G.a.s-expectations

[Guest Zenda]

I’m not too sure whether this topic has already been aired in this forum. But I’ll bring it up anyway. This sort of topic is better aired in an open forum than in poll form. In poll form one is restricted somewhat in their answers which can at times be quite complex.

How realistic are you when it comes to your expectations surrounding Real Life Experience and Gender Affirming Surgery? Or has G.A.S changed your life for the better-not really or it’s worse than before ?

Because many transsexual people have similar experiences regarding family circumstances- marriage-children-church and or their appearance-height -weight-looks etc prior to and after gender affirmation. It’s important to be open and honest about your personal experience. Your experiences might help others who are in a similar position you were prior to affirming your gender identity.

Bear in mind experiences will be right a cross the board from…Transtastic-transfabulous-to transcontent-transnormal-transmundane- transregret and sadly in some cases transhorrific . An example of what I mean by being realistic [or unrealistic in her case]-a trans person I know was convinced that after her GAS others would start to refer to her as ‘female’ with correct pronouns when addressing her etc. She had been living fulltime for around a year prior to GAS… Sadly this was not to be…she has since told me she does not ‘regret’ having surgery- [after transitioning and surgery she has really come out of her shell], but at times she still gets annoyed when being addressed as male.

Are you being realistic or were you unrealistic in your expectations?

Metta Jendar

[Guest Jenny]

I know for me it is a blend of cirumstances; there some things I thought of, then as I continue to think about it, I know it would be unrealistic that they are just hopes, but there are other things that are are completely realistic.

First of all, feelings towards myself, I would feel more complete, more of who I am. I feel uncomfortable having an extra "appendage", I have not had to imagine having a female resembling anatomy because for me it is second nature except that reality has slapped me. If this makes any sense, because I have trouble verbalizing my thoughts sometimes and putting them in the correct context with the right nuances.

Unrealistically, that I have thought that once everything is all said and done that people will treat me the same, or that they will treat me differently for the better.

I think that is why I want the FFS is that I want to eradicate any part of me that could remind anyone that I was physically a male. I really do knot appreciate my body the way it is.

With respect to my daughter; I would hope that she accepts me for who I am, I would have no control over this especially if I can't get my wife onboard that we be at least friends. I lost my first son due to divorce and I have never seen him in ten years. My wife left and who knows what she has told him, all this over an annullment of the marriage. So I know what it feels like to lose your child over a decision.

I am jubilent yet sorrowful at the same time. The only regret so far is the regret I did nt know about this earlier. The only regret I believe I could have is not pursuing who I am. I know these are issues that I will go through with a therapist and I know there are issues I have not yet thought about and some I probably have a completely wrong take on.

Thanks for listening and thanks for asking the question Jendar

[Guest Zenda]

Thanks for being REAL with your open and brave response Jenny. But sadly judging by the response [or lack of response] from others-perhaps many of those just starting out really don't have a clue or have UNREALISTIC expectations or are trying to block one of the most important aspects of affirming ones gender from their minds...hoping any negative possibilities will magically disappear! Your response Jenny no doubt will ring true for others in this forum. And I hope this post along with your response has at least got the reader THINKING in a more realistic way about what the future holds for them. Their future contentment depends greatly on being realistic about their expectations !

Metta Jendar

[Guest angie]

Jendar,

These forums have so many areas that it takes time to find all of the posts.

I myself peruse all of the forums,well,except The FTM forums.

I know what it is to be who i no longer am.Been there Done that Aint Goin Back.

It just holds no interest for me.

The expectations i have with RLE/RLT are to learn to live as my real self.

Learning to blow off negativity thrown at me.People can be and are quite cruel.

I have reached the point that i do not even consider throwing on the male for any reason.

Even though i have to do business as my old me.(No name change yet.)

I may and do get strange looks from nurses and doctors and other professionals i do business with.

The need to be real to the world supercedes any discomfort i may experience.

Though strange to them,once they get down to business,i am treated like any other person.

But,it takes time to defeat your man.After a lifetime of progamming it is not an easy exercise.

Constant drilling oneself to present,remembering to use all the mannerisms of the female.

Until one day i realised that i had reached that elusive state.

I have surrendered to my femininity totally."Goodbye Mr.D."It was about time too.

By the time i have GRS/SRS/GAS i will have lived and trained myself for six years.

The surgery will just make everything complete.(The icing on the cake)

The only one to know what is under my skirt will be me and those close to me.

I have a girlfriend that thinks this will be the answer to all her problems.

When i try to talk to her about it,she discounts what i say.Too bad.

She has higher expectations than are warranted.Will she be happy?I only hope so.

I already am quite happy actually.

Surgery will allow me to go anywhere wear anything,without fear of discovery.

But,once again...I Am The Only One That Will Know.

All of my family and extended family accept the fact that i have to and must walk this path.

They may not understand why,but they are coming to terms with me.

Some are even reaching out reconnecting with me.

When they use the old name or call me by the wrong gender...i gently correct them.

And always with a smile on my face and in my voice.Kind of disarms them.

Anger begats anger,while humor and a smile helps others to see the real me.

But it took a long time to get where i am today.

Ahh,but i do love your and Z's Posts.

They always make one think.And that my Sisters is a very good thing.

Hugs Sister,

Angie.

[Guest Leah1026]

I've had FFS and SRS.

My goal for FFS was simple: I wanted to look more like I should have. I wanted the ghost in the mirror to be gone. I didn't have surgery for passing with others. I had it so I could pass with myself! I feel having surgery for others is simply continuing the cycle of trying to please others. Further, I should mention I was androgenous looking before surgery and people never questioned my gender. But the image in the mirror had always bothered me. Anywho, I can report surgery was a great success and I look like a cross between my sister and my Mom. The ghost in the mirror is gone and my self-confidence got a healthy boost.

My goal for SRS was the same: To look like I should have. That's it. I'm am very happy with my results.

So yes I agree expectations need to be realistic. I've seen a few people who were disappointed with their FFS results even though they looked great. They think they should be runway models. Hello! Because of our proportions being slightly off that's just not going to happen. I'm very happy to be a Plain Jane! It's much better than being a Plain Jack (sorry guys).

[Guest harvester52]

My only expectations in surgeries I plan to have are simply to

A. be able to wear a T-shirt with no binder, or no shirt when it's really hot.

B. be able to pee standing up (if I have bottom surgery... and that's a big IF.)

I'm very asexual, so retaining the ability to have sexual pleasure is a moot point.

[Guest April]

In regards to surgeries, they are for no one but me. The biggest thing I am expecting out of them it to put the right parts where they belong so I can look in the mirror and feel better about what I see. As far as ffs there are a few things I want done, but I want them for me and only me. What I expect from everyone else is not necessarily passing, would be nice, but I really think that I would just rather them to accept me as being female.

The one thing that I am probably over expecting is the fact that I want hips and a nice rear. I know that i am probably over expecting this so I am preparing myself for the truth of the out come.