1st Gender Appt & Accidental Self Misgender

[ToniTone]

Just had my first transgender clinic appointment yesterday, and it went great! I was so nervous and didn't no what to expect. I got approved for hrt, I'm so excited! I need to go back next week after I go to the sperm bank (doubt I'll ever have children, but I suppose it'd be a good idea to keep the option available), then I can get estradiol and Spiro and get started! 

 

It's a pretty reknowned clinic in MN. I was so nervous! I'm so shy! But I suppose there's a first time for everything. Were y'all nervous and excited when you went to the clinic for the first time?.. They were very welcoming and courteous. I had a good talk with the nurse, about how her daughter came out to her as bi and trans, and about my coming to realize I'm trans. It was nice to open up and personalize the experience before going into the formalities. 

 

I accidentally referred to myself as a guy in casual conversation with the doctor. I doubt they thought anything about it, but it was akward for me when I caught it. I haven't really had any conversations where my gender or pronouns came into play in a while. I've been existing with the male label for 32 years now, so male pronouns just seem to come naturally. And fem pronouns, while they feel right, are still new and alien to me.

 

I feel inadequate though, like, shouldn't I refer to myself in fem terms instinctively as a trans woman? Did any of y'all accidentally misgender yourselves early in your transition?

 

Please if you have anything relatable or reassuring or helpful to tell me. It's been bugging me. Like, I know I'm trans, but I don't want to keep misgendering and invalidating myself, even if it was an accident. 

 

~Toni

[tracy_j]

Hi Toni, I'm glad things went well with you at the clinic. It will soon become more natural. I admit I am shy at these sorts of places too. I have never really got over it. Even stranger when I think - I worked in healthcare but was often very nervous when visiting a new health clinic with my work. The staff will realise and be helpful as you have found.

 

You have spent years in society with a male label so you have learned to use this, whatever you may feel deep down. It will take a while to overcome this programming. Things will become natural and there will be a time when you will have difficulty dragging the old male pronoun out of memory. In fact a thing to watch in early times may be outing yourself when with someone you have not come out to, purely by instinct, ie using female pronouns when fully male.

 

Tracy

[Michelle_Anne]

Researching on making my first appointment also. Extreamly nervous also but hoping once I’m there I will feel better. 

[Kirsten]

You’ll be nervous about 100000 times now Toni. Every new step carries a pile of nerves and scary thoughts. But as you start knocking them down, you’ll see that it’s mostly just in your head. But it won’t really make it any easier. What does get easier is the fact that your ability to push the fear away gets stronger. 

At close to a year, and over 6 months full time I still get scared and nervous. Going to the Celtics game the other day I was a ball of nerves. But not like I would’ve been last July. Idk when it stops, but it doesn’t last too long. 

 

Congrats btw!! ?

[Raven1981]

Congrats Toni on taking your first step.  Like how everyone has said that the nerves will be there but they will so disappear.  I was nervous myself when I first went in on getting hormones and was even nervous going to see my therapist and also going to a support group.  But since I am 15 months on HRT and 1yr 1mo being full time, it has gotten easier for me.  I still get nervous, like how just recently I have always wanted to try dancing ballet as myself and was not sure how everyone would be in the class when I signed up and now I am not really nervous and the instructor and the lady's in the class all treat me like a normal cis-woman.

 

The nerves will be there, but as you begin to get comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are the nerves tend to fade away.  This is a big step and I can say that for myself, it is the right step.  You will see alot more nerves come up as you journey through like using the correct restroom, going out in public if you have not as your authentic self.  Then the most nerve racking but the most satisfying is when you get your name changed legally along with your gender markers.

 

Congrats are being able to take the steps on becoming your authentic self

 

Lots of Love

 

Amy

[ToniTone]

At Limitededition

Just do it! Maybe talk to a gender counselor/therapist too (don't really know where you are at in your experience). I feel comfortable having done this, I'm actually eager to go back. 

