one thing I'm worried about

[leomonade]

I've been planning on how to come out for a while now. since my parents' birthdays are in the beginning of the year, I've decided to come out to them sometime in april to not present something so big around their birthdays while also giving time before the next school year starts. I've done hours of research on the transgender issue so i could tell them about sources and the logic behind transsexuality given their opinions on the topic, and though I'm prepared, I'm still absolutely terrified of how they'll respond.  my situation definitely isn't the worst. i don't think my situation is so bad that I'll be kicked out (thankfully) but one thing that'll really make it hard is because of bad situations that are connected to this topic, if that makes sense. one big thing I'm worried about is that they'll respond badly and completely look through my phone, as questionable as that sounds (there's more lol). I've got a really bad history of my parents  once looking through my phone regularly, and through that finding out my identity at the time (I've given it up after realizing it wasn't mine). they've stopped doing it so extremely but I'm scared that once they hear that i did research on being transgender in incognito mode, they'll try really hard to see my history on it, which some things on it i really don't want them to see. I've looked up if it's possible to look at someone's incognito history but I've only found conflicting articles. idk if there'll be an answer from this website but that's one thing had really been bothering me. I'm just worried about them invading my personal life once i come out.

 

obviously, I'm also terrified of how they'll respond to my identity in general. it'll definitely be a lot to take in and i get that. so far, i know my mom has said that she'd help me if i "wanted to be a boy" when she found out I've been trying to chest bind (she later took away what I've been using since she believes it'll give cancer) (she didn't add any context to it either, but from what she's said on other things of the same topic, i expect she meant that she wants to help me get over it). she's told me about how she thinks people who like the same sex will frequently identify with the other gender, i.e. a lesbian identifying as male, and I've been worried about her thinking im just a lesbian in denial. she's also told me about how she really wants (biological) grandchildren, and though I've got a sibling that i could hope gets biological kids, i don't want her to be disappointed. i feel like she'll tell me about how hard it will be as someone who is lgbt (im getting these from things she's told me before about her opinions about the lgbt community) and things in the same fashion. it might not be that much of a shock to her, seeing how she's noticed my masculine behavior, but i think she'll have misconceptions about the subject and how i want to go about it. I'm hoping that I'll be able to at least be able to find a middle ground with all I've researched, but it'll be hard to live with my family (emotionally) for a while after coming out, especially if they do search through my phone. i have no idea what my dad's opinions on this are. 

 

I'm already out to two people, even though i technically didn't come out to them (i know them decently enough that it's fine they know), and i want to come out to a few close friends to sort of practice and so that there's people i know really well that already know about my situation. 

 

any advice on this? 

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, leomonade said:

and though I've got a sibling that i could hope gets biological kids, i don't want her to be disappointed.

Hi Leomonade, I am not sure what kind of advice you are seeking - the average person could not see your incognito history, you would have to work in an IT industry to know enough to circumvent that, it goes way beyond most people, keeping some personal space can be important but the safeguards are there for good reasons.

It can be hard to talk to family about things that are important to us sometimes for fear of hurting them, and you seem to be very concerned about your mum's reaction.

You cannot try to live your life simply to please other people, that never works out well in the long run.

As you have stated you have done a lot of research things may be obvious to you, but others may take longer to join you where you are. Stay calm, think through what you want to say and don't throw facts and figures around or overload someone with statistics if you can avoid it. There is nothing wrong with taking your time and practicing in a safe space first!

[jo jo]

sometimes you will be pleasantly surprised how people react think about it logically and speak from the heart if you do this you cant go wrong if they react badly they will soon come round theyre your parents and they love you..... good luck hun n cwtches xx