Toni's Tale

[Ellora]

Just now, ToniTone said:

I read often that plucking makes the hair finer. This is the assumption I had gone by for over 12 years now. There must be something to that though. Perhaps the articles I read were referring to female vellous hair. My beard is by far the worst. 

 

I just can't stand the stubble after shaving. Even if it's close, it still goes 5 o'clock shadow before noon. 

 

I think it's finally under control and relaxed today anyway. Have a good day and y'all! 

 

❤️

~Toni

Sometimes when I pluck my hair, it takes a bit longer for it to grow back. And sometimes it grows back weird and troublesome. Until I find an easier way, or its free, I will continue to tweeze, to shave.

[Maid In Bedlam]

Plucking facial hair serves no purpose in reality and also its painful. If your going to have the pain of having facial hair pulled  make it worth while. Have electrosis. or laser. It will also grow back if you just pluck it. also you have the potential of ingrowing hair. Not a good look. Ok that costs money but at the end of the day the outcome is far more preferential

 

Im still doing electrolsis. Its still just as painful. However the results are much more preferable.

 

I will say one thing. The hairs I have grow much faster Pre hormones if i did not shave in 2 days i would have best part of a beard going on.

Now any hairs i have left do grow but are much slower.Its cut the growing time in half. Which is great but when i need to leave the hair for the purpose of electrosis It means I have to stay in for an a couple of days more than what i would have done before.

 

I have tried all the many methods getting it removed the Electrolosis path is the best way. In my opnion. As I said its painful but if you want rid of for good  then its the way.

 

Oh and sad to say. Do not expect a quick fix. I will need perhaps 120 hours for a full face hair removal. I still have a long way to go to achieve it

 

If they do invent something to remove it with no pain or inconvience then bring it on. I will certainly be up for that

 

In the meantime. I decent razor and for me personally Old school Brush and shaving soap works well. Then a decent moisteriser after.

 

[Ellora]

The hair needs to be removed, and until I can afford electrolysis, or laser, I will be tweezing my facial hair. It is better than a beard.  

[Kirsten]

I saw that article Ellora. There’s a few others that say that tweezing makes more hair grow back. Others say that there’s no difference at all. There is no clear answer when it comes to this. Like I said I’ll heed my electrologists warning personally and not do it. This is only a part time job for her and she only does it to help the trans community because of personal reasons I won’t get into for her. But I’m 100% sure her words have nothing to do with her income. Not to mention Ive known her since I was 12ish so I doubt she’d give me false info for money. I got 80 mins yesterday for 60 dollars! She’s so awesome. 

 

Sorry if i upset you with the info I shared. Just trying to be helpful. 

[Ellora]

Just now, Kirsten said:

I saw that article Ellora. There’s a few others that say that tweezing makes more hair grow back. Others say that there’s no difference at all. There is no clear answer when it comes to this. Like I said I’ll heed my electrologists warning personally and not do it. This is only a part time job for her and she only does it to help the trans community because of personal reasons I won’t get into for her. But I’m 100% sure her words have nothing to do with her income. Not to mention Ive known her since I was 12ish so I doubt she’d give me false info for money. I got 80 mins yesterday for 60 dollars! She’s so awesome. 

 

Sorry if i upset you with the info I shared. Just trying to be helpful. 

Wow, that’s a great price! Maybe I should look harder for better prices! 

[ToniTone]

I can't help plucking. Besides being my go-to method of hair removal, it's also a neurotic compulsion I developed. Sometimes I find myself doing it subconsciously, especially when I'm stressed... 

[ToniTone]

Two months on feminizing hrt now! I'm still excited about doing this, no regrets. Socially it hasn't been easy street. But for the most part, most all the people I care about accept me. I'm still in stealth mode, in the same temporary living situation (ugh...)... 

 

So what's different about me from two months ago? Not much as to be expected this early on in transition. But there are changes, however subtle. My fat on sides and my tummy is lower. The bulge of it is kinda between my waist and my hips. I look at my abdomen in the mirror and I can't tell if it's a man's body anymore or a woman's. I feel more cellulose depositing in my hips and thighs. And my breasts! With loose t-shirts in most upright positions they don't stick out enough to give me away. But in something tighter or when I'm laying down, I see them, definitely not the flat toneless 'pecs' they once were. They're a cup-like, and the tissue is firm, cushy and a little tender (especially behind my nips, ee). I definitely notice when they get bumped into at work (ouch). My bum's a bit cushy too, not so bony now. I can sit on hard chairs now! 

