So i already came out but...

[The Viv Element]

I already told everyone about my journey last november but now, I find myself saying "i can't go out unless i look feminine"... I don't know, it's weird because I don't care about other peoples appearances but when it comes to mine, I HAVE to be perfect for everyone even though i know that i'm already as perfect as i can be because there are no standards for happiness, But i also feel like another reason why i feel this way is because I'm afraid of being a victim, How do you guys cope with the dangers of trans phobia? I haven't gone out in public with make up or feminine clothes yet and it's destroying me because I hide my feminine side so well but I want to be a full on woman. If you guys have any solutions to help me feel more at ease/confident being in public as a transgender, I would love to know please & thank you ❤️ 

Vivian G.

[The Viv Element]

Just to clarify, I do have some clothes and make up here at home, And i do wear it around at home all the time with my family in the same roof since I trust and feel comfortable with them, I just have a fear of showing my feminine side in public for reasons i can't exactly pinpoint which is why i need your help 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, The Viv Element said:

I just have a fear of showing my feminine side in public for reasons i can't exactly pinpoint which is why i need your help 

Welcome Vivian...it’s a pleasure to meet you.  I was going to say hi on your intro but I thought I’d just start here with something you might try.  Many of us are or were fearful to present our true selves because of the unknown and our overthinking of the situation.

You might find a girl friend or two that you can trust...the more the merrier.  Plan an outing in a different city.  Adding a guy to the mix never hurts and it might make it a bit safer. Find a place you will not likely run into anyone you know.  Spend a few hours doing whatever, picnics, shopping, walking a mall, what have you.  You’ll likely find that you are not nearly the center of attention your mind is telling you that you are.  After just a half hour, I’m sure you’ll see that people just aren’t focusing on you or your gender.  You do this a half dozen times and I’ll bet you’ll develop even more confidence in yourself.  Eventually, you’ll probably progress to the point you can do it alone.  This is sort of how I got my confidence.  I had my wife with me which to me was the best of all possible worlds and the outcome was the same.  I eventually felt completely confident as a woman anywhere at any time.  It may work for you too.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes if you do.

Susan R?

[The Viv Element]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Welcome Vivian...it’s a pleasure to meet you.  I was going to say hi on your intro but I thought I’d just start here with something you might try.  Many of us are or were fearful to present our true selves because of the unknown and our overthinking of the situation.

You might find a girl friend or two that you can trust...the more the merrier.  Plan an outing in a different city.  Adding a guy to the mix never hurts and it might make it a bit safer. Find a place you will not likely run into anyone you know.  Spend a few hours doing whatever, picnics, shopping, walking a mall, what have you.  You’ll likely find that you are not nearly the center of attention your mind is telling you that you are.  After just a half hour, I’m sure you’ll see that people just aren’t focusing on you or your gender.  You do this a half dozen times and I’ll bet you’ll develop even more confidence in yourself.  Eventually, you’ll probably progress to the point you can do it alone.  This is sort of how I got my confidence.  I had my wife with me which to me was the best of all possible worlds and the outcome was the same.  I eventually felt completely confident as a woman anywhere at any time.  It may work for you too.

 

Good luck and let us know how it goes if you do.

Susan R?

Thank you! I've actually isolated myself from the world for quite a while and lost touch with majority of the people I know, I sort of brainstormed earlier and thought i would just try to put myself in the setting that i feel most comfortable with, Your suggestion was similar, Except I don't do well socially in public because I was born deaf haha... So that makes my situation different, But I do love the silence, and the night with the stars/moon, So I think I'll just take a bus sometime after supper and bus around, go to my favorite place by this bridge that looms over a pretty big harbour, just enjoy the city skyline across it I will have to be careful obviously... at least I'm 5'11 and pretty bulky for a woman lol.

[The Viv Element]

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Welcome Vivian...it’s a pleasure to meet you.  I was going to say hi on your intro but I thought I’d just start here with something you might try.

 

whoops! Nice to meet you too Susan ?

