Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Toni's Tale


ToniTone

Recommended Posts

Thanks sweetie! 

I still get dysphoric at times (and unfortunately gotta go "guy mode" for work). But I look at my photos of me now, and of prior to this past spring when I started transitioning, and it makes me feel great about how my transition is going. I look and feel so much more feminine and pretty than I did back then! 

 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • Replies 303
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ToniTone

    153

  • Kirsten

    24

  • Ellora

    17

  • Jackie C.

    11

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

So, I had like the funniest misgender happen to me today. I went to the nearby 'hood mini mart to get an energy drink. On the way back, there were some guys in a truck bumping smooth jazz. As I got closer, they turned up the volume. The passenger rolled down his window, leaned out on his elbow and eyed me down... 

 

His friend says "That's a man!" (which of course was head loweringly disappointing), followed by "and she heard you..!"

 

Confusingly frustrating-quickly turning to humorously somewhat validating? Anyway, I got a chuckle out of it. I turned my head back, smirked and waved as I went round the corner... 

 

It was also kinda validating to know someone checked me out, for a brief moment at least, lol!

 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

So, I've been on hrt for over 4 months now, and I don't have much to say about from last month, except that my nips are getting perkier. It's starting to become difficult to hide them, which (outside of work) why would I want to!? And they're sore! Most sore they've been yet. Especially the budding nips, but radiating out to the general breast area as well now. It's not unbearable, but it's there. They're coming... 

 

My fat is lowering to my hips too. I've been getting a lot of compliments and proper gendering. In known company and from strangers. Some laughs and misgenders out in the world too. I try not to let that get to me and just carry on. 

 

Other than work, I dress out full time now. It feels good, right and comfortable! It feels weird dressing as a guy now. I don't completely hate it, sometimes it feels good to go out in jeans and mudkickers and still be rough edged when I have to. I have said this is like the last year I live as a guy. But I already feel I'm surpassing that. Going guy mode feels uncanny now. 

 

One thing I struggle with is presentation. Most of the trans women I know irl are for the most part completely out/fully female identifying. They dress and present fem full time, and work jobs where they can. Do up their full face makeup. Have their nails done. Have piercings... I dress out full time now, work aside. But I'm pretty low maintenance. I only do lip and eye makeup. I like to let my skin breathe, especially after the hell I put it through shaving. And I paint my nails, but keep them short, because of work and art/jewelry crafting. 

 

A lot of cis women are low maintenance like this as well. But they don't have steel wool like androgenic hair ravaging it's way through the skin of their face. They're feminine presenting regardless of how much or little effort they put in. I feel like us trans girls, especially early in transition, have to work for our feminine presentation. 

 

Anyway, sometimes I feel exhausted and like I'm trying to cut corners. I'm always struggling just to get enough sleep, wake up on time to shave and do my eyes up, hopefully have a minute to slam down some coffee and my meds, and run out the door on time for the daily grind. But I manage. And I feel cute enough. Part of my loves the femme androgyny of my appearance. Gender bending, like literally twisting in pose, and the lines between beauty and broadens begin to blur at each angle... 

 

Anyway, it's my bday, I'm 33 now. Not a big day for me. Think it's gonna rain all day. I don't mind, I love the rain... Think I'm gonna go grab a pizza and hang with my trans sister this afternoon... Chao! ?

 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Happy Birthday Toni.  Great news about your progress. 

 

Jani

Link to comment

HAppy Birthday!!???! That’s great that you are doing well and enjoying life! I can’t wait until I am comfortable and brave enough to venture out in my lady clothes.

Now that my nips and boobies are growing a tiny bit, I don’t feel as bad going out with boy shirts. I still feel weird wearing pants, cause I’m used to wearing skirts inside and 5” seamed shorts outside. I’m able to pull my shorts up even higher after the Orchie, and that feels really good, as I love showing off my legs. 

Some of my Lady friends have had trouble with facial and body hair throughout life, and have either bleached it or had laser hair removal, so w aren’t the only ones that have hair issues. That kinda helps me with my facial and body hair Dysphoria. 

I love the rain too, it can be rather soothing.

i hope you continue to have a happy birthday and a wonderful weekend!

Link to comment

Thanks hun! 

