Comming Out To The Military.

[Guest Mika N.]

Ok, I really need some advice on this one. So, I am thinking about comming out to the Army by telling them I am transgender and seeking transitioning. Who should I tell first? I was thinking that comming out to my commander first would be the best choice but I'm not sure. I know I'll probably get discharged because of this, but I am willing to accept that. I've been seeing a civilian therapist for over three months now, and she agrees that I am transgender. I've been on hormones for over two months now, and I love it and have no plans of stopping them.

When I tell them should I bring a letter from my therapist with me? I was thinking that would be a good idea to help support my claims. I am also unsure what needs to be said in the therapist's letter. Thank you all for being here and any advice you give would be greatly appreciated.

Mika

[Guest Sophie H]

This is quite a hard one to advise on unless you have been in the Military yourself. I know in the UK that it would probably not be tolerated, but things in the US might be a bit different. Hopefully someone on the forum who has experience in this will be able to advise you better.

Good luck with everything.

[Sally]

How much longer is your enlistment?

If you can avoid telling anyone until then you can just take your discharge and move on, I am afraid that if you come out the discharge is likely to darry a negative comment like - physcologically unfit.

I hope that a veteran will come in on this one but they are in the midst of discharging an Arabic translator and a Lt. Colonel Pilot for being gay so don't expect fair and impartial treatment by our military - they sprayed our own troups with Agent Orange and had troops stationed almost in the projected blast zone when they tested the first atomic bomb - all covered with radioactive dust and now dead from Luekemia - these caring and sensative individuals are who you will be dealing with.

Be careful,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hi, Mika!

I'm ex-Air Force...C-130's (Viet Nam)...

First I have to ask what Sally asked....how much longer is your enlistment? VERY important...If it's not TOO far off you can probably slide on through....

If it's a while and you have to tell your top kick...you'll be out...no doubt about it....sorry..

But if you DO tell them, by all means bring the therapist's letter with you! And to what needs to be said in the letter? Well, there isn't much to say except the truth...it will still mean that you will be out.

My suggestion (and my opinion) is to try to stay under the radar until you separate from the service...can you do that" Is that a possibilty?

Please come back to us on this one, Honey...I'd really like to try to help you....

What is your "M.O.S.?....(your job)....?

XXOO

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Tough call

You have the best advice already... I would just add - I don't think giving the military ANY voluteered information is wise. They won't care about you.

Lizzy

[Guest Mika N.]

Ok here is more information on what is going on with my situation. I presently have only Six months left on my enlistment; however, there is a big chance I'll get "stop-lossed" for a third deployment to Iraq. My desire to transition is very strong, almost to the point of being uncontrolable (esp. after I started taking estrogen). I love what it is doing to me too much to stop. For once in my life, I am feeling something that is so right. I know that if I end up downrange, it will be difficult if not impossible to continue taking them.

I am not at all afraid of deploying. If the Army would just accept us and allow us to transition while still in, heck, I would probably reenlist and work toward retirement. I always wanted to wear the female class As and dress blues.

Yes I would like to stay under the radar until I ETS; but I'm planning my moves ahead just incase I have to go this route. I think I might have to come out anyway, being that my breasts are developing. I can easily hide them by wearing constriction shirts under my uniform, but not at all during a medical physical. That brings up another question I was wondering about. Is there anyway I can get some kind of waiver to not get a physical when I ETS?

Donna Jean

My MOS, I don't want to go into specifics. I'll just say that I'm in a support MOS. Sorry, my paranoia..

Mika

[Sally]

I think that you might just have to come out if they are planning on sending you back to Iraq - that would definately stall your transition and I don't know how bad the stopping of hormones would hit you and under those conditions - that's a bit risky too.

You have to make the decission of what is best for you and it doesn't look like a third tour of Iraq without your hormones would be very good.