[DeeDee]

Pleased to meet you Viv, I live in a small rural location, the first time I went out was a quiet Sunday afternoon on a woodland walk path. I hid my clothes under a baggy man jacket until I drove far enough away from my house to stop hiding (they were appropriate for a casual walk). I only passed one person but it was a really big deal for me and I made it last as long as I could, I came home floating.  Just pick a level you are comfy with - it does not have to involve interaction yet, just be as safe as you can be. I was dwarfed by a woman and her mum in a supermarket yesterday, both were over 6ft and as wide as me too - women come in all shapes and sizes. ?

[The Viv Element]

1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

I was dwarfed by a woman and her mum in a supermarket yesterday, both were over 6ft and as wide as me too - women come in all shapes and sizes. ?

 

LOL true, thanks for the reminder ❤ Pleased to meet you too. I'll have to make plans starting first thing in the morning, right now im probably 4 hours behind your clock and I still have not slept! nini all ?

[Katharina]

6 hours ago, The Viv Element said:

I HAVE to be perfect for everyone even though i know that i'm already as perfect as i can be because there are no standards for happiness, But i also feel like another reason why i feel this way is because I'm afraid of being a victim, How do you guys cope with the dangers of trans phobia?

 

Hi Vivian,

 

I can totally relate to your feelings and as you wrote: there are no standards! When I started my transition I had experimented with all sorts of outfits and styles and I looked pretty awful at the beginning. Also I was unsure of what woman I really am and what society expects from me. In retrospective, that was a process which simply took some time. Most of the "good" advices I got from society went directly into my trashbin since they were often just sterotypes of what a woman "has to be" (of course). If that would be an absolute requirement, I definitely would fail as woman in every respect ?.

 

Yeah, I do remember all the stares and unreflected comments and that can be frightening. And sadly this is something we probably all have to overcome at some point. But that never should stop you from your journey to your true self. The more you present yourself in a form that you feel happy and comfortable with, the more it becomes a routine ?. Even if somebody dislikes how you look, how you speak, etc... in conclusion you are the only one, who can tell how you present yourself and how you should proceed your journey.

 

My best advice for you is to take your time to find to your true self and be authentic. Don't take every word from other people to personally and also leave some room for trial-and-error. Things may not always go as intended but that is something you can learn from and advance yourself to become even stronger.

 

~Katharina

[Jackie C.]

Hey Vivian!

 

My first outing as a woman...

 

Well, I started just wearing my bra and panties. They made me feel better and nobody could see them under my regular clothes.

 

Then I started getting the mail. After dark and quickly as I could.

 

My first real outing was to the gas station. I needed gas and decided I wasn't going to "change back" before I went out. Nobody cared.

 

Next I went to the grocery store. I got clocked by the cashier and couldn't fix it because, while I tried really, really hard, my vocal presentation was not ready for Prime Time as it were.

 

From there, I just went out when I could. I was full-time inside of six months. I changed my hair a couple of months ago (I went from not quite shoulder length to past the shoulder and added some waves). I should explain that I'm an alopecia patient so my hair is pretty much modular. I keep it as close to the original auburn as I can, but I was a color that apparently only seldom occurs in nature. I'd been accused of dying it before. That was a tangent, but yeah, I miss my natural hair. It was glorious.

 

So to keep from being a victim? I'm not alone when I go out after dark. I stay away from isolated areas. I keep myself reasonably fit, so I could probably do some damage in a panic if I had to... though the fitness regimen is more to take care of my body now that I'm happier with it. I plan on taking some self-defense classes when time and funds permit.

 

So yeah, while I'm not a social butterfly, I'm frequently out on my own and I've never felt like I was in any particular danger. I don't really do clubs or bars. The closest I get is driving past the pub at the end of my street. I've considered stopping when they had a taco truck parked in their lot(I've never eaten from a food truck, it's on my bucket list), but that's as close as I've come.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

Welcome Viv I am glad you are here.  I too am at a stage where most of my family know about me and I have started presenting more female in my home.  Though mostly just wearing a more feminine PJ set or leggings.  Which my wife had bought me.  Though I am not at the makeup stage as my wife is not a big fan.  For herself no less for me.  She feels its a waste of time and money when every women is trying to achieve and "natural look" anyways.  I can kind of see her point but she is CIS and I am not.  So when the time comes I will.