 

I still get gendered as male, but I'm pretty lax about this, as I still where male attire, albeit tighter, more andogynous/ambiguous style, as I am still going stealth do to a temporary restrictive living situation. 

 

I think these changes are spiking because I'm pretty active, I walk alot (about six miles a day) and work for my friend's moving business. I intermittent fast 16/8 daily, and eat a fatty, virtually carb free diet, with green leaf vege, vitamins, and plenty of water. I think I was kinda low testosterone beginning hrt too (just guessing). I'm not a medical or dietary professional, so I'm not by any means endorsing or condoning this regimen. Just noting how it seems to benefit my metabolism for my physiology. 

 

I feel different too. I feel like I'm in a second puberty. I'm moody and more lethargic in the afternoon. I NEED my nap time! I'm losing muscle strength (the moving job is getting tougher, but it's light enough I think I can still handle it for now). I'm more passive and less reactive to otherwise aggravating people and circumstances, as I adopt a more feminine energy and persuasion. I'm more reserved, calm. My voice is a touch lighter, even though I haven't been practicing my speech therapy. My feet cross into the lateral of my gait, giving my hips a bit of sway when I walk. I sit cross legged and 'proper'. Subtle feminine gestures. All these things of demeanor started as practice, but became as though second nature. 

 

I have my consult for getting approved for electrolysis/laser hair removal on Wednesday. Hopefully my insurance will cover it. 

 

❤️

~Toni

[Kirsten]

6 hours ago, ToniTone said:

I intermittent fast 16/8 daily, and eat a fatty, virtually carb free diet, with green leaf vege, vitamins, and plenty of water. I think I was kinda low testosterone beginning hrt too (just guessing). I'm not a medical or dietary professional, so I'm not by any means endorsing or condoning this regimen. Just noting how it seems to benefit my metabolism for my physiology. 

I was doing this type of a diet when I started hrt, and my doctors told me to put the carbs back into my diet. That I would need all food groups for best results. Idk how true it all is, but once I started eating a balanced even diet, everything went into a new gear. In the last couple months I’ve seen such big changes. And before, not so much. Something to keep in mind. 

[ToniTone]

Well, I might have exaggerated a bit. I sneak a fair amount of carbs in. Sometimes when I'm rushing to work or I'm stressed in the evening I'll break fast and have some pasta or ramen, or chocolate. 

 

My weight has been fluctuating alot, swinging about 3 lbs either side of 145. My diet/exercise regimen has been sporadic. I think it's keeping my metabolism active. 

[ToniTone]

I had my consult for laser hair removal. I'm inspired some cofidence that my insurance will cover face, neck and some upper chest area. And after talking to the doctor about the process and details about it, I'm sold. I'm so excited! I suppose I shouldn't let my hopes up that insurance will cover it. But if I can get my beard lasered away, that would help me feel less dysphoria in a big way! I might be more confident and be closer to passing... 

 

~Toni

[Zoey]

On 6/3/2019 at 9:11 PM, ToniTone said:

I feel like I'm in a second puberty.

Glad to hear I am not the only one who felt that way :P. 

 

Just now, ToniTone said:

I'm sold. I'm so excited!

 

Even if insurance doesn't cover it, there are ways to get it done if money is tight.  once a year Cucumber Lounge has a 75% off sale for laser hair removal with 2 free sessions, so it was like $600 for 8 sessions over 8 months.  Soooo much cheaper then when I tried electrolysis :(.  Also it definitely inspired confidence in me, I am actually getting out of the house more now. The broad strokes are gone, a careful back and forth shave and you can't see hardly any hair on my face anymore, and I am only 3 sessions in. 

[ToniTone]

Yeah, my doctor said after a few sessions you start to see results, and after about 8 most report the hair is nearly completely gone. I'm counting on insurance to cover face and neck bc I'm financially strapped. But I'm doing what I can. 

 

I don't really look forward to shaving again. I think I'm gonna invest in a good electric shaver with pivoting heads. Quick, convenient. I'm also bummed that she advised me not to tan. I be out alot in the summer and like to get my tan on. But I need to get this done. 

[Kirsten]

Laser is nice for short term. But the hair in the goatee area all comes back. I did half a year of laser on my face. Just about every hair that was “gone” came back. Thinner at first but eventually right back to where I started. Laser is not the answer. It’s got to be electrolysis. And laser doesn’t work well at all for light hair. 

[ToniTone]

Hmm, the doctor kinda sounded confident about it. I suppose they have to sell themselves though. I hear this all the time about laser. I have a pretty thick beard, so I'm not too confident. I dunno if there's any electrolysist' in my area that will accept my insurance. But the dr said if laser doesn't work, they'll try to refer me to an electrolysis clinic. 

