Toni's Tale

[ToniTone]

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

[Kirsten]

1 hour ago, ToniTone said:

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

Lmao! Kick his a$$!!! ?

im telling ya, that crotch grab will end it all if the broken rib don’t work. Lol

[Ellora]

2 hours ago, ToniTone said:

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

he could be interested in you? Kinda like that grade school punch in the arm, has progressed to purple nurples. Kinda like kids playing squirrel,  ??

[ToniTone]

Lol! You girls are a riot sometimes lol! 

Nothing makes or breaks a friendship like aggressively gripping each other's sensitive parts... ??

 

Modern problems require modern solutions

[ToniTone]

Here's the long frilled skirt I got for Pride (and beyond). I I love it, it's so cute and comfortable! I missed wearing dresses and skirts... 

 

I also cut my hair and bangs, to get rid of some ratty mess and promote healthy growth. I was going for an inverted bob, but I got tired and timid and just straight cut it in the back. I'ma go to a salon later and have them feather it up in the back for me. 

[Charlize]

You look great girl.  Enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[DeeDee]

Looking good! ?

[ToniTone]

Thanks girls! 

?Happy ?Pride? y'all!!

~Toni

[Dakota16]

Cute outfit! Looking good!

[Susan R]

I'm jealous, Toni.  I love those colors and that skirt. ?

[ToniTone]

Thanks y'all! o.~

[Kirsten]

Cute and sassy! That is a really pretty skirt for sure. 

[Ellora]

? Kisses right back at you! Love the skirt and hair! 

[ToniTone]

Thanks girls! ❤️

It was my first time going to Pride and it was pretty awesome! I missed the parade bc my hip joint hurt and it got rainy. But the festival in the park was cool! 

 

I so wanted to go back to the booth and get more of these skirts in more muted colors. But it's cool, there will be more skirts o.~

 

~Toni

[ToniTone]

I dressed out publicly this week a couple times! It's the first time I went out dressed fem in probably over a decade. It was amazing! I got a lot of compliments and validation at my outpatient treatment, including from some guys who go to the church sober meeting we go to who surprised me with their positive, supportive response. 

 

It felt so right. It took some courage to go out on the bus and commit to the day in a skirt and slinky top. But once I was on the bus at point of no return, from then on out, it just felt so right and natural, so good to express and be me. Interestingly, it feels even more wrong now then ever to dress in 'guy mode'. I feel almost naked and dull wearing men's jeans. 

 

I also hung out with another trans woman from treatment. She's been on hrt just a little longer than me. I coined us 'transition sisters'. I hope our friendship grows, and we can see and help each other as we transition. She's so lovely... 

 

❤️

~Toni

[Amberlea]

Wow. That's fantastic Toni, well done you! That step in faith was sooo... well rewarded! I really hope that the friendship with your transition sister blooms for you. A friend like that is precious. (I have a couple of close cis woman friends who are just wonderful...)

[ToniTone]

Hey y'all! Haven't been too active here the past few weeks, I've been in a mostly uneventful but busy routine the past few weeks. So I haven't had much to say or time to say it. But I think I mustered up enough noteworthy things to mention. So here goes... 

 

So, life at my new sober house has been OK. On the one hand I've made some good new friends and became more incorporated into the lights community. I finally feel like I'm where I belong and part of something, not just subsisting in isolation on the fringe of society... On the other hand, I'm so busy and stressed with all the treatment and meetings required of staying in a sober house. I'm tired of treatment living. I want to be independent again. But for now it is what it is. I don't know what the future holds... But enough of that. 

 

I've been off hormones for a week bc my doctor won't approve my refill until she sees me, which is in a couple hours today. I also do my first labs today. While I didn't instantly morph back into a man being off hrt for a week (lol), it did disrupt my morning ritual of taking it with my coffee. Being OCD this did mess with my anxiety a bit. 

 

This past week aside, I've been transitioning now for 3 1/2 months. It's still going well. My breast are not noticeably bigger, but the tissue is firmer. My nipples are harder and getting pretty sore now. My waist fat is melting away (low carbs, intermittent fasting and a lot of walking) and smoothing out and blending with my hips. I still get dysphoric at times about my appearance. But I've been looking at photos of me before this past spring and I feel so much more pretty and feminine then I did back then. I'm quite content with where I see my transition going. 

 

I also have my first laser hair removal session Friday, so excited! 

 

I've been hanging out quite a bit with my transition sister. After my doctor appointment today, we're going for a walk in the park. She's so lovely... ?

 

Stay awesome y'all! 

~Toni

[Jani]

Thanks for update Toni.  Its good to hear you're doing well.  Be patient and get into a new routine that will see you through to a clean life!  All is well.  As to you breasts, this will take time so don't worry.  After close to four years I recently had a little growth spurt so it can happen.   Best of luck with the laser treatment.  Have fun with your friend!

Cheers, Jani

[ToniTone]

Thanks Jani!