I am slowly coming out to work now and have plans to tell my friends very soon.  I have yet to tell my two children but they do not live with me so its easy to conceal it from them for now.  I have been writing letters like crazy for the past few days so all of them will know shortly.  So I have only gone out in undergarments in public still presenting male on the outside.   I wear my female undies every day and my wife does my laundry and knows.  Even folds and puts myself away still.  LOL 

I also have been wearing Dansko clogs at work.  I work in hospitals so this is not super uncommon for men to wear these in a hospital setting apparently so I have not been looked at funny.  At least not that I know of.  I am acting as feminine as I can too so everyone probably thinks I am gay.  LOL

I look forward to being fully out and then slowing working up the nerve to go out in public wearing feminine clothing.  I don't have much but that can change too.

 

[The Viv Element]

6 hours ago, Katharina said:

~Katharina

Everything you spoke about, i could relate to! I've been through so many stereotypes because I was always travelling, hung out with so many different people; I still never truly felt like myself until i ghosted everyone and isolated myself to figure things out and well, here i am lol...  I made plans to visit my brother and more family on the other side of the harbour this week so I'm already overly excited, trying to prepare what to wear and how much make up to apply. Right now I don't think I want a 'stereotype label' because I want to treat myself and everyone as a human being, in the end... we're all on the same rock floating in the middle of nowheres trying to be happy ?❤️
I should consider myself lucky to be deaf so I won't hear those people sprouting hate in public, i'll look completely unfazed and confident lol, But that could also be dangerous as some people might just think they have to speak louder or try harder to make themselves noticed., right?

 

Ugh life is full of possibilities ? 

Thank you for your help!
Vivian G.

[The Viv Element]

6 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Hey Vivian!

 

My first outing as a woman...

 

Well, I started just wearing my bra and panties. They made me feel better and nobody could see them under my regular clothes.

 

Then I started getting the mail. After dark and quickly as I could.

 

My first real outing was to the gas station. I needed gas and decided I wasn't going to "change back" before I went out. Nobody cared.

 

Next I went to the grocery store. I got clocked by the cashier and couldn't fix it because, while I tried really, really hard, my vocal presentation was not ready for Prime Time as it were.

 

From there, I just went out when I could. I was full-time inside of six months. I changed my hair a couple of months ago (I went from not quite shoulder length to past the shoulder and added some waves). I should explain that I'm an alopecia patient so my hair is pretty much modular. I keep it as close to the original auburn as I can, but I was a color that apparently only seldom occurs in nature. I'd been accused of dying it before. That was a tangent, but yeah, I miss my natural hair. It was glorious.

 

So to keep from being a victim? I'm not alone when I go out after dark. I stay away from isolated areas. I keep myself reasonably fit, so I could probably do some damage in a panic if I had to... though the fitness regimen is more to take care of my body now that I'm happier with it. I plan on taking some self-defense classes when time and funds permit.

 

So yeah, while I'm not a social butterfly, I'm frequently out on my own and I've never felt like I was in any particular danger. I don't really do clubs or bars. The closest I get is driving past the pub at the end of my street. I've considered stopping when they had a taco truck parked in their lot(I've never eaten from a food truck, it's on my bucket list), but that's as close as I've come.

 

Hugs!

Aw, I didn't think there were many other people like me, Living outside of the social bubble and still enjoying life ? But now i know i can relate to you! My alopecia was actually taking its shape last year but i started HRT in the summer so I saved myself just in time! I don't see the bald spots now so i'm really, really, really happy my HRT reversed it. 
Picking up the mail or going to the gas station with SOME make up on and maybe denim leggings was my first idea, but that feels like i'm still hiding myself so I made plans to visit my family this week and hopefully all goes well ❤️

Thank you for sharing! 
Vivian G.
 

[ShawnaLeigh]

6 hours ago, Katharina said:

And sadly this is something we probably all have to overcome at some point. But that never should stop you from your journey to your true self. The more you present yourself in a form that you feel happy and comfortable with, the more it becomes a routine ?. Even if somebody dislikes how you look, how you speak, etc... in conclusion you are the only one, who can tell how you present yourself and how you should proceed your journey.

