Comming Out To The Military.

[Sally]

Vivian,

I hope all goes well from here but the absolute most important part is taken care of - they are not sending you back again.

Love ya,

Sally

[Carolyn Marie]

Vivian, I wish you all the best for your meeting with your CO. You deserve some luck, after

all you've been through. It's wonderful to hear that at minimum, you won't be redeployed.

**HUGGS**

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Vivian]

Evan_J your a sweetheart.

Donna Jean! , Each and every step now I have been imagining you right there next to me holding my hand. You give me strength. *HUGS*

Laura Jane, HI welcome to Laura's Playground! I see that you are a new member, so here is a warm welcome from me.

Gina9223, you are right that not to much is known on how to treat us in the military. I got a first hand feeling of that last week during my meetings. The Army's playbook right now I believe is pretty much discharge us as quickly and quietly as possible. Anyway, I am fine by that.

Sally and Carolyn Marie, you are right. I'm so relieved that I'm "non-deployable". But still I worry what will happen next. Will they discharge me quietly, or slap some chains on my wrists and ship me off to Leavenworth.

Well, the meeting with my Company Commander went well I think, he took the news surprisingly well. He is concerned about my rights so he says he won't pursue anything until I meet with JAG this week. I expressed to him what I wanted, and that was to be honorably discharged from the Army without being deployed again. I remember he kept mentioning something about "breast implant surgery".

This weekend I've been catching up on things with my brother (I came out to him on friday). After that we had a lot of things to discuss. lol.

He is being super supportive and is very happy that I'm being true to myself now. He said that he wasn't surprised at all of the news. HAHA. I guess he always could tell I was different from other guys. Yes, I think my act of being male has always came out kind of awkward. I felt joining the Army would help "fix" me to be a man, but now I know from personal experience that I was only denying and pretending. Now I am so eager to end this chapter in my life and move on to being the real me, "Vivian".

Love you all,

Vivian

[Guest Gina9223]

Well, the discharge process can take a while. So don’t start packing yet. One of my little ones has been waiting for 6 months for the paperwork to actually start on its way.

The dischage type is at the descretion of your CO. He can make it a Honorable or Other than honorable. So suck up to him as much as possible and stay on his good side.

Since your out and the plan is to discharge you, try to have your therapist recommend you for HRT and be placed on HRT. This is allowable and should be done now to help offset some required medical expenses for labs and the like and the monitoring as you step up on the doseage. Once your discharged (honorably) you have Tri-Care for 2 years. [check with your branches transition assistnace program about this] If they refuse to start HRT while your in, use that to get started. But once you’re diagnosed as having GID you’re supposed to be able to go to the VA and obtain therapy (wait list is too long for me) and HRT. Depending on what state you end up in determines how much assistance you’ll recive at the VA to transition.

Hugs,

Gina

[Guest Vivian]

Well, I've been made to see an army counselor a couple of times. I feel I am being given the run around.. No one seems to know what to do with me here. I'm afraid after all the people that I have told about my condition, the rumors about me are spreading. I am afraid for my safety. People I once known are avoiding me and treating me diffentely. I'm sad and getting worried of what might happen. I pray to get discharged soon. My CO is trying to chapter me out under chapter 5. I pray he is sucessfull, because things might get worse if I stay in any longer.

[Guest Donna Jean]

OMG, Vivian!

Sweetheart....I missed you and I was wondering what was going on!

Honey....I'm so sorry that this thing is dragging out for you....I know that it's unpleasant.

But, Baby....you've gotten so far now...shouldn't be much to go...

I'm hoping that your CO gets his butt in gear and gets this thing sewn up!

I love you, Viv...

I'm still here!

Donna Jean

[Guest Vivian]

Hi Donna Jean! *HUGS*

Yes, I've been away for a while. I've been socially withdrawing for a few days. That's one of my defensive mechanisms when I get very stressed out. Unfortunately, this method ends up shutting out those that care about me along with everyone else. I do identify that as a problem I need to work on... Cancer is my zodiac sign and you can say I exhibit a lot of the characteristics of the typical cancer crab.

"Came out" to quite a bit of people so far: Company commander, 1SG, Battalion commander, Sergeant Major, Brigade commander, JAG, two Case Managers at the SRP site, two councilors at Army Mental Health, an Army psychologist, my brother. Well, all I can do know is to wait on everybody to figure out what do with me and just let the process catch up.

I'm hoping to keep my benefits. Speaking with my CO, he let me know that he wants me to keep my benifits too along with my honorable discharge. I'm hoping to use the GI Bill to go to school once I get out, also seriously thinking about moving somewhere else. I feel I don't "fit in" in this city, that is making me unhappy.

Well, the labor day weekend is a welcome break from all the stress and drama. Expecting more interesting times in the next few weeks.

Love,

Vivian

[Guest again]

Hi Vivian, I have just spent a while going through this thread and it is quite jolting to realize what you are going through---sounds like a good lawyer might be your best bet? Just my humble opinion.....

[Guest Vivian]

again,

hi, I'm dealing with my situation much better now I think. Maybe because so many people know now. Yes, I am recieveing legal counseling as well.

So, I had to go see an Army psychologist at mentel health. She had been following my case for a few days now. We spoke briefly followed by her filling out some official army form that recommended me to be separated under Chapter 5-17. The following is a description of what kind of discharge that is:

(5–17. Other designated physical or mental conditions

a. Commanders specified in paragraph 1–19 may approve separation under this paragraph on the basis of other

physical or mental conditions not amounting to disability (AR 635–40) and excluding conditions appropriate for

separation processing under paragraph 5–11 or 5–13 that potentially interfere with assignment to or performance of duty. Such conditions may include, but are not limited to—

(1) Chronic airsickness.

(2) Chronic seasickness.