[Zoey]

Just now, Kirsten said:

Just about every hair that was “gone” came back.

 

The transgender I live with had to go back for a maintenance session, but it didn't seem that bad, and it was a year later and as you said nothing grew back but the goatee and it was all very light hairs.  I actually talked about it with her this morning and we talked about a different plan...basically I'll do one more laser hair session, then save my other 4, do electrolysis with her in the meantime and grab the broad strokes when needed in the following years with my saved sessions. 

 

And ya Toni when I went in they touted it as "a replacement for electrolysis" :(.  Deceitful.

[Kirsten]

That’s exactly how my laser girl was as well. And by the 4th session I had no real shadow anymore. By 6 I was shaving every third day and I was so excited. But within 3 months of no sessions it was 70% back. And now I’m like 7-8 months out and you wouldn’t even know I ever had laser. Thankfully I’m about 12-15 hours into electrolysis now and she’s cleared my face once and about half was through a second time. She tells me 150+ hours at the very least. But probably over 200. And at 60/hr it’s pricey but soooo worth it. Even if you can only go once a month I’d recommend any that you can afford. It’s a process and from what I understand even if you have to stop for a while it doesn’t turn back the clocks. Every electrocution the hairs get kill the root a Little bit. They never fix themselves. Whereas laser only weakens the root. 

[Zoey]

1 hour ago, Kirsten said:

But within 3 months of no sessions it was 70% back. And now I’m like 7-8 months out and you wouldn’t even know I ever had laser.

Interesting ya hers has stayed gone longer but there are probably a ton of factors involved, though she did say she was guided by her support group then to ask for a high setting on the laser and that her facial hair wasn't overly thick at the beginning, more scraggly.

 

[lauraincolumbia]

I was supposed to be an ideal candidate.  Light skin, but dark facial hair.    After 10 treatments, my skin was nice and smooth.  I loved it!

But after 6 months, the hair was back as before. So I tried another clinic with a "better" laser.  Once again, I was an ideal candidate.  Same thing happened.

So now, I'm looking forward to being able to get serious about electrolysis. 

[Kirsten]

Just now, lauraincolumbia said:

I was supposed to be an ideal candidate.  Light skin, but dark facial hair.    After 10 treatments, my skin was nice and smooth.  I loved it!

But after 6 months, the hair was back as before. So I tried another clinic with a "better" laser.  Once again, I was an ideal candidate.  Same thing happened.

So now, I'm looking forward to being able to get serious about electrolysis. 

That’s what the majority of people seem to say. The laser I had was brand new too top of the line like one of the best laser systems available. Or so I was told. She literally got it less than 4 months prior I think she said when I started. 

I am also the “ideal” candidate. Yeah. Ideal for getting cheated. Lol. No I can’t say that. It did reduce my sideburn area. And it really helped jump start my confidence presenting full time. So in that regard I am happy. But definitely not permanent for my experience. 

 

Amy is doing both. Maybe ask her exactly how it’s set up. And I have another friend that does that as well. And it worked well for her. Weaken it with laser and kill it with electricity. ??‍♀️

[ToniTone]

I think I'ma try laser first since 1: I already have the clinic paperwork setup, and 2: though not permanent, it sounds like it gets more hair removed/'zapped' per treatment (albeit temporarily). In the meantime, I'll see what routes I can pursue for financing electrolysis. Maybe I'll end up combining the two as well, it sounds like it could make for an effective/efficient combination. I've heard of gals doing this. 

 

I'm still trying to find an lgbt boarding house. Or I might try to get a townhouse with my ma, something like a duplex. She's so supportive of me, it still surprises me. I love her so... 

Either way, then I can finally get away from these jerk roomies and be fully out. I look forward to be able to wear makeup and dresses/long skirts. To dress out and wear my expression of myself. 

 

Even though I still have dysphoria with my face/body hair and where I (temporarily) live, I'm still so happy and excited to be transitioning. It's still early on, but so far it's being gentle and kind to me, I feel great! ❤️

 

~Toni

[ToniTone]

I'm also down to 142 lbs, from 148 a week ago and 165 in November. I've been about 135 my whole adult life, but started stress eating when I got sober 9 months ago. I've also struggled to quit smoking this past week, but I'm doing alright. This is the summer of me, and getting healthy. 

 

To burn off the flub I put on this past winter and help contour my body, I've been walking alot, intermittent fasting and eating a keto style diet. Virtually no carbs. Good fats and leafy greens, multi vitamins and plenty of water. Some days I take a break and eat a fancy ramen or pasta. 