This is so very true and yet so hard to accomplish for so many of us.  Especially those who are still very early in transition.  I try to tell myself this but there is always that little fear that holds me back.  

If I could be like my picture every day all day long I probably wouldn't feel this way but sadly I do not.  Though at least I now I can and will someday full time.  It give me hope.

I see your picture and think that your are absolutely gorgeous and should have no issues at all.

But its is not that way for many of us transwomen so we just have to deal and be happy with who we are.

 

[The Viv Element]

6 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Welcome Viv I am glad you are here.  I too am at a stage where most of my family know about me and I have started presenting more female in my home.  Though mostly just wearing a more feminine PJ set or leggings.  Which my wife had bought me.  Though I am not at the makeup stage as my wife is not a big fan.  For herself no less for me.  She feels its a waste of time and money when every women is trying to achieve and "natural look" anyways.  I can kind of see her point but she is CIS and I am not.  So when the time comes I will.

I am slowly coming out to work now and have plans to tell my friends very soon.  I have yet to tell my two children but they do not live with me so its easy to conceal it from them for now.  I have been writing letters like crazy for the past few days so all of them will know shortly.  So I have only gone out in undergarments in public still presenting male on the outside.   I wear my female undies every day and my wife does my laundry and knows.  Even folds and puts myself away still.  LOL 

I also have been wearing Dansko clogs at work.  I work in hospitals so this is not super uncommon for men to wear these in a hospital setting apparently so I have not been looked at funny.  At least not that I know of.  I am acting as feminine as I can too so everyone probably thinks I am gay.  LOL

I look forward to being fully out and then slowing working up the nerve to go out in public wearing feminine clothing.  I don't have much but that can change too.

 

 

Hello Shawna! I'm so happy to hear that!! I used to feel the same way about makeup until i realized its also art, Not just conforming to societies standards. It's also a huge confidence booster when you enjoy the way you look so DO WHATEVER PLEASES YOU!!! I just looked up dansko clogs and OMG, I could never wear those... no offense lol I ordered midnight turquoise (since teal is my favorite color) converse shoes so they should be in the mail today or tomorrow  I've been wearing these MANLYYYYYY combat boots i got for christmas one day so i can't wait to receive them. I actually have a very masculine personality, but i see myself as a 'tomboy-ish girl' and i like it, but i know i have to change my vocabulary still DEFINITELY my voice. Once i check some things off my "to do list" in the next month or two, i'll start looking into classes for speech therapy. 

Goodluck on your coming out to your kids and co-workers/friends ❤️❤️
Vivian G. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

I agree on the makeup.  It is truly an art form.  I just need to learn and have not had the chance to experiment with it yet.  My therapist was actually a makeup artist way back when and he (FTM) said he was going to teach me as a part of the therapy.  LOL

Nice insurance paid makeup classes!

The clogs are way to comfortable and a lot of nurses and doctors wear them in the hospitals I work.  No one has said a word to me about them.  But I always see them as being feminie and they feel right to wear.  I mostly just wear my black ones, I do not have any crazy colors.   Yet!

I use to portrait a masc-attude but not to badly.  I was always the "sensitive" boy growing up and a man that would openly cry and movies and tv shows.  It seemed the women I was with at the time all seemed to like this trait in me.  I never tried to change it but yes I acted tough around the guys.  It was not all that difficult to act like a man to me.  Though it was always an act.

I have so many things on my list to check off its not funny but it is getting there slowly.  I am on HRT and I also lost a tremendous amount of weight due to some Bariactric surgery.   I am trying to grow out my bald spot too.  LOL  That's my biggest hang up right now.  Somewhat bald on top and to hairy everywhere else.  

I just scheduled voice training but it does not start for a few more weeks.  I am excited to learn that.  

 

[The Viv Element]

2 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

My therapist was actually a makeup artist way back when and he (FTM) said he was going to teach me as a part of the therapy.

