Living The Lie...

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

Think about this for a minute-Many of us have spent years in denial-living a lie, lying to loved ones =family, friends, work colleagues on a daily bases…Then whamo we come 'out' and many of those who knew only the ‘lie’ feel somewhat cheated/let down…And what do we do? We accuse them of not being understanding, lacking acceptance of our true selves…What right do we really have to be critical of others, when for many years we have been lying to their face…We should NEVER forget they too are also suffering from the loss of a person they thought they once knew…

We all know that for some people, a warped sense of religious conviction can dissolves any sense of compassion and acceptance towards those who are different... When I talk about others suffering I mean the everyday hurt a ‘normal’ person feels from being lied to…

Some of you no doubt have heard this from a loved one= partner/wife/husband “So what you’re saying is all our time together has been a lie!”…In reality we have to admit that what they say holds some truth…

My ex and I have gone our separate ways, be it unintentionally I hurt her deeply and she is not to blame for her actions and feelings-I accept full responsibility for that…

Fortunately we are not enemies-there’s no ill will between us-time as truly healed any wounds, however the only contact we have is through our mutual concern and love for our children…

I accepted and respect my ex partner’s decision-and feel no anger, resentment nor malice towards her, in fact I still love her dearly and am happy she is now independent -free from having to share the lie that once was our life together…

One thing many of us who are/were married have to remember is, unless we were up front at the beginning of our relationship-that is our partner was comfortable with who we were and might possibly become-why should they now be forced to accept us and possibly also accept a neo/pseudo homosexual or heterosexual relationship-what right do we have to force this upon them???

Bearing in mind for the most part, they fell in love with and married the male/female bodied version of us-that was part and parcel of the package deal to begin with…

Ok I’ve rattled on enough, I hope many of you who are having a hard time at the moment, take time out to contemplate on what I've mentioned- By accepting full responsibility for the actions of others whom you come out to, instead of trying to project blame onto them, you will eventually obtain a peace of mind…

Afterall who is responsible for the consequences of ones own denial???

Remember... Time heals all wounds…So give it time...

Metta Jendar

[Sally]

Ah but Jendar as long as we are thinking - why did we first go into denial?

To please the very people who are now angry that we have lied to them.

There is no Black and White - only shades of gray.

We have our part in the deception, but we all were forced into for one reason or another - in my case the times were such that I would probably have been killed very early in the public schools.

Then you have established who you are to those around you and telling them becomes betrayal when they themselves were the masterminds of the pretend you - like everything else in life, we are all in this world together and we all share in the blame and in the triumphs, to different degrees but no one is truly completely Innocent and no one is totally to blame we - our true and our pretend selves are products of our environment as well as genetics so we can not shoulder all of the blame.

Just a little something extra to think about.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kia Ora Metta,

You and I have had very similar experiences with regards to marriage, children, divorce, continued contact because of the children. Living in denial?... Yes that was so true for me as well. I think it is very wise of you to point out how the partner feels when one comes out to them. You are a very compassionate human being. My ex-wife knows everthing now about me and is supportive, but clearly cannot be married to me. Ironicaly, now that we are divorced, I can talk to her more frankly than I thought I could when we were married. I too, don't blame her for her feelings. She has a right to feel the way she feels. She thought she was in love with a "man", and for a while, I was that "man", but in time, I could not be that "man" anymore. I am sure you understand completely what I am saying.

Love

bernii

[Guest Pól_Eire]

Everyone and no one all at once. It isn't usually one person in particular's fault. It's not our fault that we are the way we are, and it's not our fault that it sometimes hurts them to find out. Likewise, it's not their fault that we are the way we are, and it's not really their fault that if hurts them to find out. But yes, when you make a decision to come out, you're making a decision to consciously disrupt someone's view, and you're responsible for that decision, even if it's a necessary one. So in that way, it's kinda your fault. But likewise, it's kind of their fault for letting the information upset them.

Is it really their *fault* though when they can't adapt? I'm not so sure. One thought my friends and I were throwing around one night (heavily induced by alcohol) is that some ideas are really destructive and pervasive. Like having the idea of perfection or the idea of fault exist is just a bad idea. If no one had a conception of perfection, maybe people wouldn't feel bad about things not being perfect, etc.

I dunno. I'm going to think some more about this. Interesting question, Jendar.

Pól

[Guest Zenda]

Ah but Jendar as long as we are thinking - why did we first go into denial?

To please the very people who are now angry that we have lied to them.