 

Yeah, I can't wear that stuff confidently right now, ya know. But I love wearing loose, long, frilly skirts and dresses. They're cute and comfortable! And they cover the biz, yeah... 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hope all your Birthday wishes come true. Have a wonderful Birthday @ToniTone

 

Susan R?

Link to comment

Happy Birthday Toni! I have been reading your thread here and Im super impressed with how you have handled your situation! You are a role model for many! You have inspired me to take a few steps of my own that I have been putting off! 

 

Have a wonderful birthday!

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks hun! I've been called many things, but a role model..? Do what you need to do to have as happy and fulfilling a life as you can, is what I say! 

 

Thanks for the bday wishes y'all! It was a good day, pretty chill. My first adult sober birthday -what the heck-!? 

 

~Toni

Link to comment
On 8/10/2019 at 9:52 AM, ToniTone said:

A lot of cis women are low maintenance like this as well. But they don't have steel wool like androgenic hair ravaging it's way through the skin of their face. They're feminine presenting regardless of how much or little effort they put in. I feel like us trans girls, especially early in transition, have to work for our feminine presentation. 

I felt the same way. Still do to some extent. But it does get better. As the hrt does its thing, and as you get the hair removed from your face, you’ll have to try less and less as well. I actually seem to pass best with minimal makeup hair clothes etc... when I’m done up I get looks. When I’m in shorts and a tee, or a bikini and coverup with nothing but mascara I get none. It’s like the extra *flashiness* creates the looks. Heck I went out to eat with the fam yesterday on our way home from Vermont and hadn’t shaved or put makeup on since Friday morning! I was a hot mess. But no issues. No looks or misgenderings. Just life. We all get there. Eventually. 

Link to comment

Yeah! I'm kind of a naturalist, I don't like to use too much product. Let the skin and hair breathe. I think too much product coverage ages our skin and hair. I think I've been doing well. My hairline is pretty healthy, and my complexion could be worse. 

 

It's always a joy to hear about your family outings, when you can be out as yourself and bond with the fam. It's those simple joys in life, you couldn't pay a million bucks for that... 

 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hey y'all! Now into 5 months on hrt. It's strange to be at this point because I don't feel much different from one month ago. Still going through the same changes. But I'm far enough along now that when I look back to the start of this journey, I see I've completely changed. It's so exciting and it makes me giddy! 

 

I'm still maintaining a ketogenic style diet with some intermittent fasting. But I'm a little more lax with cheat days. I'm at an ideal weight so I'm just trying to maintain that. My fat distribution is lowering to my hips, I'm starting to get more curve there. My breasts are rounding out and getting perky. And surprisingly, my body hair is getting a bit lighter and growth is slowing down, I don't have to Nair/shave it as often. I'm happier and more outgoing too. My transition has been quite graceful to me so far! 

 

I do still struggle with some dysphoria. I don't feel safe dressing out in some situations, but feel miserable going out guy mode. Fall is coming up, so it's about time to get some appropriate clothes for the season. I've also been struggling with gendered restrooms. I don't feel passing or accepted enough to use womens restrooms, but feel anxious using men's rooms in a dress or skirt. It gives me a lot of anxiety and kinda inhibits me from a lot of public exposure. I knew this was something I would confront in my transition, but I so yearned to go through with it and decided not to worry about it, I'd cross that bridge when I get to it. And here we are, mid-bridge... 

 

I went to a friend's bbq this afternoon. We had a great time. My trans girl friends and I showed each other our boobs. A highlight of my trans experience, lol! It was great. My trans sister and I sat by the fire and I massaged her back for a good while, we've been kinda puppy crushing on each other... sigh ?

 

~Toni ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thanks for sharing your journey Toni.  HRT can be a bit frustrating but don't forget that puberty takes time.  Your body is learning a whole new way of being.

The more you go out the easier it becomes.  Very early in my process i would drive around forcing myself to go from store to store buying a pack of gum or a drink simply to get out in public as myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Thanks Charlize! I'm being patient with it, good things come in time, right!

 

I had a moment of slight panic this morning. I looked at my breasts and realized how much they are filling in. I'm very excited and happy about this!

 

But I think I'm just about at the point of no return. I kinda considered the first couple months of hrt a trial of sorts, if I decided it's not for me and I want to detransition no harm done. But I knew there would come a point where the changes are enough to have affect. And I'm there. 

 

I'm really happy with the changes, my transition and the contentment I've found in my life through it. I will continue my transition, I have no second thoughts about it. It was just a surprise to realize I'm entering the point of no return... 

