So i already came out but...

[Jani]

2 hours ago, Katharina said:

I think that once somebody looks at you and recognize you as male, you get treated as male. Sadly we often can't change those people's minds and I learned to deal with such scenarios by not giving the person power over me.

 

This, for me is why I refrain from outing myself beyond family and close friends.  I have even found that once I have learned someones "dead" name it stays attached to their persona.  I really try to focus on the present and future, not on what has been.

 

Jani

[Susan R]

52 minutes ago, Jani said:

 

This, for me is why I refrain from outing myself beyond family and close friends.  I have even found that once I have learned someones "dead" name it stays attached to their persona.  I really try to focus on the present and future, not on what has been.

 

Jani

Our minds are powerful tools.  We seem to keep little tidbits like this stored and it sometimes gets us into trouble.  After one of my fellow trans support members showed me a picture of themselves as male, it’s been much harder to properly pronoun her.  I’ve had some very close calls.  It bothered me so much I’m starting to rethink about the small wedding picture we have framed in our living room.  One of our neighbors who is new and never met my previously male persona noticed the wedding picture recently.  She looked at it closely and has since misgendered me shortly after.  She had never done that previously.  It was a moment of awkwardness that I don’t want her to feel.  Do I remove all references to my male self now?  I’m really thinking it over now.  It didn’t bother me until that happened.  Not to get too off topic but have others removed all their pre-transition memorabilia inside your home because of it changing people’s perceptions?

 

Susan R?

[Jani]

I don't have a lot of photos in the house but what is there (besides grandchildren) is current with me and my parents or with my wife.  The mind is powerful. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

I too am starting to feel discomfort over seeing pictures with my male self in them.  

When my wife and I moved me into our spare bedroom a couple months ago in a sort of in-house separation, she had removed most of our wedding photos form the walls.  At that time they hurt to much to even look at.  But in there place she set family pictures of us all together doing things we did as a family.  Camping, holiday pics, etc..  She even gave me a picture this Xmas of me and my two kids and my father who is now passed away.  I appreciate it for the father aspect which is what her intentions were but there I am in full male burly plaid shirt and Carhart jeans, boots and a ball cap.  Being a man.

Yes It bothers me now.

Though as I look at the pictures in my room I don't hate the man I see.  I have no disgust for him.  He was an amazing person and did so many good things in my life.   He made some stupid decisions and terrible mistakes but I think we can all say that. He protected me for so may years but indeed kept me hidden as well.

No I don't hate that man.  I actually love him as an intrernal sibling of sorts but he is not me.  He is in there someplace watching and helping but he is not trying to take control or hide me anymore.

I do not want to play "him" anymore but I don't feel its right to try and completely forget him either.  I need him still.

JMO