There is no Black and White - only shades of gray.

We have our part in the deception, but we all were forced into for one reason or another - in my case the times were such that I would probably have been killed very early in the public schools.

Then you have established who you are to those around you and telling them becomes betrayal when they themselves were the masterminds of the pretend you - like everything else in life, we are all in this world together and we all share in the blame and in the triumphs, to different degrees but no one is truly completely Innocent and no one is totally to blame we - our true and our pretend selves are products of our environment as well as genetics so we can not shoulder all of the blame.

Just a little something extra to think about.

Love ya,

Sally

Kia Ora Sally,

But remember it was not them that actually forced us into the closet-that was a choice we made...If one continues to project blame onto the innocent party/ies involved, instead of accepting responsibility, how can one possibly free onself of those negative feelings of[misguided] resentment ? Sally you may still hold some resentment and might blame your ex for lack of acceptance, but it wasn't your ex that came out of the closet-turning her world upside down..

For every action there's a reaction=cause and effect=you were the cause[no blame involved-you were born transgender and 'decided' for whatever reason to live in the closet until now-just like many member's here] and the effects are your ex's behaviour towards you when you 'decided' to come out-do you blame her or even her family for not accepting you? When in reality why should they-why should they adapt to the new you?

No one is really to blame for us being transgender but we trans-people should take full responsible for 'creating' the environment of which our coming out has produced...

I have no wish to project any blame whatsoever upon my ex for how she felt about my coming out...But I do feel totally responsible for my actions and their consequences...There's a difference between taking responsibility and blaming oneself-Being transgender is not a blamable situation-and others shouldn't be blamed for how they react...

A Buddhist parable about 'attachment'..."Two monks are walking to another temple their journey takes them to a river-at the river they see a young woman wanting to cross but she is afraid to do so-so the older monk to the dismay of the younger one, lifts the woman onto his shoulders and carrys her safely across the river...The young woman thanks the monk and they go on their way...After quite sometime the young monk still going over in his mind what the older monk had done, finally he says "Why did you help that woman across the river - you should know better-we are not meant to be touched by lay people?" The older monk smiles and says "I carried my burden across the river and was free of it once I reached the other side...Yet two hours later you are still carrying yours!"

This parable relate to many things in life...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Metta,

You and I have had very similar experiences with regards to marriage, children, divorce, continued contact because of the children. Living in denial?... Yes that was so true for me as well. I think it is very wise of you to point out how the partner feels when one comes out to them. You are a very compassionate human being. My ex-wife knows everthing now about me and is supportive, but clearly cannot be married to me. Ironicaly, now that we are divorced, I can talk to her more frankly than I thought I could when we were married. I too, don't blame her for her feelings. She has a right to feel the way she feels. She thought she was in love with a "man", and for a while, I was that "man", but in time, I could not be that "man" anymore. I am sure you understand completely what I am saying.

Love

bernii

Kia Ora Bernii,

I fully understand where you're at...

Sometime we all fail to see the forest for the tree-we are so caught up in our own woes that we never consider what it's like for others -how they feel-they are also having to step out of their comfort zone and have to try to come to terms with our actions the best way they know how...Sadly it's not always how we would like it to be...So we must accept what is...

Metta Jendar

[Sally]

For every action there's a reaction=cause and effect=you were the cause[no blame involved-you were born transgendered and 'decided' for whatever reason to live in the closet until now-just like many member's here] and the effects are your ex's behavior toward you when you 'decided' to come out-do you blame her or even her family for not accepting you? When in reality why should they-why should they adapt to the new you?

No one is really to blame for us being transgendered but we trans-people should take full responsible for 'creating' the environment of which our coming out has produced...

Cause and effect can't be used to support your views and dismiss the reason for living in the closet in the first place - I was simply pointing out that we didn't feel guilt from the beginning it was handed to us for me in the public schools where you were separated boys and girls and anyone who dared cross that line even to speak was ridiculed and bullied - there is a cause and the effect was go into hiding - it isn't safe here.

In the 1950s the KKK was still hanging Black people and burning crosses on their lawns - suspected communists were harassed, beaten and often killed - homosexuals were beaten to death and transsexuality was not even mentioned - I believe that that atmosphere constitutes force!

I did not decide to hide who I was for any other reason than to stay alive - I continued because, believe it or not change comes slowly and even now it isn't really safe.