 

But enough of that, I'm in the middle of a fast, but the foodie in me wants to talk and daydream of food. I have this salad I've been making as my go-to meals for the week. It's delicious! Here's the recipe: 

 

-Leafy greens mix (spinach, arugula, chard, kale, bok choy, kale, etc...)

-my season blend (basil, cilantro, black pepper, cayenne, paprika, sea salt)

-Srirachi/Schezuan sauce (I like spice, and I'm not too fond of dressings or vinegarettes)

-Sunflower seeds

-Parmesan reggiano (flaked or crumbled)

-Olive oil

 

It never gets old... I'm craving, like, a wrap or something. But I don't want to add any carbs on my no-carb days. Any suggestions? I was thinking of trying seaweed (I dunno). Or romaine lettuce, that'd be rad! Just throw my salad ingredients in and roll it up in a big leaf of romaine! 

 

Does anyone else like salads, but dislike normal dressing/vinaigrettes? If so, what are your salad alternatives? 

 

~Toni

[Kirsten]

I will tell you that every time you have carbs you turn back all of your work eating keto style. There are different bacteria in your digestive tract that break down food on keto vs a healthy balanced food plan. And if you eat carbs your ketones shut down. Once that happens you stop burning fat for energy and it doesn’t work how it’s supposed to. If you’re gonna go keto, you can’t cheat. Ever. No pasta, bread, fruit, sugar, dairy, etc... That’s why I stopped. You are more of a low carb diet. For that pick a carb amount per day and stick to that. Mine was 60g of carbs a day and it worked well. High protein and low carb. It’s closer to Atkins really. But not quite that either. 

 

I am not a fan of dressings either. But I found some good ones lately. A lemon/onion vinaigrette is not awful. And I’ve been doing an avocado oil and herb dressing lately. It’s 1/3 the calories and the fats are much healthier than a regular dressing. Other than that I’ll use lemon and olive oil with some add ins to the salad for extra flavor. Kalamata olives, banana pepper slices, blue feta or goat cheese, pepperochinis. Anything with a strong flavor in lieu of the hollow calorie dressings. 

 

Ps don’t forget 2tbsp of dressing is a full serving. It’s barely any on a salad that’s 3cups of food. 

[ToniTone]

Avocada oil and herb!? Now THAT sounds interesting, might have to try it! I need to start incorporating avocado to my diet.

 

Yeah it's not technically keto. After a few days of ketosis/fasting, I'm really extra tired and my muscles start to burn, so I break it with some starch. I put on alot of flub this winter from stress eating, especially in the 'love handle' region. I feel like my fat distribution is starting to shift downward, maybe it's moving faster than average (I've only been on hrt for 2 1/2 months) because of how radical my diet and weight swings, think it keeps my metabolism active. I could just be psyching myself about any changes though too, it's a welcome placebo effect I guess though. I think my logic has been 'burn off the andro fat distribution, then build up gynoid fat distribution'. Not sure this exactly how it works though... 

 

I can tell you one thing, down to 140, I'm almost skinny again. I almost look like I did when I was in my teens/early 20's. Almost androgynous, gender ambiguous. And I'm quite content with this. For me, it's progress. This is the first time since my early 20's I've felt good and not so dysphoric looking in the mirror at my bod! 

 

~Toni

[Kirsten]

That’s awesome Toni! I’m still mostly in male mode for fat. Not that I have much at this point. But my face is starting to change. And my physique is shifting as well. It takes a long time. 

[ToniTone]

You look like you're in pretty awesome shape! I'm so short, I have to keep fit to keep from growing horizontally in the waist lol. You have a very pretty face too! 

 

I have to see my transgender primary today in a few hours. I'm fasting bc 1: I'm mid-fast anyway, and 2: just in case they need labs, probably won't until next month, but I do have a general check up this week too. I'm just going to make a list here for myself real quick of things I might inquire about or bring up: 

 

-my diet, cardio and weight

-changes (fat distribution)

-electrolysis

-laser hair removal (it's a sister clinic)

-a tiny hernia or possible neoplasm I might have in my neck (if it is in fact a neoplasm, it might be involved from estradiol, I really hope not bc it might require me to be taken off hrt... I'm pretty 'hopeful' it's just a herniated jaw muscle though)

-orchiectomy (I'm being patient about this, I work as a mover and can't afford the sit down/heal time atm, but I would like to put it on the table anyway)

-quitting smoking finally (she's been pressuring me to do this)

 

~Toni