 

I'm not turning back now. 

 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
9 hours ago, ToniTone said:

I'm really happy with the changes, my transition and the contentment I've found in my life through it.

This is nice to read.  We all deserve to be happy.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

My breasts are starting to look more rounded and feminine. There forming into a nice A-cup. I almost can't hide them anymore (if I did it is sweater season), like I'd want to! My nips are getting plumper too! 

 

I'm so excited and giddy , I love it!?

 

~Toni

Link to comment
On 9/12/2019 at 12:38 AM, ToniTone said:

My breasts are starting to look more rounded and feminine. There forming into a nice A-cup. I almost can't hide them anymore (if I did it is sweater season), like I'd want to! My nips are getting plumper too! 

 

I'm so excited and giddy , I love it!?

 

~Toni

Very exciting! Please keep up with the updates! For now I"m living vicariously through you!

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Today marks 6 months of transitioning! This month has been kinda epic. First of all, I got the job at Starbucks, and quit working regular for my friend's moving company. I still work the occasional side job when I'm available. But I had to cut back, the manual labor is more exhausting on hrt and I got tired of bumping my breasts into stuff all the time, ow! 

 

I love my new job at Starbucks! It was a bit stressful at first, but I got the hang of it. I love making cafe beverages. Everyone is so friendly and supportive, and respects my (she/her) pronouns. And some of my coworkers are trans. Also, they have a benefit of paying for transgender procedures. It's a very supportive environment, I love it! 

 

My breasts and hips are really taking shape now! I went to my transgender primary today for my follow-up and 3 month labs. And I had her do a physical examination of my breasts, all good growth. The breast buds beneath my nipples are coming in and making my breasts perk out. The left bud is just starting, about the size of a marble now. The right bud has been developing for about a month or so now, it's bigger than a golf ball. And I'm lactating! They're pretty sore and sensitive...

 

I still get misgendered sometimes. It hurts more than it did. I dress as cute as I can and take time making up my face. Been transitioning for 6 months. But it still happens, sigh... I've been getting cat called/flirted/come onto by guys on the street too. Which indicates something is working in all this. It's not a comfortable sign though. The guys and their lewd comments and looks I get are gross. It's creepy how aggressive and forward men can be. 

 

My trans sister and I became girlfriends! ? It's a casual relationship, perhaps more like good friends with benefits. We're taking it slow, we don't want to ruin a good thing. It's awesome having a fellow trans girl as a great friend and partner. We really support each other. She's so lovely ?

 

We're both busy with our jobs, so we don't get out as much as this summer. Her and I, one of my roommates, and a friend of ours and her boyfriend are trying to find a house to rent together. We all were roommate make at our sober houses. It would be great if it works out. Rent would be so affordable. And we're all close friends and queer. It would be great to have our own little happy house and support each other. 

 

I got my first paycheck Friday. I treated myself to some new dresses, skirts and makeup. Girly me day on the town! Below is a picture of one of new favorites... 

 

~Toni?

