I just hit Send... OMG OMG OMG!!!!

[ShawnaLeigh]

I am a mess right now.  Trying to keep together and need some forum love right now.

I just wrote a heart felt letter to my sister coming out to her.  I have not gotten a reply yet.

I am afraid of what she will say but hope for the best.

I hope in time this will get easier because I about spent with tears and emotions.  I am physically exhausted from crying all the time.

I know I need to do this for myself but it is so hard.

She was the easy one too.

I will post later her summed up reply.

 

[Jani]

She will think what ever she thinks.  Its not up to you at this point.  Take a deep breath and relax.  Don't let the stress over take the joy.  

[Carolyn Marie]

You've done what you can, ShawnaLeigh.  Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst is all you can do at this point.  IMO, you've done the right thing.  I hope with all my heart that she is understanding and supportive. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Susan R]

@ShawnaLeigh I had the exact same feeling when I hit the send button on those 'coming out' emails with my siblings. By then, it was a matter of me losing my mind or living as I was meant to live.  Let's hope all goes well for you but as Jani stated...you can't change someone's else's mind.

 

its crazy to think we live in a day and age when a person can click a mouse or press a button and their entire life can change in an instant.

 

Best to you,

Susan R?

[Jackie C.]

Deep breath. One way or another, it will all be OK in the end. She probably just needs some time to process... or hasn't even read it yet. Give her a little space and she'll come to you. A little like feeding a baby deer.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

Honestly I know why she hasn't replied yet.  I was Messaging with her before she went to work.  I had to make sure I had a good email address for "just her".  I feel badly because I sorta freaked her out a bit telling her I had some tings to tell her but it was to be super secret.  

I expect a reply sometime tonight or tomorrow but of what I am not sure. 

Now that I have had some time to think I do feel a bit better knowing I told somebody in my family.  I expect this to just get harder and harder as I go.  

My wife of course being the hardest to over come my fears.  

I feel ashamed I was not able to start with her.  She deserved to be first.

[TommieAnne]

Hang in there. Non response isn't necessarily bad. She might be busy. She might be like me and have her phone on the charger downstairs. Or she might be pondering what you wrote, not wanting to reply hastily.

At any rate, you just have to wait a bit and see how things develop.

I applaud your courage.

[SaraAW]

Just keep breathing. It was a very courageous thing you just did. Try not to overthink it. You’ll hopefully have a reply soon. 
 

*hugs*

[NB Adult]

7 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am a mess right now.  Trying to keep together and need some forum love right now.

I just wrote a heart felt letter to my sister coming out to her.  I have not gotten a reply yet.

I am afraid of what she will say but hope for the best.

 

Sisters occasionally turn out to be your best advocate!

[ShawnaLeigh]

My thoughts too. 
No reply yet.  She must need some time to process.

im starting to feel I may of done this wrong somehow.  Dropped to much on her.  
Especially since we haven’t talked much for a long while.  All of a sudden it’s a nuclear bomb in her email.   Kind of not fair to her.  
(Damn it).  

[Maid In Bedlam]

Shawna. You are overthinking it. It will drive you nuts.

 

Just sit tight and wait for a reply.

 

You did what you had to do to survive. For better or worse to be yourself it had to be done sometime. You wasnt going to hide forever.

 

However I do hope its a very nice response you recieve.  One way or another you know where you stand

[ShawnaLeigh]

OK Update.

I am a dumb ass.  Or was just so nervous I don't know.  Probably both...

I misspelled her dang email address.

She never got it.

I sent a quick iMessage just asking if she got it.  I had seen her posting on Facebook and she seemed like her normal goofy self.

I was kind of upset over that.  I drop some serious feelings on her and she goes about her evening like it was nothing and does not reply. -what the heck-?!?!

Only to find out this morning it was my fault.

I tossed and turned all night.  I even checked my phone twice to see if she was just waiting to reply later in the evening.  Sleepless and now fairly drag-ass this morning.

 

Of course now someone out there has this torn open heart email about being transgender that I don't even know.

