked at make up and put on perfume.  I couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend or the salesperson I wanted to try on womens Jean's. I've been crying a lot the last 2 days because I want to throw away all my boy stuff buy girl stuff and not hide it from anyone. I suddenly  realized my heart is all woman! I want boobs and my body hair and penis to be gone. I want to be ladylike in everything I do and it is on the forefront of my mind. This seems so fast! There are so many emotions  rushing through me. I dont know what to do. I just want to be a girl now I feel like I've wasted so much time pretending and stuffing  feelings but in the mindset of a woman the world seems more colorful I'm planning years out in my head already to make this happen. Should I slow down how did this happen  so suddenly? Please advise

Shannon

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Briana Germanium Member

Briana

Posted
Posted

Hi Shannon and welcome! Thank you for sharing some info about yourself and what you are thinking/feeling. Something you may want to think about before you lunge forward - a gender counselor or therapist.  I think they could help you sort out your feelings, figure things out, and chart a path that will find fulfilling or that meets your needs. 

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

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Certainly a counselor would help you sift through your feelings and assist you in determining a future direction.  

 

We all want to go at the speed of light when we first become "aware" but I would suggest you slow down and proceed at a pace that is not detrimental to either your relationships or mental health. 

 

Jani 

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Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
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Welcome to Trans Pulse, Shannon.  I agree with colleagues re. your post.  Getting totally absorbed with being female and feminine is something most of us have gone through.  It can be wonderful to explore all the aspects of being a woman.  But it is best to take things one step at a time.  It is a marathon, not a sprint race.

 

Please have a look around the forums and comment or ask questions wherever you find an interest.  We're here to help.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

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55 minutes ago, Shannon said:

I couldn't bring myself to tell my girlfriend or the salesperson I wanted to try on womens Jean's.

Well you could certainly order on-line.  JC Penney currently has some great prices on jeans, then add in a discount!   I like to try things on in the store but finding jeans (tall) can be hard when I look for something specific.  But this time I knew what size I needed so I ordered a few pairs.  Use the Size charts and read the comments to assess if they run large, small or true to size.  Use your hip measurement rather than waist to determine the size to order.   

 

The other place is to look at thrift shops (not consignment, they can be pricey) or Goodwill.   I find a lot of neat things.  

 

As to Undies, just go to Walmart or Target.  No one will care and you can get what you need. 

 

 

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Shannon New Member

Shannon

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Posted

I came clean to my girlfriend. She already knew and is being very supportive. We are throwing out half my clothes and buying replacements together this weekend. I am so grateful to have someone so supportive. We are going shopping together for the works this weekend. Thank you for the support here! I know this is just the start of the journey but I feel so much better about myself and feel for the the first time I know myself  and am proud of who I am.

Hugs n kisses

Shannon

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      @FinnyFinsterHH no one can satisfy your questions about what will the future hold. But I can advise you to slow your mind down as much as you're able. Take it slow and one moment at a time. This advice goes beyond the practical reality that that's truly all you can do - further, try to enjoy each moment. It's clear you have a lot of aspirations regarding transition. But it's best to try to accept the bounds of your life circumstances at present because if you develop worries or even resentments about them, that will only make you bitter and more anxious. Instead, try to focus on anything you find affirming. Practice positive self-talk and give yourself affirmations too. Try to let go of expectations of your family members - they can only deal with change to the capacity they're able due to their own life conditions. Allow them grace as you wish they would allow you. Practice patience.   Try this exercise - read through your post and make one list of the positive developments and another of things you cannot control (including the future). If you have a sense of spirituality, offer the second list as a sacrifice to however you understand a higher power - leave it in their hands. If you're not spiritual, then offer it up to hope. Then throw that list away. Keep the list of positives and leave some room on it because guaranteed you'll have more and more to add. Look forward to that, but don't let your mind think it can rush things. Try to enjoy the ride. 

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