I never said that I was blameless and my only problem with my ex was that she never talked to me about her difficulties accepting me, she always asked if I was going to leave her but she went to her sisters with her real feelings - that didn't bother me as much as when the decision was made - she never said another word, not even good bye - just went to work and when I came home from my job that night - she was gone.

Yes there is cause and effect and I believe that completely, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction is the rule in physics but not in life the reaction is so often either greater or much less.

I am willing to accept the blame but would like to have noted that living as a man and in constant fear of being outed and possibly killed as an extenuating circumstance and the need to be 'cured' a societal pressure.

A discussion is only a discussion if opposing views are considered rather than dismissed on the surface because they seem to disagree - I simply stated that the need to go into that closet was handed to us not just something that we thought would be fun.

That was also a cause and effect - nothing just happens in a vacuum - everything effects all around it - I understand this and by that understanding I know that it is impossible to go back to one beginning point and say, "That's what it is!" there is always a cause for that point as well - I could have kept quiet and stayed married a little while longer but she was the one that never left her family and eventually this would have happened maybe when I had to miss one of her family gatherings to go to one of my parent's funerals.

She had emotional problems as the effect of a learning disability - her family never let her make a decision and that kept her from dealing with stress - a bad day at work meant a lot of yelling and throwing things - I understood and dealt with that the best I could but it was very hard to hear that whenever anything went the least bit wrong that she was moving back with her parents.

I put up with a lot of emotional blackmail during our marriage and was virtually cut off from my family - but none of that is taken into account when you dismiss the fact that there is anyone else on the planet to share the blame.

I am not trying to say that it is easy for the spouses and that we have no blame - I am saying that there are no absolutes in this world and pretending that there are is not healthy - you always want us to think, I am simply asking you to do the same.

Putting all of the blame on us when we were programed by society itself to behave the way we do is just putting the bullet in the chamber for someone sitting in their room tortured by the circumstances of their lives holding that gun and trying to decide if they are going to use it or not - I don't think that is what you meant to do - but nothing happens in a vacuum.

All of the facts need to be present for a rational and just decision to be made - my issues were the trigger but our marriage was not going to last - her first lasted seven years and was said to be abusive - but like her mysterious learning disability was never discussed, her family would never talk about anything that made them look bad.

After seeing her family in action and her constantly checking with her mother before even saying hello to me when she got home from work had already let me know that this wasn't going to work out for much longer - we went to see her parents everyday at the hospital whenever they had health issues, but my father had three long hospital stays and several weeks in a rehab facility and I had to go visit him while she was at work - she visited him three times for a total of 15 minutes - I was in our marriage alone.

"Judge not lest ye be judged." and "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone."

I do not judge my ex or throw any stones - it is not my place even though I am looking at going to trial because my offer of 2/3 for her and 1/3 for me is not good enough I still am not angry with her, I feel sorry for her because in her life the cause and effects have made her an emotional cripple who is incapable of living alone and apparently incapable of leaving her family - I can only hope that they will take care of her.

Native American saying, "Never judge a man before you first walk a day in his moccasins."

Generalizations are almost always wrong and no one person is ever the only one who should be blamed - even Adolf Hitler had his advisors and supporters - he could not have started WWII alone!

Just my opinion, but I am allowed to have one.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Ashlee]

I have to agree with the 'cause and effect' rule. But, here is my slant on this.

Cause - being brought up in an era that views GLBT people as bad/unworthy/etc.

Effect - keeping our desires inside, putting on our false self so as to avoid ridicule

Cause - parental expectations that are passed down from generation to generation, such as "you are a boy/girl, you should act like a boy/girl"

Effect - same as above

Cause - media hype making GLBT people as second class citizens

Effect - same as above

Cause - wrapping all the causes above making one conform to society

Effect - getting married, having children, as well as the above effect

Then, years later, this thing called the internet comes along, bringing so many people together that share the same plight as yourself. You begin to gain some sense of self. This causes you to make a decision to either continue to live your life with your desires hidden, or come out to the world as the person you really are. The effect is how your family accepts this decision.

If I were 30 years younger,

And knew all I do now about these desires I have,

I would be a more open person about it,

I would not get into a relationship without that person having full knowledge of what they are getting into.

The world is a bit more understanding of us now than 30 years ago, it still has a long way to go, but with places like Lauras, there is more understanding, more hope, more people willing to help.

Ashlee

[Guest androgynous]

Be yourself they say, but when you do you are being frowned upon.

you are expected to be honest, but when you are they get angry.