Great... (sigh)

Though if I look positively on that point.  That's two people that know now.  LOL

 

[Maid In Bedlam]

two do know. Not including this us lot.

 

You sure it never got returned as un deliverable?

 

Im a bit of a clux when it comes to email address. But they do get returned.

 

If nothing else .. next tiime you send it.. you will be prepared for what happens to you. Perhaps it will make it a little easier if you know your potential reaction

[Charlize]

It's going to work out.  I had to smile as that's the kind of thing i do on the confuser.  I'm always amazed when things actually work.  Let us know how it works out.  In the meantime take a deep breath and remember to breath out.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hi ShawnaLeigh,

We all go through those same feelings with our first letter. Scared to death, terrified of what might happen. It's normal. Remind yourself that you really don't know what will happen. As was said before, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.

 

I remember when I sent my first email to one of my sisters. I hope you get as beautiful a reply as I got. Good luck.

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

[ShawnaLeigh]

Update 2.

She sent me a quick iMessage as she was in one of her classes.

These were her first four texts.  She sent them bing, bing, bang before I could reply.   I was a mess.

 

"I love you so much"

 

"I'm not angry, in fact part of me is smiling that you trust me so much to tell me this. I can only imagine the fear to do so."

 

"You have my FULL support.  In fact I'm probably the best person in our family to come out to with this."

 

"I can't even imagine what you've gone through.  It must of been hell.  I'm so proud that you've been able to take these first steps, which are terrifying."

 

At that point I broke down and balled I was so happy and relieved.  While I was at work.  I didn't care.  Though I do have my own office so that helped.

 

[Maid In Bedlam]

Thats awesome. May i be the first to say a big YAY.

 

So glad it all went better than expected. You have taken a big step.

 

You should be very proud of yourself

[SaraAW]

Yay!!! That is so awesome. I’m so happy for you. 
 

*hugs*
 

Sara

[ShawnaLeigh]

The sense of relief is unbelievable.

I hope they all respond like my sister did.  The fear is so debilitating.  I never knew I had that in me.

She even used my new name and closed with a "Love Ya Sis..."  

I feel amazing. 

I know its just a start on a road to many more.  Some I have little doubt will not be so joyous.  I expect I will loose more then I keep actually.  I have hope thoguh.

It all doesn't matter though to me right now. 

Only my wife does.

If we can survive me coming out to her and we stay together.  THEN I will celebrate!!!

 

Thank you all so much for your support.  I know I keep saying this but you all help me more then I can say.  I love you girls (and guys).

 

[ShawnaLeigh]

Not to mention my therapist is going to be so proud of me!!!   LOL

[Jackie C.]

Congratulations! Your first time is always the hardest... that sounded vaguely dirty, so not my intent. Anyway, it gets easier as you include more people, at least it did for me. The wife is still going to be a hurdle. That was the hardest one, but for me -- so long as I had her -- the rest didn't matter. It's almost casual now.

 

For example I got e-mailed by a friend to invite me to an event a couple days ago. I sent back, "Since the last time we talked, I've come out as a trans-woman. Is that going to be a problem?"

He said, "OK with me."

Then we were done. Though now I have to figure out what I'm going to wear and what I want to make as a dish to pass.

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

5 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I can't even imagine what you've gone through.  It must of been hell. 

So many of my family said this.  

 

See it wasn't so bad after all.  Next time be careful with email addresses!  

Jani

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, Jani said:

Next time be careful with email addresses!  

OMG I had forgotten about that already.  Anxiety again. Thanks....  LOL

[Carolyn Marie]

So wonderful to hear your news, ShawnaLeigh.    You now have one strong supporter and ally in your family.  That alone will make all the next family members easier to tell.  She's got your back, and that is priceless. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[ShawnaLeigh]

So final update.  
I had a wonderful day just chit chatting with my sister all day long via Messenger.   
It was so amazing to be treated as the women I am.  For who I really am.  She treated me Like a sister, like it has been like this our whole lives.