Sorry if I can't just say do this, but it is your life and you alone should decide.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Ok here is more information on what is going on with my situation. I presently have only Six months left on my enlistment; however, there is a big chance I'll get "stop-lossed" for a third deployment to Iraq. My desire to transition is very strong, almost to the point of being uncontrolable (esp. after I started taking estrogen). I love what it is doing to me too much to stop. For once in my life, I am feeling something that is so right. I know that if I end up downrange, it will be difficult if not impossible to continue taking them.

Ok, Honey....six months on HRT is really pushing it, but it could be done....And the "Stop-Loss" is a chance ...a coin toss...And don't tell me how uncontrollable the Transition is..Heck, yesterday my doctor doubled my doses!

But.....

1) If you tell now...you're out!

2) You may be out altogether in 6!

3) You're taking chances anyway...try to lay low and if you "Stop-Loss" in 6, then tell.....

4) They don't check for hormones in military physicals...but if you have significant breast development...you may give it away..

I am not at all afraid of deploying. If the Army would just accept us and allow us to transition while still in, heck, I would probably reenlist and work toward retirement. I always wanted to wear the female class As and dress blues.

Don't count on that, Hon....

Yes I would like to stay under the radar until I ETS; but I'm planning my moves ahead just incase I have to go this route. I think I might have to come out anyway, being that my breasts are developing. I can easily hide them by wearing constriction shirts under my uniform, but not at all during a medical physical. That brings up another question I was wondering about. Is there anyway I can get some kind of waiver to not get a physical when I ETS?

I think that you are wise to make plans about your options with this...there are a few sernarios..

As far as the medical...talk to your therapist...they may know a way to get a physical from a Civilian doctor for ETS

that may be acceptable to your Army Doc...There are reasons for that!

Donna Jean

My MOS, I don't want to go into specifics. I'll just say that I'm in a support MOS. Sorry, my paranoia..

That's completly ok, Sweetie...no need to get specific....close enough...

Mika

Keep in touch, Hon.........PM me if you need to........OK?

****BIGG HUGG****

Donna Jean

[Guest Mika N.]

I think that you might just have to come out if they are planning on sending you back to Iraq - that would definately stall your transition and I don't know how bad the stopping of hormones would hit you and under those conditions - that's a bit risky too.

You have to make the decission of what is best for you and it doesn't look like a third tour of Iraq without your hormones would be very good.

Sorry if I can't just say do this, but it is your life and you alone should decide.

Love ya,

Sally

The Idea of stopping the hormones is not an option to me. You are right that I need to make the decision of what is best for me. I won't accept anything else but to continue with my transition. Thank you and I very much appreciate you input.

[Guest Mika N.]

Ok here is more information on what is going on with my situation. I presently have only Six months left on my enlistment; however, there is a big chance I'll get "stop-lossed" for a third deployment to Iraq. My desire to transition is very strong, almost to the point of being uncontrolable (esp. after I started taking estrogen). I love what it is doing to me too much to stop. For once in my life, I am feeling something that is so right. I know that if I end up downrange, it will be difficult if not impossible to continue taking them.

Ok, Honey....six months on HRT is really pushing it, but it could be done....And the "Stop-Loss" is a chance ...a coin toss...And don't tell me how uncontrollable the Transition is..Heck, yesterday my doctor doubled my doses!

But.....

1) If you tell now...you're out!

2) You may be out altogether in 6!

3) You're taking chances anyway...try to lay low and if you "Stop-Loss" in 6, then tell.....

4) They don't check for hormones in military physicals...but if you have significant breast development...you may give it away..

I am not at all afraid of deploying. If the Army would just accept us and allow us to transition while still in, heck, I would probably reenlist and work toward retirement. I always wanted to wear the female class As and dress blues.

Don't count on that, Hon....