*sigh* What is wrong with people, No wonder people get mixed up.

Well, I don't care anymore what people say or think about me, because I know they are wrong, there whole system of reasoning is flawed, the fact they have to judge something speaks volumes of their own little secret fetish for which they lack the courage to shine through to other to loose face.

I pity them, i walk with a straight face passing all with PRIDE.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

NO NO NO

I didn't lie to anyone but myself. Betraial? I had guilt over that - my wife threw it at me like an intentional bean-ball! BUT I talked $500 worth (figurtively) in theraphy about this - my therapist told me I had to lose the guilt. "Let it go!" she said - infering she could not allow me transition ifi carried this heaavy weight along. Opens your eyes

I didn't KNOW I was trnssexual. Sure I kept secrets from my wonderful wife (and everyone else) but it was becase of shame, not a need to deceive.

I was in DENIAL - when I acepted myself, I also stopped the hidding.

The results were extemely hostile. I had been right about the shame part - we are NOT acepted. I was really looking for understanding - the ceneral community CANNOT understand us. So all I can get is a loving support. I have a grudging support instead. GRUDGING.

Oh well, I take what I can get. I have a life to live.

So

NO NO NO - it wasn't a lie. It was a coverup by playacting, like I had been taught by society, my family, and my loving wife from the beginning, "Be a man about it!" So I did the best I could.

Lizzy

[Guest androgynous]

@Elizabeth K

Yeah, the whole fact we are supposed to need therapy is not that we need it, but due to the intolerance of others and to learn to cope with their intolerance, while we tolerate them. Because you can't hide what one is, or what one is feeling. If it's repressed it will turn out for the worst for everybody. One day I hope for a society that is more tolerant to everyone, a fundament where one can be oneself without being judged upon.

In the end, I think society needs therapy, not us.

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora, and thanks for your responses...

"Before you judge a man first walk a day in their moccasins!" [Thanks Sally]

Probe deeper into the meaning of the saying -then re-read my original post...Sadly 'empathy' is often lacking when self pity is involved...Been there - done that...

How often do we talk about how the people close to us are suffering-do we really acknowledge their suffering????

‘We are the ones that lived in denial - [not them] we are the ones that lied[regardless of the reason wise]..Yet when we finally come out, some of us fail to acknowledge our faults on this deeper level…Instead we go on the defensive and begin to justify our misguided resentment[feeding ones hurt ego] by projecting some form of blame upon others[much of this blame is not justified]- if not verbally, some trans-people tend to bottle up this resentment-either way it’s not healthy…

I know for some trans-people it can be quite hard to acknowldge and accept the feelings of those close to us and forgive...

All I'm saying is, at times we should all think outside the square...one will not overcome the emotions of anger and resentment by continually allowing them to arise-I don't mean for one to supress them, just analyse them as they arise and after a while one will see what a waste of energy they really are-serving no beneficial purpose whatsoever...By analysing them as they arise, one will gradually learn to dessolve them before they take hold..

When it comes to holding resentment-only you know the truth...My aim is to get people to think more about the feelings of others, instead of continually wallowing in the 'why me-why don't they understand me syndrome"...

Time may heals all wounds, but holding a grudge[picking fault with] will stop the scab [that’s needed to heal] from forming…

In otherwords...

Does the moccasins still fit???

Metta Jendar

[Guest Eth]

@Elizabeth K

Yeah, the whole fact we are supposed to need therapy is not that we need it, but due to the intolerance of others and to learn to cope with their intolerance, while we tolerate them. Because you can't hide what one is, or what one is feeling. If it's repressed it will turn out for the worst for everybody. One day I hope for a society that is more tolerant to everyone, a fundament where one can be oneself without being judged upon.

In the end, I think society needs therapy, not us.

I said something very similar on another forum somewhere. I was arguing with a homophobe/transphobe and eventually backed him up to a point where all of my "problems" as a transgender person had been explained, but none of his phobic tendancies could be. I then made a point of how, for all other phobias- fear of snakes, cats, planes and even dust- people go to therapists all the time to find the source of their fear and get past it. So why is it that when people are afraid of a race, sex, gender, or sexual orientation they're just titled "racist", "sexist", "bigot" and "intolerant" but never noted for what they really are: people with a severe phobia of another group or party. People get therapy for phobias all the time, so why is it that we're the ones in therapy and not them? (not to say we shouldn't be in therapy- many/most of us need a specialist to help us figure things out concerning transitioning and such).

