Uncomfortable moment

[Josie Beth]

Today I was almost certain someone was trying to out me at work. The thing is I recognized 2 faces I came across in grinder amongst those trying to contact me. What is really appalling about it is these are the same dudes that sent pics of their junk which I deleted from my feed, and they had the nerve to ridicule trans women in general and me in a round about way. What made me very uncomfortable and want to puke: is when one of them got some pizza like the rest of us, and pretended a Freudian slip, saying “let me try out this -transgender-” not just once but twice to make sure I heard it as he sat down at my table. I’m very displeased by this cowardly attempt at outing someone, but I’m also laughing my butt of because these guys sent pics saying vulgar things to me, and I never gave them any indication that I was ever looking for them to do those things. It’s like cold calling a house and starting right into phone sex!?! Yet these same guys, maybe because I didn’t respond, decided it’s ok to ridicule a “-transgender-” even though they initiated unwelcome sexual advances? I’m constantly blocking, deleting, and saying no. It’s even in my profile that I’m not looking for a hookup. What makes it ok to act totally disrespectfully gay/bi/trans attracted in secret, but not ok to be the object of the unwanted advances? Basically I’m being bashed for the proclivities of someone else because they feel wrong about having them. What universe does this make sense in? Can’t these boys playing at being men take ownership of their own behavior?

[tracy_j]

That's not good Josie. I would be very careful. If you get any evidence that can be kept, it would be a good idea to keep it. Mostly these things blow over in time. I hope this is the case here. Not knowing the situation first hand, or that in your state it's not essy for me to advise further.

 

Tracy

[Josie Beth]

Well one of the things that I can do is just ignore them and make sure I work nearby so they start getting a little nervous. After the obvious attempt to get under my skin it was their turn to feel uncomfortable and they eventually started watching their words. 

 

I guess I’m just bothered by the fact that they can do all kinds of inappropriate things and yet still have the nerve to shame the object of their inappropriate behavior. It’s just insane. If it keeps up I can always request a transfer but that usually ends up hurting my finances. I’m just really hoping to find something in retail with a company that actually has good policies so I’m less likely to encounter jerkoffs.

[Kirsten]

Isn’t grinder a hookup thing? I have a couple friends that use it and that’s all they do is find f-buddies on there. If you’re using something like that you have to expect vulgarity there. 

And unfortunately if people recognize you from it, you’re gonna get some spillover. Not that it makes it right. But something to think about. 

As far as the work stuff, keep track of everything that happens while at work. And report it when it happens. Many companies have a 3 strike or however many policy. So it’s important to keep he in the loop. 

I hope things get better ASAP. 

[Josie Beth]

It’s seemed to blow over for now. It’s a dating app but I’ve actually been talking to more transgender women using it as a networking tool because the local transgender groups are not as convenient as they should be. There’s many of us talking there and trying to find trans functions or plan outings. Of course there’s a lot of pervs there but some are more difficult than others. I’m not going on there for very long moments because if I do then I’ll be bombarded by unwelcome advances. Some of the other transgender people I have met there have transferred over to Kik because it’s quieter but some are avoiding the grinder app as much as me and it makes it difficult to suggest moving to Kik. Of course some of them are posing as trans just to try pursuing me on Kik so it’s a recurring issue.

[Kris-Boston]

At work a very creepy man was doing things very much against policy , in the end it was something like 100 strikes plus . They are keeping him on . A lot of people had poor memories or don't want to get involved .  But in the end I pity the man , he most likely does not want to come out of the closet . In my case he is in in 70's and he is working for free or close to it federal employee on CSRS , so 80 percent pension , that does not exist and longer . I think management figures how much longer can the man live , he has multiple health issues . Be careful , keep a log ,take pictures , the rules of what you can do vary by state . People who love to hate are sad people , they have an empty heart. Use what ever dating app you want  , but suggest you use a profile of a city say 50 miles away for a reasonable safe harbor . 

[Josie Beth]

That’s twice people have said to take pictures. And I ask how when the cel phone policy strictly prohibits photos being taken at work and prohibits cel phone use? Plus these guys tend to catch you off guard, say things in a way that they can explain it away and make me look like I’m being petty or blowing things out of proportion, and it happens so fast I’m not sitting there waiting for them with recording devices. People like this know what they are doing, have done it habitually for years and know how to get away with it. We’re not talking about some bumbling idiot who wants to get caught. It’s a game to them and they play to win. They did this in high school, and while it’s immature, they are good at it.

 

I’m just going to pretend like I didn’t hear it unless there’s another witness who doesn’t appreciate the remarks. That’s if it ever happens again. Guys like this tend to hit and run. Like I said it’s a game to them.

 

I’m not going to pretend to be from another city. It’s easy enough to just not respond to the dill weeds that keep sending me pictures of their dangly bits. I’m getting pretty good at being an ice queen toward those who have been awarded the dim of whits trophy. I’m learning that usually the 19-27 year old age group is the most immature and I’m not a cougar. I would rather talk to someone my own age group that can carry on a meaningful conversation without suddenly throwing a banana in the works. Maybe it’s an exercise in growing thicker skin before encountering more of these idiots in the real world. I’ll save the sexual harassment claims for when it’s clearly inappropriate and I’ve got better rules on my side. Besides I have already seen what happens when someone constantly cries wolf or appears to because of work politics, it’s not pretty. I’m not wanting to be that girl. Thanks for all the support and feedback, however I really need to take a different approach to alleviate any future issues by simply finding a better work environment. 

[Kris-Boston]

I used to be a police officer , but each state has there own rules .  So while I work in a federal building I can in theory record  others its federal - one party consent- in general - but again each state has there own laws - expectation of privacy - was in VT and don't know it has changed allowed the rental owner to record people - the owner was a dog hatter - would not rent the lake cabin again . In Mass recording people requires two party consent .  So I could be charged in both federal or state court for recording the creep .  But go to HR , or a local group that is LBGT friendly , many offer advice .    But most places have rules on work place photo's trade secrets or some other reason .  But there are immature  people of all age groups .   I found ignoring them does work .   But keep on doing what you are doing , you know yourself better than anyone .   I find reading Plato's Republic a good source or inspiration , not that expensive purchase . I find going for walks , going to the aquarium, in general does it for me .  But a lot of cis gender people are messed up mentally- in the all the fields I worked in .  But what I think is funny with on lien dating is someone showing a photo of themselves from many years ago or in a physical shape that is not what they appear in the present time .  In the end its pure jealously as they are not happy and the only way for them to be to be happy is putting someone else down .      

[Josie Beth]

Well I’m going to be starting a new job soon so I’m not really worried about such bad behavior once I move on. The new job will have a whole new set of obstacles to deal with. I’m not trying to make a career out of it. Basically I wanted to get some management on my resume’ so I can get a better retail job and be somewhere better for my transition. I’m already looking at the new job like I’m ready to find another better job. But for now I’m more concerned with a stable schedule and improving my quality of life so I can transition with less issues. Maybe I can even get a car and some more personal business in order so moving and maybe a transfer to another location is easier. Anyway thanks for all the tips and support! Let’s see what happens next!