Yes I would like to stay under the radar until I ETS; but I'm planning my moves ahead just incase I have to go this route. I think I might have to come out anyway, being that my breasts are developing. I can easily hide them by wearing constriction shirts under my uniform, but not at all during a medical physical. That brings up another question I was wondering about. Is there anyway I can get some kind of waiver to not get a physical when I ETS?

I think that you are wise to make plans about your options with this...there are a few sernarios..

As far as the medical...talk to your therapist...they may know a way to get a physical from a Civilian doctor for ETS

that may be acceptable to your Army Doc...There are reasons for that!

Donna Jean

My MOS, I don't want to go into specifics. I'll just say that I'm in a support MOS. Sorry, my paranoia..

That's completly ok, Sweetie...no need to get specific....close enough...

Mika

Keep in touch, Hon.........PM me if you need to........OK?

****BIGG HUGG****

Donna Jean

I agree with your points. I need to try not to me too hasty and wait and see if the "stop-loss" order comes up. If it does then I have no choice but to "come out". If not then maybe I'll be able to ETS while still under the radar. I guess I'll come out to my company commander first, then we will see where things go from there. They say that I can do my final physical exam with Six months left. So maybe I should try to do that asap instead of waiting till I develop more. Maybe I'll be able to squeak by without too much suspicion..

Thank you very much for your input. These next few months I feel will be some very turbulent times for me... God, I need to speak to my therapist now

Mika

[Guest Donna Jean]

I agree with your points. I need to try not to me too hasty and wait and see if the "stop-loss" order comes up. If it does then I have no choice but to "come out". If not then maybe I'll be able to ETS while still under the radar. I guess I'll come out to my company commander first, then we will see where things go from there. They say that I can do my final physical exam with Six months left. So maybe I should try to do that asap instead of waiting till I develop more. Maybe I'll be able to squeak by without too much suspicion..

Thank you very much for your input. These next few months I feel will be some very turbulent times for me... God, I need to speak to my therapist now

Mika

Mika.....Good Luck, Hon.....

I got out of 'Nam with my butt in one piece so good things can happen....lol

AND ...By all means if you can do it now (Physical) Do it!!!!

I don't know how much development you have right now...I'm into month 4 and I'm really starting to get a bit obvious (don't think I could get by a doctor without a shirt!)...but in your opinion if you're not too big right now get that physical out of the way...one less brick in the wall! And what is your general stature? Skinny? Heavy? Pudgy?..You may blow it off as "Man Boobs" if a question arises...

So, Sweetie....Lets hope it goes smooth and we'll keep our fingers crossed!

Remember, if they pull the Stop Loss on you, it's time for the big guns...But most likely it will be a General discharge and not a Dis-honorable...

Your (Trans Vet) Friend...

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Good luck and you know that we are all with you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest nova]

Would you lose your benefits if you didn't get an honorable discharge? Just don't get your transgender care from them while you're active duty. Just tell them you're on estrogen for some other problem with a private sector doctor. tell them you have gynomastia. What do i know. It just sounds like you've got nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling them.

[Guest Leah1026]

I think I might have to come out anyway, being that my breasts are developing. I can easily hide them by wearing constriction shirts under my uniform, but not at all during a medical physical. That brings up another question I was wondering about. Is there anyway I can get some kind of waiver to not get a physical when I ETS?

As far as I know discharge physicals are MANDATORY. That is partially how they determine the validity of future claims. Since you do not want to stop HRT it sounds like you only have one option:

Disclosure

The military is getting better about these things, but you WILL be discharged. However, depending on your local commander, you may end up with a normal honorarble discharge and your benefits intact. Also realize these kinds of discharges, because the policy is still evolving, can take time. I know somebody that was in the Marines and her discharge took 6 months!

Good Luck!

[Guest katie019]

there is no more stop loss, they quit doing that a few months ago. thats what our chain of command told me, because i thought on my next tour i would be stop lossed.

[Guest Mika N.]