But as for the topic itself:

No, I do not think that we 'betrayed' or 'lied to' anyone. I'll acknowledge that it appears that way to those on the outside, but that doesn't make it what it is.

Yes we should understand their point of view and work with them. Yes, we need to be considerate of their feelings and emotions and in order to do that we need to see things from their eyes. But to actually consider ourselves liars or backstabbers would be counterproductive in our development and thus also in theirs. We cannot blame ourselves for something we had little or no control over.

Those are my feelings on it, anyways.

[Guest Leah1026]

This is an exercise in futility because NOBODY is to blame.

You have to accept the past as just that, THE PAST.

Stay in the now and concentrate on building a better FUTURE.

[Guest Donna Jean]

This is an exercise in futility because NOBODY is to blame.

You have to accept the past as just that, THE PAST.

Stay in the now and concentrate on building a better FUTURE.

CLAP.....CLAP....CLAP...BRAVO, LEAH!

Well put!

Donna Jean

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

Hey Leah I couldn't agree with you more- that's great news that you have found peace by thinking positive and holding no resentment/malice towards others...Why waste ones precious energy by bearing a grudge...

Metta Jendar

[Guest Neuro]

Naaaa, good topic.

My friend cried when I told her, and asked why I had lied and kept it from her. In the end, we are usually trying to protect:

a) ourselves from being rejected or scorned

our friends and loved ones from feeling awkward or seeing us differently, especially if they have a belief system that goes against this kind of thing.

But at the same time, trying to protect these precious things; we can end up hurting them with these 'lies.'

I blame myself for anything I have done, because who else can I blame? However, it is not the same for everyone.

[Guest angie]

When I came out to my wife of my intention to transition into a woman,

Her exact first words were,"So all of our life together has been a lie??!!!"

Fortunantly,I was shoved off the speed boat I was on and into a row boat.

I still lost the love of my life,regret living the lie I knew I was for so many years.

I hurt her deeply and profoundly.Plus those beautiful young women I fathered,

had/have lost the man they knew as daddy.I took the long,frustratingly,painfully,

slow route to becoming my true self.It took four more years to finally make the jump.

For this slow down I enforced upon myself,I have the love of my ex,the love of my

daughters and the love of my grandchildren.And I grew expotentionally as a person.

When my time was right,I choose the month and day I was going to physically start

my journey into my womanhood.And I informed my ladies of my intention to fulfill

my deepest desire and become the woman I know I am.At each step of my journey,

I was totally truthful about my intentions,informing my family in advance.My ex and I

can even talk about my interest in men,my future surgery and life living female.My

daughters call,text and come by to see my progress and how I am getting along.

I love all my girls...And am so thankful they love me back.

Peace,

Angelique_Angie

[Guest April]

This is kinda funny as me and my spouse talk about all the time. For me it is very important to feel sorry for the deception to her as well to myself. For her she has felt all that not-so-great stuff that comes with being told. She is very open to different kinds of people and can accept sometimes they can not help who they are. ( I personally would not have chose this for me, nor would have she, but this is me.) In talking things out between each other she has set limits that she can accept and deal with for now. I have even seen some of those change for the better, but I know not all will. She has told me that she could never see us being married or a couple after I transition, but we could still live together and be girl friends. That is her limit and I understand that.

I think a lot of it has to do with what a person is willing to accept, how much change they personal can handle. It is not really about who lied to who or who did not tell who what. That is kinda why it is such a gray area, it is more about how willing the person is to accept and love another person and how far they are willing to change to for other people. This is very different in every person on this planet, even us. Kinda reminds me of a saying " you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time". That is why it is so important not to dwell on the past for it is the past, just keep moving forward.

LIVE,LOVE,ACCEPT,MOVE ON

[xanyx]

I guess I was just too androgynous to even surprise anyone... Plus, never was really able to have a relationship, straight men always dumped me with the words "you're really a man, not a woman, inside".

Though one friend yes, became very upset and told me "You go against god" (he's religious); I stopped talking to him.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Nearly all of us here can relate to this; for what ever reason or reasons we took to hiding our true selves doing what society expected of us whether we were born male or female. But there was always that nagging feeling that something wasnt right, but we couldnt put our finger on what it was; or could we and we just dare not admit that we were that different from the way we were raised and socialized.

I didnt know I was this way untill I was seeing a psychiatrist for other issues and the topic of gender some how came up, what he said made so much sense to me that I had to come home and do more research into it. I tried crossdressing hopeing to ease the feelings that way but it was a mistake, all it did was open the flood gate and the realization finally hit.

