Mates, I came out

[OliverPerry]

Hello, everyone!

 

 

It's 4 a.m. and my eyes are begging to shut. Still, I feel the need to tell you the following right now.

I apologize if my writing is a bit mediocre today, I'm just really tired.

This has been one hell of a ride.

 

I shared recently that I was going to a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. Well, I did go and something changed.

For those who have read my posts, you are most likely aware that I had previously made the decision to never come out.

Well, people sometimes change their minds. Because, the truth is, yesterday, I came out.

 

After the appointment, the thought of suicide vanished, it stopped being an option, the only available one became coming out and transitioning.

 

Four people know already and they all support me. This didn't surprise me, I knew they wouldn't judge me. However, it was really difficult to let the words out and look at their confused faces.

Most of them were shocked as hell, they never expected something like this from me. Well, people can hide things rather well when they need to and this is something I've been doing for the past 12 years. 

 

I'm not in a depressive state right now. I feel overwhelmed and fearful yes but I'm also, for the first time, excited for the future. 

 

One of the mates I told though, even if supportive, is still attempting to convince me with the idea that my problem is actually "bad luck in romance" and that that is why I feel so miserable with myself. This is definitely not the truth, there's more to it than being uncomfortable during sex, it's being uncomfortable during the act of living. She'll come around though, I know she will. Although she keeps trying to convince me that I'm just a girl filled with self-doubt, it's obvious she's only doing that to protect me, afraid of the judgement I'll face or that I'll regret my decision in the future.

Oh well! 

 

My parents don't know, of course. I have to tell them but not now. 

I'm planning to do it in the middle of 2020.

Let's see how that goes.

 

 

Thank you for all your support!

If it wasn't for you, I would have most likely ended up killing myself before next year arrived. 

I guess 2020 will happen for me after all.

 

Cheers, mates!

 

 

 

 

[Jani]

Oliver this is great news!  Congratulations.  Talking with a therapist was a truly enlightening experience for me and it appears it was for you as well.  Well done Mate!  It does have a way of freeing the mind and making other options seem unreasonable.  Now, remember this is not a race so take it easy and do it right!  

Cheers, Jani

[OliverPerry]

40 minutes ago, Jani said:

Oliver this is great news!  Congratulations.  Talking with a therapist was a truly enlightening experience for me and it appears it was for you as well.  Well done Mate!  It does have a way of freeing the mind and making other options seem unreasonable.  Now, remember this is not a race so take it easy and do it right!  

Cheers, Jani

 

Worry not! I will be taking it easy.

I'm usually extremely impulsive when doing things. However, with transitioning, I'm gonna wait until I actually start taking T. And I'm still not 100% comfortable with people I don't know well becoming aware of my situation. So, presenting myself as male when others who don't know about me are around is still not something I'm ready to do.

Step by step.

 

[Jani]

Very good!  Get some rest.  Morning comes early!

[Jackie C.]

I am SO happy for you @OliverPerry! It sounds like you're finding your new lease on life. It's scary and hard and wonderful all at once. You're on the path to live your very best life. I'm so very proud of you (for no good reason, it's not like I had anything to do with it).

 

Hugs!

[tracy_j]

Congratulations! There will be ups and downs but you will thrive

 

Tracy

[ShawnaLeigh]

Omg Yes!  I am so very happy for you!

i am thankful that suicidal thoughts are now in your past.  Use them and grow from that experience and maybe help someone else who is where you were.  
Super news about coming out.  Hardest thing I have ever done but feel so much better now.  I still have family and friends to tell so I know how you feel.  Take it case by case.  Day by day but definitely plan for your future too.  

2020 here he comes!

[DeeDee]

I am well chuffed to hear he meeting was positive for you Oliver. I am only out to my 4 sisters and two sets of friends, I chose them for their honesty with me as well as their non judgemental approach. A good friend should be honest enough to ask you tough questions, while still supporting you but it sounds like you have a good core to help you build on! 

[Timber Wolf]

??Yay Oliver!

 

This is happy news to hear. What a difference it can make when that door cracks open in life and you see a way out of the cage. Few cis gender people can imagine the pressure we feel as we're trapped hiding in the closet. As I started coming out, I went from thinking of jumping from the tallest building in the city to embracing life as Carla. Though it was frightening, when that door cracked open for me and I began stepping out of that closet/cage, it was incredibly freeing. I'm not out to the world yet, but to the core of my circle, I am. So when I hear this from you, it makes me feel so happy for you. Take it at a gentle pace and enjoy the freedom that stepping out of the closet brings!?

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

[NB Adult]

Blimey, you show some ballocks and this NB pal is bloody proud of you mate! If I lived on your side of the pond we'd have to lift a few pints at the local pub in celebration.

[NB Adult]

1 hour ago, NB Adult said:

you show some ballocks

Figuratively speaking of course. We are all pleased with how you have already transitioned from a very unhappy and miserably suicidal chap to one who is now seeing the bright lights on your horizon, it alone is a marvelous transformation. Meanwhile you will have to excuse my silly latent attempt at British-speak, I so enjoy the differences and nuances between British and American versions of the English language. 