 

LUCKY YOU!! I'm to afraid to ask anyone for make up help in person lol, But youtube has improved their subtitles drastically lately so i can now watch makeup tutorials for tips and pointers I plan to make a run to a beauty professional shop and ask for some advice on shading and fading colors together, etc. 
I grew up as someone who always cared and I also put on that huge "tough" act during my junior highschool years...I'm embarrassed to say but I ended up in 7 physical fights all because i was trying to act tough and strong in front of my friends back then (i never started the fights but i also never stopped them so...yeah lol) Surprisingly i didn't lose one except for the one time the cops pulled up and we all scattered before we could finish the fight. But i know now, i'm never ever going to harm someone else just to fit in, I learned my lesson and i stopped letting people get to me personally. this was BIG reason why i ghosted all of my friends, I put myself into the wrong crowd ?
 

I lost alot of weight too, I thought HRT was supposed to have obesity symptoms but reality is, HRT has made me extremely motivated to the point that i'm actually now taking care of my body & trying to stay positive, I was a cigarette smoker for 4 years but the day i started my HRT, was the last day i had a smoke. I couldn't believe how easy it was to quit. (making yourself hate your own addictions helps tremendously).

I look forward to seeing you grow as a strong human being!! ?❤️
Vivian G.

[ShawnaLeigh]

Viv. Congrats on quiting the smoking!  I hear that’s is onE of the hardest things to quit.  I thankfully never even tried smoking so I dodged all that.  

My wife says I cheated on my weight loss since I had Bariactric surgery to assist me. Though I did so for medical reasons the weight loss was a super bonus.  She says that because I am in smaller panty and pant sizes then she is now.  Though she still weighs less then me by at least 10-15 lbs.  I’d trade her for her hips a butt any day!  (Though I think I have her beat in the chest already-Shhhhh).  Lol

[Jackie C.]

46 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

She says that because I am in smaller panty and pant sizes then she is now.  Though she still weighs less then me by at least 10-15 lbs.  I’d trade her for her hips a butt any day!

 

That's what I keep telling Susan. We're the same pants size though. I'm just a 16 tall and skinny jeans to her 16 relaxed fit. I offered to share. I'd only want about half her hips and butt.

She's totally got me whipped on breasts though. Maybe in another eighteen months.

 

Hugs!

[Jackie C.]

4 hours ago, The Viv Element said:

Aw, I didn't think there were many other people like me, Living outside of the social bubble and still enjoying life ? But now i know i can relate to you! My alopecia was actually taking its shape last year but i started HRT in the summer so I saved myself just in time! I don't see the bald spots now so i'm really, really, really happy my HRT reversed it. 
Picking up the mail or going to the gas station with SOME make up on and maybe denim leggings was my first idea, but that feels like i'm still hiding myself so I made plans to visit my family this week and hopefully all goes well ❤️

Thank you for sharing! 
Vivian G.

 

Yeah, I got hit with alopecia universalis for my 39th birthday. There's an upside though: I don't have to shave anything, ever. I'd love it if my head hair, eyelashes and eyebrows (those are tattoos in my photo. That's right. Girl got ink) came back. I'm not so keen on everything else.

 

Baby steps help you work your way up to the big stuff. I had a lovely giggle with an older woman at the chiropractor today, chatted with the nurse who sampled all my bodily fluids, had a conversation with the clerk at the post office, joked with my regular nurse at the doctor's office*... I'll be out tomorrow night with friends. It's game night. Not like we'll be at a club or anything, but in-person social activities. Of course I also interact with my wife.

The point being those early baby steps helped me become more outgoing and confident in my presentation. I'm not "girl-me" anymore, I'm just authentically me. That's a glorious feeling, but I never would have gotten here without the early bits when I was terrified.

 

Hugs!

 

* Yes, that is a lot of time at the doctor today. I was getting my tests in order for my bottom surgery in February. Hopefully, all is good. I feel incredible, so everything is probably fine.

[The Viv Element]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Yeah, I got hit with alopecia universalis for my 39th birthday. There's an upside though: I don't have to shave anything, ever. I'd love it if my head hair, eyelashes and eyebrows (those are tattoos in my photo. That's right. Girl got ink) came back. I'm not so keen on everything else.

 

Baby steps help you work your way up to the big stuff. I had a lovely giggle with an older woman at the chiropractor today, chatted with the nurse who sampled all my bodily fluids, had a conversation with the clerk at the post office, joked with my regular nurse at the doctor's office*... I'll be out tomorrow night with friends. It's game night. Not like we'll be at a club or anything, but in-person social activities. Of course I also interact with my wife.