(3) Enuresis.

(4) Sleepwalking.

(5) Dyslexia.

(6) Severe nightmares.

(7) Claustrophobia.

(8) Other disorders manifesting disturbances of perception, thinking, emotional control or behavior sufficiently severe that the soldier’s ability to effectively perform military duties is significantly impaired.

b. When a commander determines that a soldier has a physical or mental condition that potentially interferes with assignment to or performance of duty, the commander will refer the soldier for a medical examination and/or mental status evaluation in accordance with AR 40–501. Command-directed mental status evaluations will comply with

paragraph 1–32e. A recommendation for separation must be supported by documentation confirming the existence of the physical or mental condition.

54 AR 635–200 • 6 June 2005

c. Separation processing may not be initiated under this paragraph until the soldier has been counseled formally

concerning deficiencies and has been afforded ample opportunity to overcome those deficiencies as reflected in appropriate counseling or personnel records. (See para 1–16.)

d. Nothing in this paragraph precludes separation of a soldier having a condition as described in a, above, under any other provision of this regulation.

e. Prior to involuntary separation under this paragraph, the notification procedure in chapter 2, section I; or the

administrative board procedure in chapter 2, section II, will be utilized.

f. For characterization or description of service, see paragraph 5–1.

g. Commanders specified in paragraph 1–19 are authorized to order separation under this paragraph. See paragraph

1–11 for additional instructions for ARNGUS and USAR soldiers. The criteria in chapter 1, section VII, will govern whether the soldier will be released from AD or ADT with transfer to the IRR, or discharged.

Unless the reason for separation requires a specific characterization, a soldier being separated for the convenience of the Government will be awarded a character of service of honorable, under honorable conditions, or an uncharacterized description of service if in entry-level status.

b. No soldier will be awarded a character of service under honorable conditions under this chapter unless the soldier is notified of the specific factors in his/her service record that warrant such a characterization, using the notification procedure. Such characterization is normally inappropriate for soldiers separated under the provisions of paragraphs

5–4, 5–11, 5–12, 5–15, 5–16, or 5–17)

Anyway, now I'm pretty much waiting for the chapter paperwork to go through. Also, it looks like my terminal leave will get denied because of this. I'll just have to suck it up until I'm chaptered out. I'm pretty sure I'll get to keep my benefits and be honorably discharged because of my past service record , but I'm worried how this chapter will affect me later on. It probably will in one way or another.

I've been keeping myself busy doing other things to further along my transition and future. Settled on a surgeon to do my FFS with a tentative date reserved sometime middle of next year. Laser hair removal treatments still going on with continued death of more facial hair. Thinking about sneaking in a few electrolysis treatments to hurry things along. Hormones comming along quite nicely. I have a place already arranged for me to stay near Seattle Yay! I plan on heading back to school under the GI Bill and get retrained.

So when I feel a little bit down waiting here, I think about this new chapter in my life up ahead. I just need to be a good young lady for just little bit longer. Then maybe afterwards, I can be a little bit naughty.

Vivian

[Guest Vivian]

Noticed something interesting on my ERB (Enlisted Record Brief). They added about a year and a half to my ETS date.. My ETS date got moved back to 2011... . omg what is going on here? I don't need this stress. I definitely need to get to the bottom of this.. So are they "Chaptering" me out or "Stop Lossing" me? What more proof do they need from me? So many people know about me and they have a letter from my therapist stating I have Gender Idendity Disorder.. Do I need to show up to work one day all made up wearing a pink frilly ball gown and high heals? *sigh*

[Guest Vivian]

I figured out the reason behind the magically changing Separation date. Apparently the Department of the Army has me down as "Stop Lossed" till 2011.

I'm a bit stressed out.. I'm going see my civilian therapist tomorrow, I think I really need to see her. It has been a long time, and I miss sitting down on the soft couch, crying my eyes out, and spending time with her. The person I trust most in this world. Her voice has the effect of calming me down and I miss the sound of it. I'm tired, thank goodness I just have to last till tomorrow.

Vivian

[Guest Donna Jean]

OMG, Viv.......

Well, tomorrow is a good time to go see her...you really need it now ...cry your eyes out...

Give her a big hugg...listen to her soothing voice...

I sent you a PM....

Get back to me.....OK?

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Vivian]

Well everybody, I've finally been discharged; and I never thought this day would come. My DD Form 214 (discharge paperwork):

Block 23 Type of Separation - Discharge

Block 24 Character of Service - Honorable

Block 25 Separation Authority - 5-17

Block 26 Separation Code - JFV

Block 27 Reentry Code - 3

Block 28 Narrative Reason for Separation - Condition, Not A Disability

Though I hoped to avoid the chapter 5-17, I'm still very happy I'm out now. I've closed that chapter of my life. I'm here in my new apartment, in a new city, a new state, starting my new life. Next year my FFS surgery date is set; and after I heal up, I begin school. I can't wait! Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but was very busy with all the packing, moving, and even went to visit my Mom and Sis in New York for Thanksgiving. Thank you all for being there for me. Big hugs especially to Donna Jean! Ok this now probably the end to this very long thread. LOL

Love,

Vivian

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well everybody, I've finally been discharged; and I never thought this day would come. My DD Form 214 (discharge paperwork):

Thank you all for being there for me. Big hugs especially to Donna Jean! Ok this now probably the end to this very long thread. LOL

Love,

Vivian

Not quite, Baby!

Oh my...you've made it...I had a quick cry when I read this because if you go way back in this thread you'll see the pain that you had been through up to this point!

This letter really got to me 'cause you are finally free to continue your life...

So, after all of this I don't want you to just dry up and blow away...I want you to be here when you can.....OK?

Good

Congratulations, Sweetheart...

I love you!

Donna Jean