Would you lose your benefits if you didn't get an honorable discharge? Just don't get your transgender care from them while you're active duty. Just tell them you're on estrogen for some other problem with a private sector doctor. tell them you have gynomastia. What do i know. It just sounds like you've got nothing to gain and everything to lose by telling them.

I really just want to ETS without telling them. I feel that would be the best scenerio. However, I won't accept having to go downrange again and putting my transition on hold. For me it is either transition or else...

Mika

[Guest Mika N.]

As far as I know discharge physicals are MANDATORY. That is partially how they determine the validity of future claims. Since you do not want to stop HRT it sounds like you only have one option:

Disclosure

I'm hoping I could squeak by the physical if I do it soon. Planning on trying to schedual one very soon. If questions come up then I guess I'll have to do as you say. Disclosure.

[Guest Mika N.]

there is no more stop loss, they quit doing that a few months ago. thats what our chain of command told me, because i thought on my next tour i would be stop lossed.

From my research "stop-loss" is supposed to end, but not until 2010. So that still leaves me open to be stop-lossed this year.

Mika

[Guest nova]

I have been on HRT for four years, and I was typical, in that I waited two years for the maximum breast development to be expected from HRT. I didn't have huge noticable breast development after six months. I 've seen lots of men with bigger breasts just from body fat than little transsexual me had after six months. If you're getting out in six months, I seriously doubt you'll be pulled aside and given the third degree unless you are a rare case and develop a full C cup in six months. I asked my veteran friends and my brother, about their discharge physical and they all said it wasn't much. They said you're not going to get your hormone levels checked--it's just not routinely done. Unless you have an exceptional response to HRT, it's just not going to raise any eyebrows. I knew a vet who even had electrolysis done and facial feminization done while in the service--kept their mouth shut, then went on to finish transitioning after being honorably discharged. If they find out or if you tell them, you lose either way. If you keep quite, it's more than likely you can start your transition, get an honorable and get on with your life. If you disclose now you have thrown away your options. If it were me, I would keep my mouth shut. But if they were gonna send me back to the war, I would get out. But with my luck, if I told them I was taking hormones and I was transsexual, they would say, "nice", here are your orders anyway.

[Guest mwade1981]

Mika,

I wish I had some good advice to give you, but it seems that everybody here has come up with everything I would have told you. I'll I have to offer is that I'm also currently in the military, though I'm navy not army, and I'm dealing with the same sort of problems you are. I've been going to a civilian therapist for over a year now, and have been on HRT for about 3 months. Every day I contomplate just telling my chief what's going on with me. But I don't because I don't want to risk getting anything less than an honerable discharge. I am woried about my exit phisical, I know mine will be very invasive do to the nature of my job, radiological work, and diving both can lead to medical problems. So I'm deffinitly woried that the military will find out about me then, but hopfully I'll have such little time left that I'll be able to just slip by un-noticed. Well I wish you luck, and I realy just wanted to say that there are other people here that are dealing with the same issue.

Morgan

[Guest Mika N.]

I asked my veteran friends and my brother, about their discharge physical and they all said it wasn't much. They said you're not going to get your hormone levels checked--it's just not routinely done. Unless you have an exceptional response to HRT, it's just not going to raise any eyebrows. I knew a vet who even had electrolysis done and facial feminization done while in the service--kept their mouth shut, then went on to finish transitioning after being honorably discharged. If they find out or if you tell them, you lose either way. If you keep quite, it's more than likely you can start your transition, get an honorable and get on with your life. If you disclose now you have thrown away your options. If it were me, I would keep my mouth shut. But if they were gonna send me back to the war, I would get out.

Thank you. This puts me a little bit at ease hearing this. That is pretty much how I'm planning on playing it. I'll keep my mouth shut, unless they stop loss me for deployment then I'll disclose.

Mika

[Guest Mika N.]