The point being those early baby steps helped me become more outgoing and confident in my presentation. I'm not "girl-me" anymore, I'm just authentically me. That's a glorious feeling, but I never would have gotten here without the early bits when I was terrified.

 

Hugs!

 

* Yes, that is a lot of time at the doctor today. I was getting my tests in order for my bottom surgery in February. Hopefully, all is good. I feel incredible, so everything is probably fine.

 

I'm so jealous of you!! You have quite the life, you're even getting the surgery!! i have to wait until February to check with my physician on my levels then she'll decide weather to up the dose or not but would this be a good time to ask her about the SRS, or is it too soon to act on it? I'm only 164 days far in on HRT.

Vivian G.

[The Viv Element]

2 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Viv. Congrats on quiting the smoking!  I hear that’s is onE of the hardest things to quit.  I thankfully never even tried smoking so I dodged all that.  

My wife says I cheated on my weight loss since I had Bariactric surgery to assist me. Though I did so for medical reasons the weight loss was a super bonus.  She says that because I am in smaller panty and pant sizes then she is now.  Though she still weighs less then me by at least 10-15 lbs.  I’d trade her for her hips a butt any day!  (Though I think I have her beat in the chest already-Shhhhh).  Lol

 

Ha! you guys sound super cute just saying ?

Vivian G.

[Jackie C.]

If your doctor follows WPATH guidelines, you need to be on HRT for at least a year before you can go ahead with GCS. Goddess that's a lot of acronyms for one sentence. Anyway, here in the States, that means you can have your initial consult with the surgeon at 365 days. Before the consult, you need to get your duckies in order. That means two letters of recommendation from two different gender specialists, one of which must be a psychiatrist. They also can't be part of the same network. In my case, one was with U of M, the other independent.

I got my consult something like two weeks after my HRT birthday. I'd set it up well in advance and there were a couple of false starts because of technical problems. Like the day I came home from the gym to discover I had no power. That pretty much killed any chance of a Skype consult.

 

Fortunately, I don't smoke or drink. While I was heavy for (quite) a while, I've been slimming down with diet and exercise. Right now I'm hovering around 190 pounds at 5'11" (down from almost 300) and I spend about three hours in the gym five days a week. So, despite my asthma, I've got a pretty robust heart muscle going on, my blood pressure is down and my lung capacity is working well enough that I don't get short of breath during my regular routine. It's not 100%, but pretty good for a middle-aged woman who didn't take care of herself until she was 48... well almost, I started training in February. My birthday isn't until March so, technically, I'll officially be a woman for my 50th birthday. My only regret being that I hadn't done it sooner.

 

I bring up smoking and drinking because the one patient I read about from ... I misrememebr the practice, but it was a California surgeon ... anyway, the one patient they had that wasn't orgasmic after surgery had been a heavy smoker and drinker. I intend to be a model patient. If anything goes sideways, it won't be because of anything that I did.

 

Hugs!

[The Viv Element]

5 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

If your doctor follows WPATH guidelines, you need to be on HRT for at least a year before you can go ahead with GCS. Goddess that's a lot of acronyms for one sentence. Anyway, here in the States, that means you can have your initial consult with the surgeon at 365 days. Before the consult, you need to get your duckies in order. That means two letters of recommendation from two different gender specialists, one of which must be a psychiatrist. They also can't be part of the same network. In my case, one was with U of M, the other independent.

I got my consult something like two weeks after my HRT birthday. I'd set it up well in advance and there were a couple of false starts because of technical problems. Like the day I came home from the gym to discover I had no power. That pretty much killed any chance of a Skype consult.

 

Fortunately, I don't smoke or drink. While I was heavy for (quite) a while, I've been slimming down with diet and exercise. Right now I'm hovering around 190 pounds at 5'11" (down from almost 300) and I spend about three hours in the gym five days a week. So, despite my asthma, I've got a pretty robust heart muscle going on, my blood pressure is down and my lung capacity is working well enough that I don't get short of breath during my regular routine. It's not 100%, but pretty good for a middle-aged woman who didn't take care of herself until she was 48... well almost, I started training in February. My birthday isn't until March so, technically, I'll officially be a woman for my 50th birthday. My only regret being that I hadn't done it sooner.

