I think I know

[Lou Lamoureux]

Hello TransPulse forum user and viewers!

I go by Lou on the internet (even though this isn't my irl name) and I have been as of late thinking about going forward with a transition. I am a 17 year old resident of western Massachusetts, ever since I was a child I had always felt I would be happier as a female but I had suppressed it and written it off as something that was out of reach. I came to forums to seek insight into the transition process and to find people to talk to about my moving forward as a trans girl.

How I came to the conclusion that I could be trans: 

All my life I have have sort of though about what being female would be like for me, and these thoughts were a comfort, they were in their own right a sanctuary that I would retreat to. The thing that brought me to the really start thinking about a transition was weirdly enough porn, and more specifically porn about feminization. To me it was a way in which I could feel that I was a girl, it wasn't humiliating or degrading it made me feel like I was being addressed as a girl something I had rarely been able to feel, and it felt right. And with this new liking in being addressed and treated as a girl, I got into online role-playing which even though I was playing a character, the role-play was more me than me, It wasn't what I was it was what I wanted.

My Depression and the anxieties: 

A few years ago when I was first entering high school I found myself very depressed and unhappy, I turned to self-harming and stealing my parents alcohol, I had no explanation for the depression I was feeling and so instead of trying to figure it out it tried to cover it up. Although I had always seen myself as quite feminine and liked being seen by others that way I was and still am afraid of transitioning. I feel that others won't see me as a female, and that this will only make me feel worse about myself, and on top of this my family aren't the type of people who would accept me as trans. But I know that if I don't transition soon I am going to do something whatever that may be. 

My Plan:

despite thinking about this 24/7 I really don't have a concrete plan as to how I will transition and how I will come out. My plan was to begin transitioning when I go off to college although I would like to start myself on hormones much sooner if I can (without my parents knowing, at least for now). The thing that really bothers me about my current plan is that I am scared that my parents will end up finding out when they come to visit me in college. but as a side note if anyone has any knowledge on ways to get hrt without my parents knowing it would be much appreciated.  

*My parents are on the transphobic side of things, from what I have seen*

Therapy/Talking to a professional:

I currently am going to a therapist and plan on talking to her about transitioning on my next visit, I have also heard that another starting place is with your g.p. and I am currently working on contacting mine. 

[VickySGV]

The hormones without telling your parents is going to be the tough part of this since you are only 17, but the significan part for you is that it will be several months usually before a therapist will give the go ahead on them.  You are too young  to give "Informed Consent" to your g.p. for the time being as well.  Waiting and going slowly with transition is actually the best way although GD can kick us hard enough that we want to rush into it. and then we do some things that can hurt us if we are not getting proper medical help.

You say you are getting ready for college, and that may be a wonderful time for you to start, since they may have gender counselors on campus, and the Student Health Services will fill prescriptions and do lab work for you.  Also there may be clubs on campus or nearby for you to get support from..  Hold a steady course, and do not be tempted to use the "vitamin hormones" advertised in the adult magazines you spoke about.  The least they will do is waste money, but they can also do harm if abused.

[Evelyn1992]

Lou, do you know anyone by the name of Mark Lamoureux. He was my sixth grade teacher in the elementary school Mill Swan. its funny that you two have the exact same last name. So I do not know if you are somehow related to him. maybe he is your grandfather or dad maybe?

[DeeDee]

On 1/4/2019 at 3:02 AM, Lou Lamoureux said:

I currently am going to a therapist and plan on talking to her about transitioning on my next visit, I have also heard that another starting place is with your g.p. and I am currently working on contacting mine.

Both great ideas to start with Lou, and Hello  .

[SaraAW]

Hello Lou and welcome. I have come out to my GP within the last 2 weeks and do not yet have a therapist. It was definitely hard, but I feel much better having done so.  She is great; however, very inexperienced with trans and hrt. She is still being very supportive and is trying to find me both a referral to a more experienced GP (she goes on mat leave at the end of the month) and local therapist with gender experience.  Keep in mind everyone’s experience coming out to their doctors (or anyone for that matter) is different. 

 

I can tell you that I am much older and also worried how my coming out will be received by most family and friends and that i’ll never pass. Disphoria is tough. I am out to only 3 people and present very male.  I am 6’2”, 220 lbs and have a 5 o’clock shadow permanently (or at least until I can afford laser or electrolysis.  I can definitely see how living at home, being dependent on parents that may not be very accepting, can complicate matters. I try to do little things that fly under most peoples radar to help me feel a little better. I paint my nails with a clear polish that is not too glossy, I pluck my eyebrows to give them a bit of shape, but not too much, I use the toilet like a woman, I use gender neutral body care products (lotion, shampoo, scrubs, etc. ) and many other little things to help.  I am really looking forward to discussing with a therapist some coping techniques and getting over my fear and shame of being me and not able to pass as the real me. 

 

I agree with Vicky, you appear to be on a good course, stick with the therapy and it may help to bring your GP into your circle of trust. You could also see if your therapist might be able to recommend some friendly GPs if you are worried that your current GP might not be trans friendly.  

 

The science on most commonly available supplements (phytoestrogens) is not very promising and most likely a huge waste of money that you may likely need to by doctor prescribed hormones. Other drugs obtained outside of the medical system can be very dangerous. Even if they are the same as a doctor would prescribe, without medical supervision, they can still be very dangerous.  Talk to your therapist about coping strategies, start saving your money for hrt, read the stories here and feel free to ask more questions. I’m fairly new here, but have already found this to be a great community and resource. 

 

*hugs*