Mika,

I wish I had some good advice to give you, but it seems that everybody here has come up with everything I would have told you. I'll I have to offer is that I'm also currently in the military, though I'm navy not army, and I'm dealing with the same sort of problems you are. I've been going to a civilian therapist for over a year now, and have been on HRT for about 3 months. Every day I contomplate just telling my chief what's going on with me. But I don't because I don't want to risk getting anything less than an honerable discharge. I am woried about my exit phisical, I know mine will be very invasive do to the nature of my job, radiological work, and diving both can lead to medical problems. So I'm deffinitly woried that the military will find out about me then, but hopfully I'll have such little time left that I'll be able to just slip by un-noticed. Well I wish you luck, and I realy just wanted to say that there are other people here that are dealing with the same issue.

Morgan

Morgan,

I wish you luck with your physical as well. Well, I just scheduled my ETS physical. It comes in two parts, the first one is going to be next monday. We will see what happens. In some weird way I'm kind of hoping they find out about me, then the whole suspense of them finding out will be over with... I'm very tired of worrying about all of this.

Mika

[Guest Donna Jean]

Morgan,

I wish you luck with your physical as well. Well, I just scheduled my ETS physical. It comes in two parts, the first one is going to be next monday. We will see what happens. In some weird way I'm kind of hoping they find out about me, then the whole suspense of them finding out will be over with... I'm very tired of worrying about all of this.

Mika

Well, Good for you, Mika!

I was hoping that you would go for the early physical.....

Just play it cool and if no one asks anything don't give anything!

You may very well blow through this without a hitch!

Good luck, Sweetheart!

Dona Jean

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Mika

If you come out now they will defiantly start to boot you out, they will also give you an RE4 reenlistment code so no more military for you even if they start accepting Transsexuals in the military. You will also get an medical discharge based on "Other Physical Mental Condition Personality Disorder" If you wait until you are being discharged that would be your best option for now, if the Stop-Loss you will want to go to a base psychologist and disclose your Transsexuality to them but not until them. This will stop the Stop-Loss on you faster than a flash. Another thing you need to do is protect yourself by not disclosing this to anyone other than a psychologist because there is so much transphobia amongst those in the military you could get hurt badly or worse. So please take care of yourself and watch your back.

Best Wishes

Charlene Leona

[Guest Mika N.]

Thank-you everybody for all your input, I really appreciate it because I don't feel so alone because of them. So here is a update of what has happened so far. Here at my duty station, I can start my ETS physical exam for the Army with six months left to my enlistment. I believe that can vary with the duty station you may be at. The physical comes in two parts: Phase 1 and Phase 2.

Phase 1, I had to fast about 8 hours the night before only drinking water. The physical for me I had to show up in PTs and it comprised of filling out a questionair, Laboratory(urinalysis and blood tests), Hearing test, Vision test, and Chest x-ray. I have been on Hormones about 5 months now and I would say I am A cups or close to it. Looking at my chest head on, you don't notice much developement. However looking from the top and sides, I have a more female figure. Luckily, I have to wear a reflective vest as part of my PT uniform. The Vest does a good job covering my breast development. If I didn't have it I probably could have gotten away with wearing some type of contriction vest underneath my PT shirt to hide the girls. Phase 1 took the whole morning till lunchtime to complete. Everything went well.

Phase 2. Well, I have this scheduled in the next few days. I am anticipating this part will be more intrusive being that I might have to take my shirt off during the physical. From what I understand, we will go over all my tests from "phase 1". I am bit concerned about the chest X-ray I took. Anyway, I plan bringing my therapist's letter with me if things get so out of hand that I have no choice but to disclose. Spoke with my therapist and gave her a heads up that she might be getting a phone call from the Army in the next few days. She shrugged it off and said she is OK with it, I thanked her and she gave me a big hug. God, I love my therapist.

Well, that is pretty much what is going on right now. Maybe, someone reading this will learn from my personal experience. I plan on posting the outcome of my phase 2 physical when it gets done. I hope it turns out well...

Wish me luck,

Mika