 

I bring up smoking and drinking because the one patient I read about from ... I misrememebr the practice, but it was a California surgeon ... anyway, the one patient they had that wasn't orgasmic after surgery had been a heavy smoker and drinker. I intend to be a model patient. If anything goes sideways, it won't be because of anything that I did.

 

Hugs!

Thank you for the informative read!! we follow the same guidelines but i thought maybe if i spoke to her about it 6 months before, it'd get the process started once i hit my 1 year anniversary because healthcare in Canada is EXTREMELY slow, sometimes we're waiting for as long as 2-4 months just for an appointment, but sometimes you do get lucky & spots open up in like a week lol. I'll just speak with my doctor about it, see if i can get plans in place or something! 

 

I come from an alcoholic family, yet we're actually quite a supportive family so its not as bad as you think, but alcoholism runs in my blood so that's why i stay away from it, quitting cigs was a huge feat for me because I live in a household with smokers and I thought the temptation would get the best of me but nope!! My Gender euphoria has been killing it lately!

 

I intend to be a model citizen too, I don't want to come off as "judge-y" & this might be off topic but it kind of ticks me off when people put a bad name on the LGBT+ people with their sexual fantasies, ESPECIALLY when it's in a public parade or event with minors or families. Forgive me if i crossed the line, I know sex is part of human nature & we all have to respect each other. It just kills me when someone ruins an image when it already had a hard time trying to be accepted as the social norms.

Vivian G.  

[Jackie C.]

Meh. People are entitled to their fantasies. Everybody has their own kinks. So long as everything's consensual and there's no public health risk*, I don't have a problem with what anybody gets up to during their private time.

 

But yeah, maintaining your health is super important to the process. I just got a glowing report back from the labs. I am in magnificent health. That's important to me because I'm going to be in the best shape of my life before I go under the knife in... four weeks from today. That was a suggestion from my surgeon. She won't accept you if you're too heavy. I'm still worried about being off the HRT though. I did not like the person I used to be. I don't want to ever go back.

 

Hugs!

 

* I'm not actually sure what that might entail. Just clean up after yourself. If there were bodily substances involved, use bleach. Maybe a rule about "not on the couch we all share with roommates thanks."

[Katharina]

On 1/6/2020 at 5:57 PM, The Viv Element said:

But that could also be dangerous as some people might just think they have to speak louder or try harder to make themselves noticed., right?

Luckily, we are not able to traverse the minds of other people and I think that is probably for the best. I had quite some bad mood, especially in the beginning of my transition. I thought alot of persons who stared or shouted at me in situations i did not expect something like that and questioned myself why this was happening. And by doing that, I put myself on more stress than necessary. Most of the time it's just not worthy to even think about that. It may be hard to build enough confidence to deal with such things but it's definitely worth the effort.

 

On 1/6/2020 at 6:11 PM, ShawnaLeigh said:

I see your picture and think that your are absolutely gorgeous and should have no issues at all.

Shawna, that is a very good statement which I also like to address here. My picture represents 3 years of changes from where I started. Before I started transitioning, I looked nothing like myself now. I think that once somebody looks at you and recognize you as male, you get treated as male. Sadly we often can't change those people's minds and I learned to deal with such scenarios by not giving the person power over me. As for me, these kind of people can talk all day long - I'm not let myself down anymore by this.

 

On 1/6/2020 at 6:11 PM, ShawnaLeigh said:

But its is not that way for many of us transwomen so we just have to deal and be happy with who we are.

You are absolutly right. I'm fully aware that I'm very lucky to look like this now and HRT certainly performs wonders on me. That significantly changed pretty much all of my problems since nobody recognize me as male anymore.

 

Vivian, I really don't have a good answer to face bad situations. But I think a very important thing here to state is that your strength inside yourself is what keeps you on your feet on your journey. Don't let yourself down because somebody thinks in a different way - it always is just one statement from one single person. They do not represent a universal truth over all things. And support from allies definitely will help - it's good to not be alone and you definitely are not alone ?.

 

~Katharina