 

To everyone

This whole thing has been wild! I really had to get out of my "comfort" zone (quoted bc I was never really comfortable ever, actually I feel more relaxed now that I'm doing this and starting to be me again), smash my reservations of changing for the better. Thank y'all for your comforting and inspiring words! 

 

On the subject of bathrooms, I'm really nervous about that hurdle! Right now I present as male and dress "masc-neutral". I live in an all-male sober living facility for about another month and I'm not coming out to my fellow residents bc yeah (don't want to alienate anyone or rock the boat). So using the men's room just comes natural. Actually here we just call it the bathroom, lol! 

 

I doubt I'll ever fully pass and probably just keep using the men's room. I think retaining the "hardware", I might feel akward using the women's restroom (at least to myself I feel akward). I do want to shift to dressing more fem, and maybe I'm underestimating what HRT can fully do for my transition. 

I might just have to start planning my social outings around more trans-friendly establishments! 

[Raven1981]

Hello Toni.  I am 38 years old myself and I am not 100% passable myself, but I can cover myself up pretty well.  Makeup is really fun once you learn how to apply it and have it look natural.  With the right clothes, you can pass as well.  We all here understand about taking it slow and going at your pace.  Go at a pace where you feel comfortable.  This forum is just a wonderful place from everyone sharing their experiences and rants as well.  Remember that woman come in all shapes and sizes. 

 

 

dont know if you have also looked up any support groups in your area, but a local Transgender support group is a good way to help with nerves and experiences as well.  I just google searched some support groups in MN and this one seems interesting to check out.

 

http://www.minnesotatransgenderalliance.com/

 

Hope you get to read about alot of experiences from everyone in here.

[Raven1981]

Just now, ToniTone said:

 

I doubt I'll ever fully pass and probably just keep using the men's room. I think retaining the "hardware", I might feel akward using the women's restroom (at least to myself I feel akward). I do want to shift to dressing more fem, and maybe I'm underestimating what HRT can fully do for my transition. 

I might just have to start planning my social outings around more trans-friendly establishments! 

I forgot to add and mention that the effect for hormones does not change your bone structure, but usually will start to see breast growth in an average 4 to 6 months, will see skin softening, fat redistrubtion like going to your butt and hips and might get a figure.

 

Also you will probably put on weight.  When on hormones, it is very hard to lose weight, so if you are ever thinking about wanting to lose some weight, start now before the hormones cause once the hormones kick in, it will be hard to lose the weight.

 

 

[ToniTone]

Yeah, I tried going there once but they were closed. I have alot of queer and queer supportive friends though, alot of artists, anarcho-punks, poets, free thinkers...

 

I can't wait to move out to my own place again, hang out with my friends more. Doll up! 

 

Thanks Amy and y'all! ❤️

~Toni

[Kirsten]

Bathrooms can suck. I have issues in bathrooms while I’m at work. Cause it’s work boots, jeans, hoodies, reflective gear, and hard hats. So even Ariana Grande would look like a guy. But I still push forward. Haven’t used a men’s room since August. And I’ve only had 1 issue which was 2 days ago. And it wasn’t much. Some older woman saw me washing up and started loudly saying “excuse me sir” over and over which I ignored. I turned to was to the dryer and she looked right at me and said “oh I didn’t realize you’re one of those” rolled her eyes and waited for me to leave the restroom before she went in. But screw her. I have the right to pee and clean up. 

Every other time I’ve used the ladies room it was fine. People don’t really care assuming you look the part. If you’re in all men’s clothes, no makeup, and are gonna stand to pee, go men’s room. Otherwise go where your more comfortable. 

[ToniTone]

I feel ya. When I was in hs I dressed fem alot, I was androgyny and passing for fem was easier when I was a teen. Guys would stare all distraught as I come in with goth makeup, shock rocker hair, and big black JNCOs that look like a dress and walk right up to the urinal and go!

 

I used to get hit on by guys who thought I was a cis-female. Would both  blush in the akwardness of it all. I miss those days, I was so happy...