A mom's questions

[mwells]

As i've said before, as the mother of a mtf woman, I have a lot of questions....

 

My older daughter and I would talk about "women's issues" but I'm not sure that my new, younger daughter would be accepting of discussing these things. For example, her hair is thinning on top - her dad was bald in that area. I'd like to ask her if she plans to use rogain or would she like help acquiring a hairpiece, but I don't want to make her self-concious. Should I just not say anything? Her brows could use some shaping - again, just mind my own business? (I did get her a home laser hair removal system for Christmas and a brow shaper razor. Should I just leave it at that?)

 

[Beverly]

I wouldn't mention the hair piece. That would make her super self conscious. Is she medically transitioning with hormone replacement therapy? If so, her doctor can address hair growth or thinning. It usually helps with that. As for the eye brows, it's totally appropriate for a girl to tell another girl her brows could be more beautiful with some shaping. If her eye brows need work, tell her asap! Talk to her as you would to one of your girlfriend's about her appearance. That is your rule of thumb.

[Dev]

Hmm.  It seems to me if your daughter is 40 (I'm  nearly there myself), you're probably similar in age to my mom.  She tactfully addressed a lot of the practical aspects of gender transition, coming from the practical era she does, and none of it ruffled any feathers with me.  I would definitely not charge right in with "So, sweetie, what about that bald spot?" but there are ways to bring it up and have a productive conversation.  Simply offering to help her learn things like hair styling and cosmetics would open the door for her to bring up any challenges she faces.

 

At the end of the day, your daughter knows you.  A little bit of tact will go a long way, and she'll know you're coming from a place of support.  And, conversely, you know her.  The fact that she's "suddenly" a woman doesn't change any other aspect of her personality.  She's still the kid you raised, so in all likelihood your guess as to how she'd react to something is probably spot on.

[Jani]

36 minutes ago, MaryMary said:

I think if it comes from a caring and supportive place then it's really cool.

Yes this is so.  I knew I'd be all right when my mother talked about "daughter things" with me.  Very validating!

 

Just now, Dev said:

She tactfully addressed a lot of the practical aspects of gender transition, coming from the practical era she does, and none of it ruffled any feathers with me.

My mother has offered me advise and I took it in stride because I know she's right.  I know where her heart is and that she's concerned for how I look.  I figure she gave advise to my sisters so why not me too.  She's lived the life and despite all my trying, I'm a relative newby!  

 

If after the laser does it thing she needs electrolysis on the remaining light hairs, I can recommend a great place nearby.  

 

Jani