[Susan R]

14 hours ago, OliverPerry said:

Well, people sometimes change their minds. Because, the truth is, yesterday, I came out.

A great big congrats to you OliverPerry.  This day will forever be in your memories and a turning point in your journey.  Like the others here, I'm very proud you were able to beat the fear and move on with the life you deserve.  I'm very happy for you.  Thank you for sharing your good news with us all.

 

A toast to your future?

Susan R?

[OliverPerry]

13 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm so very proud of you (for no good reason, it's not like I had anything to do with it)

 

What do you mean? Of course you had! All of you here on TransPulse were the ones who made me believe life's worth living. 

Mates, this is true: You bloody saved me.

I guess I have to change my profile description now, uh?

[OliverPerry]

2 hours ago, NB Adult said:

I so enjoy the differences and nuances between British and American versions of the English language

 

There are some brilliantly strange ones.

Listen to this one. I find it to be a perfect example.

Enjoy!

 

"Bob's your uncle!" (you're all set, you did it,...)

And Bob sure is is my uncle now! Because I've bloody done it, mates! And it feels brilliant!

 

Cheers!

 

[ShawnaLeigh]

51 minutes ago, OliverPerry said:

 

What do you mean? Of course you had! All of you here on TransPulse were the ones who made me believe life's worth living. 

Mates, this is true: You bloody saved me.

I guess I have to change my profile description now, uh?

I felt the same way soon after I joined.  Then came out.  The people here helped me so much.  
I am glad I could be apart of your journey.  

[OliverPerry]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

A great big congrats to you OliverPerry.  This day will forever be in your memories and a turning point in your journey.  Like the others here, I'm very proud you were able to beat the fear and move on with the life you deserve.  I'm very happy for you.  Thank you for sharing your good news with us all.

 

A toast to your future?

Susan R?

 

I had to share it!

All of you made this possible!

Can't help but feel grateful for all eternity.

[TommieAnne]

2 hours ago, OliverPerry said:

 

I had to share it!

All of you made this possible!

Can't help but feel grateful for all eternity.

Belated congratulations from me too!

Distinctions in language become apparent in telling humorous stories. I got weathered in on a Scottish mountainside, a circle of about a dozen of us huddled knee to knee under a tarp. Someone suggested going around the circle telling jokes. None of the Brits laughed at my joke (they didn't "get" it), and I didn't understand anything about their jokes.

But congratulations on working out things!

[NB Adult]

I told half a dozen Aussies that I had been watching their football game and commented at how spunky they were playing so rough with no pads or helmets. They looked at each other in amazement and one of them said, "Blimey maties, I think this bloke is a poofter!" It's all a matter of semantics.

[SaraAW]

Congrats Oliver!  That is wonderful. I’m so very happy for you. I know how hard it was to admit to myself who I am, then to actually say it aloud to another human. Hardest thing I ever did. Way to go!

 

Sara

[OliverPerry]

1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

Congrats Oliver!  That is wonderful. I’m so very happy for you. I know how hard it was to admit to myself who I am, then to actually say it aloud to another human. Hardest thing I ever did. Way to go!

 

Sara

 

First step! Still haven't reach the end of the ladder though. Much more to go.

Hopefully, the world won't be too cruel. 

*fingers crossed* 

[Astrid]

On 11/24/2019 at 12:33 PM, Susan R said:

On 11/23/2019 at 10:36 PM, OliverPerry said:

Well, people sometimes change their minds. Because, the truth is, yesterday, I came out.

A great big congrats to you OliverPerry.  This day will forever be in your memories and a turning point in your journey.  Like the others here, I'm very proud you were able to beat the fear and move on with the life you deserve.  I'm very happy for you.  Thank you for sharing your good news with us all.

 

You're so right, Susan, for each of us, coming out will indeed forever be etched in memory!  For me, it was May 21, 2018.  I actually included a poem four days ago here about coming out -- and our perspective on it over time <grin>.

Cheers,

 

Astrid

[Susan R]

7 hours ago, Astrid said:

...coming out will indeed forever be etched in memory!  For me, it was May 21, 2018. 

Hey, we have close 'coming out' anniversaries....almost exactly a year apart. My coming out to the world at large and presenting female full time was on May 19, 2019.  Although, I had spent most of April this year coming out to a few individuals here and there.

 

@Astrid My wife and I enjoyed your poem very much. The ending was gold.

"The Old Me was my Gender Lie.

The New Me is my Gender Truth."

 

8 hours ago, OliverPerry said:

Hopefully, the world won't be too cruel. 

*fingers crossed* 

I found that most were accepting at least initially but several responses changed a bit in time.  There was some pull back for sure...some was subtle but others...not so much.  Your mileage may vary...and likely will.

 

Susan R?