Came out to my daughter this weekend

[Heather L]

I had been planning to come out to her for a while, and had discussed it with my wife.  And I was planning to in the near future, but, as fate always seems to have it, our daughter derailed my plans ahead of time.  Classic story: she had gone to bed and gone silent and I had waited what was usually long enough for her to be asleep, and then I went to change into my "Heather" clothes for the evening.  And, of course, just as I was halfway into putting on hose, she pops out of bed and shows up in our bedroom for comfort.  (For reference, she just turned 8.)  I heard her getting up, and I could have tried to quick hide everything, but I made the snap decision to just roll with it.

 

It led to The Conversation, but, thankfully, it went pretty well.  We had told her about the idea of being transgendered previously, and she has a number of friends with gay parents, so she's at least familiar with some points in the LGBT space.  She was pretty startled to find out that I am transgendered.  But she's an amazing kid.  She said, as near as I can recollect, "Your feelings are okay," "This is really big -- it's going to take some time to get used to," "You're still my daddy, right?," "I love you," "I'll only think about this when I have to," "This is only sometimes, right?," and "You look pretty."  (By that time I'd put on a dress and earrings and sat down to chat with her.)  So...  There are definitely some reservations there, and she's a bit weirded out, but she's basically loving and supportive, which is pretty amazing.  I am incredibly grateful.  I told her how much I loved her and mommy and that all of her feelings were okay too.

 

My wife figured out that there was a big conversation going on at some point and showed up.  She reaffirmed to our daughter that her feelings are okay and that she shares a lot of them.  And we both said that we're here for any questions that she has.

 

The next morning she said that she was feeling much better, which is sweet.  I'm sure that she has a ton of Thoughts and Questions, but I'm trying to not poke her and to let them come at her speed.

 

This has been gnawing at me for a while, so I'm glad to be past this particular hurdle.  At least step 1 of it.  Now the real journey begins.

[Cyndee]

That's a wonderful post to read Heather, congratulations with having such an important conversation with your young daughter. I came out our 2 daughters when they were teens. I think it's harder when they are older.

 

I hope this leads to better things in your family. There will be more to this story for sure.

 

Hugs

 

Cynthia -

[tracy_j]

That's nice Heather! The better you all can relax with things the better the way things are likely to sort themselves out.

 

Tracy

[Timber Wolf]

That's great, Heather! I'm sure it must be a relief to not have to keep that secret anymore. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Good call Heather.  I would suggest taking her lead on when to address this further.  As you note, she probably has other questions but she'll need the to absorb what she's learned so far.  Be patient.  

 

Jani