Being Forced to Come Out

[CallMeKai]

So my parents know about me questioning myself. I went to a public school last school semester and it was great, I came out to a friend and he's helped me with stuff and introduced me with he/him pronouns. It was all great until now my little sister is coming to the school and my parents are forcing me to come out to her so she isn't confused when she hears people refer to me as him. Its stressing me out because I never felt ready to come out in the first place and now my parents are forcing me out to her. I don't think she will hang around me at school at all because we don't get along so I don't see why I need to come out. It all just is making me anxious and afraid for the first day of school, even though she probably will react ok, I hate confronting people. 

[VickySGV]

If she is younger than you and your relations are not that of a little sister idolizing her big sister, it should be pretty easy.  If my experience is worth anything, your sister will be better than your parents will be and if she wants her own crowd there, so much the better.  At least get your parents to let you do it when you are not stressed out with first day of school being tomorrow morning, if you get what mean. Her response may actually be a bit of a let down as in, "OK you like boy stuff, keep your hands off my stuff!! "  Ideally, it will be "How neat, I really have wanted an older brother".  You will not have to go into a big deal with her, maybe 40% of what you and the folks went through.  My grand kids took a very short time to be OK with me and it was less hassle with them than their dad and mom. Keep it simple and it will work. 

[Charlize]

1 hour ago, CallMeKai said:

Its stressing me out because I never felt ready to come out in the first place and now my parents are forcing me out to her

If you are already out at school then it seems that there may be no way to avoid your sister knowing about your gender issues.  It would probably be best to mention it with her before she hears it elsewhere.

At the same time when i read this sentence i have to ask if you are out or not.  If it's great as you mention then there certainly no harm is possible.

I hope all this works out well for you and you find acceptance for your path.

Let us know how it goes.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[CallMeKai]

Vicky, thank you. Hopefully that is the case and she will not make a big deal out of it and just accept me. I haven't been too subtle with the signs either so maybe she already suspected something. 

 

Charlize, I first started expressing myself differently and then one day I told my friends to start using he/him pronouns with me. So on after that I was labeled trans with my friends and whoever we met and talked too. I never officially came out to my teachers or parents but its kind of a given. My parents noticed the signs and had me come out to them and it felt like I wasn't ready or prepared to talk to them about it. Now they are having me come out to my sister and it feels like I don't get a choice in who knows. I don't feel ready enough to come out officially to everyone because I am scared, but it seems I am being forced that way. 

[VickySGV]

I forgot to mention it, but once out, the Genie does not go back into the bottle willingly.  It turns into less trouble than our imaginations kick us with, but I was outed and know the feeling. 

[Charlize]

Kai,

Perhaps it is time to ask your parents if you can see a gender therapist.  I remember also feeling conflicted and while i had "let the genie out" i felt kinda stuck and definitely worried about the future and how others would react.  My therapist was great at helping me.  Whatever direction you may take or if you might decide to put off any decision for now a therapist can help.  Don't let any old genie push you around.  Get some help if you can.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[CallMeKai]

Thank you both, I will talk to my parents and see if I can do that. 

[JustineM]

I would echo what Charlize said.  It would be better for you to explain to your sister on your terms rather than her hear it from someone who may put a negative spin on things out of ignorance.  Hope the best for you 

 

Much Love

Justine