20190930_093315.jpg

20190929_101829.jpg

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 139 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Eds
    • SamC
    • VickySGV
    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,030
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Togepi
    Newest Member
    Togepi
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. BraxtonLee
      BraxtonLee
      (26 years old)
    2. Bryanna
      Bryanna
      (45 years old)
    3. Jayde1
      Jayde1
    4. Mireya
      Mireya
      (66 years old)
    5. Shellianne_Kay83
      Shellianne_Kay83
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Willow things went pretty well on Monday. I have been working on the project all week long. I've been hanging out with my husband a lot, since he said that nobody would mind because I'm working on company stuff. My work is going slowly, but it is going. Rather better than I had hoped.   I ended up waking up late this morning. After 18 months of only working on house chores, not really used to doing anything else. Actually a little bit tired
    • Ivy
      Getting back to this… I've seen objections to Critical Race Theory, but simply "critical theory" is a new one on me.  I think we need to be "critical" about a lot of things, or at least examine why we believe what we do about them.  If they stand up under scrutiny, great.  If not perhaps we need to look at something else.   Not all socialists are Soviet Russian Communists. I have read very little Marx myself.  That kind of writing bores me quickly.  But I think there are legitimate concerns about unfettered capitalism.  There are countries that seem to do well on a mixture of capitalism and socialism.  But I am no Tankie.   The Red Scare kinda morphed into the Lavender Scare, and now we have this Transgender Scare.   The thing is, most people are scared to get to know any of the people they are scared of. I'm not scared of evangelical christians.  But I am a little scared of what they seem ready to do to me, because they are scared of me. I am not a scary person - don't want to be.  I'm just an old trans woman trying to mind my own business, and get with what's left of my life. And the 2025 project seems to be designed to make that difficult.
    • FinnyFinsterHH
      Holdin out - lumineers Talkin bout bri - MEgaGoneFree Just like Fire - Pink   genuinly getting major gender envy from lumineers voice
    • Ivy
    • FinnyFinsterHH
      My mom has been more accepting of me being trans lately and even promised i could get a binder if i pay with my own money. The preferred name is still an issue. So far my mom, close friends and brother know i identify as trans but no one else does. I recently told mr grandparents about my partner and explaines the perferred name as a nickname they prefer to have. Luckily everyone who knows is accepting but i feel like i still have so much progress to make. Started getting more uncomfortbale being reffered to as my deadname and she/her in public. My therapist is getting me a trans pin for my birthday next time I see her. I have hop but sometimes I feel like the goal is so far. HRT and top surgery are things i know i want but there has been warnings given to me about the problems that come with it from the ones that have accepted me and I trust most. Mainly from the adults in my life that know, also been getting nervous many people dont see me as a man but i also go to an all girl school. being consistenly reffered to as women has started to get to me and have had urge on several occasions to write perferred name on paper. i dont think pereffered name can go into school system due to being catholic school and for graduation diploma we have to contact the person in charge and ask. I just need some advice on what to do, I am thank ful for the advice everyone had given me, made me feel better about future and hope that I can transition but also worry about familial ties and affect. due to most f them being born in the 80's and 90's and not taking it well originally mostly based on my moms reaction. I love my family alot but how they might react is scaring me. my mom still donesnt want them to know. I know they love me but when I eventually come out and medically trasition in several years hopefully, what will happen? there are little kids in the family and I already dont see them a lot, how would their parents react? what would they say to the kids? I know my aunt would not take it well due to political belief and warnings from cousins. 
    • Ivy
      Maybe.  But they'd probably resent being required to do it.   IDK.  You have to show ID to register already.  And you have to be registered to vote.
    • MaeBe
      Hah! Woke up the Red Scare!   I’ve never read Marx. I tend to believe in the inherent goodness in people. I let their words and deeds change that. Insisting people are immoral/less than/should not exist, stripping them (or keeping them from) human rights, is an a most basic example of true evil. What evils do LGBTQ+ people present simply existing? How does the Right justify their crusade against us? What justifies the manufactured fear and loathing they spout every day about us?
    • KymmieL
      Congrats on the new addition @Ivy I have the opposite I have 4 grandson and a granddaughter. 3 of whom are visiting this weekend. I am feeling better. I think the biggest thing is that I got some much needed sleep.   Well gotta go and speed sometime with the grandsons.   Kymmie
    • Davie
      I saw this concert in which it is said that the famous phrase of Jon Landau "I saw the future of rock and roll and his name is Bruce Springsteen" comes from that night. By the way Bruce opened for Bonnie Raitt that night and she was the better performer . . . just sayin'.  
    • KathyLauren
      Astronomy and astrophotography.  I have done a few public presentations on the subject and could most likely wing it for an hour without putting you to sleep.   On the other hand if you need a sleeping pill, I could also talk for an hour about flying and you'd be out cold. 
    • atlantis63
      ask me this years ago, and I would have said walt disney. fantastic mind, and so creative   since then I've developed quite a  love for the tudors. My choice is henry the 8th
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Please consider joining us, even if it's just for a few minutes to see what the meetings are like. I've learned so much, had so much fun and gained confidence in myself just by being a part of this amazing group of people. It's a low key, no pressure, non-judgmental chance to just be among people who are supportive, understanding and affirming of each other.    I'm travelling out of state and still planning on dropping in for awhile.    Come see what it's like!! 
    • April Marie
      Thank you, Susan!! It was such an amazing experience for me. I can't remember if I even talked about it on a Zoom meeting.   Here is the link to the post I made about it. And, again, thank you for helping to give me the courage to do it.    
    • Heather Shay
      What historical personm would you like to have dinner with?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...