We were all forced into the closet as a survival strategy, now when we finaly are forced by internal processes to come out of that closet there is no way we should expect all of our relationships to survive. I still hear the old favorite the last 9 years have been a lie, I dont have the emotional strength or the desire to try and correct that belief on the part of my former parnter. Rare is the marriage that survives this and it is my feeling that our casual relationships (friends etc) will not necessarily survive this either. THose who stay with us on this journey are those who are meant to be with us for life. Out of my circle of friends and family it is only my blood family that has stayed with me and not many of them.

The friends I make durring and after my transition are the ones I will have for life.

[Guest Dutchie]

Afterall who is responsible for the consequences of ones own denial???

One simple answer: SOCIETY!

Everything around us screams "binary heterosexual relationships". Advertisement, literature, fiction, governments and so on and so forth (save the sparse exceptions, since they're rare that's why they call them exceptions). They love to make sensational shows (like Jerry Springer) on TV about the media loving and screaming Transvestites (no offense to the ones suffering), giving the genuine emotionally troubled ones a very very bad name. Society in general does NOT differentiate between a drag queen and a transsexual, at least not here, here we're all "freaks".

If society would have been more tolerant (in general), this whole problem would not have existed. This forum would not be necessary, LGBT groups are no longer needed and people can live happily next to each other.

I never lied to anybody, society forced me to live as a man. As soon as I could define what I was, I told people bit by bit. Nobody ever claimed I lied to them or that I have been deceiving them. The (intolerant and narrow-minded) people who decided they no longer could deal with me can be missed as a sore tooth. I'm not fighting them, they don't want to see my point of view. They rather have me treated with electroshocks or similar. Do *I* need to educate them on (in)tolerance? I don't think so.

Am I supportive to the ones who suffer from the very same intolerance? Of course! With as much love and care as I can bring up.

If you feel that you lied to the persons around you, then you probably did.

If you feel that you have been conforming to society, you've been trying to survive...

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

If you feel that you lied to the persons around you, then you probably did.

If you feel that you have been conforming to society, you've been trying to survive...

A lie is an intentional untruth, if you didnt know you were GID then there is no way you could lie about it. Others may think you withheld information, that entire relationships were built on false premises but that in and of itself is false. I never lied about it but boy was it rough telling my former partner and hearing the proverbial "the last 9 years have been a lie" over and over again. 

Ive given up trying to change her mind on it, i dont have the time, the emotional or mental energy to do so.

I can count on one hand the people who have stayed by as i begin this trail, and I know they will be there at the end of it as well.

[Guest Eth]

One simple answer: SOCIETY!

Everything around us screams "binary heterosexual relationships". Advertisement, literature, fiction, governments and so on and so forth (save the sparse exceptions, since they're rare that's why they call them exceptions). They love to make sensational shows (like Jerry Springer) on TV about the media loving and screaming Transvestites (no offense to the ones suffering), giving the genuine emotionally troubled ones a very very bad name. Society in general does NOT differentiate between a drag queen and a transsexual, at least not here, here we're all "freaks".

If society would have been more tolerant (in general), this whole problem would not have existed. This forum would not be necessary, LGBT groups are no longer needed and people can live happily next to each other.

I never lied to anybody, society forced me to live as a man. As soon as I could define what I was, I told people bit by bit. Nobody ever claimed I lied to them or that I have been deceiving them. The (intolerant and narrow-minded) people who decided they no longer could deal with me can be missed as a sore tooth. I'm not fighting them, they don't want to see my point of view. They rather have me treated with electroshocks or similar. Do *I* need to educate them on (in)tolerance? I don't think so.

Am I supportive to the ones who suffer from the very same intolerance? Of course! With as much love and care as I can bring up.

If you feel that you lied to the persons around you, then you probably did.

If you feel that you have been conforming to society, you've been trying to survive...

All very true, and I agree with all of it. Except that I did have one person who claimed I lied/deceived them for all the time we'd known each other before I knew I was transgender, and that was my best friend. Ironically, he was the first person I told and he watched me grow into the realization bit by bit, so he should've known off the bat that I wasn't "lying" or keeping anything from him. Fortunately he came around just yesterday and now accepts me for who I am. ^^

[Guest angie]

That's cool Eth,

Nice to have your best friend accept you as the real you.

Who knows,maybe he will be your first lover.

Angie