 

I had my first laser hair removal session this morning. It was cool! I kept going "Pew! Pew!" lol... I don't know if my insurance will cover it yet. But I might just afford the $120 a session anyway. They covered face, neck and chest. The rest goes pretty easily with Nair. 

 

Yesterday, my trans sister and I went with some friends to play volleyball and swim at the beach. Then her and I went out to eat at a ramen shop. It was a great day! 

 

I've been feeling so euphoric the past few days! I Nair'd all my body hair away the other night. Then I looked in the mirror for a while. I'm starting to see a little curve in all the right places. I'm learning to love my body and myself again. I'm in a good place and content with my life right now. I'm just floating on a cloud! ??

 

~Toni

[ToniTone]

Oh yeah almost forgot, I got my het refilled. My labs came back, haven't checked my numbers yet. But my dr says I'm good to continue and bumped up my spiro. 

 

I've been procuring more makeup and fem clothing, skirts and such. And dressing out more.

 

A few times people stared at my trans sister and I yesterday. It kinda sucks when you're feeling so great and people gotta stare and bring you down a notch. But we didn't let it get to us. I know I'm not fully passing yet. But when I dress out, I do it for me. It makes me comfortable and happy. I don't care what they feel about it, it's not their body to be of concern. 

 

Hope your day finds y'all well, lovely's! ?

 

~Toni

[ToniTone]

My trans sister and some friends of ours had a barbecue, we had a great day! She gave me a full makeover, she's so great. Probably the prettiest my face has ever been. 

 

I'm still feeling such euphoria! I hope I never come down from this cloud... ?

 

~Toni

[ToniTone]

I've been thinking about my name, Toni. My "deadname" is Tony. ~So~ drastically different, huh... And witty. Sometimes I feel like maybe it comes off as insincere, like just a witty joke. But I love it! I loved my deadname before I realized myself. I didn't want to change it. So I feminized it into Toni, and I absolutely love it!

 

Another nod to the wit about it, I don't have to explain to people that I changed my name because audibly it's the same. The downside of that is when people hear it, they just think of Tony (which seems more common than Toni), which in turn assumes my gender as male. 

 

But I honestly can't think of a name I'd rather have. Except maybe Sarah. But for personal reasons I can't bring myself to assume that name.

 

I love my name, Toni! I doubt I'll change it. But the issues I mentioned about it kinda trouble me. Any thoughts? Am I valid in assuming my name? 

 

~Toni?

[LeavesThatAreGreen]

Just now, ToniTone said:

I've been thinking about my name, Toni. My "deadname" is Tony. ~So~ drastically different, huh... And witty. Sometimes I feel like maybe it comes off as insincere, like just a witty joke. But I love it! I loved my deadname before I realized myself. I didn't want to change it. So I feminized it into Toni, and I absolutely love it!

 

Another nod to the wit about it, I don't have to explain to people that I changed my name because audibly it's the same. The downside of that is when people hear it, they just think of Tony (which seems more common than Toni), which in turn assumes my gender as male. 

 

But I honestly can't think of a name I'd rather have. Except maybe Sarah. But for personal reasons I can't bring myself to assume that name.

 

I love my name, Toni! I doubt I'll change it. But the issues I mentioned about it kinda trouble me. Any thoughts? Am I valid in assuming my name? 

 

~Toni?

 

I did something really similar, I chose Jacqueline, which is the feminine form of my deadname. I often went by the nickname "Jay", now it's just "Jaye", makes it easier on everyone. Wouldn't you know it though, I still get deadnamed

[ToniTone]

I love that name, thanks for sharing! 

 

So, very early on in my coming out I was going by they/them pronouns. I considered myself transfeminine/androgynous. I didn't consider how far I'd be able to transition or felt confident in it. But shortly after I started transitioning almost 4 months ago, I completely came out as a transgender woman and began using she/her pronouns. 

 

The label isn't something I really dwell on much. I feel like there is some acceptance that I won't be able to fully transition in all ways into a female. Yet I am ambitious and yearning to go as far as I can. I feel in my psyche I am female. So, I feel trans woman is appropriate.

 

I wanted to get used to female pronouns early on. It was awkward at first to be honest. I didn't dress out early on, and was often misgendered. I often accidentally misgendered myself too, referring to myself as guy or dude in casual conversation.

 

But me and everyone I still talk to has gotten quite accustomed to it. It feels natural now. I still get that flutter of feeling validated when people gender me properly too. But it's also like normal now. 

 

I dress out most of the time now. I like wearing light eye and lip makeup, girl t-shirts, flip flops, capris and long skirts. Comfortable, soft things. I only wear my work boots and jeans when I have to go to work. And I feel miserable until I get home, shower and into something soft and clean. 

 

I've been getting so many compliments on my attire and appearance. It feels so validating and great! Well, thank you for reading this long ramble. ?

 

~Toni

[Kirsten]

That’s great Toni!  I was very similar at the start. I didn’t know how far I would go with transition and wasn’t ready for she/her. But eventually I realized as you did that I was destined for that route. 

Its great that your friends all support you as well. You are a lifetime away from where you started already!