Denial to Acceptance

[AJ Baumann]

Dear Sisters, 

We are a strong bunch and we are at a place in our Journey that we can chat; and importantly, want to listen and hear about. and support each other. My question to the group is what tactics might have worked for you when coming out as TG to your friends & family?

 

I know the reaction that is common about hearing someone is TG is .....sorry. Or a feeling of loss of a brother, uncle, Dad, granddad or (male) friend. The shock may bring about grief.

 

The Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle lists 5 stages as: Denial; Anger; Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance. I think how my friends and family members might cycle through this, sometimes daily.

 

So, it is kind of like trying to make the landing safe for others too while we transition.  Which is hard enough for each of us, but we do affect others with our change.  Knowing where folks are at in this cycle may be helpful. Some might never leave denial;anger so that is to be expected.

 

Though it is important to consider how the hurt of transition is hard for everyone; we have, as a group, taken this journey already and have left/are leaving our old selves. Everybody else is behind our curve.  Be patient & be open.  That is what I will strive for.

 

Now, any great tactics to share? Thanks!

Cheers,

AJ

[Jani]

The only "sorry" I got was that everyone was sorry I was so unhappy for so long.  There is no easy way to ease family and friends into this.  You are changing and that's that.  Some will work through the process of grief while others will not give it a second thought and move on.   Your job is not to make life easier for others, unless we're speaking of a spouse.  I only progressed as fast as I thought my partner could absorb.  At one point she commented why I wasn't doing such and such.  After that it was easier as we were on the same page.   Do I miss the old me?  (Personal grief process)  No because inside I really haven't changed.  My closest friend took me so which made me feel good as I was afraid of losing what was at my core.   All this said, either I've got great friends and family, or I'm extremely lucky.  

 

Jani 

[AJ Baumann]

2 hours ago, Jani said:

The only "sorry" I got was that everyone was sorry I was so unhappy for so long.  There is no easy way to ease family and friends into this.  You are changing and that's that.  Some will work through the process of grief while others will not give it a second thought and move on.   Your job is not to make life easier for others, unless we're speaking of a spouse.  I only progressed as fast as I thought my partner could absorb.  At one point she commented why I wasn't doing such and such.  After that it was easier as we were on the same page.   Do I miss the old me?  (Personal grief process)  No because inside I really haven't changed.  My closest friend took me so which made me feel good as I was afraid of losing what was at my core.   All this said, either I've got great friends and family, or I'm extremely lucky.  

 

Jani 

Jani, your sage advice helps. I appreciate your input. 

Hugs,

AJ

[Susan R]

8 hours ago, MaryMary said:

My strategy was "hey guys I'm transgender, I did nothing medical or anything and I will start to dress as a woman from now on, deal with it" and happily for me they did quite well. I call that strategy the "no strategy strategy" hahaha ... I'm just lucky.

MaryMary, you are a character!  My wife and I enjoyed this comment very much and had a great chuckle after I read it to her.

 

Susan R?