My Bio Mom and Step Dad

[Damien Mcknight]

So, I had come out as trans a bit ago. My mom said she’d do her best, but then she lied to my face saying that binding gives me cancer. My step dad just flat out said no. They never called me Alex or Ethan, and I highly doubt they’ll call me whatever name I choose in the future. My mom is trying to convince me that I’m non-binary or cisgender, but I’m not. She said she’ll only call me they/them and not he/him. She tried to make me think it was BDD (Body Dysmorphia Disorder), and I wasn’t able to say anything so I started crying. Then she got all mad at me saying “You know I try (lie) but you don’t even consider what I say (lie). This is gonna be really hard for me (no, it hasn’t been hard for anyone else like my step mom and bio dad and my brothers) because you’re my only girl.” Honestly my mom is full of crap. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but she keeps saying “You’re making an adult decision as a child, you might change your mind” and honestly, get back to me if I do. She won’t let me be trans, so I’m depressed/suicidal instead.

 

I’m gonna wear my new binder (if it comes today or tomorrow) to my mom’s and not take it off all day (6-8 hours) just to prove my point. She also has a trans friend! And she’s acting like this to me? I think not. Stating my opinion on my body is apparently talking back, so I’m not allowed to say a darn thing! I need advice please..

[NB Adult]

No binding won't give you cancer! It will break down the tissue over continual usage and make them less naturally perky. I'd just back off on trying to engage your mom over anything trans and just do family as normal. You can continue your transition on your own incrementally just practicing malish behavior, dressing more androgynously, etc.  

[TTheta]

I am sorry that you are facing this issue, but please, please don't over wear the binder. You can hurt yourself really badly with it.

[OliverPerry]

The cancer thing is ridiculous. She really does seem desperate to make you change your mind. 

 

I can't believe I'm actually saying this but here it goes. It may sound really idiotic to many that I'm sharing this. 

Besides my body dysphoria, I also suffer from bipolar disorder. In 2016, I had a major break down and I basically went bloody crazy. There were so many things happening at the time that it would actually take me quite a long time to write them all here and I don't really feel comfortable with sharing the details right now. The thing is: I couldn't take it anymore. The world was terrifying, I was inside a horror film (imagine The Ring for example). I decided that I had no choice, after years of avoiding it, I needed to seek a psychiatrist and finally get help. I didn't have money back then though. I was studying and my course was very demanding and it was impossible to work outside school. So, at 21, I had to ask my parents to help me out. I couldn't convince them though. They were living in a different city and weren't present to witness what was happening. They refused. They thought I was just exaggerating and that I should just have "a good night sleep" and start eating healthy, that that would solve everything. I dropped the big one. Even though my words were true, I would never had said them to my parents if I wasn't desperate. I basically said that I couldn't take it anymore and I was going to kill myself and, because it was indeed the truth, it was very convincing. This opened their eyes and, a week later, I went to the doctor, got my diagnosis and started treatment, that actually ended up having a terrible effect that only improved when my doctor finally found the right medication for me. I basically spent a year without being able to experience any emotion except calm. Also, I couldn't move my body properly. This is a different issue though! I'll move on now.

 

Please don't get me wrong, I didn't share this to tell you the answer is to bloody shout the word "suicide".

You wrote "I’m depressed/suicidal". Is it possible to share that with her? You don't have to do it like I did (like I said, I was bloody out of my mind at the time). There is a possibility that talking calm and honestly would be a good way for her to understand what's truly happening inside you. Do you believe she would listen? I guess this might be an issue because she seems to be denying everything you throw at her.

I still think she loves you though. Maybe this is her way of protecting you from the "evils of the outside world", her realizing there's a possibility of actually loosing her child because of this might open her eyes. I can't be certain of any of this of course, I never met your mother. I do hope you're able to talk to her and be listened.

 

Best of luck, mate